Serious Problems with confidence

ScratchCardGlory

Ambush Reality
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Dec 27, 2009
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i have no confidence in talking to the opposite sex i have a perfect example of what i'm talking about

i was searching my only shop near me to sell Manga as i was looking for somthing to read,
a pretty girl came in.(Anime referencing shirt, atticus jeans (note my avi) and geeky yet cute glasses my type of girl), we where looking at the same shelf of books she picks one up that i have read before and one that i rly enjoyed.

i was too shy and not confident enough to make small talk about the book, she purchased the book and left, it may have been the easiest chance i'd to talk to a girl in my life, somone that reads manga and is pretty is a thing your going to see once in a lifetime.

I go home and talk to my mate what happened she says the usual stuff like just go up and talk to people whats the worst they can do and other things like that, she made me feel a bit better but meh

i have a hard time speaking to people of the opposite sex they seem to "scare me" do you guys have any tips on talking to girls.
 
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Yeah, be an asshole. It works.

But honestly, it's kind of weird. But sit in front of a mirror and talk out a conversation. It'll feel weird, but it works.
 
:hmmm: It's always good to practice standing tall. Idunno, having good posture always brings up confidence (from what I heard)
Maybe try going shopping and getting a new look for yourself? I mean it doesn't always work but, if your not confident in your style and whatnot it could help.

Try fitting in some time to work out? (If you don't already) After a long, hard work out you deff feel more confident in yourself.
Try smiling? (or better yet practice?) It shows that your happy and confident.

I might have other suggestions but, i'll post it if I think of them :hmmm:
 
There are plenty of things you can do to help you gain confidence. You could try exercising, taking up a new hobby, buying new clothes getting a haircut or whatever makes you feel better about yourself. But at the end of the day none of these things will have the same effect as actually talking to someone you're interested in. Honestly you should just give it a go. Don't take yourself too seriously, if you embarrass yourself laugh it off, learn from your mistakes, life goes on etc etc..

If you are too shy to ask someone out why don't you try getting to know said person first, just talk to them with no real intention to do anything. That will take a heap of pressure off so you can just relax and be yourself and if you feel some sort of connection later on just go for it.
 
Stay calm, and ask yourself: what have you got to lose? Yes, someone might laugh at you if you say the "wrong thing" in a social situation, but it happens to everyone, and its quickly forgotten. You'll learn from situations and become more confident naturally; the more you shy away from interaction out of fear of embarrassment, the worse it will get.

If it isn't forgotten, and people continue to belittle you...well, screw them. Would you really want to be friends with someone like that?

It helps if you're in a familiar place that you're comfortable with, as well. If you want to interact with people easier, visit somewhere often - a bookshop, a pub, whatever suits you - and you'll start to recognise people, and they you, and eventually they'll either start a conversation with you or you'll feel comfortable enough to talk to them.
 
Well my advice is to start small, work on things such as small talk first before pushing onto the bigger things, for instance, start with saying hi and how are you? to work collegues.

It usually only a small thing but it greatly boosts your confidence when faced with social situations as a good 70% revolve around small talk, and getting used to saying such things as Hi, how are you and the such will really help you in those previously ackward confrontations with strangers.
 
Tbh dude i can't even do that
plus i have a slight stutter which makes me not want to talk to them
You can't live you life in fear. That's all i'm gunna say. Once you take that first step, things should go smoother for you. Your friend is right though. What is the worst that can happen? I, too myself is shy but, I found it a lot easier afterwards when I just did it. It's not the end of the world if someone won't simply talk to you when you try engaging in a conversation. Dun worry about it too much and just go with the flow.
If someone doesn't like you who cares? Move on and look for another friend. Someone who understands you etc.
 
Thanks to all that have contributed all of your advice will help some time in the near future i love you all <3:tighthug:

i told my friend about this she asked to look upon it she personaly liked the idea of getting a new look, she said she'd be my personal advisor xD she said she'd take me shopping and possibly dye my hair fo me :D

advice is still very welcome for anybody and everybody who wants to contribute :D
 
You are certainly welcome! :)
I'm more then happy to help you anytime so, if you ever need help I will try my best to ^^
I'm glad that your opened to changing your style and whatnot. Sometimes a new look is refreshing and will help your confidence :]
 
Hey maybe this will help, although I'm super late. I don't know about talking in the mirror to yourself, sounds a bit degrading, and also when you actually talk to the opposite sex I assume your social anxiety kicks right back in, so it defeats the purpose.

I had similar problems before what you need to do is be honest with yourself in the future. If you know you have a few social problems then do something in which takes your head away from it all. I'm not saying drugs. I'm saying for instance... me I sort of went from never talking to girls, to actually seeing folks who they truly were. Most people around your age area like to bullshit each other. They don't hear enough of the real talk, or if something happens they don't have someone who genuinely comes up to them and express real concern. Most folks look for ways to exploit folks in order to get more popular as is, and when this is done, it makes it that much harder when talking to the opposite sex. Like for one.. if you don't have a friends, most people think you as just plain weird. While I always had friends per se, I still had a bit of trouble breaking down walls in order to let some girls know who I was.

Stuttering is nothing short of normal in my opinion. While I never stuttered I did have problems talking face to face with a pretty lady. I always tended to look at the ground and talk and also mumble. So even if a girl was interested in me.. it was like they had to do the work just to get past my damn wall.

The best advice I can offer for conquering your fears is.. live your life homey. Make an impression the first time, don't leave a lady wondering. It may be a large obstacle to you, but once you break it down.. men and women are all the same. Learn to talk casual to everyone and you'll be noticed sooner or later. Oh and don't throw yourself at anyone.. you'll get used.
 
Shu said:
While I always had friends per se, I trouble breaking down walls in order to let some girls know who I was.
This is just about me :p
cheers dude very interesting and imformative read, though i'll read a bit more into it when its not half one in the morning><

i think i made a pretty big step today well for me it was anyway
i had a few random convosations with a few girls in one of my classes about the work we where given,not trying to get any kind of friendship with them, just to see if i could, twas hard ><
 
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You know what man, i have the same problem. Usually how i get girls is they come to me and the girls that come to me are usually quite talkative so that helps. Now if theres a girl that you like and think is cute, its hard, i know. So what i do is just start off with small talk. I know how you can get nervous but if you try not to think about it you can do it. The reason guys like us get nervous about talking to girls is because we are self conscious about how we look and we think "would this girl even acknowledge my existence?" (Me anyways). So what you have to do with this is just take a good look in the mirror and say, "fuck them". Who cares what other people think of you, don't fear rejection and go for it. If they shut you down, well in cases of just meeting someone your likely not to meet them again so why not right?

Now being an asshole does not work. Maybe for some people that are generally assholes. I find myself to be a nice guy and im really shy. I like to do things for friends like buy them lunch and such. If this is a girl you see often, try buying her lunch one day or ask her out to lunch. Nice guy's don't always finish last. So my advice would be to be nice. Treat the girl with the respect she deserves.

Idk if that helped at all.. i just kinda rambled on about my experiences in hope it would benefit you. Good luck man.
 
Really I'd love to help but I'm terrible in this kind of situation. Even if I have talked to them before, if I find em attractive in any way I still choke on air and start to stutter, mumble, etc.

If I had to suggest anything, just keep it simple, take a deep yet subtle breath before talking to them, and don't ever put on a face like this:thehell:
 
Idk if that helped at all.. i just kinda rambled on about my experiences in hope it would benefit you. Good luck man.
Dude every little bit helps :mrgreen:
any yeah i knew acting like an asshole is fucking horrid advice, i like to think i'm a nice guy
also i pretty much dont try asking anyone i find pretty is basicaly getting shot down or what you also said i wonder if they know i exist .

Edit: Any help on Ice breakers? things that can blow into a full convosation?
 
Dude every little bit helps :mrgreen:
any yeah i knew acting like an asshole is fucking horrid advice, i like to think i'm a nice guy
also i pretty much dont try asking anyone i find pretty is basicaly getting shot down or what you also said i wonder if they know i exist .

Edit: Any help on Ice breakers? things that can blow into a full convosation?
Try starting off with something that is happening in the scene. Like you said about the comic would have been perfect! Or if you're at a coffee shop talk to her about the coffee. Or bring up the weather. Anything simple you can think of. Possibly even complement her about something shes wearing or how she looks. Girls love that.
 
Ouch, sorry to hear that story. I've been in this same boat myself. Even to this day, I'm still a little uneasy to talk to women. I think one of my biggest problems is that I tend to think that she might be thinking I'm looking for more than a conversation, and sort of shy away from it to prevent controversy.

I think the best start might be to just not think it's a conversation that's going to win you a date. It takes a certain level of comfort with someone to ask them out on a date, and you have to establish the comfort first with a little conversation. I would tend to wrap myself around the axle trying to put it all together into 1 motion.

As for raising the confidence to speak to them, that can be tricky, I suppose. In time, I've tended to grow out of my shyness a bit and it's easier to talk to women than it was in the past. But then again, I'm more experienced now and I've learned a lot about women in the past 10 years or so. Maybe knowing how women operate will help you in conversing (even though man will never fully know how women operate, am I right?). At some point you'll just bite the bullet and go for it. It would also be better to not dwell on a potential lost opportunity and just think about the next opportunity you may have.

Keep your chin up and hang in there sir! Your time will come! :ryan:
 
I look around and see where my friends are. Whether they're married and have kids, or live with their girlfriends, and alot of times I'm extremely jealous and wish I had that. Even after doing things to try and up my confidence and feel better about myself I'm still right back where I started. The same shy guy who is afraid of rejection. The same guy who is too afraid and nervous to try and even talk to a woman. Alot of times I just feel like I'm boring and uninteresting. I just feel like women aren't attracted to me at all. The ones I set my sights on just aren't into me like I am with them.
And this is even after I try and come out of my turtle shell and do nice things and show them I'm interested. Showing them that I have a kind heart and go out of my way to make them smile. Nope. They still blow me off. And ppl wonder why my confidence is absolute dog shit. How can you be optimistic when each and everytime I've tried I get shot down? Make no mistake, this isnt just being rejected once or twice. I'm talking all through middle and high school and even now. I'm 25 and STILL in the same boat.

That's what makes me pissed off when women complain about always finding assholes and the "good guys not existing". Chivalry DOES exist, ladies. Maybe you should try appreciating it and quit taking it for granted.
 
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How can you be optimistic when each and everytime I've tried I get shot down?

By not trying to please those around you. Confidence starts with you.

I understand it's hard for people, and I struggle with it myself. People judge and think you're the most confident person by how you present yourself, but even the people seeming most confident have their image/personality issues too. You can't be confident by going completely off of what someone else thinks of you, confidence comes from who you are, being proud of the person you are, being proud of what you've either accomplished or just being a good person in general. What others think about you, or looking for acknowledgement has nothing to do with confidence, that's acceptance, and whole different issue.

Confidence is amazing when you have it, but again, should be balanced, over confident people can easily come off like the biggest assholes you've ever known.

Just because you've not achieved now what you wish you had at this point in time it doesn't mean you should be less proud of the person you are today.
 
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