Trust

[SapphireStar]

It can be a deep subject. Sometimes we cant trust because we've been betrayed and find it difficult to trust otehr again. We are all capable of mistrusting others. But can trust ruin your life and relationships?

Look at me for example. Just gotten into a new relationship, 2 months in. Now he's had his share of ex's as have I. He loved his last one, as I loved mine. But the love for mine has died and he claims he doesnt love her anymore. Although he wrote it last November that he will always love her.

Now he went out with an ex for a drink 2 weeks ago, which upset me and I refused to speak to him for a whole day and his work friends could understand why and said it was a very stupid thing to do. However, some said I have nothing to worry about as he cares for me and I should trust him.

But last year I was dumped after a 3 year and 4 month relationship and I was lied to alot towards the end of it. So trust with me is difficult. I know it can ruin a relationship. I do trust him, its just other people I dont trust round him, ie his exs. Which he said he would never contact again.

So how can you trust someone?

 

[Tristis Miles]

As you've said, trust can be especially hard after betrayal. One never is the same coming out of that than before they went in. Your shield, if you will, is raised in defense a lot more than before; you're generally more introverted; suspicious even. On a personal level, I used to be vastly open and trusting of individuals. People took advantage of that, and I was hurt, to put it plainly.

However, you have to keep in mind that "not everyone's a bad guy." Relationship-wise, it's ideal (in my view, anyway) to share things with your partner and hold no secrets: which of course involves trust. Your partner should be able to receive that kind of reciprocation, versus being held back from thanks to another person's mistakes, no?

Of course, that's deserving if your partner is completely open and honest with you. The clear problem is that, well, we just don't know who's a "bad guy" and who's not, do we? If we move along through life in a closed box, we'll never be hurt yes, but we'll never explore either. It's a toss-up every time you meet someone or something happens. Go with your gut feeling - it's most always accurate.

In response to the personal side of your post, Sapphire, I don't know your boyfriend of course, but it sounds to me like he's an alright guy. As long as you trust him, it shouldn't matter whether or not you trust the people he's around. In the end, no matter what they do, because you trust him you can also trust that he won't cave to any unjust actions, and knows/highlights/enforces a line labeled "too far." Also, the mere fact he said he wouldn't contact them again shows his love for you and respect for your feelings. In a way, he's making a sacrifice. He's forfeiting his right to converse with those he considers friends for your sake of comfort.

That may sound a little pessimistic for you, but I don't mean it to be. If he made that choice himself, all the power to him. However, if you requested he do such a thing, there's a bit of strain placed on the relationship under the title "control," which may or may not affect the two of you (this depends on how he feels about not contacting them again.) Some people don't mind, others do. If not already, see how he feels about the matter.

 

[SapphireStar]

Thanks for that Tristis Miles. He did say he would never contact her again and we had a deep conversation last night. He said he was almost in tears that day cause he thought he had lost me. He said I to tell him if anything is on his mind. So I guess he really does xcare for me, plus he said it.

Like you said, Ive put up a shield and Im learning to trust him alot more. Id hate to go round in a box for the rest of my life, but as you said you become more defensive after an event like that.

Thank you ^^

 

[Lunatic Higher]

I think it's unfair to not trust someone who hasn't proved you wrong yet. I understand that you have been betrayed and hurt, as have I, and it might be hard to trust someone again but keep in mind that it's a different person. Once the trust is broken once though, don't fall for a second chance. I am relatively experienced in that area, despite my age. I think it's worth getting hurt over though. Although you might cry or feel emotional pain, even to the point where it becomes physical pain, putting yourself out on that ledge is worth it once you find the right person who won't betray you. Then, the past doesn't even matter anymore. Trust is extremely important to me, and I know that I am probably one of the most loyal people that I'm aware of.

 

[Grimoire Valentine]

I have been on both sides of the coin. I have been betrayed and betrayed another. Neither makes you feel very good. What I will say is that I love every one of my ex's.

I also would not stand for being told who I can and cannot talk to. Trust is hard and jelousy is easy but trust is the way to go.

By the way, Tristis, I was very impressed by your comments.