Unlike the previous installments of the FF True series, this one was actually written by me and not my sister. It's not funny (i don't think it is anyway) but you'll just have to deal with it.
From the brother of the author who brought you FFVII True, FFVIII True and FFIX True comes *drumroll* FFX True! Ok admit it, you knew this was coming right? You just didn't expect it to come from me. Well tough luck. It's not my fault that my sister didn't want to write it. It won't be as funny as it would be if she wrote it, but you'll just have to deal with it.
Let's get started!
Once upon a time there was a city. A big city. A big huge city. A great big...you get the idea. In this city lived a man. A man who looked like he couldn't decide what to wear so he jumped into a laundry basket and wore whatever stuck.
Man: Hey! I'll have you know that i ranked 86th in the list of 100 best dressed people in Zanarkand!
...Whatever. Anyway, the man was named Tidus.
Tidus: That's Tie-dus! Got it? Not Tee-dus, Tie-dus.
You ARE aware that your voice actor pronounces it Tee-dus right?
Tidus: I don't care! It's my name so i'll pronounce it however i want!
Am i bovvard? Does this face look bovvard to you?
Audience: WTF?
Never mind. Now, where were we? Ah yes, Tidus was jacking off to gay porn.
Tidus: W-what? No i wasn't! *blushes*
Dude, i saw you. Admit it now or everyone will do to you what the cast of FFVII did to Cloud.
Tidus: But i'm not gay!!! >.<
Have it your way gaylord. Anyway, Tidus left his house to find a group of fangirls standing outside.
Fangirl #1: I LOVE YOU!
Fangirl #2: I WANT YOUR BABIES!
Fanboy: PLEASE MAKE LOVE TO ME!
Audience: That never happened!
Maybe not in the game. This is what really happened. Anyway, Tidus was a star in Zanarkand because he was a porn star. I mean blitzball player. Apparently he was the best player in the entire city, but seeing as there were only two teams of six players, that's not exactly an accomplishment. I mean, he ranked first out of 12 people, and the other 11 were probably stoners.
Tidus: Hey i'm a stoner too!
Fascinating. Can we get on with the story now?
Random chick: But you're the one telling the story!
And i would like to get on with it if i may.
Random chick: But you're making me say this! *gets shot*
Anyone else wanna start?
Audience: *Cowering in fear*
Didn't think so. Anyway, Tidus finished having sex with the fanboy and made his way to the blitzball stadium, where he found another huge group of fangirls waiting for him.
Tidus: What, no guys this time?
I knew you were gay.
Tidus: I'm not! *starts crying* Why are you being so mean to me?
Because i like cheese.
Tidus: That doesn't even make sense!
Nor does the giant pink elephant. Anyway, Tidus pushed past the fangirls and finally made his way into the stadium. Unfortunately for him, he was so late the game was already over.
Tidus: No i missed the game! It's all your fault narrator. I hate you! *gets shot by me*
Audience: *GASP* You killed the hero!
So what? I can do this story without him.
Audience: No you can't!
Yes i can! I'll just replace him with a monkey. Won't make any difference whatsoever.
Lenne: Dude, bring him back or i'll write the damn story myself.
T_T Fine. *uses a phoenix down on Tidus* Happy now?
Lenne: Very.
*skips away*
Tidus: Duuuuuuuuuuuude...i got stoned with Jesus...
...Right. Anyway, just as Tidus was getting used to not being dead, Sin started to attack.
Tidus: Dude! A giant pink elephant is attacking Zanarkand!
You're still stoned aren't you? It's grey not pink.
Auron: If i were you i'd be more concerned that it's destroying the city.
Tidus: Dad! I didn't see you there.
Auron: For the last time i'm not your goddamn father! Your father went to the store to buy cigarettes ten years ago and never came back.
Tidus: Oh yeah! Who are you then?
Auron: His boyfriend. Duh!
Uh, guys? Big grey thing destroying the city?
Auron: Oh yeah i forgot. Tidus, take this. It belonged to your father. *hands Tidus a dildo*
Tidus: Sweet!
Auron: You'll probably need this too. *Hands Tidus a sword*
Tidus: Awesome! *tries to pick up the sword and falls over*
Auron: Goddamn n00b. *brandishes his own sword*
Tidus: Hey! Why is his sword so much bigger than mine? *pouts*
Stop complaining. You can't even lift your own sword, though i guess that's to be expected seeing as you're gay.
Tidus: For the last time i'm not gay!
Auron: Yes you are. How could you forget that night we spent on the beach? You were even better than your father.
Owned.
Tidus: ...Let's just get on with this. *somehow manages to pick his sword up and slashes a sinscale with it*
Sinscale: *damage taken: 1* You suck n00b!
Auron: *Sigh* Why do i have to work with this weakling?
Because the pink squirrels stole my cheese. T_T
Tidus: Hey you're stoned too!
So what? That doesn't make me a bad person.
Auron: I grow tired of this. *kills all the sinscales*
Tidus: I could've done that...
Auron: *Picks Tidus up and throws him at Sin*
Tidus: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *Is absorbed by Sin* I want my mooooooooooooooooooooomyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Auron: *Smirks* Baby. *Is also absorbed by Sin*
Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
~To be continued~
From the brother of the author who brought you FFVII True, FFVIII True and FFIX True comes *drumroll* FFX True! Ok admit it, you knew this was coming right? You just didn't expect it to come from me. Well tough luck. It's not my fault that my sister didn't want to write it. It won't be as funny as it would be if she wrote it, but you'll just have to deal with it.
Let's get started!
Once upon a time there was a city. A big city. A big huge city. A great big...you get the idea. In this city lived a man. A man who looked like he couldn't decide what to wear so he jumped into a laundry basket and wore whatever stuck.
Man: Hey! I'll have you know that i ranked 86th in the list of 100 best dressed people in Zanarkand!
...Whatever. Anyway, the man was named Tidus.
Tidus: That's Tie-dus! Got it? Not Tee-dus, Tie-dus.
You ARE aware that your voice actor pronounces it Tee-dus right?
Tidus: I don't care! It's my name so i'll pronounce it however i want!
Am i bovvard? Does this face look bovvard to you?
Audience: WTF?
Never mind. Now, where were we? Ah yes, Tidus was jacking off to gay porn.
Tidus: W-what? No i wasn't! *blushes*
Dude, i saw you. Admit it now or everyone will do to you what the cast of FFVII did to Cloud.
Tidus: But i'm not gay!!! >.<
Have it your way gaylord. Anyway, Tidus left his house to find a group of fangirls standing outside.
Fangirl #1: I LOVE YOU!
Fangirl #2: I WANT YOUR BABIES!
Fanboy: PLEASE MAKE LOVE TO ME!
Audience: That never happened!
Maybe not in the game. This is what really happened. Anyway, Tidus was a star in Zanarkand because he was a porn star. I mean blitzball player. Apparently he was the best player in the entire city, but seeing as there were only two teams of six players, that's not exactly an accomplishment. I mean, he ranked first out of 12 people, and the other 11 were probably stoners.
Tidus: Hey i'm a stoner too!
Fascinating. Can we get on with the story now?
Random chick: But you're the one telling the story!
And i would like to get on with it if i may.
Random chick: But you're making me say this! *gets shot*
Anyone else wanna start?
Audience: *Cowering in fear*
Didn't think so. Anyway, Tidus finished having sex with the fanboy and made his way to the blitzball stadium, where he found another huge group of fangirls waiting for him.
Tidus: What, no guys this time?
I knew you were gay.
Tidus: I'm not! *starts crying* Why are you being so mean to me?
Because i like cheese.
Tidus: That doesn't even make sense!
Nor does the giant pink elephant. Anyway, Tidus pushed past the fangirls and finally made his way into the stadium. Unfortunately for him, he was so late the game was already over.
Tidus: No i missed the game! It's all your fault narrator. I hate you! *gets shot by me*
Audience: *GASP* You killed the hero!
So what? I can do this story without him.
Audience: No you can't!
Yes i can! I'll just replace him with a monkey. Won't make any difference whatsoever.
Lenne: Dude, bring him back or i'll write the damn story myself.
T_T Fine. *uses a phoenix down on Tidus* Happy now?
Lenne: Very.
*skips away*Tidus: Duuuuuuuuuuuude...i got stoned with Jesus...
...Right. Anyway, just as Tidus was getting used to not being dead, Sin started to attack.
Tidus: Dude! A giant pink elephant is attacking Zanarkand!
You're still stoned aren't you? It's grey not pink.
Auron: If i were you i'd be more concerned that it's destroying the city.
Tidus: Dad! I didn't see you there.
Auron: For the last time i'm not your goddamn father! Your father went to the store to buy cigarettes ten years ago and never came back.
Tidus: Oh yeah! Who are you then?
Auron: His boyfriend. Duh!
Uh, guys? Big grey thing destroying the city?
Auron: Oh yeah i forgot. Tidus, take this. It belonged to your father. *hands Tidus a dildo*
Tidus: Sweet!
Auron: You'll probably need this too. *Hands Tidus a sword*
Tidus: Awesome! *tries to pick up the sword and falls over*
Auron: Goddamn n00b. *brandishes his own sword*
Tidus: Hey! Why is his sword so much bigger than mine? *pouts*
Stop complaining. You can't even lift your own sword, though i guess that's to be expected seeing as you're gay.
Tidus: For the last time i'm not gay!
Auron: Yes you are. How could you forget that night we spent on the beach? You were even better than your father.
Owned.
Tidus: ...Let's just get on with this. *somehow manages to pick his sword up and slashes a sinscale with it*
Sinscale: *damage taken: 1* You suck n00b!
Auron: *Sigh* Why do i have to work with this weakling?
Because the pink squirrels stole my cheese. T_T
Tidus: Hey you're stoned too!
So what? That doesn't make me a bad person.
Auron: I grow tired of this. *kills all the sinscales*
Tidus: I could've done that...
Auron: *Picks Tidus up and throws him at Sin*
Tidus: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *Is absorbed by Sin* I want my mooooooooooooooooooooomyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Auron: *Smirks* Baby. *Is also absorbed by Sin*
Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
~To be continued~