Original Abyss

M1ghty Mous3

CLKWRK
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Chapter 1. Alpha Cocord

Operator, Operator

Can you read me?

Hello?

Can any one read me?

Sending transmission

If you get this please respond

This is Space Vessel M1-A1

Alpha Concord?

Do you read?

We have urgent news regarding the test subject we have just received.

Dr. Melton was examining it and it attacked him, tore a chunk in his throat and ran off.

We have yet to apprehend it.

We have boarded ourselves in the holding bay, I managed to get to the communications center without trouble.

Come in Alpha Concord

(Shit! shit shit shit shit!)

Supplies are running low.

We need evac.

GOD DAMMIT RESPOND ALPHA!

*sigh* Were gonna die. I know it. Fredrick had a bad feeling about this, and we ignored it....dammit..

AHHHH!!!

*Sounds of crashes and monstrous noises*

Help...

Evac...

We...survive...longer...

Send....pod...escape...noway.. it... vents...

Subject....ordinary...caution...firepower...effect

Requesting....input...55793021...operational...

If...can...tivate....ettings...

They...able...away...

Please....Respond....

Chapter 2. M1-A1 Reached

*1 week Later*

"All confirmations have been reached sir."

"Good. Deploy for M1-A1."

"Yes sir.......Sir we have a malfunction. It seems the override gauge isn't responding. We could be pressing her too hard."

"Continue onward. This baby was meant for long hauls."

"But wouldn't we be risking the entire ship sir? I mean if the gauge reaches maximum throttle, then we'd surely been torn to bits. The auto-shield still hasn't been fixed."

"I said press on. I am the captain of this ship for a reason."

"....Aye aye sir."

* The integral haul starts to schreek as it heads towards it destination. Smoke starts to flood from the ships exterior.*

"Sir, we have complete malfunction. Nothing is responding. I can't let the ship continue on auto pilot anymore. I'm switching to manual."

"You will do as I say Jenkins. I know this ship better then anyone else on board. The Concord will last. Do not, i repeat DO NOT switch to manual."

" But sir..."

"THAT'S AN ORDER! If you so much as touch that switch, I'll have you locked up for insubordination. Do you read me?"

*Jenkins looks at the captain. His eyes glow with a furry like none other.*

"Yes....sir."

*After many hours now, the Concord is in view of the M1-A1. Things look very bleak indeed.*

"What now sir?"

"We board the M1-A1. And find out what the hell happened here."

*As the Concord moves closer to the M1-A1, the crew soon realizes that something horrible must have happened on board. Some horrible, something living. Something breeding. And it's only just begun

Chapter 3. First Encounters
"Captain, we've landed safely."

"Good. Meyers, take Squad A and secure the landing pad."

"Yes Sir"

As Meyers and Squad A leave the Concord Alexia enters the bridge.

"Captain Franko. We've located something odd in the transmissions. I think you should come have a look."

As Franko and Alexia head to the communications boards Jenkins slumps back in his seat.

"Man...Hope this is all over soon. Space scares the fuck outta me."

Meyers and Squad A come across an anomaly.

"Alright boys, you know the drill. If it's hostile, fire at will."

As the move closer to the figure it begins to move and shudder. Eventually standing. Squad A moves closer, cautious.

"Psst. Max. What do you think it is?" Asks Zatch

"No clue. Maybe a survivor." Replies Max.

They move closer. Max reaches out to get it's attention. When it flashes towards him. Ripping his head off. Blood flying every where, squad A disposes of the creature in a matter of seconds.

---------------------------------------

I have the final Chapter already done, but i figured I'd wait to post it when i get the other chapters worked out.

So what are your thoughts so far? And yes, I did do a little rip off of Dead space.
 
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Hmm....

These movie script formats never do it for me. When it's only dialogue, I can only imagine random voices talking. I think you should add much more description between the lines of dialogue. It will flesh out the story more, and most importantly, it will help to paint a picture in the reader's mind. When you write your story, do you imagine the scenes in your head? Describe what the characters experience using all five of their senses.
 
thats awesome,ive written a movie script for something in the x-men universee,and i hope people like it as much as i like this
 
Hmm....

These movie script formats never do it for me. When it's only dialogue, I can only imagine random voices talking. I think you should add much more description between the lines of dialogue. It will flesh out the story more, and most importantly, it will help to paint a picture in the reader's mind. When you write your story, do you imagine the scenes in your head? Describe what the characters experience using all five of their senses.

Do keep in mind though that it's only a short story. I do agree with you though that i should flesh it out more. I'm not sure why but i have trouble with that for some reason. I'll try to work on it though.

Thanks
 
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