Requesting some feedback from some different ears on a couple of my songs.

Leon1242

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So I have been pairing up with my old drummer that I used to write very seriously with and we have been composing and arranging music but and would like to hear if you guys think the direction of the music is a good one as at times we are unsure. So hopefully you guys can share some ears and tell us if it sounds horrible, decent, average or okay. Also we would like to hear how you guys think we can improve upon it. These are only rough drafts so they are only instrumentals and are subjected to changing sometime in the near future but we just want to know if it shows any sort of promise to some of you. On that note, here are the links. Thanks in advance to everybody who gives feedback.

The Unknown:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xxMD4w3ETY

Sylveine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsobPic0qhI
 
Well, first thing I'll note is that I myself listen to a wide variety of genres, though my 'home base' is in metal. I tend to prefer depth that creates interest, and an emphasis on either a powerful melody, or a complex rhythm in my music. I listen to stuff like The Dear Hunter, Kamelot, Periphery, Killswitch Engage, City and Colour, Hoobastank, Protest the Hero, Queensryche, etc. Hopefully that gives you a bit of an idea for where my perspective is coming from.

With that out of the way, the first link I'm assuming is one where you're showcasing a bunch of different ideas. Most of the pieces within don't really flow with each other at all, some of them being in completely different keys, with no transitions in between. If that was intended to be a single song, then I'd say you need to throw a few ideas from it out, and focus on creating something that's more cohesive. You need a through-line, and with parts that are that simple, you'd probably do best to use a traditional Verse/Chorus song structure. The lead guitar between 0:25 and 0:50 has a great feel and tone though!

As far as the second link goes, it's sort of the same thing. It sounds like two separate ideas in a single video. If that's the goal is to just showcase ideas, then I could see those two sections fitting together rather well. They're by no means bad ideas, though they might need a bit of work to liven them up.

Obviously, there are things I could say like "Get better recording equipment" or "Use a MIDI interface to take those drum samples and give them variety so that they sound less fake". But that stuff is rather obvious, and probably not what you're looking for. Overall, I think you could use many of these ideas to make interesting songs, you just need to figure out how to put them together. Hope that helps :)
 
Not an artist or anything like that, so I can only offer my uneducated opinion. They're interesting. Something I noticed with "The Unknown" is that is sounds like two or more different songs put together. The first half feels artificially and somewhat frustratingly slow but for about 30 seconds there has a cool little guitar bit which then disappears forever. Then at 1:35 the whole song seems to transition into something completely different. Everything picks up. But it's not smooth. More like... where did that come from? Doesn't really sound like there's much overall consistency, is how I would put it. Of course I dunno how it will mesh with your lyrics, so maybe it works.

I'd probably say the same thing about your second track. Just that it doesn't seem to mesh well with itself. Except the end result here seems a bit worse than the first.

In all honesty I'm probably just not the biggest fan of the style, so that skews my opinion a little. Do they show any promise? I think you're better off trying to answer that one yourself. If you believe they do, then keep at it. :)
 
Well, first thing I'll note is that I myself listen to a wide variety of genres, though my 'home base' is in metal. I tend to prefer depth that creates interest, and an emphasis on either a powerful melody, or a complex rhythm in my music. I listen to stuff like The Dear Hunter, Kamelot, Periphery, Killswitch Engage, City and Colour, Hoobastank, Protest the Hero, Queensryche, etc. Hopefully that gives you a bit of an idea for where my perspective is coming from.

With that out of the way, the first link I'm assuming is one where you're showcasing a bunch of different ideas. Most of the pieces within don't really flow with each other at all, some of them being in completely different keys, with no transitions in between. If that was intended to be a single song, then I'd say you need to throw a few ideas from it out, and focus on creating something that's more cohesive. You need a through-line, and with parts that are that simple, you'd probably do best to use a traditional Verse/Chorus song structure. The lead guitar between 0:25 and 0:50 has a great feel and tone though!

As far as the second link goes, it's sort of the same thing. It sounds like two separate ideas in a single video. If that's the goal is to just showcase ideas, then I could see those two sections fitting together rather well. They're by no means bad ideas, though they might need a bit of work to liven them up.

Obviously, there are things I could say like "Get better recording equipment" or "Use a MIDI interface to take those drum samples and give them variety so that they sound less fake". But that stuff is rather obvious, and probably not what you're looking for. Overall, I think you could use many of these ideas to make interesting songs, you just need to figure out how to put them together. Hope that helps :)

I'm happy to hear you enjoyed the guitar doodling part to one of the songs. Its also nice knowing that this feedback came from somebody with a wide range of tastes. Anyway the goal is definitely going to be to try and fix some of these tunes up so that they fit more but before I go pulling apart songs I think i'll try adding the lyrics and see if anything sounds more flowy to me. So hey thanks Ken'Ichi.

Not an artist or anything like that, so I can only offer my uneducated opinion. They're interesting. Something I noticed with "The Unknown" is that is sounds like two or more different songs put together. The first half feels artificially and somewhat frustratingly slow but for about 30 seconds there has a cool little guitar bit which then disappears forever. Then at 1:35 the whole song seems to transition into something completely different. Everything picks up. But it's not smooth. More like... where did that come from? Doesn't really sound like there's much overall consistency, is how I would put it. Of course I dunno how it will mesh with your lyrics, so maybe it works.

I'd probably say the same thing about your second track. Just that it doesn't seem to mesh well with itself. Except the end result here seems a bit worse than the first.

In all honesty I'm probably just not the biggest fan of the style, so that skews my opinion a little. Do they show any promise? I think you're better off trying to answer that one yourself. If you believe they do, then keep at it. :)

Fan of the style or not I am very thankful that you came in here to give a listen to the songs:) Your advice to me sounds like good stuff. I'm glad you also liked that little bit in The Unknown. As for the songs consistency on the other parts, that is something i will certainly be working on. So thank you very much radomrosso.
 
Yeah, that lead guitar section was really nice. It reminded me of a song I've had on my iPod for years and years. It's a 'J-Pop' instrumental that I got way back when artists on LastFM would allow free downloads of some of their tracks. I wanted to link it to you for comparison's sake, but I can't find it on the internet for the life of me. It's called "The Cruel Sea (Guitar-Solo Mix)", and it's apparently from the OST of something. But my iPod doesn't translate Japanese characters, so I don't know the artist, or what OST it's from. The only thing that comes up in searches is an Australian indie band named The Cruel Sea, and a bunch of unrelated songs with the same name.
 
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