Serious Confusion

Oblivion_XIII

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So, I've had a bad string of luck with women lately. Constantly being cheated on and stood up. Oh so much fun. But I met this girl, and she is everything I would want in a girl... but she has an immature abusive fuck of a boyfriend. Shes always telling me the shit he does and it makes me sick. Honestly, I want her away from the bastard, even if it means she'll never be mine. She tells me she loves me... how do I know for sure if she means it? And how should I cope with that dick?
 
I don't mean to sound bad, but... She is in a relationship with this dude, correct? It may be an abusive relationship, and she may be afraid to leave, or feel like she can't leave, but honestly? She is in a relationship with him, exactly what makes you think that, while her being in a relationship with him, telling you she loves you, wouldn't happen to you if YOU were the one dating her?

I mean, sorry. Maybe I'm just all about "if you commit to someone - don't fuck around until after you've broken it off with them"? But... I don't think that she should even be telling you that, considering she "is" in a relationship. You say you have a bad string of luck with women, but this one should be clear, no...? Don't get me wrong, she may be a great girl, but I just don't see the "fairness" in her telling you she loves you, while she's with someone else. It's not fair to the current guy, it's not fair to you, and maybe if you two end up dating who knows who she'll say the same thing to. (Rolls eyes)
 
it is truly safe to say that terrible things have happened here.

does he beat her and emotionally torture her or just not take her to the cinema every weekend? though you may want her away from the shithouse bastard it is not your place to take her. as her friend you can advise her. if she chooses to continue her relationship with him then that's her decision to make and her problem to deal with. if she's the type of person who will carry on with other people while in a relationship perhaps she is not such a great choice, but maybe that's exactly the sort of gal you want.
 
Basically... You want to push your nose into shit that really has nothing to do with you? Whether you love her, or she loves Skippy this relationship isn't yours to try and break up. This lady is obviously speaking to you as you're working as a decent shoulder to cry on. Getting involved with this will make matters worse for you, this lady and whatever "potential" you believe a relationship has.

Also, bare in mind people can be biased by love. You could be sugar-coating a turd because of your feelings right now; this girl has "potential" after a lull of pitfalls. You could be subconsciously blacking out the faults.

She isn't a toy or a piece of meat. She's a person. Who says she WANTS to leave this fellow? You don't get to decide who she can or can't see or date. You don't mention that she wants to get rid of him. Again, you could be subjected to a subjective view towards him: From experience, a person can add both hyperbole and lies to a story... while also covering up contrasting points.

Like the other comments said, you don't want a partner who carries on with another person behind their back. It's sly, and who's to say it won't happen to you?

I'm not saying she's taking you for a ride... But from this outsiders point of view, I can see some aspect of that in this.


EDIT: MY advice would be to let time have its course, if you really want this girl. Allow it to do its magic. If the other bloke isn't for her, it'll eventually show. Don't go getting muddled: You won't look like a hero, and it could backfire.
 
Here is where I stand on this situation.

Firstly, how well do you know the guy? I mean she could only be telling you the bad things because she needs a "guy friend" to rant to about this. Why girls need this "guy friend" is beyond me....

Secondly, what do you mean by "immature" I know a bunch of people, guys and girls (myself included) that can be seen as doing "immature" things, yelling at video games, joking about stupid things, etc.

Thirdly, in the end... sounds like you might be the "plan B" guy. Not to make it sound like she is "playing with your emotions", but I feel like she would only give you a chance if things really don't work with this guy, then you will be the "back-up guy" or the guy that she uses to make her current boyfriend jealous. Not saying she would do it on purpose or anything, but I think you should look at this down the road and think of it like that.

She might "love you" but it could be more of the "friend zone" love, if you know what I mean by that...

Sadly I have been kinda in a similar situation (not sure how similar they are since I don't know what she tells you by her current boyfriend being immature and treating her like shit,) But in the end I think everyone in relationships have that one friend in the opposite gender that they go to for ranting about these things.

Now how she really getting abused? I don't care if it is physical or mental, abuse is abuse... Now if they are just arguing a lot, then you can't call it abuse... I mean if she is staying with him, living with him, then you are in a sticky situation no matters how you go about it...
 
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