As you can tell, this story is unfinished. I simply want opinions.
Also, a warning about the nature of the story: If you get easily disgusted by PG13 comedy movies or by light horror movies, maybe you shouldn't read this story.
Now here's the story:
--
Kil was a twenty year old male who found it impossible to get a significant other. All throughout his teenage years, he had been looked at as a geek and a nerd.
Kil walked home from college and entered his home.
“How was your day, sweetie?” asked his mother.
“Yeah, good,” said Kil.
Kil marched upstairs to his room and turned on a stereo. Music blared so loud, it shook the walls of his room. He got up to turn the music off when he saw his friend Trew enter the room.
Trew said, “You won't believe the party they're having tonight. Chicks galore.”
“Really?” said Kil. “I'll go.”
“Oh, sorry dude, you can't,” said Trew. “You're not cool enough for that party, you'd chase all the beautiful people away. I just came to tell you about it. I'll fill you in later. Bye!”
“Twidly-doo...” cursed Kil. “I just wish for once that I could be in a relationship.”
Suddenly, Kil saw a shadow move across the room and felt a cold chill. “Who's there?” he exclaimed as the hair on the back of his neck stood up.
Suddenly, Kil's closet door flew open and he saw a womanish figure which looked like a ghost. “What are you?” exclaimed Kil.
“I'm succubus,” said the creature.
“What?” exclaimed Kil. “Who are you?”
“I already told you,” laughed Succubus.
“What do you want with me?” hollered Kil.
“You wanted a girlfriend,” said Succubus.
“Are you going to kill me?” exclaimed Kil.
“No, don't be ridiculous,” said Succubus. “I'm a lover, not a fighter.”
Succubus moved forward and kissed Kil gently.
Kil stopped kissing her and said, “What's the catch? You're a woman... thing. I mean, you wouldn't want me for me. You want something else.”
“Oh, you're a smart one,” said Succubus.
Kil took off running out of his room and downstairs.
“What's going on?” said his mom. “You look like you've seen a ghost!”
“I'm sleeping on the couch tonight,” said Kil.
“May I ask why?” said his mother.
“Mice,” said Kil.
Kil slept on the couch that night. By the time he was back at school, he had forgotten all about what had happened. Another day over with, and he came home and entered his room. He flopped down on his bed and started to read.
“Hello,” said a female voice.
“Not you again,” said Kil.
“Are you going to run away like a chicken again?” asked the voice.
“Might,” Kil answered.
Kil sighed. “So what are you? A ghost or something? A woman who died?”
“No,” said Succubus.
“Do you come from another planet?” asked Kil. “Just give me an idea what you are.”
“I am... a demon,” said Succubus.
“Great, and I'm an atheist, so you don't exist,” said Kil. “Now get out.”
Kil went to sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed, then woke up. He looked at his alarm clock... it said 3:00 A.M. Then he turned and shrieked... Succubus was lying next to him.
“Whatsup,” said Succubus.
“You'd better not kiss me again,” said Kil.
“When we kissed, you kissed me back,” said Succubus.
“I didn't know what I was doing,” said Kil.
“I assure you that my intentions are wholesome,” said Succubus. “I'm not as bad as you think I am.”
“Good,” said Kil.
Kil put the pillow over his head and fell back asleep.
–
The next day, Kil's mom was away, and he had the house to himself. He decided to call a team which specialized in the paranormal. Later that day, a man in a dark suit knocked at the door.
“Hello?” said Kil.
“You called me about the entity,” said the man.
The man marched in and threw down a brief-case.
“Do you think you can get rid of it?” said Kil.
“We'll see,” said the man.
Kil was starting to have second thoughts.
“We'll get rid of it,” said the man as he played with a strange-looking gun.
“What are you going to do?” said Kil.
“We'll find out where it is, and then we'll kill it,” said the man.
“Oh,” said Kil.
The man started playing with a radar device. He went upstairs. Curious, Kil decided to follow him.
Kil saw Succubus upstairs.
“So do you see her?” asked Kil.
“No, but this radar will pin-point where she is in the house,” said the man.
The man said, “There we go.” He aimed a gun at Succubus.
“Save me, Kil!” cried Succubus.
The man started to count down. “5... 4... 3...”
“Save me!” cried Succubus again.
The man continued to count down. “2... 1...”
THWACK!
The man fell to the ground.
“Thanks!” said Succubus, moving to Kil's side.
“Thanks for what? I just knocked a guy out over you,” said Kil.
“So you wanted him to kill me, didn't you?” said Succubus. Her cold words pierced the air.
“I just wanted him to get rid of you,” said Kil.
Kil sighed. “Nothing makes sense,” he said.
Succubus put a hand on Kil's shoulder.
“Don't touch me,” said Kil. “Your hand is like ice. It is not warm like a human hand. Humans and... whatever you are... shouldn't co-exist.”
“Freak you,” said Succubus.
“Well, I'm going to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich,” said Kil.
Kil walked to the kitchen. As he opened the fridge door, a knife on top of the fridge slid off.
“Ouch!” Kil cried. The knife had pierced his skin. Blood covered him as he was on the floor.
Suddenly, Kil saw Succubus hover over him. “Did you do this?” he said.
“No,” said Succubus.
“Well can you help me?” asked Kil.
“No, sorry, but I don't exist,” said Succubus.
“Please!” cried Kil.
“Okay,” said Succubus.
With a snap of her fingers, the blood and the wound Kil had disappeared.
Kil got up. “What did you do?” he said.
“Saved your sorry self,” said Succubus.
“Look, I'm sorry for what I said and did,” said Kil. “I was confused.”
“I will forgive you if you do something for me in return,” said Succubus.
“What's that?” asked Kil.
“Be my boyfriend,” said Succubus.
“Fine,” said Kil.
“So now that you're my boyfriend, your job is to protect me, huh?” said Succubus.
“From who?” said Kil.
“The forces of evil,” said Succubus. “They want me back.”
“Great,” said Kil. “Where do I sign up?"
Kil paced around the kitchen. “So let me get this straight, you're evil but on the good side?” he said. “And I'm good so I should fight evil, and evil wants you back as evil?”
“Sorta,” said Succubus as she picked up an apple and bit into it.
Kil heard footsteps. He turned around and saw the man from the ghost team. The man motioned for Kil to come forward, and he cautiously did so.
“Y-yes?” said Kil.
“I think you're dealing with a terrible demonic presence. It knocked me out,” said the man. “Well, I better go.”
“Thanks,” said Kil. “I mean... bye.”
The man left.
Kil looked at Succubus. Succubus smiled.
-
It was soon time again for school. Kil met his acquaintance May in the hall. May was a study-holic and wanted to succeed.
However, you could say that Kil's meeting with May was rather sudden... for he ran straight into her, knocking her books from her hands.
“I'm sorry,” said Kil.
May eyed Kil suspiciously. “Something isn't right with you,” she said.
“Why do you say that?” asked Kil.
“You just look like you're keeping something from me,” said May. “And I may also be keeping something from you.”
“What are you keeping from me?” asked Kil, not thinking about his selfish behavior of not telling her anything but demanding information in return.
“I met Incubus last week,” said May.
“Really?” asked Kil.
“Maybe,” said May.
Then May walked off, saying, “See you in class.”
Something wasn't adding up to Kil. He wondered if the situation he was having was a phenomena that was going on everywhere, and whether he should trust Succubus.
Just then, Kil jumped. He saw Succubus standing next to him in the hall. “What are you doing here?” he whispered angrily. “And put some more clothes on!” he said.
“Why do I need more clothes when nobody can see me?” laughed Succubus.
“I know we're in a relationship now, but school is my one time away from you,” said Kil.
“I got bored,” said Succubus.
“Well, while we're here, I have a question for you,” said Kil.
“What is that?” asked Succubus.
“Do you know anything of an Incubus?” asked Kil.
Succubus' expression turned to that of anger. “Who told you about him? Tell me their name. I shall kill the person who told you about them,” she said.
“Um... just kidding!” hollered Kil, who then ran out of the school and sprinted away.
Also, a warning about the nature of the story: If you get easily disgusted by PG13 comedy movies or by light horror movies, maybe you shouldn't read this story.
Now here's the story:
--
Kil was a twenty year old male who found it impossible to get a significant other. All throughout his teenage years, he had been looked at as a geek and a nerd.
Kil walked home from college and entered his home.
“How was your day, sweetie?” asked his mother.
“Yeah, good,” said Kil.
Kil marched upstairs to his room and turned on a stereo. Music blared so loud, it shook the walls of his room. He got up to turn the music off when he saw his friend Trew enter the room.
Trew said, “You won't believe the party they're having tonight. Chicks galore.”
“Really?” said Kil. “I'll go.”
“Oh, sorry dude, you can't,” said Trew. “You're not cool enough for that party, you'd chase all the beautiful people away. I just came to tell you about it. I'll fill you in later. Bye!”
“Twidly-doo...” cursed Kil. “I just wish for once that I could be in a relationship.”
Suddenly, Kil saw a shadow move across the room and felt a cold chill. “Who's there?” he exclaimed as the hair on the back of his neck stood up.
Suddenly, Kil's closet door flew open and he saw a womanish figure which looked like a ghost. “What are you?” exclaimed Kil.
“I'm succubus,” said the creature.
“What?” exclaimed Kil. “Who are you?”
“I already told you,” laughed Succubus.
“What do you want with me?” hollered Kil.
“You wanted a girlfriend,” said Succubus.
“Are you going to kill me?” exclaimed Kil.
“No, don't be ridiculous,” said Succubus. “I'm a lover, not a fighter.”
Succubus moved forward and kissed Kil gently.
Kil stopped kissing her and said, “What's the catch? You're a woman... thing. I mean, you wouldn't want me for me. You want something else.”
“Oh, you're a smart one,” said Succubus.
Kil took off running out of his room and downstairs.
“What's going on?” said his mom. “You look like you've seen a ghost!”
“I'm sleeping on the couch tonight,” said Kil.
“May I ask why?” said his mother.
“Mice,” said Kil.
Kil slept on the couch that night. By the time he was back at school, he had forgotten all about what had happened. Another day over with, and he came home and entered his room. He flopped down on his bed and started to read.
“Hello,” said a female voice.
“Not you again,” said Kil.
“Are you going to run away like a chicken again?” asked the voice.
“Might,” Kil answered.
Kil sighed. “So what are you? A ghost or something? A woman who died?”
“No,” said Succubus.
“Do you come from another planet?” asked Kil. “Just give me an idea what you are.”
“I am... a demon,” said Succubus.
“Great, and I'm an atheist, so you don't exist,” said Kil. “Now get out.”
Kil went to sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed, then woke up. He looked at his alarm clock... it said 3:00 A.M. Then he turned and shrieked... Succubus was lying next to him.
“Whatsup,” said Succubus.
“You'd better not kiss me again,” said Kil.
“When we kissed, you kissed me back,” said Succubus.
“I didn't know what I was doing,” said Kil.
“I assure you that my intentions are wholesome,” said Succubus. “I'm not as bad as you think I am.”
“Good,” said Kil.
Kil put the pillow over his head and fell back asleep.
–
The next day, Kil's mom was away, and he had the house to himself. He decided to call a team which specialized in the paranormal. Later that day, a man in a dark suit knocked at the door.
“Hello?” said Kil.
“You called me about the entity,” said the man.
The man marched in and threw down a brief-case.
“Do you think you can get rid of it?” said Kil.
“We'll see,” said the man.
Kil was starting to have second thoughts.
“We'll get rid of it,” said the man as he played with a strange-looking gun.
“What are you going to do?” said Kil.
“We'll find out where it is, and then we'll kill it,” said the man.
“Oh,” said Kil.
The man started playing with a radar device. He went upstairs. Curious, Kil decided to follow him.
Kil saw Succubus upstairs.
“So do you see her?” asked Kil.
“No, but this radar will pin-point where she is in the house,” said the man.
The man said, “There we go.” He aimed a gun at Succubus.
“Save me, Kil!” cried Succubus.
The man started to count down. “5... 4... 3...”
“Save me!” cried Succubus again.
The man continued to count down. “2... 1...”
THWACK!
The man fell to the ground.
“Thanks!” said Succubus, moving to Kil's side.
“Thanks for what? I just knocked a guy out over you,” said Kil.
“So you wanted him to kill me, didn't you?” said Succubus. Her cold words pierced the air.
“I just wanted him to get rid of you,” said Kil.
Kil sighed. “Nothing makes sense,” he said.
Succubus put a hand on Kil's shoulder.
“Don't touch me,” said Kil. “Your hand is like ice. It is not warm like a human hand. Humans and... whatever you are... shouldn't co-exist.”
“Freak you,” said Succubus.
“Well, I'm going to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich,” said Kil.
Kil walked to the kitchen. As he opened the fridge door, a knife on top of the fridge slid off.
“Ouch!” Kil cried. The knife had pierced his skin. Blood covered him as he was on the floor.
Suddenly, Kil saw Succubus hover over him. “Did you do this?” he said.
“No,” said Succubus.
“Well can you help me?” asked Kil.
“No, sorry, but I don't exist,” said Succubus.
“Please!” cried Kil.
“Okay,” said Succubus.
With a snap of her fingers, the blood and the wound Kil had disappeared.
Kil got up. “What did you do?” he said.
“Saved your sorry self,” said Succubus.
“Look, I'm sorry for what I said and did,” said Kil. “I was confused.”
“I will forgive you if you do something for me in return,” said Succubus.
“What's that?” asked Kil.
“Be my boyfriend,” said Succubus.
“Fine,” said Kil.
“So now that you're my boyfriend, your job is to protect me, huh?” said Succubus.
“From who?” said Kil.
“The forces of evil,” said Succubus. “They want me back.”
“Great,” said Kil. “Where do I sign up?"
Kil paced around the kitchen. “So let me get this straight, you're evil but on the good side?” he said. “And I'm good so I should fight evil, and evil wants you back as evil?”
“Sorta,” said Succubus as she picked up an apple and bit into it.
Kil heard footsteps. He turned around and saw the man from the ghost team. The man motioned for Kil to come forward, and he cautiously did so.
“Y-yes?” said Kil.
“I think you're dealing with a terrible demonic presence. It knocked me out,” said the man. “Well, I better go.”
“Thanks,” said Kil. “I mean... bye.”
The man left.
Kil looked at Succubus. Succubus smiled.
-
It was soon time again for school. Kil met his acquaintance May in the hall. May was a study-holic and wanted to succeed.
However, you could say that Kil's meeting with May was rather sudden... for he ran straight into her, knocking her books from her hands.
“I'm sorry,” said Kil.
May eyed Kil suspiciously. “Something isn't right with you,” she said.
“Why do you say that?” asked Kil.
“You just look like you're keeping something from me,” said May. “And I may also be keeping something from you.”
“What are you keeping from me?” asked Kil, not thinking about his selfish behavior of not telling her anything but demanding information in return.
“I met Incubus last week,” said May.
“Really?” asked Kil.
“Maybe,” said May.
Then May walked off, saying, “See you in class.”
Something wasn't adding up to Kil. He wondered if the situation he was having was a phenomena that was going on everywhere, and whether he should trust Succubus.
Just then, Kil jumped. He saw Succubus standing next to him in the hall. “What are you doing here?” he whispered angrily. “And put some more clothes on!” he said.
“Why do I need more clothes when nobody can see me?” laughed Succubus.
“I know we're in a relationship now, but school is my one time away from you,” said Kil.
“I got bored,” said Succubus.
“Well, while we're here, I have a question for you,” said Kil.
“What is that?” asked Succubus.
“Do you know anything of an Incubus?” asked Kil.
Succubus' expression turned to that of anger. “Who told you about him? Tell me their name. I shall kill the person who told you about them,” she said.
“Um... just kidding!” hollered Kil, who then ran out of the school and sprinted away.