Jarlaxle's Short Stories

[Jarlaxle]

Author's Note: In this thread I shall archive any stories of mine that are either single segments, or only a couple of chapters. For my longer instalments, they will each have a separate thread. But for the moment, that's neither here nor there. Below you shall find a short 'story' of mine, which is actually the start of a chapter for another story of mine, which has many chapters overall. This is not a spoiler of any kind in that regard, as it goes perfectly well as a 'stand-alone' piece; and I don't intend to host that story here (bar this small segment.) If you have any feedback to add, all that I ask is that you read this story thoroughly; and offer more than 'That was good', or 'I didn't like it'. Explain your reasoning either way, or please don't waste my time. Thanks.

~~~~~
The Night's Duo.

The night was blissful; not a cloud hid away the beauty of the shining stars or the silvery moon, and a peaceful breeze blew throughout the calm plains of Farmeet. Bandits were known to roam the seemingly endless fields of grass, but not this night; not this moment. No, the only ones prowling were the hunter and his pet. They stealthily manoeuvred about the smaller crevices and dirt hills that littered the plains, searching out their target. The hunter, upon anyone?s closer inspection or scrutiny, was actually just an old man, who carried a large sword with a slimmed blade, held together tightly in his scabbard. Whipped across his shoulder was an old crossbow and a few spare bolts.

Also, one of the man?s hands; his left one, seemed a little larger and more muscled then the other. Strangely, it seemed to swell in the centre. Considering his age, it was surprising that the person had not yet shortened less than six feet tall; as is normal of the elderly. He still attained a well-toned build likewise. His hair was jet black, and the man?s face featured a few scars and dips here and there. His clothes complimented the grassy scene he traversed, quite well.

Trotting along beside his apparent master was a large wolf, easily twice the size; if not more, of a standard wolf. Some wise scholars and educated folk would know that the magnificent beast was a Silver Wolf. It marched proudly and at a similar pace to its human companion, the hunter, who at times dropped his hand atop the wolf?s head to give it an encouraging pat. The wolf, well adept and focused in its darkened surroundings, seemed to pay the gesture no heed, though it did appreciate the company of its beloved friend all the same.

When the duo rounded a corner of the plains, where a steep hill continued the path, the two quickly looked at each other for a final offering of mutual support, and then the chase was on. The mighty silver wolf sped off at greater speeds then perhaps even a trained steed could possibly not match, whilst the slower hunter took up the rear. When they both neared the top of the hill, the wolf let out an angry howl. By the time the hunter arrived, he noticed the source of his friend?s distress.

The mother boar was no longer trying to run; or to hide for its life. It had turned, and was charging straight for the large wolf, with its sharp tusks leading the way. While a silver wolf is naturally large when compared to its familiar, smaller species, the mother boars of this land were close to being equally large. Though each beast was quite muscled, the boar packed a lot more weight. Before the dangerous foe could roar in, a speeding arrow caught it in its side. The boar, searing in momentary agony, tripped over and tumbled to the ground. In an instant, the creature shook away the fiery pain through adrenaline, and was on its four feet once more.

But by then, it was far too late for the unfortunate animal. It suddenly found the giant form of the silver wolf atop its back, tearing into the flesh with sharp claws and wicked teeth. The angry mother boar shook furiously, and nearly managed to pierce the wolf?s vulnerable hide with its gaping tusks. Fortunately for Sharrdos, its companion the hunter Mantalis was already there, sword drawn. The agile fighter slashed into the boar?s face, and then cut back down in a stunning motion, opening the beast?s throat rather gruesomely. Moments later, after the man and the wolf had caught their breath; they headed off towards home, their dinner in tow.

?We eat well tonight, my friend,? spoke the hunter. The creature's resounding howl could have been nothing more than the voice of agreement.

 

[Aralith]

Well, I quite liked it, and would be interested in knowing where you're going to host the rest of the story so I can continue reading it. Umm... let's start with the good things I guess. Nice word choice. The flow of the language you used was rarely interrupted. There was not as much voice in it as I would have liked, but there is definitely a satisfactory amount. As you said this works very well as a stand-alone, but I'm sure that the rest of the story is equally appealing. The one line of dialogue you used fit perfectly well with the style that the story is written in.

Now, for the stuff that could have been done better. Like I said, add more voice into it. Just because you wrote the story doesn't automatically mean that we're going to hear where you're coming from. Add some commentary in once in a while. Let us know how you feel about the story, without revealing that you're the narrator. Also, there were times when you were very descriptive, and then times where you weren't. It's just kind of a personal preference of mine to have lots of details, but it does add some flare to the story. Also, there a few spelling errors. How you spelt maneuvering totally stuck out to me, so I'd fix that. Other than that, it was good. Very well done. Keep up the nice work.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Actually, the spelling for manoeuvred was the correct one. I don't know if it differs to the spelling on the other side of the world, but that's how you spell it in Australia and European countries, much like how 'favor' is spelled 'favour' and so on. If there were any others, chances are it is because of this factor. Unless we are talking about obvious typos that I missed. (Or grammatical errors).

I actually prefer to write like most published authors do, in the sense that a good section of the chapter can pass without any conversation at all. They are of course sections with a lot of talk between the characters, but for this one and subsequent other sections, they're more about being descriptive without chatter. The story above was mostly about the hunt, where a quiescent mood and atmosphere is required. For there to be any talk while the hunt was on, this style would be lost.

Speaking of detail in one's story, you'll definitely want to check out my next thread that I make in here. I'm not going to post it for a while, but there is certainly a proficient demonstration of my abilities where being descriptive is concerned.) However, again the conversation will not come in right away, for reasons that will become obvious. Anyhow, thanks for your lengthy feedback. Much more useful than a one-liner.

 

[Aralith]

Anyhow, thanks for your lengthy feedback. Much more useful than a one-liner.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I hate it when people are just like, "It was good. But there were parts I didn't like." To which I say, "Okay, which parts and why? For that matter, why were the good parts good." I really hate those kinds of posts. So, yeah. But, where is the rest of this story going to be posted? Seeing how you said it wouldn't be here, I'd like to know so I can continue to read it.

 

[Jarlaxle]

Indeed, few people know how to explain themselves, and I'd actually prefer someone who was merely going to state 'I liked it' to either list which parts they liked, how it made them feel, and so on; or say nothing at all. But then again, some people know no better. Since I aim to be a writer, I know the three key aspects to getting there, and follow them strictly.

~~~ Reading a variety of novels done by different authors.
~~~ Doing a lot of writing; both practise and for real.
~~~ Reviewing.

I also make sure that if someone reviews my own work, I return the favour in kind. Therefore, I'll get around to giving your story a 'Review and Rate' sometime in the near future. As for your prior question, that's a little difficult to answer. At this other forum I used to frequent, they had a private 'Nation System'. When you joined, you were assigned a 'Nation' at random. Anyhow, my stories were hosted there and some of the characters were named after fellow nation members (so excuse the odd name here and there). We adapted a ‘scripting’ format for the speech between these characters, but I abandoned that later on in the story as I prefer the traditional writing style.

Moving on, since I can’t link you to any of these places, I may put them up here in the future; albeit the far-off future.) Thanks for your interest though. I’ll get some new stories up when my working week is over.