I've become so gnome, I can't feel you there...
Welcome back to another installment of FFF Sims Lifestream, as narrated by yours truly, and streamed & directed by the same anonymous Californian resident from before. If you have just joined us, this is a special site feature where we run a social experiment using hapless virtual guinea pigs to see what happens when you re-enact Love Island or Big Brother or any similar reality TV show but with considerably more intelligent contestants.
Following last week's close call when sheer incompetence at the kitchen grill in the Turtle Paradise residence almost produced an inferno capable of reducing the entire neighbourhood into an ashen graveyard, this time we follow the occupants of the second house, FOREST OWLS, so named because this one is going to be a hoot. Heh, heh. Hoot. Geddit? No? Fine, I'll see myself out...
So let's welcome our hapless housemates for this week. We've trapped the following intellectuals in the house and presumably whoever does not start a fire wins:
- LJ Soulcorruptor (@Soulcorruptor)
- Tami Shivas (@shivas)
- Jake Ross (@Ross)
- Claudia Charmy (@charmy)
- Tia Ilyena (@Ilyena)
- Adam McGee (@Paddy McGee)
- Joe Sly (@sly)
- Green Sprout (@Sprout)
For example, did you know that up to 12% of kids between the age of 5 to 10 out there lack their own smartphones? Isn't this truly a travesty? Rest assured, you can help put a stop to this rampant child abuse, by calling or texting 021234 9383843 now and pledging only $3 a week. Help a neglected child attain an iPhone X of their own. Thank you for listening to my appeal.
I APOLOGISE FOR MY RANDOM TANGENT THERE. WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO IT.
For the full video version of the action going on in The Big Brother House Forest Owls household, consult the following:
THE DAY IS TUESDAY
1:28am - Wait, hold on. This is a wee bizarre time to start the day. It's graveyard hours on a working night for ordinary people! Or in the case of @Six this is actually mid-afternoon for her. It is nearly half past one in the morning and for reasons that elude us all, all eight of our gormless goons are awkwardly standing outside on the street in front of the house, like they've been shepherded into place to pose for a group photo using one of those ancient Victorian cameras that require up to an hour just to snap a single photograph.
My dear readers, can any of you help me work out why seven (supposed) adults and one young toddler are out on the street at 1:30am? Have they just got back from a jolly good riot? Did they catch a ride to a slightly less wealthy, somewhat less gentrified part of Simsville and assault some beggars and elderly folk? Or were they simply at the pub until late night, starting bar fights and leaving with a hefty tab of unpaid alcoholic orders? If that is the case, why is there a small child with them? Young children are very impressionable, usually don't know any better and it is generally ill-advised to give them alcohol. At least wait until that child is a few years older, but that's only if you're a Glaswegian parent. The rest of you who don't live in Glasgow or anywhere that can be reasonably described as Scotland plus Newcastle-Upon-Tyne will need to be more responsible with your wee bairns.
Joe Sly, whom we can affectionately refer to as Sly, because I am not used to calling him Joe or Joseph or Broseph, is apparently late for work. Yes, late for work. At 1:30am. I have a feeling he's not an accountant or a programmer. He could be an A&E response hospital staffer or an Uber driver. But apparently he's a mixologist, which at first sounds like some professional DJ, but it probably means he's late for the pub or a bar. Maybe there's a drinking hole sometime in town without someone present to mix cocktails, which is probably grounds for patrons to start a riot. Perhaps Sly ought to make the effort to head to work before bloodshed ensues. Any moment now.
Everyone else dashes indoors, presumably to avoid looking dodgy to any concerned neighbours. For some reason, none of the adults consider taking Greeny, the precocious red-haired toddler, indoors with them. The little brat is instead left to fend for himself on the street. Maybe this is punishment for whatever mischief and mishap he caused earlier in the day. Maybe this is indeed tough love by the parents and not outright negligence. It is after all never too early to teach your child vital life skills, such as surviving overnight in the concrete wilds. It's fair enough if you disagree and think this is negligence, but let me remind you this is Greeny. His parents in real life likely did the same thing to him and look what an exceptional, high-achieving, well-adjusted young man he is now...
Inside, Claudia wastes no time and races to the computer. Claudia looks like the social media queen type, so chances are she's on Instagram, thinking of how many more overdrafts she can endure with her bank just to fund yet another impossibly luxurious trip to a tropical paradise and gain more followers.
2:30am - In the intervening hour, it would appear someone finally had the good sense to allow Green into the house, presumably so he doesn't embarrass the residents of the household by leaving a sizeable dump on the street for the council to clean up. The heavy rain season has arrived and raindrops hurtle down to earth like watery spears.
So naturally what do you do when the rain is pouring it down? You follow the footsteps of Adam and Ross, who take it upon themselves to strip down and step into the outdoor Jacuzzi. I have no doubt these two young men have plenty to talk about as they casually enjoy their soak in the heavy rain. This is a great opportunity for them to discuss their convergent musical tastes, or their respective prowess in multiplayer video games. But that opportunity is quickly cut short when Sly and LJ also turn up, eager for a rainy dip. On the face of it, having Sly as company in the Jacuzzi shouldn't elicit any particularly strong reactions. He's stripped down to his trunks and the only daft thing about him is his insistence on wearing a wrapped white towel on his head for no adequate reason. LJ on the other hand, dons a gnome costume before he climbs into the Jacuzzi. Why is LJ dressed as a gnome? Does it somehow symbolically represent his inferiority complex in some way? Do garden ornaments bear any deep symbolism that offer valuable insights into LJ's inner psyche? Who knows. Adam and Ross, seemingly perturbed and baffled by this absurd behaviour, quickly eject from the Jacuzzi.
Sly and a living garden ornament can now happily bathe in peace.
This is perfectly normal.
3:00am - Adam, still in his trunks, joins Tami in the house for a lovely, nutritious hotdog snack. No, get your minds out of the gutter, you sick buggers. They're clearly eating normal hotdogs. I can confirm they haven't kidnapped Olivia, the Human Hotdog from next door and butchered her, as tempting as that may be.
Meanwhile it is past three in the morning and Greeny the toddler has still yet to be tucked into bed. Whose responsibility is it to tuck the child into bed? It's surely the responsibility of the parents, but who exactly are the parents? Which of the housemates here were responsible for producing this red-haired spawn? Can we turn this into either the Jeremy Kyle Show or the Jerry Springer Show where the aim of this episode is for a TV host with attitude to march in and discern who the kid's biological parents are? How long do DNA tests even take?
Thankfully there is actually at least one responsible adult in the house. Whether out of genuine altruism, or care for the child, or just sheer pity, Tia elects to take up the mantle of the responsible mother. I say, "responsible", but the word appears to have been lost in translation when converted into the Sims language, because instead of giving the inconsolably fed-up and hungry child food before tucking him into bed where the brat belongs, she carries him out into the kiddie pool for a soak. Being the simple-minded creature he is, Greeny suddenly forgets about his insatiable hunger for a brief while and exuberantly giggles as water is gently splashed all over him. I know what the kid is really thinking. He plans to urinate into the pool the moment Tia turns her back. That will show these irresponsible adults for failing to feed him.
3:40am - They say many great genii in history would occasionally talk to themselves. I have no doubt that Albert Einstein used to excitedly mutter to himself when it dawned on him what the theory of relativity means in practice. Maybe Alexander Graham Bell screamed EUREKA when he invented the telephone, because it meant he could finally legitimately have a sane reason for talking out loud in a room physically accompanied by no other person. Alex Jones seems to cartoonishly scream to no one but the camera about the insidious scheme to put chemicals into the water to turn the frogs gay - a scheme literally only he's uncovered. It stands to reason then that LJ, who is still disconcertingly dressed as a gnome, is only talking to himself in the sauna room because a stroke of genius came to him and the only other person in the house capable of comprehending even just an infinitesimal percentage of his intellect is himself.
Or maybe LJ the Gnome is just a habitual weirdo. I'll let you decide.
4:07am - Presumably because it's chilly, Ross decides to warm himself up. Rather than simply put on some actual clothes and layers instead of waltzing around dressed only in his swimming trunks, he starts a fire. No, not an inferno. Just an ordinary fire in the fireplace. Frankly I am amazed nothing went horribly wrong with this simple little endeavour. If one of the housemates in Turtle Paradise somehow managed to ignite a blaze in their house due to the inept usage of a simple grill in the kitchen, I cannot rule out the possibility of another gormless housemate in this household dull enough to set a fridge on fire. Fortunately, Ross has not risked the lives of an entire house and neighbourhood at four in the morning.
"Look at me, mum. Of course I'm smug. I didn't burn the house down."
Ross subsequently elects to have a snooze on a sofa in front of the fire, content with the knowledge that he didn't screw this simple little task up.
4:35am - It has come to my attention that Adam may be Greeny's father. I can't prove this allegation, but it is a compelling theory. If you examine Greeny's behaviour and then quickly compare that with Adam's, there is something very biologically father-and-son about it. What I'm essentially trying to say is that Adam may also be a baby, albeit in an adult's body. Now, Linnaete, I hear you protest. This spurious allegation is outrageous! This is surely libel in some shape or form! What madness has driven me to come to such an preposterous conclusion?
To that I say, just look at the screenshot below.
No sooner has Tia removed young Greeny from the kiddie paddling pool does Adam waltz on over and proceed to climb into where Greeny has just been splashing around in. Just look at the man. The water depth is so shallow that it does not reach his chest. The pool cannot accommodate his height so his feet are forced to stick out the other end against the glass. His head is lodged uncomfortably against the edge of the pool. THE JACUZZI IS JUST METRES AWAY. If he desperately wants to cool off in cold water, the adult pool is just accessible on the other side of the glass. Alternatively he can simply run a cold bath and soak in a bathtub that can accommodate his size to his heart's content, but instead he's doing the equivalent of bathing in a puddle on a school playground - except this puddle is potentially full of Greeny's toddler urine. Let us not discount that pissibil- I mean, possibility.
5:00am - Perhaps not thrilled at the sight of his grown-up old man hogging his paddling pool and likely depositing his filthy hair all over it, a very angry Greeny elects to go on a journey. Where this journey will lead the young boy, he does not know. Nor can he anticipate what wondrous, bounteous landscapes he will cross on his way to a destination he does not know. What dangerous fjords, taigas, deserts, great salt plains and meadows will he encounter? What kind of friends, enemies and apex predators will he bump into along the way?
But first, the toddler has to navigate his way outside and beyond the confines of the house. He somehow manages to head outside, which ordinarily requires opening a door and stepping through the door. Now, I haven't been a small toddler in many years. I also lack memories of being a toddler. But I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have been able to easily open a door leading outside and just casually waltz right on through without an adult noticing me. For one, my parents usually locked the doors and kept me under strict supervision when I was 2 years old. Secondly, a diminutive toddler like me could not realistically reach for the door handle and know how to manipulate it in a way as to ensure my freedom. I was too short. So you expect me to believe toddler Greeny is able to effortlessly do just that? Maybe I'm giving the kid far too little credit. Maybe he's a genius and I wasn't. I am still not a genius either.
So Greeny wanders off outside and begins his intrepid quest. His is a quest for food and he shall not rest until he forages a late dinner that will satisfy his rumbling stomach. If the adults are incapable of feeding him, Greeny has to resort to the ways and methods of his distant ancestors. Food is to be hunted. Food is to be foraged. Food is to be scavenged if necessary. He gingerly navigates his way forward, taking great care to avoid falling into a great, foreboding lake to his left. Should he fall in, the unknowable dark depths below will almost certainly claim him indefinitely. Who knows what foul, Leviathan-like creatures lurk in those waters waiting to pounce...
6:00am - Has anyone noticed that Sly did not go to work? I hope he doesn't come crying to me later when his employer decides to dismiss him from his job or initiate a similar repudiatory measure to teach him a lesson.
Tami is enjoying her beauty sleep like a semi-normal person and Claudia, who by now has probably booked a holiday to the Galapagos Islands in order to fill out a brand new album on her Instagram account for her followers, decides to be semi-normal and call it a night as well. I say "night" and "normal", but it's practically 6am in Simsville time, so neither of those words apply.
Adam is now visibly uncomfortable in the tiny kiddie pool. I for one am shocked. It looked like the most comfortable thing ever. What next? A man does not rate highly the luxurious experience of taking an entire train journey while dangling off the side of a carriage instead of sitting down on a seat inside like a normal bloke? By contrast, look at Sly in the Jacuzzi over there. It is little to no wonder the man lacks the motivation to get up and go to work.
6:35am - How fortuitous! It appears Greeny's RPG quest has finally ended in success. Having journeyed far and wide from the house to the other side of the yard (narrowly avoiding the dangerous dark lake on the way), the toddler emerges in the glorious sunlit uplands, with the smell of food beckoning. LJ appears lucid enough at this hour to finally take off his ridiculous gnome costume, else it likely would have given the poor kid the fright of his short little life. As opposed to the real LJ that isn't made of polygons and streams of computer code, this LJ seems perfectly friendly to the toddler and willingly offers him food. Hotdogs. TWO MASSIVE HOTDOGS ON ONE PLATE. That is either an inevitable waste of hotdogs or this child is one voracious little devourer with an appetite large enough to fit a whole horse.
Someone has the lovely job of changing his nappies soon...
7:10am - What is it with this household and its occupants being so reluctant to put proper clothes on? I can understand if the thermometer shows desert temperatures at midday in the middle of summer, but so far it just looks like an ordinary British day.
Anyway, Ross decides to eschew sleep and instead spend the time on a PC with a perpetual, determined look on his face. His fingers flick incessantly, moving with rapid agility and purpose, as if he is participating in an MMORPG raid and is making every possible second count lest there be a heartbreaking wipe at the final one-fifth of a boss fight. It is very likely he's playing Final Fantasy XIV, so I don't think there's anything amiss going on here. Hang on a minute, these sounds coming from the PC monitor are very...suggestive. We're talking giggling, intense, laboured breathing, overtly sexual sounds. I can't think of any raid on Final Fantasy XIV that can produce such sounds. Sure, most female Miq'otes and Au Ras in the game can giggle like they're about to be attacked by a tentacle in a hentai, but nothing quite like this. Hey, what's going on here?
OH THAT'S WHY HE'S SO FOCUSED. And probably why he doesn't have many clothes on right now.
7:35am - The sun is rising and only now does an adult in the house deem it prudent to tuck Greeny into bed. Maybe the kid is a vampire. Maybe the child abhors sunlight and as such can only live a nocturnal life, his eyes trained and adjusted for only the darkness, for the warm rays of sunshine can legitimately burn him into cinders. No, sorry. I'm just describing ginger people in general. I sincerely apologise if I've caused any offence.
For reasons that elude me, LJ is the one who carries Greeny to bed and tucks him in, even though I am firmly certain that he is not the child's biological father or a father figure of any discernible sort. Perhaps LJ is the true responsible adult in the house. Perhaps he's noticed the shockingly dire treatment inflicted on poor Greeny and this is his way of taking a stand, unlike the route his real life counterpart would choose. Virtual LJ must be the unsung hero this house needs but does not deserve. For reasons beyond my comprehension, the act of being a responsible guardian to the boy instills in LJ an unquenchable sensation of joy. Being kind to Greeny makes him a joyous man indeed, helped also by what appears to be the inescapable thoughts of Tami in his head. Could this man also be in love with Tami? I don't blame him if he is. I'd be in love with virtual Tami too. Just look at her.
Sly, who let us recall, did not go to work as a mixologist, is on his computer. I cannot guess what he is up to. Perhaps he's searching for the most obscure or bizarre products put up for sale on an auction website. Maybe there is a legally dubious scheme he's encountered during one of his ventures into the dark web and the life of cyber crime is calling to him. Or maybe he's looking for a new job, because in all likelihood his employer just crossed his name from the employee register.
Adam on the other hand has finally climbed out of his long, uncomfortable dip in the kiddie pool and is serenely lying in bed snoring away, dreaming of the many centuries of oppression under English and British rule. The only problem is, the man is sleeping fully clothed, including his shoes. Again, what a weirdo. I sincerely hope he doesn't later explode into some manner of bizarre tantrum or bout of wildly antisocial behaviour that alienates everyone around him...
8:20am - A couple of hours of sleep is all the fuel Claudia needs to keep going with her day. Time waits for no woman, especially one fully determined to keep the momentum of her followers count rising on Instagram going unabated.
I cannot read nor understand Sim-speak, so I can only presume Claudia has now backed a second trip to Jamaica immediately following her upcoming Galapagos trip. This is not necessarily because she madly wants to visit the island country, but because she noticed a considerable dearth of Instagram followers from Jamaican users. With this new carefully calculated trip, she can continue to bolster her followers count, ensure healthy diversity among these followers and build herself up as a social media brand across all hemispheres. That way if she has a product of her own she wishes to sell, Claudia can simply utilise her immense Instagram following to spread the word of the product for her and dominate the social media conversation. THAT is how you sell things in the current mature digital age! Claudia Charmy has all the ambitions to be the next Kylie Jenner, after all.
Or maybe she's in reality a dangerous cultist who is steadily recruiting more and more members into her circles. Hey look, I see a friendly Sly walking up to her. This is a valuable opportunity to see how quickly Claudia works her magic to ensnare, entrance and indoctrinate a gullible Sly into taking up the creed and joining her ranks.
Or Casanova Sly can instead talk her into giving him a sensual Swedish massage outside. Very impressive, Sly. I don't doubt your ability to charm one bit, but I notice in these screenshots you're also simultaneously thinking about Tami. At this point I am convinced that every man in the house, except weirdo Adam, thinks about Tami on a very regular basis. Is Tami herself aware that practically nearly every man in the house is potentially madly in love with her? Should I start to be concerned for her personal safety? I don't know about you, but this sounds like intriguing setup for a future drama-ridden episode. What if one day we return to cover the Forest Owls household only to find an inferno engulf the property not because of an accident, but because of deliberate arson spurred on by a toxic combination of unrequited love and bitter jealousy?
10:00am - Is this man an alcoholic? Adam stomps into Greeny's room while the toddler happily snoozes away soundly, and proceeds to what I can only describe as attack the dollhouse in the corner of the room. It's a pity the man isn't currently near-naked as he Hulk Smashes the poor, vulnerable, undefended dollhouse, else I can make a cheeky albeit obvious Attack on Titan reference. I can certainly buy the thought that this Adam is as graceful and intelligent as most of the destructive titular Titans on that show.
Seriously, what is he doing? What does that thought bubble represent as he karate chops the dollhouse? Does it represent mischief? Is he deliberately wrecking an expensive toy that belongs to his young son simply because this kind of mischievous activity is what sustains him in the morning? Or does it represent some deep, dark inner demon that relentlessly hunts him down in his dreams? Preferably a demon that looks like it came straight from a Shin Megami Tensei game? What is this inner goddess demon in his head saying to him? "Adam, you were always unloved, which in turn has warped her personality into what you are now"?
Just to add an extra layer of unfathomable nonsense to this disturbing display of depravity, Adam, fresh from inflicting total annihilation on Greeny's precious dollhouse, immediately contrasts this destructive demeanour with an unsettling show of affection. He wanders over to the slumbering toddler and...coochy-coochy-coos him just seconds after what he just did? How do you even joke about this? I am legitimately perturbed. I am seeing the erratic, irrational actions of an unwell man. A man who by all likelihood is haunted by the consequences of his past debauchery.
Guys, I think we should call social services right now. I don't think this is amusing anymore.
11:40am - Let's move away from all that and bask in the more harmonious side of things. Here's Adam, Tia, Tami and LJ now happily all enjoying the sauna room together. Isn't this house lovely? People seem to naturally get along so much more than in the other house. As far as I can see, there are no major egos at fundamental odds with each other.
12:45am - Ross is not about to be undone by Casanova Sly's masterfully executed success in convincing Claudia to provide him a Swedish massage earlier. Unlike Sly, Ross is a considerate gentleman. Smooth as butter, Ross confidently makes his move and offers to give Tami a foot massage. Sensing no reason to fear for her personal health and safety, Tami agrees to this kind gesture and follows Ross out into the rain to a deck chair.
I can't tell if Ross is doing a good job or not with the massage. Tami certainly looks like she's content and enjoying herself, but she frequently riles with pain whenever Ross firmly squeezes her foot. That's usually not a good sign, so I suspect the only thing keeping Tami from escaping this elaborately awkward poolside torture in the rain are the thoughts of music and cute puppies & kittens living together in harmony. And...wait, is she thinking about Sly?! Dun, dun, duuuuuuun.
2:00pm - Perhaps fearing he spends an inordinate amount of time in front of a monitor either playing lewd games or on Spotify, Ross believes it's time to build some extra muscle up, just in case he will ever have to trade blows with Sly in the near future. He climbs on the treadmill in the games room and gets going, oblivious to the sight of Adam strutting past like an overstuffed, upper-class vulture behind him. I do hope Adam does not intend to literally destroy someone's real house next. At one point Ross slightly overestimates his ability to keep up with the treadmill settings and nearly stumbles off the machine entirely, which would have been semi-embarrassing if the treadmill claims him.
2:55pm - It is as though Adam is partaking in a contest only he is consciously aware of, if said contest is to constantly escalate and outperform your previous act of erratic, irrational behaviour with an even more candid display of erratic, irrational behaviour each time. In other words, is Adam participating in a contest in his own head where the aim of the game is to become progressively crazier as the day rolls along? Because he's literally just stripped completely naked at the poolside...
This happens while Tami and Tia are swimming laps. As you can see in the screenshot above, Adam decides to add probable sexual assault to his list of charges today and he lunges straight towards Tia. As calm and composed as ever, Tia's only reaction to this shocking turn of events is to look thoroughly unimpressed by what Adam has to offer in his royal vault.
Tami on the other hand seems unperturbed by the unwelcome sight of a naked housemate coolly sitting on the edge of the pool like some horrific mythological Siren - except instead of luring entranced sailors to a rocky doom, this Siren is simply luring in the cops to this very property. Tia, who has probably now had enough of this display of deviance and debauchery, launches herself out of the pool and storms off back towards the direction of the house, passing a very hungry and confused Ross.
LJ approaches the pool and immediately morphs into his gnome costume only to quickly change his mind, leap out of the costume and divert his attention to a plate of hotdogs at a poolside table instead. I can't blame him. Who would voluntarily get into the water when a naked bearded man sits and stares seductively at you while showing off his Gerry Adams for the whole neighbourhood to see? Besides, those real hotdogs on the table are far more appetising.
Okay, that was a rhetorical question, because Claudia casually strips down to her swimwear, literally climbs over and on top of Adam to slowly descend the ladder into the pool. Somehow, Adam's stunt is not immediately met with open displays of revulsion and nor are any police constables storming in to drag the man away in cuffs. Tami and Claudia both seem discernibly enchanted. Rest assured, I am as baffled and disturbed as the rest of you.
Yes, that is indeed Claudia staring intently at Adam while thinking about him. Meanwhile Gnome LJ looks on confused and traumatised while a hungry Ross is left with the horrifying prospect of having to do his own cooking as the hotdogs turn stale and moldy.
While Tia returns to the scene to be a responsible adult and clean up the plates and the putrid, moldy hotdogs, Claudia loses her interest in Adam's crown jewels and randomly pelts Ross with a water balloon. Ross completely fails to dodge that one, probably because there was no orange AoE telegraph marker on the floor to let him know that he had to dodge. Ross immediately hurls a water balloon back in retaliation...and misses completely. Nice one, Jake.
5:00pm - By the early evening, the water balloon fight must have lost its novelty and lustre for Claudia, because she is left looking glum by the poolside, sopping wet, frustrated and compulsively smacking her own head. Ross has evidently turned the table around, jovially laughing at Claudia like a goof. Perhaps it finally dawned on Claudia what the consequences of her financial irresponsibility for the pure sake of acquiring more Instagram followers will be. Maybe the likely sum of her total personal debt suddenly flashed before her eyes and she's losing her mind. Or maybe it's because standing in the cold rain sopping wet already from an hour-long water balloon fight is silly.
Exhausted from his bizarre poolside Siren routine, Adam goes for some much-needed shut-eye. He goes to bed...still completely naked. I know the Adam in real life has just freshly acquired his own property where he is free to walk around the house naked to his heart's content without anyone unceremoniously walking in on him, but virtual Adam is residing in a shared house with housemates who presumably may not take too kindly to his newfound naturist hobby.
6:00pm - Good grief. How long has Sly been in his swimming trunks with that same towel adorning his head? Anyway, Sly enters the lounge and what happens next is what I can only describe as Tia and Ross spontaneously falling asleep on the sofas virtually the moment he enters. Understandably, Sly is befuddled. So befuddled in fact, he loses his mind entirely. He stares blankly at the TV screen (which isn't even on) and suddenly belts out in raucous laughter. What on earth could he be laughing about? Has he concocted a frightful prank to pull on his slumbering housemates? Has some illegal scheme come to fruition at long last? Or is he simply cackling at how much of a ladies' man he is with barely any effort?
It is possible these two are only pretending to be asleep so as to avoid any awkward conversation with Sly.
6:30pm - The toddler is finally awake! The first thing Greeny does now that he's up is to let off a flatulence towards his bed so foul it produces a visible green mist that gradually begins the corrode the wall.
The kid then notices one conspicuous oddity in his room. It might be what is left of his expensive dollhouse, now flattened and annihilated, like a tornado had ripped through a Kansas neighbourhood. Understandably, Greeny is a little upset by this act of savage vandalism and demands blood something to be done.
As if summoned by an invisible guiding hand from another dimension, Adam is stirred from his evening slumber and forced to make the trek over to the toddler's room to make amends for the cataclysmic destruction he had earlier wreaked in this very room. Unfortunately, this same benevolent guiding hand neglected to demand the man put on actual pants first before his arrival, so as far as I can discern, an irresponsible, very likely alcoholic father is standing butt-ass naked in front of his visibly upset toddler son.
He fortunately finally recognises the error of his ways. I cannot understand the Sims language, but I imagine he must have apologised profusely to his infant son, promising him from the bottom of his heart that he shall never be an alcoholic who goes around randomly destroying his child's toys ever again. Adam deigns to actually put clothes on before he sets out repairing the dollhouse somehow. He just magically pulls out some tools and Tami for some unexplained reason is suddenly in the room in her bikini. Hopefully her only reason for being here is to supervise Adam, just in case he does erupt into berserk alcoholic state yet again.
Having made up for his earlier transgressions by repairing the dollhouse, Adam also finally takes it upon himself to be a responsible parent and feed the kid. Greeny proceeds to devour the food like a savage, making a mess of it all. This is why you don't have children, people. Having children is a mistake.
9:32pm - By half 9 at night, Adam heads downstairs, leaving his son to presumably decorate the upstairs walls and floor with his food. As he sits at the kitchen table to tuck into his own cereal snack, a shower of embarrassment befalls him. What could he be embarrassed about? His previous alcoholism culminating in upsetting his son? His erratic and irrational behaviour causing him to lose much of his positive standing with his housemates, half of whom are likely now willing to avoid him at all costs? His life in general, knowing he has an irritating son to support and look after, but lacking any of the necessary parenting skills to do so?
Wow. We've ended this on a particularly serious and sombre note. I never thought I'd feel sorry for Adam McGee here, after spending much of this episode mocking him. I feel slightly bad now, but then I remember what the real life Adam is actually like and all traces of sympathy for his virtual counterpart dissipates in an instant.
NEXT TIME ON FFF SIMS LIFESTREAM, WE RETURN TO HOUSE 1 (TURTLE PARADISE). PLEASE LOOK FORWARD TO IT.
MY NAME IS LINNAETE AND I AM SIGNING OUT.