Love for all people is different. Personally I believe that romance does not exist without love. Without love it's just an attempt to get in your pants. If the guy loves you he's trying to show you a good time and make you happy/give you a nice night, weekend, or whatever it may be.
Like love is different, people are different as well. Make sure you choose the right person to be with. If he's doing "coke" I don't think it's a very good match for you. You're the type of person who needs a partner on an emotional level and I'm sure a guy fucked up on coke isn't gonna provide you with that. Not to mention I recall that guy is married? Right?
You just need to find the right combination of a person that fits your needs who loves you in the way you need. I hope I made that simple enough, I don't see this as very complicated.
And why can't he talk to you in a bookstore and get coffee with you? And after a while when you become more intimate get you flowers or something and take you to dinner? It's just a change of pace like Shu said. He doesn't need to constantly do these things, but it's a reminder that you're something special to him.