Are you lonely? Do you isolate yourself?

[Paddy McGee]

So, I've been considering throwing up this thread for a while but haven't been able to decide how to phrase it(Or the reaction from others) so I just went with the generalisation.


Have you ever felt extremely loneliness? Minor feelings of loneliness? Completely isolated from your close ones? How did you get through it? Are you still going through it? Do you look online for friendship, since real life doesn't seem to comply?

As a kid, I was extremely shy. I found it very hard to make friends and I was bullied quite a bit. My family has never been exactly stable(Who's family is complete stable?). I eventually grew out of it, but it wasn't until near the end of Secondary(Or high) School so as a kid and young teen, I was quite lonely and cut off from my family and the friends I did have. I guess I isolated myself from people. I still do it now, to be honest.


I think I have a post from ages ago around here where I discuss the same issues ,albeit in a hyperbole fashion. I wouldn't recommend looking it up though, cheesy, silly etc.


Anyway, I'm posting this to see if anyone else has tales to share or any opinions on the topic.

 

[Dionysos]

I have sometimes experienced deep loneliness, but it depends on how I measure it. On the whole I'm on an upward road, but I'll probably realistically never be as sociable as many people are out there. That said, I don't necessarily need to be.


I also was always very, very shy. Or at least to an extreme extent when I hit my teens, but generally speaking before then too. Had few friends. Never had a girlfriend (apart from when I was sort of 3 years old, so that hardly counts - how does a baby even get to ask someone out? I certainly don't remember - I must have been a charming baby ). I was sometimes mocked for my voice, etc, etc. Much of this still remains. In fact, technically it all does.

However, I’m able to entertain myself to an extent. I’ve been so used to being either alone or only seeing friends infrequently that I don’t know if I’d be comfortable actually seeing people as much as some people see each other. I like my own private space, and the room to think to myself. As much as I sometimes long for enhanced human contact, I think I’d only want it in moderation.

Interesting twist. I am now slightly more confident than I’ve ever been before in my life, and finally feeling as if I’m getting the hang of this human thing. My work has meant talking to large numbers of people each day, and sometimes many at the same time, all looking to me as some sort of an authority. Whilst I found it daunting, it’s enabled me to get better at talking in general, so I may be catching up somewhat.

However, I’ve been seeing much less of any of my friends. Partly due to when I happened to have my work hours, and partly due to being too busy with uni etc too. I’ve gone for many months without seeing my closest friends at all. I did a bit more with my uni friends, but not as much as some people do. But I'm content with that.

So I’m not sure if I’m reaping the full benefit of said improvements. And now with the contract with work coming to an end, I’m going to have to fight hard to avoid slipping backwards.

On the upside, whilst I don’t really see many friends and do much with friends, I feel less isolated now than I did. I can’t explain it. I guess I just took a longer look at the world, from the shadows (if I’m to make it sound dramatic), and decided that actually I don’t hate people or the world we’re in. There’s a lot of aggressiveness out there, and a lot of bad, but most of this is explainable to an extent. I’m less scared of the world now, because I put the blame less on people and more on the situations people are in, and people merely are symptoms, and since then I fear people less and find things to like about people more, and try harder to understand people and their individual viewpoints. I always was like this to an extent, but I guess I’ve started to think about it more. As a result, I feel less isolated. Hatred can isolate, and I don't do hate if I can help it.

Then again, I often find I can’t relate with many people, not because I don't like them, but because I simply do not know what to say and how to act. And I realise that much of what I say in my above paragraph is perhaps a bubble I refuse to pop. But it is a bubble which keeps me company in the shadows nonetheless.

 

[Moogles]

I'm not sure how to approach answering this. I guess I might be a lonely person if I didn't have my family and girlfriend. I'm basically best friends with brother, mom and dad. The same goes for my girlfriend. We're together constantly.

Beyond them, I don't really have friends. I don't go to parties. I don't socialize openly at work or college. Honestly, I just don't like people much. I'm HIGHLY introverted. My social and conversation skills are quite high, but I never really crave the company of anyone beyond who I mentioned earlier.

This post sounds pretty stuck up...

I'm sure that's how my co-workers view me. xD
But it's nothing personal. I'm just antisocial and am fine being that way.

Ah! I will note that the people I've met online--either through gaming forums or online multiplayer games--are exceptions. I enjoy shooting the crap with them.

 

[.Mosh]

I think for myself I would consider that yes I am lonely, most of my 'friends' just eventually disappeared and I only have my best mate but he is at Uni across the country from me but we talk every other day pretty much. But in reality and not by a microphone or by typing messages I am very lonely. Sadly I also live in a kind of isolated village in which the nearest city/town is a good 30 minute. Socializing for me is considered hard as I am trying to save up and learn to drive to be able to go places.

Also my personality of loving games, japanese anime etc makes it harder for me to converse with people and mainly I seek forums and other places to make friends. I mean my other best mate is Kirito from here at FFF who I talk to almost every night haha. Without him either I don't know what i'd do, I kind of try to tame my 'loneliness' with things like anime or novel writing, escaping into worlds that I create or watch slice of life and seeing anime characters hang out with their friends etc.

That is just me in a nutshell.

 

[ShadyLegend23]

I would have to say the past few years yes I do feel lonely most of the time. In high school and my early to mid 20's I had so many people in my life I was never alone including my best of friends. I was also happily engaged to who I thought was my soul mate and up to the day we split up it was healthy relationship until she dumped me over the phone.

My closest friend enrolled in the Air Force and we kept in touch the whole time. Now that he is out and has become a cop in Florida I get the sense he thinks he is better than me and never contacts me when he is in town. This is same guy that had been my brother since 3rd grade all the way up to a year ago and it hurts deep he has brushed me aside. I still have 2 great friends but both are happily married and one has 2 kids so it's hard to hang out with them too much. I do have a very close and healthy relationship with my immediately family which keeps me going. My mom and step-dad are pretty much best friends to me and I love them more than anything in this world.

Still the fact that all of my friends including my best friend has vanished over the years, the woman I was engaged too left me and is now happily married her self while I have been a lonely guy since and because of that it is so hard for me to put trust in a relationship with someone else along with my self esteem being crushed at the same time.

Forums like this does help as I get to chat with so many great people who have the same interest. All of this being said even though I am lonely I am still a happy person overall. Things could be so much worse and I am so thankful for all the positives in my life!!

 

[Starships]

Yeah. I have very few friends in reality, due to how badly I got treated from past friends, or people that I thought were good and trusted friends, but were just really, in reality, terrible people.


You soon find out quickly who your true friends are, when you are in trouble, or need them the most. When I was diagnosed with depression, all they did was just call me weak, dumb, stupid, attention-seeker, attention-seeking whore, crybaby, childish, pathetic.

So yeah I am kind of lonely, because I prefer to be with only few people. People I feel like I can trust completely. But they are sometimes busy with well, life. I can't like hang out with them all the time, and sometimes I am left alone, because they have their own problems and issues to deal with.

Basically I'm lonely, but imo it's better to be alone almost, than being around tons of people that make you feel like a walking-talking sack of shit.

 

[Ed Elric]

I'm not going to give my whole life story on this topic but yes, i do isolate myself.

I've always been insecure. Not to say that I don't have friends, I had some in high school just always felt judged and pressured by my other peers to have this certain image, ya know?

No one's perfect, yet everyone judges everyone for not "fitting" in. It's why we have "cliques" and categories for teenagers because that's the way society has taught us as people. Even as I become a young adult, I still see it the same way.

I used to be addicted to the internet. It was my getaway from the reality of i guess you can say of "being lonely and isolated." You can express yourself however you want. It's something to release stress and anxiety.

Honestly the only "friends" I have truly is my family. I wouldn't even really consider my coworkers my "friends" because i don't hang out with them outside work.

Even in college, they suggest to join clubs but honestly i could careless.

I just kind of do my own thing.

 

[Busta]

I have my times where I want to be on my own, relax, play some Xbox, watch some TV, or just go out and play some basketball by myself. Every once in a while everyone needs to do this and get their mind off things to think and unload.

I'll do it off and on, but not a lot. I love to be around my family, my friends, even some of my more enjoyable co-workers. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to be off and a loner at times, but it is more "fun" to be social and surround youreself with loved ones I feel.

 

[LinnyCockle]

Honestly, I just don't like people much. I'm HIGHLY introverted. My social and conversation skills are quite high, but I never really crave the company of anyone beyond who I mentioned earlier.

This post sounds pretty stuck up...

I'm sure that's how my co-workers view me. xD
But it's nothing personal. I'm just antisocial and am fine being that way.

This is a pretty good definition of myself too. I'm fairly good at socialising when I try but I'm so easily put off by people. Something very particular that I cannot abide (but others seem to rarely notice) is how certain people change their personalities depending on how many other people are around. I don't know if I'm alone in noticing this but I'd say it applies to about 50% of people I know. For me, that's just an instant black mark against a person's name and I just have no more interest in knowing them. It's harsh/sad, I know.

 

[Folmarv Tengille]

I have experienced, the you feel distanced form loved ones and I isolate myself a lot. It is not because I am depressed or anything, its I fell different from other people. Maybe it is partially because I was bullied in school a lot, by few people, but a lot of people where nice to me. I focused on the negative I don't know why, but I did. Its like a whole lot of good could be happening in my life but if one mistake or mishap happens I focus on it. I worry to much, over small things, and often I am very shy and seem snobby to people. But I am not I just like to figure out a person make sure they are a positive person, before I open up to them. But if you are a positive person I usually talk with you from then on because I know that they are alright. I guess I am insecure, with people I don't know and myself. But the inter-webs are a good place to express yourself with people, because they can't see you. Lets just be honest in my experience people are a judgmental species, and most of the time look on the outside of the person instead of getting to know the inside and the person themselves. If you are still reading thanks for it and I know my rant might have been boring to some but what can you do some people just don't care.

Thanks,
F_T

 

[ff1-10]

I do feel lonely here and there, but I mostly like to be by myself. After not having my own group of close friends or even a close friend for a long while, I think I actually got annoyed with people's company because some people are so "out there" in a non controllable way and it gets agitating. Or, I like their company but I become overly dependent on it because I've been alone for so long. It's confusing for me, really - it's like I wish I had someone or a group to be close to, but at the same time I don't want them around either because then they bother me. I think I just have a hard time being emotionally close to others and being consistent with it and them. Commitment issues, maybe? And dealing with people beyond the surface point. Because of this, I think I feel alone a lot, rather than lonely.

 

[mikey_boson]

I wouldn't say that I'm lonely, not at all as I can quite easily entertain myself. However, I do tend to isolate myself away sometimes, not to a massive degree but far more I really want to. I've got so used to only going out with my friends on the odd occasion that I now only have a few friends and a number of acquaintances. I constantly tell myself I need to go out more but I'm an expert in excuses when the time actually comes to go out. And I seem to really struggle massively to make any progress on this front. I'm not socially awkward by any stretch of the imagination, far from it. However, there always seems to be an underlying element of uneasiness within me and I can't put my finger on why. I just want to be completely comfortable which is something I'm unable to achieve.

This does tie into my overall confidence which sometimes is pretty good and then other times is just average. I did used to be really outgoing and quite loud but this is a many number of years ago and my slow retreat away from my height of confidence coincides with me beginning beginning college when I was 17 (I'm now 26). I don't now how to beat this gremlin and get myself back to being the confident, outspoken and loud(er) person I once was. It's also about trying to get that, "I'm not bothered about what anyone else thinks, I'm just going to be my own person," mentality back - Oh how I really want that back. I see everyone else around me far more care free than I am and it is very difficult for me to be like this. Overall this problem is really stopping me from just enjoying myself because when I actually do go out, I find it difficult to just be myself. I'm just too reserved for my liking.

I don't want to isolate myself, in fact I want to be a lot more social than I am but I've just got so used to being in my own company I find it difficult to change. I want to change but really struggle to get anywhere. Any pointers would be great by the way lol!

 

[Six]

So, I've been considering throwing up this thread for a while but haven't been able to decide how to phrase it(Or the reaction from others) so I just went with the generalisation.


Have you ever felt extremely loneliness? Minor feelings of loneliness? Completely isolated from your close ones? How did you get through it? Are you still going through it? Do you look online for friendship, since real life doesn't seem to comply?

As a kid, I was extremely shy. I found it very hard to make friends and I was bullied quite a bit. My family has never been exactly stable(Who's family is complete stable?). I eventually grew out of it, but it wasn't until near the end of Secondary(Or high) School so as a kid and young teen, I was quite lonely and cut off from my family and the friends I did have. I guess I isolated myself from people. I still do it now, to be honest.


I think I have a post from ages ago around here where I discuss the same issues ,albeit in a hyperbole fashion. I wouldn't recommend looking it up though, cheesy, silly etc.


Anyway, I'm posting this to see if anyone else has tales to share or any opinions on the topic.

Let's take a shot at this one, shall we?

As most of my close friends and family know, I'm not a huge person on a lot of friendships. Whenever I was young, although shy (still am, but you probably wouldn't say so!) it wasn't too easy making friends, but I guess that was because I preferred a small group, and though the bigger groups gossiped too much.

Just like Adam, though, bullying was a big part of my childhood due to staying home from school a lot with family issues and having anxiety going back to school, which always turned on my stomach, hence fevers out of nowhere. Of course, kids don't believe that, and they make fun of you for skipping school, etc.

I'd consider myself perfectly fine being solitary, but I don't mind the company of others either. I'm glad my partner is the same way, and likes his space, because when we get sick of being around people, he goes and plays his video games, and I roam around the internet, or do things by myself. My family is pretty much a mess, I'm the only one of us that speaks to the majority of our family, the others are all in arguments with each other, not speaking, on bad terms, etc.

I don't like getting close to people fast, I like my space, I love the friends I do consider friends, and I do love my family, but I guess I sometimes do prefer being alone, and I guess I do isolate myself sometimes. Maybe that is due to bad experiences, or maybe that's just because I prefer it, who knows.

 

[Mitsuki]

Have you ever felt extremely loneliness?

I have and I can still remember as if it was yesterday. I was 12 years old, going through what preteens go through and I had just visited my mom from back home. I came back to the U.S. and it seemed as if I didn't care about life in general. I was always bitter, started to ignore my stepmom, dad, and siblings. Actually I was homesick more than anything, but that triggered my loneliness. I can't really describe how I felt back then, but I was in such a lethargic state. I think that's when I started playing video games and really got hooked, especially FF7. And now I'm here. See what loneliness can do sometimes?

Minor feelings of loneliness? Completely isolated from your close ones?

Now? No. Sure there's days when I may feel a bit sad about something, we all do. I deal with it though.

How did you get through it?

Well back then as a kid, I read a lot of books. The library was my sanctuary and I would rent eight books at a time, return them in a week or two. That's how much of a bookworm I was. During the summer when school was out, all I did was read books from morning until night that my brother started calling me a weirdo, haha. Of course we'd play cards and board games too, but when I did get hooked to video games, it became an addiction and well, yeah. I still read books though. I haven't been to the library in forever, I really should go visit soon.

Music helps a lot too.

Are you still going through it?

Can't say that I am at this moment. Like I said though, everyone has their days. I appreciate the company of others, and I'll never actually get annoyed by it. As much as I like having my personal space too, laughing out loud with someone or just being able to offer a friendly advice when someone can use a little lift, is pure gold.

Do you look online for friendship, since real life doesn't seem to comply?

Well, I can't really say that I go out of my way to look for online friendships. Things will naturally fall in place and I think it's best to have that kind of mindset rather than go around and befriending all you meet online hoping there's something there. Nothing wrong with that though. Some people it may take years, others months. I can't give you a formula of my friendship with people as it all varies. While I am not that close with friends irl anymore, we still find some time during the year to hang out. We know each others' families so we are close in that sense, but finding the time to really talk and have lunch/dinner - it's a lot harder now. What's funny is that every single one of my friends irl (and their siblings) are all into Final Fantasy like I am. And yet we're all distant now.