Fan Fiction [Discussion] Final Fantasy IX: Sentinels of Halcyon

[Diana]

THIS ISN'T AN RP. THIS IS A FANFIC. YOU CAN'T SIGN UP OR JOIN. THE CHARACTERS CAN'T BE CLAIMED.​

"This story is set in the fantasy world of Gaia, which is the world in which Final Fantasy IX is officially set. This story is not official, it is basically a story created by me, which is pretty much how I wanted Final Fantasy IX to go like. The story will not be like the original, because it's not a prequel or sequel, it is merely a version created by myself."

Zidane Tribal | "you don't need a reason to help people..."
- 16, Thief, Dagger
Vivi Orunitia | "how do you prove that you exist...? Maybe we don't exist..."
- 9, Black Mage, Staff
Adelbert Steiner | "having sword fealty, must I spend my life in servitude?"
- 33, Knight, Sword
Garnet Til Alexandros | "one day I will be queen, but I will always be myself."
- 16, Summoner, Rod
Quina Quen | "I do what I want! You have problem!?"
- Unknown, Blue Mage, Forks
Freya Crescent | "to be forgotten, is worse than death."
- 33, Dragoon Knight, Lance/Spear
Eiko Carol | "I don't wanna be alone anymore."
- 6, White Mage, Flute
Amarant Coral | "the only dependable thing about the future is uncertainty."
- Unknown, Monk, Claws

There is more to come to this post, so please stay put. I want this to be a great fanfic for you all to enjoy, so please post here about ways you think I can improve. All comments are welcome, positive and negative, if you like, subscribe to this thread. You can rate it out of five too if you like. Thanks.

 

[Sultan]

Hey, not bad! I hope you won't mind me nitpicking but you seem to be mixing up "its" with "it's". Like in here:
"The Moogle flew steadily around the room, it's gaze
constantly.." "The Moogle crossed it’s arm.." " returned to it’s large book an..".

"It's" should be used when you want to say "It is" =]

So I'm guessing why Zidane was found laying there asleep during a break in will be explained later on but why did he willingly give the moogle his real full name?

 

[Diana]

Hey, not bad! I hope you won't mind me nitpicking but you seem to be mixing up "its" with "it's". Like in here:
"The Moogle flew steadily around the room, it's gaze
constantly.." "The Moogle crossed it’s arm.." " returned to it’s large book an..".

"It's" should be used when you want to say "It is" =]

So I'm guessing why Zidane was found laying there asleep during a break in will be explained later on but why did he willingly give the moogle his real full name?

Its and it's are always mixed up with me, corrected now.

Zidane gave his full name to show he has no fear of people knowing who or what he is.