What's your definition of being a good parent?

[Lirael]

I found this thread on another forum and thought it was quite an interesting topic!

For me personally, the most important thing is a parent who's involved in their child's life. A parent who will listen to their child and who appreciates what they have to say. They shouldn't be overbearing, but they should be interested in what they are doing - at school, with friends - and should encourage them in the positive decisions they make.

I think it's important for parents to teach their kids, by reading to them and setting maths games, from an early age. They should encourage creativity by providing pens, pencils, art books, and crafty bits and bobs, praising them for what they create.

Parents should also lead by example and should behave in a respectful manner, showing respect and kindness to other members of society. They should feed their children healthy food and should exercise with them frequently, once or twice a week.

Parents should respect their children. As their child grows, s/he will develop into their own person, so they will no doubt hold their own beliefs, which may clash with the beliefs of their parents. Parents shouldn't judge their children and should only protest if the child does something that could harm them and/or others (e.g. takes drugs, gets involved in a gang), but even then they should deal with matters considerately. (How this could be done...I'm not entirely sure! But I do feel that some parents are too harsh on their children).

Parents should praise their children when they do something good. They shouldn't take their children's good actions for granted. My mum takes my hard work and tolerance (she's quite short-tempered) for granted and sometimes that makes me feel a bit low. If I wasn't level-headed and determined to make my own life successful, who knows where I'd be. Having said that, parents shouldn't spoil their children. One thing I will always thank my mum for is the way she behaved when I was being bullied. She didn't blame the bullies but said that my response was probably a cause. She also helped me realise that there are two sides to each story, though that was more through her complete refusal to accept that my dad, too, was hurt when they argued.

Parents should also show their children that there are limits when they do something that's wrong. If a child refuses to work at school, for example, the parent should take away priviledges. Kids don't always know what's good for them - the parents need to play a role in ensuring their children benefit from the opportunities they have.

There's A LOT more, but...I'll leave that for discussion when I hear what you guys have to say!

What do you guys think?

 

[Bambi]

Its all very well and good, but sometimes theres just not enough hours in a day to be that perfect. Unless you have the luxury of not having to work I suppose. And you're not a single parent

 

[Shu]

It's hard to say in today's day and age. Kids are absolute banshees due to how grown apart families are due to the huge dependencies to electronics.

So guess what I'm going to say next? Any parent that is able to keep their kid from playing a video game handheld or not till the age of around 8/9, I think is a great parent. I am not going to explain my reasoning, I created an entirely new thread for that .. (around a year ago?).

Our fatty fat kids and our non punished kids due to the frowning on the ole corporations. Well guess what else I'll say. I like a parent who knows when to slap their kid around. That's right, I do. I hate to see it in public, but if the kid is running around like a hooligan, and/or whining about not being able to watch tv, play a game, or always wanting the next game.. or has some hyper active tendencies... Well how about you take him outside and play ball? If they act up beyond that, slap em around. As far as girls, don't pamper them that much. When they get to the age of 16 they'll be expecting an SUV.

That's all I have, other than that run your kids however. Good Parents are those that have the heart to be their for them.

 

[Will Graham]

I find people have this idea that to be a good parent you have to be some magical combination of Atticus Finch and Mufasa. I'd like to think that I'd be this amazing parent who teaches their children all these amazing things from a young age, and raises this brilliant wunderkind without any problems, but that is a silly idea. All it takes to be a good parent is to raise your child without completely fucking it up for later in life

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

I think the most important thing for me is that I'm involved in my childs life and not excluded from it. You'd never know what the hell they're up to otherwise. Making the time for them to do things with them, whether it be sports, other hobbies etc, regardless of whether or not I like it.

I really can not stand parents who shut they're kids down because they don't feel like sitting on the hot soccer field watching them play. That'd bring the poor kid right down. Or forcing them to do the things they like doing so that they can satisfy their own selfish needs. People like this should never have kids.

I always think about the things my parents didn't do when I was a kid. I had a pretty cruisy childhood, but there are always flaws. I hated that they never suggested I learn an instrument or help me get out into the world more. It would have helped boost my confidence and I would have a few skills when I got older.

They were too judgmental as well, which made me never want to tell them anything, which in turn lead them to being uninvolved in my life as I got older. I don't want that to happen to my kids. I want them to want to speak to me and tell me everything. >.<

So yes, involvement in my kids lives would be top on the list of my definition of being a good parent.

 

[Richard B Riddick]

I think environment and peer group has more to do with a child's development than parental guidance.

A good deal of how a person views the world is influenced by those they come into contact with. There are girls who start school with hello kitty backpacks wearing sweaters and jeans who end the school year with tattoos doing hard drugs dressing like sluts.

All of us prefer thinking of ourselves as rebels who make own choices who are the bosses of our own lives. But, its possible we need to conform and fit in to survive to some degree. With most of us, everything we think is 'cool' will be determined by someone else who managed to sell us on something.

Those who hang with negative people have a tendency to become negative themselves. People can be contagious. Ditto with their views and attitudes.

I guess a good parent can find a good place to raise their kids in a healthy environment that will have a positive influence. And not to try to raise them in a ghetto or unhealthy environment where they would nearly be guaranteed to fail.

And, a good parent recognizes their sons or daughters are EXACTLY like them in ways - a major cause of tension. People see qualities they despise about themselves reflected in their kids and it can be tough to deal with. An unattractive person might want to break a mirror that showed their worst qualities and parents who see their bad traits reflected in their kids can have the same feeling(I would imagine anyway since im no parent)...

Last but not least, a good parent knows their limits. A parent who is an alcoholic probably can't teach their kids anything other than how to be an alcoholic.

A person needs to do be able to do something themselves to teach someone else to do it. If you're an undisciplined person, you can't teach someone else discipline. If you're lazy, you can't teach someone not to be lazy. If you want to teach calculus - you need to understand calculus.

Unfortunately for many, it seems parents don't realize this.

Etc...... I spend wayy too much time thinking about things like this...

 

[Mermaid]

I believe a parent, like others have said, should be as understanding, open and involved with their child/children as much as they can. I know when I become a mother and my child is quite a bit older I will always encourage them to be honest with me about whats going on in their life or if more than one child - lives. I believe you need to set good examples too - a lot of women where I live forget that a bit. No one gets parenting perfect though, particularly in the first few years - it is deffo Trial and error in my opinion.

 

[Ed Elric]

From my experience with my parents-- There's a few things that I can think of at the top of my head, that maybe they could've improved on


1. Be a role model- This has to go to my mum. I love her to death, but sometimes I felt like she wasn't always the mom i'd look up to sad as that sounds. She wouldn't necessarily spoil me but there was things she'd allow me to do-- as if she were my friend more-so than a mother. Now I know no one is perfect, but I feel like I've made so many horrible mistakes that may have been avoided if she just stepped up and said "no."

2. Discipline, but don't over extend my old man was a dirty old drunk and while he was a very firm man with the boot so to speak-- he'd take it too far. We're children we were still learning at that point.. I just felt like he over did it and left emotional scars and physiological scars.. to the point he had a direct change of our attitudes and personality. I believe discipline is a must for respectful children, but c'mon.


And of course the obvious : Listen and be open and caring etc.

 

[Cardinal Copia]

How to be a good parent should be self explanatory honestly. Be there for your kid, guide them, teach them manners and respect, teach them right from wrong, ALWAYS be in their life. Don't abuse them, whether it be mentally or physically.
Simply put: Don't be a piece of shit.

 

[Miasma Dragon]

The following in one's self:

• To be independent, to question any and every sign of authority.
• No one can defend another person without learning to fight for themselves.
• One has a human right to be tolerated, not to demand acceptance.
• One must prove themselves to be respected and accepted; that respect is not something to be given, but earned.
• Understand how and why coercion is wrong.

Needless to say I'm a supporter of Lenore Skenazy's Free Range Parenting.

 

[Galadín]

I think that to have heart and courage to meet the challenges head on and essentially do your best is what makes a good person and therefore parent. The rest of it, the "dos and don'ts" so to speak, all depend on situations, the kind of child you have, personalities, amount of children, income level, etc. which is why I don't really consider any of that stuff a core necessity for being a good parent.