There's been an issue that I've been wondering about and have encountered in love recently. To be nice...or to be real? I understand that everyone puts on their best front when they first start being interested in someone (the "nice") and then start to reveal more of who they really are (the "real") as the relationship/going out situation/time goes on, but is it possible to make it the whole way through by being who you really are the first day? And not just the whole way through, but even to just attract someone? It seems like everyone's theory is that you have to be nice first, which makes sense because no one wants to be with someone who's mean, but...what if we're really just not that nice? Wouldn't it be easier and better for people to just be honest from the start or is it just part of the "relationship" process?
I've grown up with the notion that in order to be attractive, one must be a really nice and good person so I've always tried to be that, but then I discovered that I'm human as well. Beneath that trying, I had thoughts that weren't all that nice and good and have and continue to scold myself for them, but...I'm human. I can't help them, in a way, I guess. To be honest, I think practicing that notion has worked, but then when I revealed what I believe is really me, they turn themselves on me and call me "evil", "mean", "not innocent", "annoying" and negative, self-doubt and hurtful things like that. They also begin to treat and talk to me less valuable, making me feel like nothing and like I will never be something to someone or anyone. I won't deny that it's probably true, but it doesn't mean I have no good or like that "nice" part of me isn't a part of me! It makes me think, "What am I!? Who should I be!?" and I start thinking, "I'm evil! I'm disgusting! I should not even be on this earth!" No, I am not suicidal, but when I think about that other part of me, it makes me feel unworthy to be alive among everyone, even though there are most likely people who are the same or worse.
Then there are those who are actually naturally just really nice and those who know how to be real and live a full life. I applaud those people. I really do. I don't know how you do it.
So, the question is, can you really truly be accepted for who you are from the start without having to put on a nice "front" first? Of course, you have to have at least an ounce of niceness or definitely more than that to be loved and accepted, right? Does this have to do with "self-love", self-acceptance, and self-security first, as they always say? And/Or is it a tie-in with society's value of rare, truly moral people that everyone aims for this "nice exterior" and then begin to shun you when you actually don't meet/aren't this valued figure of a good person?
I've grown up with the notion that in order to be attractive, one must be a really nice and good person so I've always tried to be that, but then I discovered that I'm human as well. Beneath that trying, I had thoughts that weren't all that nice and good and have and continue to scold myself for them, but...I'm human. I can't help them, in a way, I guess. To be honest, I think practicing that notion has worked, but then when I revealed what I believe is really me, they turn themselves on me and call me "evil", "mean", "not innocent", "annoying" and negative, self-doubt and hurtful things like that. They also begin to treat and talk to me less valuable, making me feel like nothing and like I will never be something to someone or anyone. I won't deny that it's probably true, but it doesn't mean I have no good or like that "nice" part of me isn't a part of me! It makes me think, "What am I!? Who should I be!?" and I start thinking, "I'm evil! I'm disgusting! I should not even be on this earth!" No, I am not suicidal, but when I think about that other part of me, it makes me feel unworthy to be alive among everyone, even though there are most likely people who are the same or worse.
Then there are those who are actually naturally just really nice and those who know how to be real and live a full life. I applaud those people. I really do. I don't know how you do it.
So, the question is, can you really truly be accepted for who you are from the start without having to put on a nice "front" first? Of course, you have to have at least an ounce of niceness or definitely more than that to be loved and accepted, right? Does this have to do with "self-love", self-acceptance, and self-security first, as they always say? And/Or is it a tie-in with society's value of rare, truly moral people that everyone aims for this "nice exterior" and then begin to shun you when you actually don't meet/aren't this valued figure of a good person?