Updated Raymond Zorich

Sephiroth's Will

Endless Despair
Joined
Nov 10, 2006
Messages
208
Age
41
Location
Arnazil the uppermost of the nine hells
Gil
0
Name: Raymond Zorich ( everyone just calls him Rayzor)

Gender: Male

Age: 22

Race: Human

Complexion: Pale Skinned, Skin hard enough to be compared to the texture of diamond.

Build: Muscular-Athletic Very defined

Eyes: A cloudy lifeless grey color

Hair: Medium length spikey black hair with silver highlights

Appearance: Rayzor wears black leather pants and a black tanktop. Over his shirt he has a long black cloak that drags when he walks. On his back his katanas Harmony & Dischord.On his feet metal plated combat boots. Rayzor has no distinguishing marks , scars or tattoos.

First Impression: Not a very approachable person. Just from looking at him you can tell hes a loner. Most people would steer clear of him if they met him on the street.
Height: 5'8

Armor: The clothes on his back.

Weight: 179.5 LBS

Title: Lord Of Blades

Class: Assasin

Occupation: Leader of the A.O.A ( Assasins Of Apocalypse) an underground network of assasins and thieves that live deep in the countryside of japan their exact whereabouts are unknown.

Parents: Mother: Daughter of a peasant farmer. Father: A wandering merchant from Germany.

History: Rayzor being the product of an unwanted pregnancy, was always shunned by his mother and father. To them he served as a constant reminder of how bad life could get when you had little money. By the age of 6 Rayzor could no longer stand the feelings of abandonment he got from his parents. So he decided to run away.

A year or so later, while he was walking through the countryside he was picked up by the A.O.A and taken in as a servant. After about a year or so the assasins could see this boy had great potential. They relieved him of his servant duties and started his assasin training. The boy quickly mastered his stealth training surpassing even his teacher after just a few months. Weapon training however was by far his favorite. He was able to channel all his pent up rage and agression here . It was like he could escape all of his confines and not worry about anything. He felt free. Next came his arcane studies. He was given a list of 1000 different types of arcane magic. He was then told to pick two, as all assasins are required to learn no more than two arcane magics. After carefully balancing the pros and cons of all of the choices he came to his decision. Fire magic and metal manipulation. Over the next ten years of his life he devoted all time he had to his training, and quickly rose through the ranks attaining the title of Grand Assasin by the age of 19.

One day the leader of the A.O.A. called Rayzor to the grand throneroom. Upon entering the throneroom Rayzor was attacked by the leader of the A.O.A. and the only assasin to reach a higher rank than him the shadow assasin Ryuta....after a long drawn out battle Rayzor dispatched of Ryuta, leaving only himself and the leader of the A.O.A.. With the demise of the shadow assasin Ryuta the leader of the A.O.A. knew he had been defeated. He begged for mercy. Rayzor decided to spare him. As Rayzor turned to walk away the leader of the A.O.A. lunged at him. With one swipe of his blade Rayzor beheaded the leader of the A.O.A.. Upon the leaders death Rayzor proclaimed himself new leader of the A.O.A. and bestowed upon himself the title of Lord Of Blades.

Weapons: Harmony & Dischord. Harmony: A katana with an ivory handle with writing etched in silver. Dischord: A katana with an ebony handle with writing etched in blood red.No one knows how they were made or where they came from, but upon the defeat of the original leader of the A.O.A. Rayzor has had them with him. they never leave his side. Both katanas measure 54'' in length

Rage & Hate: Combat boots with metal plates on the toes and on the heel. Can easily crush an opponents ribs with a single blow. Only named Rage and Hate simply beacuse they are only used when Rayzor becomes angered and enraged.

Abilities: Fire magics: The ability to conjure flames from nothing. He can create flame shields or barriers to keep people in or out . Can imbue weapons with flame properties. Can also breathe fire and throw fireballs.Also has the abilty to rain fire from the heavens.

Metal Manipulation: Using any metal that he can get his hands on , Rayzor is able to construct blades or shurikens from it. He can also make physical copies of Harmony & Dischord.

Stealth: Able to move at high speeds without making a sound.

Attitude: Cocky and carefree. Doesnt care if he lives or dies as long as he gets to hurt someone.

Ultimate Attack: Blade Art: Senko-jin..... A flurry of sword slashes so fast they can barely be seen by the naked eye.
 
Name: Raymond Zorich ( everyone just calls him Rayzor)
Interesting name ^^

Gender: Male

Age: 22

Race: Human

Complexion: Pale Skinned, Skin hard enough to be compared to the texture of diamond.
Umm, diamond?
How can he be human if he has a skin that feels as hard as Diamond?
Or do you mean that it feels as smooth as diamond?

Build: Muscular-Athletic Very defined

Eyes: A cloudy lifeless grey color

Hair: Medium length spikey black hair with silver highlights

Appearance: Rayzor wears black leather pants and a black tanktop. Over his shirt he has a long black cloak that drags when he walks. On his back his katanas Harmony & Dischord.On his feet metal plated combat boots. Rayzor has no distinguishing marks , scars or tattoos.
Complexion, build, eyes, hair should all be under Appearance.
I will not force you to put everything into the same tab, but it looks better if everything is described in the same tab, perhaps in 2 paragraphs or in the same.

The description is fine, though it could use a few more features. Like I imagine the cloak being torn at the edges as it drags across the ground.

First Impression: Not a very approachable person. Just from looking at him you can tell hes a loner. Most people would steer clear of him if they met him on the street.
You got the right idea of what to put in here, but it is slightly vague
What can one expect if one actually does approach him?

Height: 5'8

Armor: The clothes on his back.

Weight: 179.5 LBS

Title: Lord Of Blades

Class: Assasin

Occupation: Leader of the A.O.A ( Assasins Of Apocalypse) an underground network of assasins and thieves that live deep in the countryside of japan their exact whereabouts are unknown.

Parents: Mother: Daughter of a peasant farmer. Father: A wandering merchant from Germany.

History: Rayzor being the product of an unwanted pregnancy, was always shunned by his mother and father. To them he served as a constant reminder of how bad life could get when you had little money. By the age of 6 Rayzor could no longer stand the feelings of abandonment he got from his parents. So he decided to run away.

A year or so later, while he was walking through the countryside he was picked up by the A.O.A and taken in as a servant. After about a year or so the assasins could see this boy had great potential. They relieved him of his servant duties and started his assasin training. The boy quickly mastered his stealth training surpassing even his teacher after just a few months. Weapon training however was by far his favorite. He was able to channel all his pent up rage and agression here . It was like he could escape all of his confines and not worry about anything. He felt free. Next came his arcane studies. He was given a list of 1000 different types of arcane magic. He was then told to pick two, as all assasins are required to learn no more than two arcane magics. After carefully balancing the pros and cons of all of the choices he came to his decision. Fire magic and metal manipulation. Over the next ten years of his life he devoted all time he had to his training, and quickly rose through the ranks attaining the title of Grand Assasin by the age of 19.

One day the leader of the A.O.A. called Rayzor to the grand throneroom. Upon entering the throneroom Rayzor was attacked by the leader of the A.O.A. and the only assasin to reach a higher rank than him the shadow assasin Ryuta....after a long drawn out battle Rayzor dispatched of Ryuta, leaving only himself and the leader of the A.O.A.. With the demise of the shadow assasin Ryuta the leader of the A.O.A. knew he had been defeated. He begged for mercy. Rayzor decided to spare him. As Rayzor turned to walk away the leader of the A.O.A. lunged at him. With one swipe of his blade Rayzor beheaded the leader of the A.O.A.. Upon the leaders death Rayzor proclaimed himself new leader of the A.O.A. and bestowed upon himself the title of Lord Of Blades.
Interesting placement of the history tab

Weapons: Harmony & Dischord. Harmony: A katana with an ivory handle with writing etched in silver. Dischord: A katana with an ebony handle with writing etched in blood red.No one knows how they were made or where they came from, but upon the defeat of the original leader of the A.O.A. Rayzor has had them with him. they never leave his side. Both katanas measure 54'' in length
Do they have any powers, or are they simply metal blades?

Rage & Hate: Combat boots with metal plates on the toes and on the heel. Can easily crush an opponents ribs with a single blow. Only named Rage and Hate simply beacuse they are only used when Rayzor becomes angered and enraged.
As they are only boots, they should be described under appearance.
You cna add how/when he uses these in the Fighting style tab.

Abilities: Fire magics: The ability to conjure flames from nothing. He can create flame shields or barriers to keep people in or out . Can imbue weapons with flame properties. Can also breathe fire and throw fireballs.Also has the abilty to rain fire from the heavens.

Metal Manipulation: Using any metal that he can get his hands on , Rayzor is able to construct blades or shurikens from it. He can also make physical copies of Harmony & Dischord.

Stealth: Able to move at high speeds without making a sound.

Attitude: Cocky and carefree. Doesnt care if he lives or dies as long as he gets to hurt someone.

Ultimate Attack: Blade Art: Senko-jin..... A flurry of sword slashes so fast they can barely be seen by the naked eye.
Ok, the magic part needs serious explantion.
Not only what it does, but how it does it. Energy drain, estimated damage one nca get from them.

Also, I fail to see a personality tab in this bio.
So I have to require you change the sheet to the FFF onem it can be found in the Bio Format topic.

Also, is htis a charcter for RPB, URPG or ORPG. Or perhaps all of them. This information is needed for several reasons.

For now, I have to deem this profile [Not Approved]
Fix up what I mentioned, and hcnge the format slightly so that you have all tabs that are marked as "Required section" on the bio sheet.
 
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