My guy

Acadian

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Oct 3, 2006
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My own personal Hell
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This is the guy I'll use in most RPs.

Daniel Lionheart
Age- 18
Race- Human
Gender- M
Appearance- Black Hair, blue eyes, black short sleeve jacket, white t-shirt, black bants, Leather belt w/sheath for his weapon. He wheres a ruby amulet around his neck, which was given to him by his mother the day before she died. Skin color is slightly tanned with soft features. He has no identifiable markings.

Personality- Hates to lead people and tends to come off as 'cold', but only because he doesn't want anyone to be hurt by his decisions.

Weapon- Blue-Bladed Longsword, created uniquely for his father, named Aurios. Only people of his father's bloodline can hold the weapon, because of its enchantment.

Skills- He can 'sense' the people around him and can move faster than ordinary humans, though not supernatural level. He can cast several spells that have rarely been seen before- Final Burst, Ultimae, Chaos Burst. Final Burst is a fire spell that devastates enemies a few feet around him, but also hits him. Ultimae, named after his father, transfers his physical wounds to another person without relieving damage, allowing him to transfer his disabilities. Chaos Burst heals his wounds and heightens his senses. He created these himself, realizing he could use magic at the age of ten.

Daniel grew up alone, his whole family being devasted by a war when he was only eight. He stayed at an orphanage until he was ten, when he was kicked out for being different than the other kids. His only belongings at that time were his mother's amulet and his father's sword, Aurios.

He stayed at a small Inn in a village close to his razed home, trying to stay out of people's way. He practiced in a nearby forest against the monsters hiding in the sahde of the trees, hoping to get stronger so that the next time crisis is upon him, he could actually save someone instead of watching them die. His past tragedy made him grow distant from those around him, but his heart drove him to help out those who needed it.

Ate age sixteen, he decided to travel around the world, not wanting to get caught up in the fate of the towns around him. He often wonders if he had made the right choices in the past.

Best I could think up for now. The original Daniel Lionheart was way too powerful to use here, so I had to change him around a bit. Tell me what you think.
 
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Well, for starters, you need to add a bit more depth to your appearance and personality. With what you have for the description of your appearance, I get the image of an invisible man wearing your gear. So you should probably add things like height, physical condition, skin color, scars/body marks, etc.

As for personality, you could've commented on his disposition at the top. Secondly, there's got to be more to him than that. I mean, what's up with him? Is he "cold" in an aggressive way or is he just really distant. Does he get angered quickly? Does he like to laugh a lot when nobody's looking?

For the skills, they still seem a bit too hardcore for somebody his age. What's his deal? If you're RPing with other characters, don't you think that it might be a bit unfair for them if you have super speed without an explaination? I'd at the least like to know how he came across it (and please, none of that overplayed "chosen one" crap). Spells too are a different story. How necessarily does a teenager come across hardcore sounding spells like "Chaos Burst" and "Ultimae"? What about his skill with a blade? Is he proficient with it or barely? Is he good with hand-to hand? And how did he get there by only teaching himself? One other thing: how long can he cast himself without tiring out?

Also, i'd like to know more about his childhood. You could stand to make your bio a bit longer sot that we can know things like where he's going, and what he plan's on doing.

I'm not trying to be hard on you, but your character just needs a bit more depth.
 
Lol, I get waht you're saying. I was trying to break away from his original background(His village was razed and his family annihilated, he was the only one that survived. He learned swordsmanship from hsi father prior to that and went off seeking revenge, which grew into a journey to stop a tyrant from destroying the rest of the country. Too unoriginal)

I'll update him alot, as I get new ideas for him.

And his skills aren't that powerful. I'll explain them up above.

And Ultimae isn't supposed to sound menacing. It's his father's first name.
 
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