I've made a huge mistake love-wise and completely fell for someone who is...somewhat crippled in truly caring about someone.
In the beginning I didn't suspect much could go wrong. I just thought he was abnormally shy, and I'd draw him out of his shell soon enough with enough love and warmth. And I did. But as the relationship progressed, I realized that the shyness was actually a part of something much more deeply rooted. He's almost incapable of truly loving someone, because of some severe emotional damage since childhood. I know he really did care about me in a lot of ways. But in the end, he cared more about protecting himself from getting hurt.
Even though he's been a horrible, hurtful jackass, I forgive him, because I know that it's really not his fault. He just doesn't know what else to do, and I am at fault as well for hurting him the way I did. He's very senstive, and I should've paid more attention to that.
I pressed on with the relationship, and I still have hope in my heart for its renewal, because I truly do love him and I believe that it's meant to be and everything will work out in the end. I can't say that it's easy to deal with, and sometimes I can't even convince myself that things will be okay. But when I think back to all the memories and the connections we shared, we really were very happy, and there really was something special.
The more perfect something is, the more acute the pleasure or pain. When I was in my relationship, I was so, so happy. Now that things have fallen apart, so have I. =/
Yesterday in church, the priest talked about suffering, and that even though my prayers might not be answered right away, God will not disappoint, and there will be a reason for it all.
...but you know, sometimes I just want to crawl into my pessimistic hole and think that "everything-will-work-out" endings only happen in movies.
/end emo rant.
PS: gist of that was, yes. I've been very happy in a relationship.
