Women and PMS/Menopause

[OmniscientOnus]

Right now my mom is going through Menopause, and I have to tell you, I think it's worse for us (her family) than it is for her.

I understand that Menopause can be a harsh time in a woman's life, and that their body is going through some drastic changes, but at what point does it become an excuse to treat people however you want with no repercussions? (here it comes *shields face and groin from obvious attacks*).

What I'm saying is that lately my mom has been going off on anyone and everyone in range for no reason. At first, we all were accepting of it, we were patient, kind, tolerant, and tried to be as helpful and support as possible. However, it's been almost a year now and it's getting to the point where we're all at our wits end. Like I said before, I understand that this is a struggle for her, but at what point is it up to her to control herself?

I've struggled with severe depression, suicidal thoughts, addiction to self mutilation (mostly "cutting"), minor bi-polar disorder, etc. I have gone through severe mood swings, to just being downright angry for extended periods of time. However, I controlled myself around others. The anger would build and build, and the stupidest things would set me off inside, but I nev... rarely went off on others, especially ones who didn't deserve it.

So, I'm looking for your thoughts on when Menopause or PMS is a legitimate reason to go off on the world around you, and when it's time to suck it up and control the emotions that come out of you. I know that there usually isn't a whole lot you can do about what's going on inside, but I can't believe that it's impossible to control what happens on the outside.

One thing I should have probably mentioned is that her behavior seems to be limited to her immediate family. My mom's not one to keep ANYTHING a secret, and I haven't heard a single story of her going off on anyone at work, or losing it with a clerk at a store, etc. Come to think of it, I often hear her talk about how hard she struggles to control herself outside of home. We just don't have the luxury of seeing that restraint at home.

Your thoughts?

 

[Aztec Triogal]

PMS is terrible. The old joke: "Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken" is so true. The sweetest of women turn into complete beasts. Everything you do is wrong and you're under constant attack. It's horrible.

As for menopause, I have no idea. I imagine it would be much better but I'm not sure. When my grandmother went through it she calmed down A LOT. I was young when she was going through it and was over it by the time I could recognize it.

 

[looneymoon]

PMS isn't really an excuse to act like a total bitch but really, there are times it literally cannot be helped. I know the people around them have it pretty bad, but seriously... mood swings are a serious pain for every party involved. There's really no way to stop it, and it's something that women have very little control over. For that reason, it requires everyone to empathize with another.

From what I can tell of the OP's situation, his family has been extremely patient his mother's menopause. Have you tried confronting your mother with her mood swings? Because it's very likely she doesn't realize how much strain she's putting on the rest of her family. If you talk to her about it, she might make more of an effort to take the rest of your feelings into consideration.

With me, I know very well how my moods can be during that time of the month. I can be in a state of euphoria one second, completely raging the next, or be bawling the next. I know my mood swings are bad, so I try to be curteous in warning people, or just avoid people all-together for a couple of days. It would be much harder if I lived in a crowded household, but fortunately I live with only my mom and sister who go through the same thing so... it's functions alright because we all can undertsand what eachother is going through.