Number of Partners - Yes/No/Maybe?

[Shu]

Well I thought I would throw this out there to entertain the older generation of people. I would say 16 and up.. just because sex is not as immature to talk about around my age, it's almost acceptable everywhere even amongst the opposite sex.

So these days, since we don't live in the 20-50's or so and divorce/cheating/one night stands/dating around are more common due to cultural influences and boredom; I was going to throw a general question out there.

Does the number of partners someone has had sex with deter you from being in a relationship with them? I think every relationship I was in after 16 I expected some sort of sex ..... eventually. I mean physical interaction is almost deemed essential due to the fact if you really feel someone is attractive, how the hell would you ever be able to keep to yourselves?

Here's how I think about it..

The older we get, the less people are in relationships and just dating around.. the partners add up. Thankfully I've always been tied down to relationships.. so I'm still counting the 5 and below partners on my hand.. but I've literally had to tell some of my buds to be careful these days, due to how easy it is to get with a girl around here.. and how easy it is to get an STD. Sex is almost.. a reason to be in a relationship now.

With that said.. I've known even some of my good friends whom are girls at least been with 15+ people.. hell even tried to get with me my sophomore year, when I was still tied down. She's very pretty.. but then I think about it.. and yea the sexual partners does sort of drive a nail between her "sexiness".

I've never really thought women (no offense.. ) that have had quite a bit of sex are very attractive. Something goes off in my head.. and I'm like... man.. they dress the way they put out. It's almost sad, these days anyone is attainable. Question is though.. take the risk? or Even trust them enough to be in a relationship with them?

So let me know.. what do you think? Does the number of partners someone has been with deter you from being with them?

(Might change this to sleeping forest if a debate breaks out)

 

[Dionysos]

I'd say yes, it does bother me. However I need to also be realistic now. At my age (22) I suppose it is to be the norm for people to either have had one or two meaningful relationships, or to have had many partners / none but lots of action, etc. That is, at least, the belief that everyone expresses -the 'get drunk, get laid, or get a girlfriend' culture which tends to try and imply that everyone is getting laid or are trying to get laid, and some are. Not everyone is, I must add. It doesn't mean that the people who don't are lacking the urges either. A lot of people feel pressured to live that life by thinking that people merely do that sort of thing.

Being single also doesn't mean that people who aren't in relationships are sleeping around, or dating random people frequently. It's a sad thing that people in general pressure themselves or are pressured by others into this, when some people would genuinely rather get a girlfriend / partner as a long-term aim, rather than a short-term fix.

All of that said. I can understand why a person's list of partners might be quite long, and since it is what can often happen, I cannot shun the person on this if I really like them. If I was to shun people for this then I'd be shunning a heck of a lot of people, it seems. It would, however, throw me back a bit. I'd suddenly feel quite uneasy, I think. It honestly depends on the length of the list. I've just come to expect it now, I guess. If I don't know her very well, however, I probably would never view the person in a relationshippy light. Anyone who talks loudly about that sort of thing in public (or to people she hardly knows) probably wouldn't be right for me anyway.

 

[Bambi]

I think the only thing that would concern me is if they had been in relationships and slept around. what a person does while single, and however partners they have had is thier business. you cant change a persons past, and yes it might not be favourable if they have had like, 100 sexual partners, but if it stays in the past, then id have to deal with it

though tbh, i dont particularily care to know about a partners sexual history. its just never intersted me. i know there are people that are like, wanting to know every detail, but its just something i have no desire to know about. Never have as long as they arent a serial cheat, thats when id be put off

 

[Howl]

Whatever happened in a person’s past is ancient history. However…prior to being in a sexual relationship, it’s imperative that both people have themselves tested for HIV and other diseases; particularly in today’s society. Almost everyone is someone’s sloppy seconds. It doesn’t matter how faithful you *think* your former partner might have been, you never know how much they got around before you moved on.

 

[Shu]

Right, I mean I doubt anyone will go out on a ledge and be like.. "Yea so I've been with 50+ folks.." or.. "Yea.. lost count" though, the question sometimes is in the back of folks minds.

Ya'll might kill me with this, but I've heard the analogy that the fewer the person has slept around the more faithful they will be. Which I guess is why your parents try to brain wash you into being a virgin until marriage other than the religious reference. If the sex was good, etc.. then it keeps the person entertained, but as the years go on.. well if they were previously a crazy college coed and experimented.. and they never quite let it go. Well it's very possible they are easier to be bored and move on to others.

In the end, I know all sex becomes tedious.. every now and again.. but it's one thing to say you've been with 25 or lower, but another to say.. 50+. It's the person's business.. but the chemical need to keep going from one to the next, is a bit on the loony side to me.

 

[The Witch]

Which is why being a virgin(or just not doing it as much) is best until you're really really serious with someone.

Honestly, people sleep around. I guess I see no problem with a guy(or girl) having more than the average partners as long as they could take care of themselves and respect others. I don't think I'd get with a cheater though.

 

[Six]

For me personally, I think it would matter. I guess that's just because I'm insecure. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't judge someone based on how many partners they have had, but I would on how they treated the other in the relationship. At the same time I would be curious about 'why' they broke up, like if it was some immature fight it might say something about the person you're dating. However, seeing that's personal, and not an everyday topic, I would hate for that topic to come up and my partner to name like a full list of names. I'd be a little 'err....' minded.

I guess that'd kinda give me the feeling like "Oh, well I'm number 12 on their list. I wonder who 13 is." I know that's a bit naive. I wish my thought process was different but that's the first thing that comes to mind right now.

Far as my opinion goes, as long as you treat the person you're with with respect, and you're both on the same page of what your relationship is, then I am not too bothered with how many partners a guy/girl has.

I also can't stand it when guys think it's okay for them to have had multiple partners, but it's not for girls. (Granted, like Tyler said, how they act though, is the key here) and vice versa though. Some girls act like a guy's so fucked up for having had multiple girls, but maybe it were the girls doing them wrong.

So you really gotta judge it based on the person and their personality. I'd find myself pretty judging if I were to say I would not date someone just because they had a few relationships. (Shrugs)

 

[Shu]

Mmm ya, I also never thought about that. Being a virgin is one thing.. though having had sex (unless of course it was a unfortunate experience, over aggressive or something else) and never actually wanting it again is also another thing.

Like I could see how someone could be paranoid with someone if they have previously admitted to having sex with someone, but they've been with them for.. 2 weeks + and nothing has gone on. I'm not saying everyone should have sex.. right off the bad, in fact I disagree wholeheartedly with that concept. I'm just saying.. if two weeks have gone by.. and I was with someone.. meh I'd be totally thinking it's either me or them (paranoid).

Bottom line is sex special to someone.. or just another feeling.. that's for you to decide. Me, meh.. wife and I love each other so I can't say much. Sex is good.. so again can't complain. Though when I think about how many divorces are going on at her work, or how many guy problems they are having.. I'm thinking.. well damn bad influence on ze wifey. Though again.. some people are like a placebo.. one catches the need to have a fling.. and then boom like a drug it plays itself out in the crowd of the same sex. I also notice when people's relationships are going well.. there's not much bad gossip going on.. until of course they get bored.

Everyone remember that dry hump feeling from back in the day with theirs.. and god knows that has gone.. but bring it back to the main topic here... my head says four different things about folks who been with multiple people.

1) They are incredibly lonely
2) They are ADD as all hell and get bored quite fast
3) They easily become insecure and due to the easy need of needing to feel "wanted" they mess around for the newer feeling
4) Just in it for the feeling.. the fast life.

Love is not sex though. Sex fades.. love is.. well.. a bit different. Just hard to gauge a douche, or a whore off the bat. So that's why this topic is interesting to me.

 

[ribbit]

Yes. I personally wouldn't date a girl if she'd had sex with someone else unless they'd been married when they did. It throws me off and I find them less attractive. I think the only time I'd find it acceptable is if we had so much in common it would be stupid not to date her. A lot of girls at my school either sleep around, or have a boyfriend and fuck them in a week then end up breaking up with them later. There's one girl at my school who I know has probably had about 20 or more sexual partners in the past 3 years. That's extremely gross to me. I'd rather date someone (or am dating ) that would rather stay in a committed relationship and not have sex after about a week. I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year and we haven't had sex. I've asked, but it doesn't bother me all too much. That's not what the relationship about, and it shouldn't be about sex. That's just an added bonus in my opinion.

 

[Tmoo]

Sometimes I get cynical thoughts about pervasive promiscuity taking over all of our societal values, but I think back to the actual women I see out and about, and deem those thoughts silly. There are certainly many women who rack up the partners, but I don't think they're a majority. Ditto for men; the majority of us aren't sleeping around. Many are, but not most. I'm willing to bet there are a lot more virgins among both sexes than are accounted for.

Back to the topic: depends. If I didn't know her well, it would immediately ring bells and I would probably keep her at arm's length romantically, no matter how beautiful she is. Either way it would change how I see her as a person. I wouldn't write her off if she appeared sincere about a relationship though. It just depends on the girl.

On the flipside, one of my close female friends tells me that I'm the only virgin she knows. I'm not sure what to make of that.

 

[Bambi]

1) They are incredibly lonely
2) They are ADD as all hell and get bored quite fast
3) They easily become insecure and due to the easy need of needing to feel "wanted" they mess around for the newer feeling
4) Just in it for the feeling.. the fast life.
.

i dont think its always as simple as that,s ome people just fuck up and deeply regret their pasts, and what - or who- they may have done, you could have come out of an abusive relationship, gone off the rails, sorted yourself out later down the line and that, there are some that will just think its the norm to go out and shag a guy/girl at the weekend, and again, further down the line, regret that, I dont think that makes a person any more likely to cheat. It's entirely down to an individual and just how they are

I knew a girl I used to work with that cheated in every relationship she'd ever been in and that's probably about the only time Im not sure I could overlook as, even though im not the type that gets all pshcho and WHERE ARE YOU WHO ARE YOU WITH when not together, I probably would wonder...

It can be a bit of a mine field this whole sexual history malarky, especially as you get older

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

I think girls always seem to be deemed less attractive when people find out how many guys they've been with.

But with men it's like, 'Meh' in most cases.

For me, I would rather a guy had been with his fair share of girls. At least I know he should never feel the need to sleep around due to the fact he hasn't been with enough girls.

All the guys I've been with have always been with very few girls and always left me soon after and I always felt it was because they felt tied down and hadn't had a chance to sleep around enough etc etc.

I like that Steve has been in a fair few realationships, because he's learnt a lot from all of them and sadly he's always been the one who was fucked over. =/ At least I know he won't do that to me. >.<

I'm not necessarily attracted to guys who have had sex and been in realationships with a lot of women, but I do feel more secure for some strange reason, knowing that they're pretty stable with who they are and don't feel the need to sleep with every girl they see.

It's hard to explain, but the number of partners someone has been with doesn't deter me at all, unless it's very few. >.<

 

[Gingerbread Lesbian]

If I were to generalize then I would say yeah, the number of people a partner has had sex with probably would deter me, but on an individual basis I think it's more difficult to say someone's sexual history would deter me from being in a relationship with them. I don't necessarily agree that having less sexual partners means they'd be more faithful, that's more down to them as a person, if someone cheats on another or chooses to go into a relationship solely for sex then imo they were always going to be like that regardless of how many people they've slept with, personally all I think sleeping around really means is that it's an easier transition between person to person. You get people who have never slept around but would still cheat in a relationship. I'm not overly attracted to sleeping around but if I did then found someone I genuinely wanted to spend my life with, cheating on her wouldn't even cross my mind.

Imo if you genuinely love someone you won't cheat on them nor do I think you would judge someone on the amount of people they've slept with if you genuinely liked them either. Sometimes relationships break down after a long, long time for various reasons when you think that person is the one, that's just life unfortunately, it's about how you pick yourself up and move on. If it's STDs people are worried about just have protected sex or no sex at all until both parties are clinically checked, it's that simple. It's just life that a lot of people will go from person to person trying to find the right one before they actually manage to though in all honesty it's struck me more as something you'll do when you're in your late teens/early twenties rather than as you get older.

But I agree with Kelly, if someone has had a past of cheating then that's probably not something I could overlook.

 

[Donald Trump]

No.
I wouldn't be bothered unless it was extreme like 100 or 0. Even then I'd still hit it.
It just seems such a pointless thing to consider. As if it's possible to make any judgement about what a person is like based upon the number of people that they'd had sex with. You'd be unlikely to get an honest answer anyway.
I can't envision a situation in which someone would say 'I thought she was funny until I found out that she had sex with 781 people, then I found her less amusing'.
It just seems stupid to me.

 

[Martel]

If I were ever to engage in a relationship it'd be purely romantic, which actually means it'd probably matter more to me than it might to other people. It'd take a hell of a lot - like, a small miracle, because I'm aromantic, although perhaps I'd be demiromantic if I ever actually got close to someone, I'm not sure - for me to open up to someone to that degree; I'm reluctant to even let my friends know things about me, and if a potential partner had had several partners before that, I'd be less inclined to let them in...I wouldn't want to be discarded once someone has gotten bored with me, and the risk increases with the more partners that someone has had, at least to my mind. Whatever their reasoning might have been for ditching their former partners, I wouldn't want to take the risk.

Although I could care less about how many times potential partners have had sex, though. That isn't something that interests me at all. I suppose the number of times you've had sex goes hand-in-hand with the number of relationships you've had, but it isn't that which I'd be concerned about. It'd take a large miracle for any partner I had to get me into anything like that, and what people do in their lives is their own business.