Serious When the storm hits, will you be ready?

Shu

Spiral out, Keep going..
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Man you guys, it's been a bit huh? Well let me introduce myself as Shu/Tyler to the newer folks. I will tell you now a story, that I need no pity for, but I am going to be honest. Where have I been?

Well I went to Brazil twice, got a project up and going and then... the storm rolled in. What is a storm to you? A single hard fight where you can get over the blip, or something where it keeps on like a monsoon. To me it's the thunder that can't quite be shaked, you straighten up.. because it hits fast. You then see the lightening strike, not once but twice in the same spot. Then the rain rolls in to clean up the fallout. Depending how you take in the elements, is what molds you. Do you push through and make something of yourself? Do you get mad and resentful? Do you curl up and cry through it?

My tale starts here. April 2013. My wife and I have a fight. We go at it and I walk out when I hear "marriage is a contract." Granted I love the girl / just not in a way now that a husband should now. Only that I hope she can be a friend one day.

The pressure from work, the realization of waking up in a town where my friends literally have graduated and rolled on.. I can hang out with co-workers.. but eh too much work talk! I call up a buddy or two and we all hang out again. I start living a bit again.. I do some foolish things and end up damaging further the marriage I'm in. I lose those focus, and put all focus into work. I stay at work until 12:00am. I go home a bit of a zombie, but fulfilled. I go to my room.. have a bit of wine.. read a bit and talk to folks online or via text. The storm keeps up, but I'm only hearing thunder at this point. I go to Brazil again.. I come back and put my plan in place.

The week I come back the first of the lightning hits. My father calls me crying. I listen to him get the words out that my mom has terminal bone cancer. Now to give you a heads up, she had breast cancer when I was nine, and I lived with her for 3 months in Ft Worth, TX while she went through treatment.

I addressed my dad again in the coming weeks and hear how bad it is. I sink a bit inside myself but a fire turns on. Anger, my old friend, where have you been. I put myself in the gym. I put myself into work, I let a select few know the details.

I lose 20 lbs, I am in shape now, but the storm is still apparent. I get so much done at work, but then I start looking to others. I leave out for Nashville quite often. I get to see her, and come back.

I go to marriage counseling 3 times, then turn to my wife, and say is this worth it? So the next day I stay out all night. Come back to the house, oops, locks are changed. I go to Nashville again. Tell my folks the situation and my friend (girl) let's my bud know.. and he obliges me with a place. I am about to head back to Nashville. I have all my stuff packed.

Lightning strikes again. My cousin David is dead. A highly depressant and assumed suicide, but no details further. I think about him in glimpses, but in reality it's been a long time since I saw him. I just think.. damn what happened, where has the time gone.

I drive back and stay with my friend. I move out to my buddy's house. I then go to the funeral. I hear my Uncle break into a sermon about the mass amounts of folks we've lost in our family. I hear my cousin Chad speak on account of his brother. I have my little niece sitting there staring into my eyes. I look down and she has no idea where she is. I just smiled.

I go to dinner with my friend, and she asks a few question, and unbeknownst to me I was in shock. I guess I finally let the darkness in. It was a rough night, and I let her be.. and of course she sends apologies. Since then.. I have been staying here and heading out.. and working my butt off at work. A divorce is now on the rise as well, and keeping amicable through it all.

I have been getting myself ready for a half marathon putting all my might into it. I have been pushing hard as possible again the odds. The rain is starting to poor now as there is a little more than a week left till the 1/2 marathon.

I get to go to an oncologist visit with my Ma' next week. I am in good spirits though. I know the elements and I know how to manage them. Though I want to let you all know, ya'll mean a bit to me. Sorry I've been gone. I hope you gain something from me sharing this.

Take care.
 
Tyler, let me keep this short and simple here.

A lot of people respect you and look up to you both as a person and admin around here. I'm positive that you can keep your head above water throughout all this, and that you know that whatever support the forum can give you, it would be given without hesitation.

I wish you and your family the best of luck and a lot of support throughout these tough times, I can't imagine half of what you're going through, but I hope you get a little breather to let it all sink in to place, and give you a bit of a break.
 
Shu/Tyler,

I may not know you personally (In fact I'm quite new to the community) however, I have read quite a few of your posts. Like Six said, I can't imagine how much you're going through but I (and I'm sure the rest of us) have your back. It's actually scary, how fast life changes. I know I've experienced some pretty traumatic events (this is about you, not me) but never ever feel like the storm will knock you down. From what I've read, you have a very positive attitude. The important thing in life is getting back up, and you seem to be on the right track to recovery. Just keep your mind-set that you have now, and you can overcome these obstacles...

I hope to hear more soon, and give it time-- hopefully things will turn around for you Tyler.

Best of regards to you,

Erin
:)
 
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