Serious Fear vs Success

Harlequin

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So
there I was in @Gabe's recent thread (click here) reading about his current dilemma on what decisions he should be making with regards to his future and all was well until I read a few comments suggesting he should perhaps consider more "realistic" goals as opposed to the ones he had listed and it made me think...


monkey_thinking_wide.jpg

Harlequin thinks to himself



Now I understand why people were suggesting he should take or at least account for a more realistic route, but what exactly is the attitude behind taking that route? Does it refer to a reasonable standard that we believe we can genuinely achieve? Or is it an excuse we use to perhaps avoid having to accept responsibility for our fears of failure?

Bear with me here.

Now currently I'm not a shining example of success, but I've long been of the opinion that the key to success is belief and the tenacity that comes with it. Intelligence, aptitude and luck are all useful but are no where near as vital to success as the driving force that is belief. That said, the reason I hold belief in such high regard could be because it's the central theme of my religion so there may be a slight impartiality there.

Now on to fear. Fear is a foul beast indeed. The book Life of Pi has an interesting take on the debilitating process fear takes:

I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. you become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread.

But what does Fear have to do with Success and Failure?

Fear is the inhibitor. It stops us from realising our potential, our success, our promised land - not because we're unable to, but because we're scared of having to deal with the consequences of failure, thus forcing us to accept this second rate "realistic" life. Fear takes our eyes off the prize of success and focuses them on the shortfalls of failure.

I feel as if those with a fixation and belief in success treat failure as a challenge to be overcome, a small stumble on the road to success. There's a stubbornness to belief and those who have experienced success in anything know the power of a positive mentality. However, those with a chronic fear of failure (often if not always brought about by a mishandling of previous failures) treat every set back as a confirmation of their inadequacy in that particular endeavor.

If the two performed badly at their first ever game of football, the believer would likely be adamant to themselves that even if it was a clear indication of how inept they currently were they could with regular practice improve and they may be even more inspired to succeed the second time around to correct the initial failure. Those with a fear of failure however would likely gauge the performance as a humiliating reminder of their innate inadequacy, dwell on the failure and integrate that perception of themselves into the very fabric of their identity.

Don't be surprised if you can identify with both sides of this coin. I know I can. We're all prone to thinking both ways. But it's about understanding that we're bound to fail every so often and that failure isn't something that defines who we are but rather where we should improve in order to get to where we want to be.

Woe to the person who settles in life because of a debilitating fear of not being able to fight for where they want to be and what they want to have. To the person in a job they would swap for the one they want but are too afraid to make it happen. To the person who is unsatisfied with their partner but fears being alone in search of who they're really after.

:tl;dr:

In short, I feel as if success and failure are heavily influenced not only by one's expectations of results but also by how the person deals with the negative outcomes. I believe that belief in one's own potential is essential to success (before intelligence, aptitude and luck) but a fear of inadequacy can and almost always will lead to failure.

What aspects do you believe most influence whether or not someone will succeed or fail? How do you feel about potentially lowering your standards and ambitions for the sake more attainable goals?

 
Eh, I kinda have to lower my standards to a more realistic goal. I used to want to be in a band and touring the world. But I decided to raise a family instead, so I can't really afford to take risks with all that at stake.

However!

That wouldn't stop me from doing the things I am passionate about. I still play Bass, and dabble in writing music. Granted I haven't played any gigs in a while, but that's 'cause all my other music buddies are scattered around the country, so we don't get much time to see each other, and when we do, we would rather our time not be spent rehearsing or what have you. Right now I'm aiming to get myself into a suitable career in order to get the money to do all the things I want in life. Well, at least the things that require money anyhow. :)

But yeah, I believe a lot of people aim lower simply because they can't take the risk of any massive set-backs. I've already gone through three in my life, and I don't plan on starting all over again.
 
I understand entirely where you're coming from and I think it's a responsible attitude considering the risk isn't just your own. I was referring more to the individual as opposed to the family. Granted, you may not be as able to pursue your music career, but in many ways you've already succeeded in creating and maintaining a family and you've prioritised that success over that of your music career.

What I was speaking of was more of an inhibition rather than the lack of opportunity itself. I think it's sad that a young person with minimal responsibilities would give up on their dreams and aspirations in pursuit of something more "realistic" purely because of a fear of not making it, rather than the lack of opportunity to actually do it. Good point you've made though.
 
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