I am a male

[GBJoker]

Racism/Sexism/Prejudice

If ANY sort of racist, sexist, or prejudice remarks (skin coolour, beliefs, gender etc0 are spotted within FFF either by a member of staff or reported by another member, action will be taken even if the person suspected of making them only did it in a joking manner. They are serious matters and can cause an extreme amount of offense to the person who the comments are aimed at or if a member stumbles across them as they are extremely disrespectful/offensive and will NOT be tolerated.

Respecting 'Real' Names/Privacy/Harassment

Whilst we understand it is common then many people on FFF are respectively called by their REAL name, we would like to stress that if a member does not have their real name on their profile OR does not wish to give you it, please do not harass that member about it otherwise they become uncomfortable and you will be warned. Furthermore, should you happen to find out their real name or a nickname, please ask them for permission from them for you to use it as it respecting their wishes, and certain members may not like their name and/or nickname shouted around the forums as it could easily make them feel uncomfortable...

These need to be modified.

I am a genetic male who crossdresses and has been psychologically diagnosed as having severe transgender issues. At the same time, I am unable to even log on to the website without being asked whether I am male or female. I have chosen to hide that specific information on my profile for a reason. At least once a week since I've been posting and talking in the Shout Box, the question comes up. I do not feel comfortable telling people who or what I am, mainly because it makes the other person uncomfortable, and leads to them either avoiding me or attacking me. I have told a few people in person what I am, and half of them have cut off all communication with me, and one even tried to rape me, so you'll have to forgive my not telling any one.

My name is Max. I sometimes go by Natalie. But I prefer to only be called whatever my username currently is. I've had several people ask for my name in order to ascertain my gender/sex, and it occurs more frequently than you might think.

 

[Oblivion_XIII]

thats just messed up, people need to respect who you are and deal with it.

You can't change it, so you might as well live with it, that's what I always tell myself.

 

[Six]

You are what you are, and you can tell as less as you want. If anyone has problems with that, tell 'em to get fucked. =]

Nice to meet you through name anyway though, Max.

If Natalie is preferred, then Natalie it is however.

 

[CassinoChips]

There's a difference between asking what your gender is, and being harassed about what your gender is. I respect your right to privacy, and as I told you in PM, if you don't feel comfortable about revealing it, you shouldn't have to. At the same time, when you respond with "why does it matter?" you're not doing much to diffuse the situation. In fact, that only does more to stoke a person's natural curiosity. I know it did mine. It would have been much simpler to say "I don't feel comfortable disclosing my gender to people I don't know." More people can wrap their minds around that, as opposed to skirting around the issue like you have had a tendency to do.

 

[Dr. Percival Cox]

I'm not sure if this post is sincere or not but for the sake of saying it is then I won't make any reference to your gender at all...Ever. But what they said is true you have the right to your privacy. You didn't have to tell anyone anything about yourself. God knows I don't.

Chin up, kiddo.

 

[GBJoker]

I think most people missed where this thread is, and what I'm quoting...

 

[blakstang98]

Nice to meet you officially then Natalie.

I have no problem with how you are, and I would happily defend you if someone did have a problem with who you are.

It's funny you bring up this gender/sex issue because there is another member in the same boat. A member by the name of Dweia, who is always getting asked what gender/sex they are. He/she doesn't feel comfortable with revealing such information just yet. I know I asked a time or 2, but then left them alone. But I do see people ask him/her just about every time I see him/her in the SB, and I do intervene as Dweia is a friend of mine. Gender/sex shouldn't have to matter, but people tend to act differently in regards to their gender/sex. Knowing your gender/sex won't yield different behavior from me to you.

Just be active and we'll see you around.

 

[Tipsynaruto]

What i dont understand is why didnt you go to the mods if its that bad? Im sorry, but im not quite following as to what you want modified about the rules.

 

[GBJoker]

What i dont understand is why didnt you go to the mods if its that bad? Im sorry, but im not quite following as to what you want modified about the rules.

I don't trust the mods. Besides, hopefully, getting the whole site (Or slight part of it, it seems) up in arms would be a bigger voice.

And I believe the Sexism rule does not contain enough about sexism. It's almost entirely about racism. The privacy rule only encompasses names. It does go on to talk about bank accounts, addresses, phones, etc. But it needs to be a broader topic of ALL privacy. Repeatedly drilled into the heads of members that ALL privacy is private, no matter what. Examples are good and all, but we all know that assholes will see specifics, and jump into the holes.

 

[Alak]

^ same. I don't understand the point of this topic. The rules are fine, it's the people who are breaking them you have issues with. Have a moderator talk to them about this, and if they choose to continue their behavior, then have an administrator ban them.

 

[Tipsynaruto]

And why, may i ask, do you not trust the mods? Did they do anything to earn that distrust? Im just curious as to that point.

As for the sexism part, pestering about your sex is pretty serious as it is harrassment, but that rules talk about discriminating. Some people have no qualm about others asking of their sex. Plus, it is easier to censor racist terms than to stop sexism because each situation is different. In your case, you cant pull the sexism card with the example of

I do not feel comfortable telling people who or what I am, mainly because it makes the other person uncomfortable, and leads to them either avoiding me or attacking me.

Them cutting you off is a bit discriminatory, but that is more due to their personal belief. If they got objections to who you are, then them not talking to you is better than them insulting and harrassing you. The forum cannot force others to change their opinions. IF they DO harass you about it, then you got a case. Them avoiding you if in the circumstances of their belief is a rather mature stance they took as then, they avoid insulting and offending you. It sounds harsh but if something doesnt agree with you, then avoid it to dodge conflict.

 

[Dean Winchester]

If you don't want to reveal your gender, then simply don't do it. Revealing your gender was not necessary if you didn't wanted to do it on the first place. As for my opinion, I won't judge you and I honestly hope you find the peace you seek. This is a nice and very understanding community.

 

[GBJoker]

And why, may i ask, do you not trust the mods? Did they do anything to earn that distrust? Im just curious as to that point.

I will PM you.

As for the sexism part, pestering about your sex is pretty serious as it is harrassment, but that rules talk about discriminating. Some people have no qualm about others asking of their sex. Plus, it is easier to censor racist terms than to stop sexism because each situation is different. In your case, you cant pull the sexism card with the example of...

...Them cutting you off is a bit discriminatory, but that is more due to their personal belief. If they got objections to who you are, then them not talking to you is better than them insulting and harrassing you. The forum cannot force others to change their opinions. IF they DO harass you about it, then you got a case. Them avoiding you if in the circumstances of their belief is a rather mature stance they took as then, they avoid insulting and offending you. It sounds harsh but if something doesnt agree with you, then avoid it to dodge conflict.

It's not harassment to be asked almost every day I come to the site? There are days when I avoid the Shout Box or even the website itself because it is constant.

 

[Tipsynaruto]

Oh good. i thought i might have worded my reply wrong and taken the wrong way.

While i do agree that discrimination and pestering about gender is bad, like i said, every situation is different in terms of sexism. It also seems that you cannot appeal and complain via the standard procedures, so before we go and change the whole rules and stuff, i say we fix your issue first, rather than go off the deep end. If it is as severe as you say, then something will be done.

However, i believe since its a small percentage of the forum, we shouldnt punish the mass. Your approach is usually taken when its the mass is discriminatory and not just a select few.

And like what Cassino said, you could have pulled the "i do not feel secure about telling my sex to a stranger". If they continue to pester, then you actually have a legal pathway. Instead, you went the way which usually attracts reaction and curiosity.

 

[Mitsuki]

I've edited the "Respecting ‘Real’ Names/Gender/Privacy/Harassment:" bit and included gender. The rest, will remain as is. No need to add more paragraphs and be specific with all privacy issues since we take the case from there and determine the next step based on the generals.

Also:

There's a difference between asking what your gender is, and being harassed about what your gender is.

This is the main highlight. People are naturally going to be curious about anyone's gender but it is entirely up to the user to disclose any private information and ignore any common questions such as "What's your name?" "What's your gender?", etc. If someone ask for your gender or name, simply ignore it or state that you do not wish anyone to know and that it is not of anyone's concern.

Anyway, there doesn't need to be an issue about this and since the rule has been edited, I'll go ahead and close this. If you have any further problems or inquiries, feel free to PM anyone on staff.

[Thread Closed]