New to your Thursday's, the newest talk show on the box with the biggest, baddest guy in the world. It's The Sephiroth Show!

Sephiroth interviews the best of the FF World, but can they survive.

A whole 10 episodes with the newest host in all of gaia. It's The Sephiroth Show, only on Final Fantasy Forums.

--------------------------------------------

Yep, Sephiroth's getting his own TV show! Just a note, some episodes contain swearing and it definitely isnt for younger dudes and dudettes.

Email me at thesephirothshow@hotmail.co.uk with your questions for Sephiroth or a character of your choice, just remember to put their name. Seriously now, please do!!

UPDATE : Episode 1 now here!!! (24/05/2007)
UPDATE : Episode 2 now here!!! (31/05/2007)
UPDATE : Episode 3 now here!!! (11/06/2007)

PILOT : CLOUD

SEPHIROTH : Welcome to ‘The Sephiroth Show’, the new talk show with
me, Sephiroth, as your host. On today’s show, we talk to
Cloud Strife on his new life…

Crowd Applause’s

SEPHIROTH : But first, lets look into our mail bag! The first letter is from
Mary and she says “Hello Sephiroth, how are you? So glad
you’re back and who does your hair?”, well Mary, I think you
should ask Cloud that question.

Crowd Laughs

SEPHIROTH : Next question from John, he says “I hate you Sephiroth, you
killed Aeris OMFG!!”, well John, I was going through a tough
time, it was during my messy divorce and my dad went crazy
and who knows about my mother!

Next question from Max, “Why is the story of Final Fantasy
VII so Confusing?”, well Max, I have no idea what you’re
talking about, is it a movie or a book or a game? Unlikely.

Anyway, back to our show, our first guest has become big
after thwarting Shinra and me, and now he has decided to
do something different. Lets welcome, Cloud!!

Crowd Applause’s

SEPHIROTH : Welcome Cloud! How are you?

CLOUD : I’m fine.

SEPHIROTH : So, tell me, how, or what, is your new life?

CLOUD : Well at first, I wanted to do something with Shinra like buy them
out and become one of them, but then, my wife, Tifa, said I
should do something easier, so now I race chocobo’s, literally.

SEPHIROTH : Literally?

CLOUD : Yeah, it’s not going well.

SEPHIROTH : You mentioned you now have a wife, Tifa “DD” Lockhart,
how do you feel about Aeris’ resurrection, which, people at
home, is completely possible.

CLOUD : Well, I have kicked myself over it and every time I try to talk to
Aeris, she shuts me out. And now she has a pop career and its
just… Blah!!

SEPHIROTH : Are you planning on doing anything else?

CLOUD : How about a party guest?

SEPHIROTH : Cloud, last time I saw you, you bit peoples heads off for
asking your name, why would you do birthday parties?

CLOUD : Well, money’s tight.

SEPHIROTH : Weren’t you given a million gil for saving the world.

CLOUD : No *shifty eyes*

SEPHIROTH : Is there anything you would really like to do?

CLOUD : Kick your ass again!

SEPHIROTH : What you say?

CLOUD : Yeah, I could kick your ass again and again!

SEPHIROTH : We talked about this before the show, you said you wouldn’t
mention this.

CLOUD : I need more MONEY!!!

SEPHIROTH : You must have half a million gil left over!

CLOUD : Tifa has expensive taste!

SEPHIROTH : Well then we need to move on, next time…

CLOUD : Come on, bring it on!!

SEPHIROTH : Look Cloud, Aeris.

Sephiroth stabs Cloud as he looks away

SEPHIROTH : That’s all folks. Join me next time when we talk to Aeris
herself. Goodnight!

Meh. It's all right. I'll take the Ultros and Gilgamesh Show over his show any day!

dont worry. in my opinion, it gets better

haha I thought that was pretty funny... nice work... to whoever made that... did you make this Krazy?

Yep its all mine! It just comes to me. I always thought i'd be a good comedy writer.

It feels soooo good to be loved. Keep watching for more episodes

EP 1-2 : AERIS

SEPHIROTH : Welcome to The Sephiroth Show!!

Crowd Applause’s

SEPHIROTH : On today’s show we talk to Aeris herself about her new pop career!

Crowd Applause’s

SEPHIROTH : But first it’s the Mail Bag. First letter is from Giles and he says "Sephiroth, how do you carry such a big sword?" Well, Giles,
shouldn’t you be asking Cloud that question.

Crowd stay silent. Someone coughs.

SEPHIROTH : C’mon! It was funny last time! Anyway, next question. Mary says, wait, Mary already sent me a letter. Look, all of these letters are from Mary. Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a stalker.

Crowd laughs

Miles away, a woman sits in the dark watching the show.

WOMAN : Yes, laugh it up Sephiroth, I’ll get you one day. Mwa ha ha.
Back in the studio

SEPHIROTH : Anyway, Mary says, "Hey Sephy, what’s your favourite colour?" Well, Mary, its Indigo, weird question. Anyway, on with the show!
Our guest today was tragically resurrected, I mean killed, but she has
been resurrected. It’s Aeris!

Crowd Applause’s

SEPHIROTH : Welcome Aeris! A kiss maybe?

AERIS : If you put the sword away.

SEPHIROTH : Woops, how did that get there, ha ha.
*under his breath* damn.
Anyway, how are you Aeris?

AERIS : Well my back hurts a bit. It might be your knife, Sephy.

Crowd laughs

SEPHIROTH : Ha ha. It’s a sword Aeris! Ha ha.
*under his breath* Bitch.
Anyway, how’s the pop career

AERIS : Not well. Only a few million copies of my debut single sold!

Crowd Applause’s

SEPHIROTH : Wow! That many! Even after all those rumours?

AERIS : What rumours?

SEPHIROTH : Oh, there were plenty. Like "Aeris used to be a woman of the night" or "Aeris slept with Don Corneo" and even "Aeris sold parts of Red’s body on Ebay". All those rumours.

AERIS : I never!

SEPHIROTH : Well, with all that evidence the police have…

AERIS : What!

SEPHIROTH : It all makes sense. Your song now makes sense.

AERIS : What!

SEPHIROTH : You say "killing people cos I can", you’re saying you
want to kill people just so you can be happy!

AERIS : I. What. Never. Meh? I never said any of that!

SEPHIROTH : Read between the lines. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the real Aeris.

Crowd boos.

AERIS : Okay! I admit it! I wanna kill all of you! Even you!

Points to Sephiroth.

SEPHIROTH : Really! I was just lowering your self esteem!

AERIS : Ah crap!

SEPHIROTH : Thank You, Aeris. Security!

Aeris is dragged away. Sephiroth gets up.

SEPHIRTOH : Thanks for the interview, Aeris. Goodbye everyone!

He hugs her, leaving her bloody.

SEPHIROTH : Oops, sorry Aeris. Ha ha

Crowd laughs and applause’s

Sorry its late for those fans (if there are any)

--------------------------------

EP 1-3 : Zidane

SEPHIROTH : Hello, guys and gals and welcome to The Sephiroth Show!

Crowd applause’s

SEPHIROTH : For everyone who watched last weeks episode, I can tell you, Aeris is in intensive care and her single, Lifestream Song, has been taken off the shelves and has fallen to 203<SUP>rd</SUP> place, with AVALANCHE at
number 1.

Crowd applause’s

SEPHIROTH : Anyway, back to today’s show. Our guest today is Zidane Tribal, our very own genome. He will be talking about his Tantalus Tour.

Crowd Applause’s

SEPHIROTH : But first, its our…

AUDIENCE : LETTER BAG!

SEPHIROTH : Yes our letter bag! Now, Mary, we have eliminated all of your letters, so no more scary Mary letters.

Crowd laughs

SEPHIROTH : First letter is from Anne and she asks “My sons first birthday was ruined by a fire. Can you help?” Well, because you live in Nibelheim,
I cant!

Crowd = Confused

SEPHIROTH : An insider joke there.

Director shakes his head

SEPHIROTH : Okay, only me then. Anyway, our second letter comes with a picture Of this young boy dressed like me.

Crowd goes “awwwww”

SEPHIROTH : Cute. He says “Here’s me with my very own black materia, it came with your Sephiroth doll. The meteor killed my sister. Oh well.”

Awkward silence

SEPHIROTH : So that’s why there was a protest outside my house!

Crowd laughs

SEPHIROTH : Well, we have a show to get on with! Lets welcome our TANTAlising Guest, Zidane!

Crowd applause’s. Zidane falls from roof.
Crowd laps it up.

SEPHIROTH : Welcome Zidane! And that’s called upstaging me. Its also called bad!

Crowd laughs. Zidane starts to sweat.

SEPHIROTH : I will get you back for that!

Crowd laughs. Zidane starts to sweat even more.

SEPHIROTH : So, you and Tantalus have been everywhere performing the sequel to “I want to be your Canary” called “I want to be your Possum”. How is the show going?

ZIDANE : Well, sales are…

SEPHIROTH : Good. And how are you and Queen Garnet doing?

ZIDANE : Well, we’re married now. And she’s…

SEPHIROTH : Its not that long a show, Zidane. Now, people were disappointed at the ending of your little adventure. What happened?

ZIDANE : Rushed script.

SEPHIROTH : A bit more detail.

ZIDANE : Well, it started when…

SEPHIROTH : A bit shorter next time.

Crowd laughs. Zidane becomes teary eyed.

SEPHIROTH : How did you respond to the comments about your sexuality?

ZIDANE : What?

SEPHIROTH : People say your such a flirt because your trying to cover your closet gayness.

ZIDANE : That’s not true!

SEPHIROTH : What’s your favourite musical?

ZIDANE : Annie, but I…

SEPHIROTH : There you go then!

ZIDANE : Stop it!

Zidane cries.

ZIDANE : I expected a bit more of a reaction!

AUDIENCE : Sorry!

Audience laughs.

SEPHIROTH : I’m sorry Zidane. Did I say something?

ZIDANE : It’s not what you said, it’s the way you said it…

SEPHIROTH : Conclusive people! Don’t worry Zidane, the director’s son can ease you into your new life. Anyway, you’ve been a wonderful audience!

Audience cheers

SEPHIROTH : Thanks to our guest, Zidane.

Crowd laughs. Zidane cries even more.

SEPHIROTH : Join us next time when we’ll be talking to Kuja about his life as a peace protester. It should be fun. Goodbye folks!

ZIDANE : Baku’ll shoot me for this.

Zidane gets shot.

WOMAN : Damn, missed Sephiroth. Mark my words, you will die. Mwa ha ha!

EP 1-4 : KUJA

SEPHIROTH : Welcome, everyone, to The Sephiroth Show!

Crowd applause’s

SEPHIROTH : Stop it, please. Nah, don’t. Welcome, people at home, to our fourth episode with only three deaths so far. Whoops.

Audience laughs

SEPHIROTH : Before we welcome Kuja…

Crowd applause’s

SEPHIROTH : Not now. We have to do…

AUDIENCE : THE LETTER BAG!

SEPHIROTH : Yes, the ever popular letter bag. Wow, a big parcel here. Oh, it’s a horses head.

Miles away…

WOMAN : Mwa ha ha. Finally, he got the horse’s head. Now for the rest of the horse…

Back in the studio…

SEPHIROTH : …and that’s how you cure cancer, okay Margaret?
Now to our guest, it’s the one, the only…

KUJA : Come on, I have a schedule to stick to!

Crowd applause’s

KUJA : No time for applause.

SEPHIROTH : Now, Kuja…

KUJA : The answer to your questions are, red, I don’t like coconuts and, yes, I do like your new hairstyle.

SEPHIROTH : That last ones just for the two of us. Anyway, you’ve just used up our fuel. Now what can we do.

DIRECTOR : I don’t know. Improvise.

SEPHIROTH : So, Kuja… Hey, where’d he go. Sorry folks, no one walks out on me!

Sephiroth follows Kuja.

SEPHIROTH : Hey, Kuja, you can’t leave during an interview.

KUJA : Shouldn’t you tell your charisma that. High five.

DUDE : Alright dude. High five!

They high five.

SEPHIROTH : I’m gonna interview you, and you’re going to like it.

KUJA : Is that what you said to your girlfriend. High five.

DUDE : Alright dude. High five!

They high five. Again.

SEPHIROTH : Feel my sword, Kuja.

KUJA : Don’t make me do the girlfriend joke again but with sexual emphasis.

SEPHIROTH : That’s it.

KUJA : Is that what she asked after…

Sephiroth jumps at Kuja.

KUJA : If that’s what your time together was like, no wonder she left you!

SEPHIROTH : Shut up! What do you think of Zidane!

KUJA : Just as annoying as you!

SEPHIROTH : I hated your ending. Why did FFIX finish kinda sh*t?

KUJA : I dunno. Yours was kinda crap too!

SEPHIROTH : Oh no you didn’t!

KUJA : Oh yes I di-id!

SEPHIROTH : Did you know…

KUJA : What?

SEPHIROTH : That…

KUJA : What!?

SEPHIROTH : Your mama’s so fat she…

KUJA : It’s like the Christmas party all over again.

Sephiroth throws Kuja over the bridge and onto a busy road.

KUJA : Ha! You cant beat me, sucka! Ha ha.

A truck runs him over.

SEPHIROTH : Sucka!

Sephiroth runs back to the studio.

DIRECTOR : He’s not coming back. Let Zell do the show.

ZELL : Yes! My time to shine!

SEPHIROTH : No need, Rookie. Daddy’s back.

ZELL : Oh man!

Crowd cheer (at Sephiroth, not Zell.)

ZELL : Thanks for pouring salt on the wound guys!

DIRECTOR : Well, you can be a camera man.

ZELL : Well, at least its something.

SEPHIROTH : Yes, I’m back folks. Oh it’s the end of show…

ZELL : Oh man!

SEPHIROTH : See you all next time when Seifer and Squall try to settle their differences. See you then!

ZELL : Even Seifer gets to be on the show. Oh man! Could this get any worse!

WOMAN : Where’s Sephiroth?

ZELL : He left.

WOMAN : Rats! You know too much. You die!

ZELL : Oh ma…