[Halloween '15] Haunted House - Game Thread

[Galadín]

As far as strange, weird, "No Feeling" houses went, this one was definitely on par with the likes of Mad Hatter's Shop. Standing on the stairwell landing was an overweight frog in ballet-esque clothing and a leprechaun wannabe toting a bomb; and people called Batman a fancy freak!

The odors wafting from the dead tree oozing sickly sap was churning poor Ratsie's tummy, the poor critter turning a worryingly pale green colour. The last thing Batman wanted was rat sick on his suit so he quickly stalked by the unusual creatures on the landing and made his way to the Master Bedroom.

Flicking on the Detective Scanner, he could see that the room within seemed undisturbed and, uncharacteristically to the rest of the house, quite normal looking.

To give his sickly companion a chance to rest, the Caped Crusader entered the bedroom.

 

[Soulcorruptor]

Agi decided the only thing she could do from the attacking bat was retaliate by using the almost used toilet roll and shove it in the bats mouth.

 

[The Witch]

Pepe makes a run for the Master bedroom and checks the wardrobe for anything awesome.

I wanted to make this more fun but I'm in a hurry

 

[Linnaete]

Ack! That biting cold! Of all times, why is NOW that he is still dressed as if he's still on a beach in Ibiza?! In fact, how on earth has all this happened? Hameron can clearly recall not so long ago that he was blissfully with his wife in Ibiza, with express intent of getting away with from all while Nick Clegg would be left in charge. No, wait. Nick Clegg no longer works for him anymore after the last election. No, hold on. Yes he does. He's on a zero-hour contract with him and has to periodically wax the Chancellor's chest and massage his feet.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT NICK CLEGG AND MASSAGING PEOPLE'S FEET (as delightful as those massages are!). Why is he now standing in a totally alien snowy environment? Where on earth is this? Hoth? Is some invisible force carting him off to a Siberian gulag? That blasted Jeremy Corbyn is behind this, isn't he? Never trust a hardline socialist and his Stalinist chums. Now he's standing here hugging himself, his feet numb and his blood turning to ice. Maybe if he turns back and hope to find that portal back out of the wardrobe again to where it is actually warm and...NO! The Corbyn Crawler is on the other side and will get to him. No! He would rather die frozen out here than let his epitaph be covered with mud.

Besides, what if Sexy is out here as well? Hold on, Sexy! She must be freezing her nipples off too! Your hero Hameron is on his way to the rescue!

Despite his numbness, Hameron gallantly soldiers on, just thankful that there does not appear to be a blizzard blowing in his direction and pummelling him to death with snow and ice. He espies what appears to be a rather unsuspecting tree standing out in the open. It looks like any ordinary tree with an evergreen coat of firm leaves and a very friendly, smiley face. Wait...friendly and smiley face? Now, the last time Hameron encountered a tree with a smiley face was when he read a bedtime story to his daughter Nancy (to make up for accidentally leaving her behind in a pub earlier), but that was a children's picture book. Here, he can see a smiling and goofy tree with his own eyes. What kind of Jeremy Corbyn sorcery this is, Hameron cannot fathom, but he sincerely wishes he has brought his hatchet along. A nice collection of firewood and a glorious, roaring fire would be delightful right now.

"Excuse me, Mr...err," Hameron's eyes glance down and he squints as much as he can to read through his mask at a few letters marked on a stump at the foot of this tree. "...Toby?" This is of course, bloody ridiculous, but he's randomly in a mysterious fantasy snowy environment, so who knows what is real and unreal anymore.

"Mr. Toby, I presume given your slightly bemused expression - which I can candidly remark is unusual for a...tree - that you are capable of conversing in the human tongue, such as mine. Pray, I beseech of you! Perchance have you encountered a fair maiden around these parts? She is dressed in the most delightful of red..."

 

[Paddy McGee]

Gerry Adams- for some unfathomable reason other than 'WHAYE AYE BOM ME DINNNARRRR', decided to head towards bedroom three(or tree, as Gerry would say).

Upon reaching the door, he would enter the room. His eyes were astonished at what he saw:

"HOLY SETTT AYE, SNAEEE AYE! FECKING WARD OBES AYE! "

Announced Gerry, as he intended to enter on the next round.

 

[Shaissa]

Bugs enters a door to his right and finds out it is a Taxidermist room.. "Jeez I hope i don't end up like these things" Bugs says. He then decides to push the chocobo all the way to the corner of the room.

 

[Harlequin]

Sexy attempts to slap the lecherous Behemoth in the hopes he'll let go of her so she can put her clothes back on!

 

[Dionysos]

A warning to all: I will be increasing the difficulty from now on. Expect monsters to hit you more often or to find yourselves in trickier situations. Be extra careful.

We need to hurry the game up, so if you idle for more than a day or so, don't be alarmed if you find your character in the jaws of a carnivorous alpaca, etc. I've noticed that people aren't posting their moves up for almost half a week each time, and then when you add the time it takes for the doodling itself, each round is taking a while to complete now if I'm not careful. Therefore I apologise if your characters die horrible deaths due to being idle.



Turn 10.

(As usual do click the images a few times and you'll see what is going on).

Ground Floor:


First Floor:


Basement:


Narnia:


Particulars:

Louis Walsh continues to plap inside the chest. The chest sinks in the puddle and is forced down by the mud which shall soon engulf it entirely. At the bottom of the puddle is seen a mysterious reddish hole.

Batman's rat feels unwell so he retires to the master bedroom.

Agi feeds the almost finished toilet roll to the Putin-Bat. Item lost: Almost finished toilet roll.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 6, which means a hit on the Putin-Bat.
A second roll of 3 deals the damage value of 3 to the Putin-Bat.
The Putin-Bat now has 2 HP.)

The Putin-Bat dislikes the taste of the almost used toilet roll as it was too small for him to add his usual seasoning of missiles.

Pepe opens the wardrobe in the master bedroom. All of the decent clothes have been removed, leaving only the eccentric garb of Cid Del Norte Marquez (FFVI's Cid). Item obtained: Cid's Costume. This item can be worn, or forcibly placed on another character.

Hameron asks Toby the Tree for directions to Sexy. Toby remembers a damsel in red who once clung from his branches for dear life (a certain Fran in a Santa hat), before Mogrinch cruelly dipped her in chocolate and packed her for Easter. Toby points east towards the petrified figures and giggles gaily before announcing that all is merry and there is nothing that could go wrong in this land whatsoever.

Gerry Adams enters the wardrobe into Narnia. (I decided to let you go straight in rather than make you waste your next turn).

Bugs moves the taxidermy chocobo into the corner of the room. A small gap underneath where the chocobo once stood reveals another way into the basement...

Barry the Behemoth attempts to push Sexy under the water.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 4, which means a hit on Sexy.
A second roll of 2 deals the damage value of 2 to Sexy.
Sexy now has 1 HP.)

Sexy retaliates.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 5, which means a hit on Barry.
A second roll of 3 deals the damage value of 3 to Barry.
Barry now has 5 HP.)

Sexy slaps Barry in the face. Barry's grip loosens enough for Sexy to get out of the bath and hastily get dressed, though still dripping wet and close to death.

Barry misses his companion and longs to pull her back to him. Maybe he will..

-

Okay... That round was quite a headache!

You may now post up your next moves!

 

[The Witch]

Pepe takes the wardrobe for himself. And goes for the larger chest to see what's inside.

 

[Paddy McGee]

Gerry gazed ahead, as he entered the snow-covered world. This is was such a new experience for Gerry. There had been snow in Ireland, of course, but this was the first time he hadn't noticed the British in a certain place... Until he saw the half naked demon beside this odd-faced tree. Gerry rarely saw those outside of Fermanagh.

"AYE YE FECKIN BALLOX AYE, DAR FECK ARE YE DUOING HARE YE FECKIN LIMEY?!!"

Gerry roared, quite racistly, at the pig-like man ahead. That could only ever be pig-fucker Davey Cameron.

 

[greenyxi]

Louis is just lying there and getting that awful feeling when you're extremely cramped in a tight place. He really...reeeeeally wants to get out now before he kicks the box's face in!

All of a sudden, he feels the box moving quicker and quicker! How can this be possible when he's is but in a puddle? Weird water, he guesses. The alcoholic kind maybe, he ponders. He seems to be going so quick now!

And then...it stops. Where could he be now? I think it's about time to open the chest and hop out :s.

 

[Galadín]

The Ballet frog followed the unlikely pair into the master bedroom. First it hopped to the wardrobe where it acquired some kind of outfit, then over to the biggest chest. Batman was about to warn the amphibian to look before it leaped, but it yanked open the chest and stuck its head in before he could say a word. So be it.

Not being the chatty sort, Batman began his own investigations, not paying the frog any further heed. He was careful not to swoop around too much because poor Ratsie would not have thanked him for it; the whiff of fat frog wasn't doing his tummy any favours.

After carefully assessing the room, Batman went to the vanity table, placed his friend upon it and proceeded to rummage through the top left drawer. Ratsie looked on worriedly, the house was getting even more scary and vicious and anything could come out of the drawer!

"Please Gouda, let it be a bobby pin", the rodent prayed.

 

[Harlequin]

Having been manhandled and dunked to within an inch of her life Sexy was shaken up by what had happened but on the plus side she was now washed, albeit still dripping wet and enraged by Barry's bathroom etiquette.

"My hair needs to be shampooed too you asshole!" Sexy admonished while a disconsolate Barry moped in the tub, "my fingers are all wrinkly now, GROSS!" she continued as she stormed out of the bathroom in a tantrum.

As she exited the bathroom she decided to look for a change of clothes and made her way towards the staircase leading upstairs. Having caught sight of Brahnsuki in the hallway she grimaced at her appearance and felt the need to come out with something disparaging.

"Ugh! It's called moisturiser look it up some time!"

 

[Soulcorruptor]

Agi picks up the spilled trash can in the kitchen and throws it so it catches the bat and tries to throw it out the window.

 

[Shaissa]

Bugs takes the moose head (at least I think it is a moose head ) off the wall

 

[Linnaete]

"What an amiable fellow", remarks Hameron as he now confidently begins strolling off in the direction of where the tree has pointed at. Peculiar expression though, as that tree was talking to him. Perhaps Hameron has been imagining it, but it's almost as if he could see a physical manifestation of a thought bubble depicting an attractive young woman in red with bunny ears. That seems like a familiar image. Back when he was studying at Eton, Boris Johnson would enjoy perusing through his modest collection of Playboy magazines, so his pure Christian view of bunnies had been sordidly tainted since.

Oh no...for some reason, just as Hameron is making reasonable progress trekking north, he looks back and sees the villainous shape of the leprechaun Gerry Adams approach, its face decorated by a sinister, sadistic sneer. There is no sight more sickening, not even if it transpires that Sexy's mutilated corpse is hanging on Toby the Tree's rear branches now. The cur yells something incomprehensibly Irish and possibly IRA terrorist-like and this becomes Hameron's cue to run as fast as his squat legs can carry him. If Mrs Thatcher could escape harm at the hands of the IRA, so can he.

"I STRUGGLE TO FATHOM WHICH IS WORSE," he squeals as he awkwardly ambles his way through the sea of snow, leaving behind a cute trail of footprints in the snow the size of small craters, "THE IRA OR THE FACT THAT YOU ARE ON FRIENDLY TERMS WITH JEREMY CORBYN!"

He dare not look back to see if the dwarven demon is on his shoulder, though honestly, it wouldn't matter, because the putrid Paddy would simply chuck a bomb at him anyway. As if blessed by the glory that is Winston Churchill himself, Hameron sees the outline of a wooden house on the horizon. Some form of refuge! Where there's a lodge out in the snow, there's bound to be a glorious fire waiting for him. All he has to do to claim this lonely sanctuary before his nefarious nemesis behind him is to get inside and quickly erect a makeshift statue of the Queen. Her radiant power will be enough to burn Gerry Adams' eyes into total submission and he will be nothing more than a harmless grey squirrel.

What a picturesque little cottage, sitting idly on the very edge of the bank of a half-frozen stream. Perhaps a Hobbit lives in there...or is that the wrong fantasy novel series he's thinking of? Anyway, by the looks of it, the lights are on, with a glowing golden light emanating softly from its icy windows. A series of wooden plank steps are neatly laid out by the door, just waiting for a guest to gallivant their way over. How lovely. Even before he has reached this little landmark, it already looks like the most inviting sight his sore eyes have seen all evening. After a succession of loud thumps as Hameron's lumpy legs plod against the wooden surface of the planks, his knuckles inch forward to frantically kiss the front door. Knock, knock, knock.

Please let it be a friendly occupant willing to let him in. He is freezing his spare ribs off, icicles are forming from his nostrils, his feet are probably crystal by now, and there's a homicidal hardline republican Irishman on his tail...

 

[Dionysos]

Thanks for being a lot more prompt in that round!


Turn 11.
(As usual do click the images a few times and you'll see what is going on).

Ground Floor:


First Floor:


Narnia:


Particulars:

Pepe puts on Cid's Costume and then checks inside the large chest. Since Bugs had already taken the sword from the chest, Pepe discovers something else. Item obtained: Iron Nail.

Gerry walks up to Hameron.

Louis Walsh's chest is swallowed by a giant fish.

The fish spits out the chest. Louis leaps out and finds that his head is now sticking out of the Ground Floor toilet.

Batman opens the top left drawer and discovers a blow-up inflatable donkey. Item obtained: Inflatable Donkey.

Sexy walks upstairs.

Agi throws the rubbish bin at the Putin-Bat.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 5, which means a hit on the Putin-Bat.
A second roll of 2 deals the damage value of 2 to the Putin-Bat.
The Putin-Bat is now dead.)

Agi successfully traps the Putin-Bat in the bin and throws him out of the window.

Bugs takes the moose head off the wall. The moose begins to laugh manically at Bugs. The laughter is contagious and Bugs and the entire room find themselves in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

(Battle!
A roll of a die brought up the number 5, which means a hit on Bugs.
A second roll of 4 deals the damage value of 4 to Bugs.
Bugs now has 6 HP.)

Hameron knocks on the door of the beaver dam. None other than Beaver-Boris opens the door. Is it safe inside? Is it nice and cosy? One thing is for sure, Boris shall at least be partial for a cup tea.

-

You may post your next rounds now!

 

[The Witch]

Pepe enjoys his new jacket and iron nail very much. with that, he exits the room and heads for the green bedroom and then checks in that wardrobe as well for any snazzy items he could use.

 

[Harlequin]

Sexy watches as a bloated Pepe makes his way from the Master Bedroom over to Bedroom 2 and decides to berate him for not coming to her aid moments earlier. As she enters her tantrum induced tirade is halted by the sight of Pepe's rotund form and anger gives way to revulsion.

"You know, when someone moves around that much they're supposed to LOSE weight..." Sexy informs Pepe while he busies himself with the wardrobe. "I need new clothes so you better give me whatever's in there!" she demands as she makes her way over to the chest of drawers and looks through them...

 

[Soulcorruptor]

Agi goes back to inspect the window that the bat came out of.