Hey I am just looking for some feed back about my writing style as well as if what I have written sounds interesting. I welcome both positive and negitive feed back as it will help me with my writing.
Thanks
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The man stood up in the pale moonlight. He had been crouching for some time, and standing felt some what relaxing. He gazed down at the camp that was situated at the bottom of the cliff. As the rain pelted down softly on his lean frame he had to flick his dark silver hair out of his icy blue eyes. Those camped below him were not simply people. Nor were they anything like bandits or thieves. No these men where Demon Worshipers. Word had come quickly to Deccardo about the summoning they were intending to perform tonight. Their numbers were not amazing, maybe six men. Deccardo’s arrogance made him think how quick and easy six men would fall by his hand. His arrogance about himself was growing stronger each day.
It was time to move and Deccardo decided to leave most of his belongings behind a bush close by. All he would need was his sword and skill. In the rain armor would certainly not be that helpful. Deccardo decided to just wear a simple black cotton shirt and his dark red leggings that would be held up with a metal lined belt that had been given to him by a close friend, and of course his sturdy leather riding boots.
Now that he was ready, he walked casually down to the camp with his large sword slung over his back. Those in the camp did not even notice him enter as they were much to busy trying to do the summoning. They only noticed him when Deccardo threw a small rock at the face of a large burly fat man, who obviously seemed like the leader.
With a snarl the fat man snapped out of a trance and then glared angrily at Deccardo. The five others followed in their leaders’ footsteps. ‘Who do you think you are!?’ shouted the large fat man. His face reddened as Deccardo simply smirked. ‘Well?’
Deccardo walked forward slowly, as he did so, he noticed the group of men surrounding him. This made him smirk just a little bit more. He looked down at his feet and noted the etchings on the ground beneath him.
‘Is this where the Demon appears from?’ asked Deccardo looking around the group of men.
One man to his left gulped, ‘How did you know about it?’
The fat man growled at his comrade, ‘That doesn’t matter. He interrupted us and will now pay.’ The fat man looked quickly at those around him, ‘Some one jump this damn fool.’
A slender man ran forward drawing a knife, he swiped it at Deccardo’ stomach but was easily eluded. Deccardo retaliated by grabbing the wrist of the man, twisting it savagely. The man fell to the ground screaming. Those watching stared in a stunned silence.
‘If I’m correct,’ stated Deccardo in a calm manor, ‘to perform a summoning one must make a sacrifice. And well I don’t see one.’
‘We can use you, you fool!’ grunted the fat man.
‘Or we can use your friend here,’ said Deccardo staring directly at the leader. Before any one could react Deccardo kicked the fallen man in back of the head, killing him instantly.
‘Now continue the summoning you fat fool. I have always wanted to fight the kind of Demon you are trying to summon. It isn’t every day you see Chuhn. They may be weak but they could certainly bring you all to a very painful death. In fact I do not even know why you are trying to summon such a thing; they are in fact too dumb and selfish to even do anything for people. Where ever you got the idea that he may help you do what ever then it’s all false. But you can continue now. Before I kill you all for being so stupid.’
One man silently whispered to another, they both bolted away in hope for their lives. Deccardo stared around himself and looked back at the fat man with a serious look on his face.
‘Now you don’t even have enough people in your little group to summon the Demon, some helpers you chose. Well any way, I am thinking of being nice. So the rest of you can leave now with your honor and live or you can stay and enjoy yourselves with my brilliant company.’
All but the fat leader started to wander off. Anger seemed to flash in his eyes as he stared at Deccardo. ‘Honor you say? Well honor dictates that we must fight. You killed my kin after all. Even if I did not like him, I still must stand against you.’
Deccardo looked at the man thinking for a moment, he then grinned and said confidently, ‘Well if that is what you wish, but you do not seem to have a weapon.’
‘I will use my brothers,’ replied the fat man.
Deccado nodded and the stepped to where the dead mans knife lay. He then kicked it across the ground towards his soon to be opponent. The knife was immediately snatched up with a snarl. This made Deccado grin a little bit, ‘Cool it buddy, having a hot head in battle won’t do you any good.’
The fat man glared with hatred at Deccardo, ‘Buddy? My name is Blorn and my brother was Beun. Neither of us were your buddies, now let me reclaim my honor.’
Deccardo held up his hand to stop Blorn. ‘First just think about this. If this were a story sung by bards, who do you think the children would want to win? The god like handsomely man who no one can out match with a blade or the ugly fool who smells like cow droppings?’ Deccardo flicked his hair as he noticed Blorn redden even more with anger. Deccardo then extended his hand as if motioning for Blorn to come forward, he gave a small smirk and almost whispered, ‘Are you ready?’
Blorn leaped forward snarling, he held the dagger high, ready to stab when he got close enough. Deccardo’s reaction was smooth but very simple, he dropped to one knee while drawing his sword, he slashed it in a graceful motion. For a second nothing moved, but then Blorn fell forward with his fat belly sliced open. Blood stained the dirt where the etchings for the ritual were meant to take place.
Deccardo stood confidently not bothering to look at the two dead men around him. Under his breath he muttered ‘At least the job is done.’ With that he walked off back to gather his equipment.
Thanks
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The man stood up in the pale moonlight. He had been crouching for some time, and standing felt some what relaxing. He gazed down at the camp that was situated at the bottom of the cliff. As the rain pelted down softly on his lean frame he had to flick his dark silver hair out of his icy blue eyes. Those camped below him were not simply people. Nor were they anything like bandits or thieves. No these men where Demon Worshipers. Word had come quickly to Deccardo about the summoning they were intending to perform tonight. Their numbers were not amazing, maybe six men. Deccardo’s arrogance made him think how quick and easy six men would fall by his hand. His arrogance about himself was growing stronger each day.
It was time to move and Deccardo decided to leave most of his belongings behind a bush close by. All he would need was his sword and skill. In the rain armor would certainly not be that helpful. Deccardo decided to just wear a simple black cotton shirt and his dark red leggings that would be held up with a metal lined belt that had been given to him by a close friend, and of course his sturdy leather riding boots.
Now that he was ready, he walked casually down to the camp with his large sword slung over his back. Those in the camp did not even notice him enter as they were much to busy trying to do the summoning. They only noticed him when Deccardo threw a small rock at the face of a large burly fat man, who obviously seemed like the leader.
With a snarl the fat man snapped out of a trance and then glared angrily at Deccardo. The five others followed in their leaders’ footsteps. ‘Who do you think you are!?’ shouted the large fat man. His face reddened as Deccardo simply smirked. ‘Well?’
Deccardo walked forward slowly, as he did so, he noticed the group of men surrounding him. This made him smirk just a little bit more. He looked down at his feet and noted the etchings on the ground beneath him.
‘Is this where the Demon appears from?’ asked Deccardo looking around the group of men.
One man to his left gulped, ‘How did you know about it?’
The fat man growled at his comrade, ‘That doesn’t matter. He interrupted us and will now pay.’ The fat man looked quickly at those around him, ‘Some one jump this damn fool.’
A slender man ran forward drawing a knife, he swiped it at Deccardo’ stomach but was easily eluded. Deccardo retaliated by grabbing the wrist of the man, twisting it savagely. The man fell to the ground screaming. Those watching stared in a stunned silence.
‘If I’m correct,’ stated Deccardo in a calm manor, ‘to perform a summoning one must make a sacrifice. And well I don’t see one.’
‘We can use you, you fool!’ grunted the fat man.
‘Or we can use your friend here,’ said Deccardo staring directly at the leader. Before any one could react Deccardo kicked the fallen man in back of the head, killing him instantly.
‘Now continue the summoning you fat fool. I have always wanted to fight the kind of Demon you are trying to summon. It isn’t every day you see Chuhn. They may be weak but they could certainly bring you all to a very painful death. In fact I do not even know why you are trying to summon such a thing; they are in fact too dumb and selfish to even do anything for people. Where ever you got the idea that he may help you do what ever then it’s all false. But you can continue now. Before I kill you all for being so stupid.’
One man silently whispered to another, they both bolted away in hope for their lives. Deccardo stared around himself and looked back at the fat man with a serious look on his face.
‘Now you don’t even have enough people in your little group to summon the Demon, some helpers you chose. Well any way, I am thinking of being nice. So the rest of you can leave now with your honor and live or you can stay and enjoy yourselves with my brilliant company.’
All but the fat leader started to wander off. Anger seemed to flash in his eyes as he stared at Deccardo. ‘Honor you say? Well honor dictates that we must fight. You killed my kin after all. Even if I did not like him, I still must stand against you.’
Deccardo looked at the man thinking for a moment, he then grinned and said confidently, ‘Well if that is what you wish, but you do not seem to have a weapon.’
‘I will use my brothers,’ replied the fat man.
Deccado nodded and the stepped to where the dead mans knife lay. He then kicked it across the ground towards his soon to be opponent. The knife was immediately snatched up with a snarl. This made Deccado grin a little bit, ‘Cool it buddy, having a hot head in battle won’t do you any good.’
The fat man glared with hatred at Deccardo, ‘Buddy? My name is Blorn and my brother was Beun. Neither of us were your buddies, now let me reclaim my honor.’
Deccardo held up his hand to stop Blorn. ‘First just think about this. If this were a story sung by bards, who do you think the children would want to win? The god like handsomely man who no one can out match with a blade or the ugly fool who smells like cow droppings?’ Deccardo flicked his hair as he noticed Blorn redden even more with anger. Deccardo then extended his hand as if motioning for Blorn to come forward, he gave a small smirk and almost whispered, ‘Are you ready?’
Blorn leaped forward snarling, he held the dagger high, ready to stab when he got close enough. Deccardo’s reaction was smooth but very simple, he dropped to one knee while drawing his sword, he slashed it in a graceful motion. For a second nothing moved, but then Blorn fell forward with his fat belly sliced open. Blood stained the dirt where the etchings for the ritual were meant to take place.
Deccardo stood confidently not bothering to look at the two dead men around him. Under his breath he muttered ‘At least the job is done.’ With that he walked off back to gather his equipment.