Thule Esperada
Blue Mage
I've had a problem with connecting to other people for as long a I can remember. I'm rather intimidated by people I don't know due to my background with being bullied and betrayed by those I thought were my friends. Now these are things which I can overcome with time, but there is one problem that I'm less hopefull about. I feel intellectually disjointed from my peers, and no I don't mean I consider myself to be smarter then most people.
It's complicated but, I feel I have very little in common with other people. An average person can engage in small talk or talk about the news or weather and be satisfied, but I don't find such things to be stimulating enough. I'm a rather philosophical person by nature, I enjoy looking at things from a variety of perspectives and comparing them to my own ideals and values, as a form of introspection. But finding similar people has not provided results. I don't believe my family can really help or even understand my dilemma, how could they really? I can barely make sense of myself.
I prefer meaningful conversation over the more mundane things, but I feel I'm not going to find anyone willing to engage in such a thing. Even amongst my hobbies I feel like an outsider, whereas most people in the fandoms I'm involved with consentrate on "shipping" or nitpicking about small details, I would rather analyze and speak about characters and analyze their morals and story arcs. But most people are content with stating they liked something or that it was shit, without reasoning or reference. And if I for example encounter people while playing games, I always find that outside of that one title our tastes in games have nothing in common.
I often fear that I'm just fated to remain alone for the rest of my life. Having spent years to finally understand that I don't lack social skills, just people to interact with, has simply replaced one dilemma with another. Now instead of worrying that I'm "wrong" somehow, has made way for fearing that there is no one else like me. Many people want to be unique and special, but I just want to belong somewhere.
It's complicated but, I feel I have very little in common with other people. An average person can engage in small talk or talk about the news or weather and be satisfied, but I don't find such things to be stimulating enough. I'm a rather philosophical person by nature, I enjoy looking at things from a variety of perspectives and comparing them to my own ideals and values, as a form of introspection. But finding similar people has not provided results. I don't believe my family can really help or even understand my dilemma, how could they really? I can barely make sense of myself.
I prefer meaningful conversation over the more mundane things, but I feel I'm not going to find anyone willing to engage in such a thing. Even amongst my hobbies I feel like an outsider, whereas most people in the fandoms I'm involved with consentrate on "shipping" or nitpicking about small details, I would rather analyze and speak about characters and analyze their morals and story arcs. But most people are content with stating they liked something or that it was shit, without reasoning or reference. And if I for example encounter people while playing games, I always find that outside of that one title our tastes in games have nothing in common.
I often fear that I'm just fated to remain alone for the rest of my life. Having spent years to finally understand that I don't lack social skills, just people to interact with, has simply replaced one dilemma with another. Now instead of worrying that I'm "wrong" somehow, has made way for fearing that there is no one else like me. Many people want to be unique and special, but I just want to belong somewhere.