my poem

March 8, 2008, 10:56 AM

~Still Waiting~

I am still waiting for you to come to me,
I think about you constantly.
I am still waiting to talk face-to-face,
for my quest for love is but a rat race.
I am still waiting to see your smile,
to hear you laugh makes it seem worth-while.
I am still waiting for you to hold me tight,
and feel safe in your arms in the night.
I am still waiting my distant love,
and pray for you always to the angels above.
Though we have not met, I have this to say;
"We'll find each other,somehow, someday..."

March 12, 2008, 2:45 PM

Very nice. I like the wording.

March 12, 2008, 2:51 PM

I'm not all in to poems but its the best that i heard other than the boring ones at school.

March 12, 2008, 5:48 PM

It's very nice. Some of the rhythm is a little off, but it's much better than my first poem was! It's so sweet, and full of emotion! Heart-felt. That's the word I was looking for. Anyway, poetry is about more than accurate rhythm. It's about expressing emotion beautifully, which you have done!

March 12, 2008, 11:42 PM

thanx! this is my very first poem! I'm glad it got positive feedback

I'd love to read your poem someday Lirael. I'm sure its better than you say

March 13, 2008, 4:07 AM

tbbh it sounds like it could be a verse from poison.
its cliched and the subject is very unoriginal, try writing about something else, and not about how depressed you are or about something that happened that made you sad, as all those things are horribly cliched and extremely over used/ written about.

as for the poem itself, its a bunch of rhyming couplets, no other techniques are used, ie similies, metaphors, synasthesia etc.
you dont have to punctuate everyline, you should play around with that if you consider continuing poetry, also you can use punctuation in the middle of a line, and try to write in iambic pentameter as it will make the poem sound better.

Good/great poetry causes the reader to think and consider what the poet has said, and if you can do that then you will be writing good poetry

March 13, 2008, 4:58 AM

did you even read the poem? its not about depression, its a poem to whomever will be the one I love someday. but honestly, I appreciate all feedback, even negative ones.

my aim for this poem was to move somebody, and I did, so mission accomplished.

P.S.: not everyone knows all your fancy terms and and stuff, but i'll have to research them and put them to use in the future. and I think there is a metaphor on the 4th line...

March 26, 2008, 11:36 PM

For me it doesn't read well in my mind. For me, meter and flow is more important than rhyme, and it's clear which this poem focuses on.

This may be down to personal preference, but I feel that the poem lacks impetus. It doesn't blow me away, and it doesn't have that understated beauty that can be achieved. It falls somewhere in the middle ground.

I know it sounds like I am being overly critical, but it is not a bad poem. Just trying to help you improve

Btw I don't pretend to be an expert or anything, I have not written anything decent in my life. Just expressing what I look for in a poem, and what appeals to me.