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Captain Squee

Like a pirate, but with class.
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Timber Owls <Owls>
intended for orpg and urpg only

Name – Mystro

Title – Dark Warrior

Alignment – evil in a good way
what this means is he has an unquenchable lust for blood so he loves to kill but does know right from wrong, so only kills those that deserve, unless he is feelin agry or such

Race – Human

Gender – Male

Age – 36

Appearance – he wears a white silk Short sleeve shirt that sags rather low on his upper body but doesn't fall veary far under his waist. He has spiked wrist bands that are made from leather (spikes are made from steel) that remain tight on his wrists. His shoes are black leather converse and he wears kakhi pants that are baggy and loose so that it would be simple enough to move freely in any direction, but not so loose as to allow an easy grip for enemies. He has semi-long brown hair that he does not tend to, making it look rather ratty. he wears a steel studded belt and it is the only thing keeping his pants up, but it is usually hidden under his shirt. his eyes are a blood red and are well proportioned on his face. his mouth and nose are hidden under a mask made from basic black cloth. He stands at 5 foot 7 weighing in at 153 pounds and is 17% body fat. his muscular structur is evenly distibuted so his streingth is about the same all around. He does bear many scars but the majority blend in with his pale colored skin. his ears remain hidden by his hair, however they r normally placed as on any human being.

Personality – silent person, he doesn't have many friends cuz he wants to protect ppl and not succumb to favoritism. He also fears of someone annoying to the point where he desires their death, being as insane as he is. people usually see him and don't get a chance to talk to him. He could be easily annoyed if people talk to him in some situations, i.e. him wanting to be alone. if someone were to try making small talk to he would simply look them in the eyes and think to himslef "what makes them want to talk to me?". he treats othr people as if they were almost not there, barely acknowledging their existance but noticing they were there. He normally tries to avoid any social activity

First Impression – he would seem good to some and senile to others. either ay he seems like an emotionaly strong individual that words could not penatrate. And by first look at his attire it could be assumed that he was a pedestrian and no more until seeing his weapon or face mask.

Strength – he is moderately strong, but not brute or a wimp. like on a scale of 1-10 i would say he is about a 7 or 6. i.e. in the suggestion given if a charecter had 500 health at minimal defensive capabilities, he would probably cause 75 without his weapon, but cause a good 125 with his weapon

Speed – with his hands and feet he is fast, with his weapon he is much slower, as he does try to end a battle quickly with his weapon. When first starting a run he is moderate, if he were to run a mile in this speed it would be 21 kph

Endurance – a tough guy, he can take several punches befor rally feeling the damage, but when his skin is broken he feels all the pain of that. In a fight that he must go completely all out he may only hold his own for up to 10 minutes at max. in a top speed run after running 1.75 miles, he would be totally winded and if he desired to go any farther he would need to walk or rest.

Reflexes – he could see something comming before it actually comes, but his reaction timing is slightly delayed so that if he were to fight one of average speed, he would almost be hit but escape from it just in time, however in combat he is usually to focused on harming his opponent to really care about what is around him, and his opponent could pull a fast one and hit him, making him vulnerable to a long series of attacks. if one were to attack him from a long range, he would not know of it until the hit, and needs to trust his chain mail well enough to do its job.

Fighting Style – a kicker generally, throws punches as a distraction. When he punchus it will be above the torso so he could distract ones eyes and swing a kick to their abdomanol area. his fighting techniques are all just him pounding away at best description. With his weapon he puts a lot of force into every blow so if one were to parry his attacks they would need more than the normal average streingth to hold him there, tho what he gains in streingth he losses in speed, making him an easy target for fast blows. when he fights he tries to slash away at the torso or neck first, and if that doesnt work he changes it up to atack limbs, immobilizing his opponents, or making them incapable of weilding their weapon. He forgets all self-respect and moral value in a fight, making him ruthless and show no mercy

Weapons – A sword titled "vampire lords sword" of the following apperance http://eagleswords.com/library/VampireSwords.jpg and the sword drains energy from surrounding people, even the weilder (tho the weilder gets the lesser of effects) however the slow pace of the draining cannot be felt unless one were to stay near it for about an hour, and the effects would be minor. The weapon is a 48 inch blade made from wine red stainless steal. The hilt is 2 and 1/2 hands.
the energy the sword drains goes into the sword itself, and it gets chanelled through the weilder and into the legs of whomever may be holding it, and the energy rests until the user is to jump, the energy is used to boost the height of the jump, however, even if the jump is at normal height energy is still used. if he is to lose his sword from his hand, the energy chanelled into his legs would quickly be drained back into the sword. NOTE: the energy from the sword can only be used in jumping, i will not use it to power him up any more than that. He uses the energy in this sword to jump much higher than a normal person could. With this weapon he can use the channelled energy to jump at a max. of 7 feet and 3 inches. However only enough energy can be stored at once to make him jump at the max height only 7 times

Armour – under his silk shirt is a chain mail and he wears metal plated gloves. his chain mail can only stop blades and the such from piercing his skin, however it would hurt to be hit by blunt objects. and when hit by a blade, it would seem as tho he was hit hard by a blunt object. his gloves are only plated over the back of his hands, these are veary thin and only are capable of stopping one strike from a sharp blade

Abilities – he can jump unusually high by drawing energy from his sword. the height of his jumps become about 11 feet and 3 inches high at maximum. tho his sword has limited energy, he can only jump at that maximum height up to 7 times. His total airtime would remain as physics allow and he would land with more than the average momentum, however he not enough to fall, but must bend his knees when landing.

Magic – earth based, but nothing like quake, as that would be unfair. things such as vines attacking a single target, or razor sharp leaves swarm, put simply, the manipulation of the vegatation. However he cant just make a tree fall or a limg smack someone in the face and such, he can only manipulate woody plants with at max of a 4 inch diameter (2 inch radius) thus making vines and small roots easy. It takes up much energy to continually do this so he usually only will use his magic as a last resort. This can be a little sketchy and some may consider too good, but i have no problem changing it.
he only can manipulate the living things, and he could only manipulate a single living thing for a max of up to 20 minutes, after lasting that long with his magic he would be lucky to find the energy to stand. his powerful spell before the drain effect would be to help make a woody plant grow while manipulating its motions at the same time, however after drain he would only be able to move it at his will

History – His family was a normal family, a middle class with the mother father and 3 children. he was the youngest having 3 sisters. he always had a fascination with music, and it played a big role in his teenage life. at veary young ages he began to develope considerably evil thaughts of murder to some peopl that emotionally harm him. this was at about age 13. At age 14 he joined a group of people at close ages that would be traiined in fencing techniques and strategies. he stayed with them until age 19 and decided to split from them because he figured he was good enough already, he was the 2nd best in his class. He found his weapon at age 21. He obtained the weapon by slaying one who titled himself as the demon from the shadows. he had slain this man due to the fact of his bloodlust returning rather strong for an unknown reason. He figured the man had a name implying he was evil and deserving of death. ever since then he has not let his sword out of his sight. Most of his travels have been simply to satisfy his desire to kill, while once in a while testing his self control to see if he can refrain from killing an innocent. he didnt really have a goal when he set out to see the world other than that veary satisfaction of death he loves, especially when his victims scream. He hates that he is that way and has no idea why he is like that, but lives with it just fine, its the only way knows how to live.
 
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You are not allowed to post topics in the "Approved Characters" section
ll new characters should be posted in The Heroes and should undergo the approval process to be placed in the Approved Characters forum

::MOVED::
 
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OOPS! sorry, i remember i was super tired that day lol, my bad, so uh...yeah, waiting for approval
 
I can say right away that this character is NOT approved.

Nothing is set in stone, half of the things will change depending on the RP, the other half lack a ton of detail.
So, as it stands now, this is a character IDEA, more than a character itself.
So, you have to do a lot of more work before this is approvable.

http://www.finalfantasyforums.net/the-heroes/bio-format-17204.html
That is the bio format, note that there is a certain detail level required on some of them.
I also encourage you to scroll down and read the 2nd and 3rd post of that topic as it will help a lot.

So, PM me once this is updated with information that details at least a paragraph for most of the tabs, the magic one will need more than one.
 
k so i did a lot of editing for that, made more stuff permanant, hope its good this time
 
First of all, you need to add if this char is for OPR, UPR and/or RPB's
For this nagging I will assume that you do NOT aim for RPB, since that will require a deeper level of detail.
Name – Mystro

Title – Dark Warrior

Alignment – evil in a good way
what this means is he has an unquenchable lust for blood so he loves to kill but does know right from wrong, so only kills those that deserve, unless he is feelin agry or such
So, basically he loves to kill but has the moral sense to be able to only target those who reserve it.
I have a character that does this as well ^^
Race – Human

Gender – Male

Age – 36

Appearance – he wears a white silk Short sleeve shirt that sags rather low on his upper body but doesn't fall veary far under his waist. He has spiked wrist bands that are made from leather (spikes are made from steel) that remain tight on his wrists. His shoes are black leather converse and he wears kakhi pants that are baggy and loose so that it would be simple enough to move freely in any direction, but not so loose as to allow an easy grip for enemies. He has semi-long brown hair that he does not tend to, making it look rather ratty. he wears a steel studded belt and it is the only thing keeping his pants up, but it is usually hidden under his shirt. his eyes are a blood red and are well proportioned on his face. his mouth and nose are hidden under a mask made from basic black cloth. He stands at 5 foot 7 weighing in at 153 pounds and is 17% body fat. his muscular structur is evenly distibuted so his streingth is about the same all around. He does bear many scars but the majority blend in with his pale colored skin. his ears remain hidden by his hair, however they r normally placed as on any human being.
Never read anyone that stated body fat in percentage before, but it works ^^
Personality – silent person, he doesn't have many friends cuz he wants to protect ppl and not succumb to favoritism. He also fears of someone annoying to the point where he desires their death, being as insane as he is. people usually see him and don't get a chance to talk to him. He could be easily annoyed if people talk to him in some situations, i.e. him wanting to be alone. if someone were to try making small talk to he would simply look them in the eyes and think to himslef "what makes them want to talk to me?". he treats othr people as if they were almost not there, barely acknowledging their existance but noticing they were there. He normally tries to avoid any social activity

First Impression – he would seem good to some and senile to others. either ay he seems like an emotionaly strong individual that words could not penatrate. And by first look at his attire it could be assumed that he was a pedestrian and no more until seeing his weapon or face mask.

Strength – he is moderately strong, but not brute or a wimp. like on a scale of 1-10 i would say he is about a 7 or 6. i.e. in the suggestion given if a charecter had 500 health at minimal defensive capabilities, he would probably cause 75 without his weapon, but cause a good 125 with his weapon

Speed – with his hands and feet he is fast, with his weapon he is much slower, as he does try to end a battle quickly with his weapon. When first starting a run he is moderate, if he were to run a mile in this speed it would finish in about 8.5 minutes, but after a good buildup and maintaing that speed for a mile it could be between 7.5 andd 8 minutes
If I did the math correctly on this, it would mean that his speed is below that of a common teen.
Instead of suggesting how long he uses to run a preset distance, try instead and use Kmh, or mph for speed.
Endurance – a tough guy, he can take several punches befor rally feeling the damage, but when his skin is broken he feels all the pain of that. In a fight that he must go completely all out he may only hold his own for up to 45 minutes at max. in a top speed run after running 1.75 miles, he would be totally winded and if he desired to go any farther he would need to walk or rest.
I keep telling people this, it is unnatural to be able to last that long.
Note that a normal one on one fight rarely lasts for more than 4-5 minutes.
Though a full scale war does last way longer, gong at max I doubt any human could last for more than 15 min or so.
Reflexes – he could see something comming before it actually comes, but his reaction timing is slightly delayed so that if he were to fight one of average speed, he would almost be hit but escape from it just in time, however in combat he is usually to focused on harming his opponent to really care about what is around him, and his opponent could pull a fast one and hit him, making him vulnerable to a long series of attacks. if one were to attack him from a long range, he would not know of it until the hit, and needs to trust his chain mail well enough to do its job.

Fighting Style – a kicker generally, throws punches as a distraction. When he punchus it will be above the torso so he could distract ones eyes and swing a kick to their abdomanol area. his fighting techniques are all just him pounding away at best description. With his weapon he puts a lot of force into every blow so if one were to parry his attacks they would need more than the normal average streingth to hold him there, tho what he gains in streingth he losses in speed, making him an easy target for fast blows. when he fights he tries to slash away at the torso or neck first, and if that doesnt work he changes it up to atack limbs, immobilizing his opponents, or making them incapable of weilding their weapon. He forgets all self-respect and moral value in a fight, making him ruthless and show no mercy

Weapons – A sword titled "vampire lords sword" of the following apperance http://eagleswords.com/library/VampireSwords.jpg and the sword drains energy from surrounding people, even the weilder (tho the weilder gets the lesser of effects) however the slow pace of the draining cannot be felt unless one were to stay near it for about an hour, and the effects would be minor.
Whoa, a weapon that can drain anyone, but still being relatively balanced.
Congrats, I think youre the first one beside myself that managed to balance that out on first go ^^
Just remember that even though it drains the others, it is so little that they might feel it but it should not affect them, that way it will remain ok to have the drain as it is.
Though, where does the energy go? waht is it used for?
Any skill that is within the weapon should be listed in the weapon tab under the weapon in question.
Armour – under his silk shirt is a chain mail and he wears metal plated gloves
Detail his armor to a higher degree.
Appearance, color, and perhaps an example of damage it can withstand without your char taking any damage to speak of.
Abilities – he can jump unusually high by drawing energy from his sword. the height of his jumps become about 11 feet and 3 inches high at maximum. tho his sword has limited energy, he can only jump at that maximum height up to 7 times.

Magic – earth based, but nothing like quake, as that would be unfair. things such as vines attacking a single target, or razor sharp leaves swarm, put simply, the manipulation of the vegatation. However he cant just make a tree fall or a limg smack someone in the face and such, he can only manipulate woody plants with at max of a 4 inch diameter (2 inch radius) thus making vines and small roots easy. It takes up much energy to continually do this so he usually only will use his magic as a last resort. This can be a little sketchy and some may consider too good, but i have no problem changing it.
The little detailing there is here is ok, but it needs more detail.
First of all, make sure he can only manipulate living things, or he would be able to control the wooden handles of other char's weapons.
Add an example of his strongest attack with this spell, before being "unusable" due to the drain.
History – His family was a normal family, a middle class with the mother father and 3 children. he was the youngest having 3 sisters. he always had a fascination with music, and it played a big role in his teenage life. at veary young ages he began to develope considerably evil thaughts of murder to some peopl that emotionally harm him. this was at about age 13. At age 14 he joined a group of people at close ages that would be traiined in fencing techniques and strategies. he stayed with them until age 19 and decided to split from them because he figured he was good enough already, he was the 2nd best in his class. He found his weapon at age 21. He obtained the weapon by slaying one who titled himself as the demon from the shadows. he had slain this man due to the fact of his bloodlust returning rather strong for an unknown reason. He figured the man had a name implying he was evil and deserving of death. ever since then he has not let his sword out of his sight. Most of his travels have been simply to satisfy his desire to kill, while once in a while testing his self control to see if he can refrain from killing an innocent. he didnt really have a goal when he set out to see the world other than that veary satisfaction of death he loves, especially when his victims scream. He hates that he is that way and has no idea why he is like that, but lives with it just fine, its the only way knows how to live.
-As normal for me, I wont read the history when nagging-

Your bio is vastly improved, though it lacks detail here and there.
Follow the things I stated for each tab and remember to state what RP your char is intended for
ORPG/URPG/RPB

for now, your char remains [Not Approved]
 
Endurance – a tough guy, he can take several punches befor rally feeling the damage, but when his skin is broken he feels all the pain of that. In a fight that he must go completely all out he may only hold his own for up to 45 minutes at max. in a top speed run after running 1.75 miles, he would be totally winded and if he desired to go any farther he would need to walk or rest.

k so ill make it so he can withstand a good 10 minutes before being exjausted to the point of needing a break to sit and rest, is that better?

Weapons – A sword titled "vampire lords sword" of the following apperance http://eagleswords.com/library/VampireSwords.jpg and the sword drains energy from surrounding people, even the weilder (tho the weilder gets the lesser of effects) however the slow pace of the draining cannot be felt unless one were to stay near it for about an hour, and the effects would be minor.
the energy the sword drains goes into the sword itself, and it gets chanelled through the weilder and into the legs of whomever may be holding it, and the energy rests until the user is to jump, the energy is used to boost the height of the jump, however, even if the jump is at normal height energy is still used. if he is to lose his sword from his hand, the energy chanelled into his legs would quickly be drained back into the sword. NOTE: the energy from the sword can only be used in jumping, i will not use it to power him up any more than that

Magic – earth based, but nothing like quake, as that would be unfair. things such as vines attacking a single target, or razor sharp leaves swarm, put simply, the manipulation of the vegatation. However he cant just make a tree fall or a limg smack someone in the face and such, he can only manipulate woody plants with at max of a 4 inch diameter (2 inch radius) thus making vines and small roots easy. It takes up much energy to continually do this so he usually only will use his magic as a last resort. This can be a little sketchy and some may consider too good, but i have no problem changing it.

well he only can manipulate the living things, and he could only manipulate a single living thing for a max of up to 20 minutes, after lasting that long with his magic he would be lucky to find the energy to stand. his powerful spell before the drain effect would be to help make a woody plant grow while manipulating its motions at the same, however after drain he would only be able to move it at his will.

Armour – under his silk shirt is a chain mail and he wears metal plated gloves
his chain mail can only stop blades and the such from piercing his skin, however it would hurt to be hit by blunt objects. and when hit by a blade, it would seem as tho he was hit hard by a blunt object. his gloves are only plated over the back of his hands, these are veary thin and only are capable of stopping one strike from a sharp blade.

this charecter is only intended for ORPG and URPG not RPB.

is this better?
 
I see that you have written edits in a new post, but you haven't updated the bio itself yet ^^
I cannot nag on any changes that haven't been added to the bio itself, reason for this is that some of the wording and effect might be changed as it is added to the bio itself to 'flow' better.

So, write your edits into the main bio, and PM me after and Ill have a look ^^
 
Extremely sorry for the time I used to get to this.

intended for orpg and urpg only

Name – Mystro

Title – Dark Warrior

Alignment – evil in a good way
what this means is he has an unquenchable lust for blood so he loves to kill but does know right from wrong, so only kills those that deserve, unless he is feelin agry or such

Race – Human

Gender – Male

Age – 36

Appearance – he wears a white silk Short sleeve shirt that sags rather low on his upper body but doesn't fall veary far under his waist. He has spiked wrist bands that are made from leather (spikes are made from steel) that remain tight on his wrists. His shoes are black leather converse and he wears kakhi pants that are baggy and loose so that it would be simple enough to move freely in any direction, but not so loose as to allow an easy grip for enemies. He has semi-long brown hair that he does not tend to, making it look rather ratty. he wears a steel studded belt and it is the only thing keeping his pants up, but it is usually hidden under his shirt. his eyes are a blood red and are well proportioned on his face. his mouth and nose are hidden under a mask made from basic black cloth. He stands at 5 foot 7 weighing in at 153 pounds and is 17% body fat. his muscular structur is evenly distibuted so his streingth is about the same all around. He does bear many scars but the majority blend in with his pale colored skin. his ears remain hidden by his hair, however they r normally placed as on any human being.

Personality – silent person, he doesn't have many friends cuz he wants to protect ppl and not succumb to favoritism. He also fears of someone annoying to the point where he desires their death, being as insane as he is. people usually see him and don't get a chance to talk to him. He could be easily annoyed if people talk to him in some situations, i.e. him wanting to be alone. if someone were to try making small talk to he would simply look them in the eyes and think to himslef "what makes them want to talk to me?". he treats othr people as if they were almost not there, barely acknowledging their existance but noticing they were there. He normally tries to avoid any social activity

First Impression – he would seem good to some and senile to others. either ay he seems like an emotionaly strong individual that words could not penatrate. And by first look at his attire it could be assumed that he was a pedestrian and no more until seeing his weapon or face mask.

Strength – he is moderately strong, but not brute or a wimp. like on a scale of 1-10 i would say he is about a 7 or 6. i.e. in the suggestion given if a charecter had 500 health at minimal defensive capabilities, he would probably cause 75 without his weapon, but cause a good 125 with his weapon

Speed – with his hands and feet he is fast, with his weapon he is much slower, as he does try to end a battle quickly with his weapon. When first starting a run he is moderate, if he were to run a mile in this speed it would finish in about 8.5 minutes, but after a good buildup and maintaing that speed for a mile it could be between 7.5 andd 8 minutes
So, youre keeping this speed, eh?
It is still considered pretty slow.

1 mile = 1.6km ~1600m (1.6km in meters (Ill convert it back after)
say this is done in 8 minutes.
8 min = 480 seconds
1600m / 480 sec = 3,33 meter per second.
3,33 * 60 = 199,8 meters per minute.
199,8 * 60 = 11988 meters per hour
11988 / 1000 = 11,988 ~ 12 km per hour.
12 kmh ~ 7,4 mph.

Now, if my math is done right, this means that your char is quite slow, most teens will outrun him.
Now do you see what I mean that you should perhaps state his speed, instead of how long he uses to run a certain distance? ^^
Endurance – a tough guy, he can take several punches befor rally feeling the damage, but when his skin is broken he feels all the pain of that. In a fight that he must go completely all out he may only hold his own for up to 10 minutes at max. in a top speed run after running 1.75 miles, he would be totally winded and if he desired to go any farther he would need to walk or rest.
OK, the fighting time is much more logical now ^^
Reflexes – he could see something comming before it actually comes, but his reaction timing is slightly delayed so that if he were to fight one of average speed, he would almost be hit but escape from it just in time, however in combat he is usually to focused on harming his opponent to really care about what is around him, and his opponent could pull a fast one and hit him, making him vulnerable to a long series of attacks. if one were to attack him from a long range, he would not know of it until the hit, and needs to trust his chain mail well enough to do its job.

Fighting Style – a kicker generally, throws punches as a distraction. When he punchus it will be above the torso so he could distract ones eyes and swing a kick to their abdomanol area. his fighting techniques are all just him pounding away at best description. With his weapon he puts a lot of force into every blow so if one were to parry his attacks they would need more than the normal average streingth to hold him there, tho what he gains in streingth he losses in speed, making him an easy target for fast blows. when he fights he tries to slash away at the torso or neck first, and if that doesnt work he changes it up to atack limbs, immobilizing his opponents, or making them incapable of weilding their weapon. He forgets all self-respect and moral value in a fight, making him ruthless and show no mercy

Weapons – A sword titled "vampire lords sword" of the following apperance** and the sword drains energy from surrounding people, even the weilder (tho the weilder gets the lesser of effects) however the slow pace of the draining cannot be felt unless one were to stay near it for about an hour, and the effects would be minor.
the energy the sword drains goes into the sword itself, and it gets chanelled through the weilder and into the legs of whomever may be holding it, and the energy rests until the user is to jump, the energy is used to boost the height of the jump, however, even if the jump is at normal height energy is still used. if he is to lose his sword from his hand, the energy chanelled into his legs would quickly be drained back into the sword. NOTE: the energy from the sword can only be used in jumping, i will not use it to power him up any more than that
Ok, the energy part is ok, as is the drain.
However, there are two things.
1: How much higher/longer can one jump with this?
2: I removed the link to prove a point. Every item needs a text description, not everyone can see every image. There are also other effects but everything will be fixed if you can add a text description. Feel free to have an image along that description, but it has to be in text form as well.
Armour – under his silk shirt is a chain mail and he wears metal plated gloves. his chain mail can only stop blades and the such from piercing his skin, however it would hurt to be hit by blunt objects. and when hit by a blade, it would seem as tho he was hit hard by a blunt object. his gloves are only plated over the back of his hands, these are veary thin and only are capable of stopping one strike from a sharp blade
Ok, the armor is much better now.
I also like that you take note that if you are hit with a sword, you wont be cut but the momentum will still hit you ^^
Abilities – he can jump unusually high by drawing energy from his sword. the height of his jumps become about 11 feet and 3 inches high at maximum. tho his sword has limited energy, he can only jump at that maximum height up to 7 times.
Oh, so the sword's powers is added here?
Every power that a weapon/item has, has to be detailed under said item.
You can refer it to said item like this, but this also has to be added to the item description itself.
Also, take note: how will you land at this height? ^^
Magic – earth based, but nothing like quake, as that would be unfair. things such as vines attacking a single target, or razor sharp leaves swarm, put simply, the manipulation of the vegatation. However he cant just make a tree fall or a limg smack someone in the face and such, he can only manipulate woody plants with at max of a 4 inch diameter (2 inch radius) thus making vines and small roots easy. It takes up much energy to continually do this so he usually only will use his magic as a last resort. This can be a little sketchy and some may consider too good, but i have no problem changing it.
he only can manipulate the living things, and he could only manipulate a single living thing for a max of up to 20 minutes, after lasting that long with his magic he would be lucky to find the energy to stand. his powerful spell before the drain effect would be to help make a woody plant grow while manipulating its motions at the same time, however after drain he would only be able to move it at his will
This seems balanced in its own way.
So Id say the magic part is ok for now ^^
History – His family was a normal family, a middle class with the mother father and 3 children. he was the youngest having 3 sisters. he always had a fascination with music, and it played a big role in his teenage life. at veary young ages he began to develope considerably evil thaughts of murder to some peopl that emotionally harm him. this was at about age 13. At age 14 he joined a group of people at close ages that would be traiined in fencing techniques and strategies. he stayed with them until age 19 and decided to split from them because he figured he was good enough already, he was the 2nd best in his class. He found his weapon at age 21. He obtained the weapon by slaying one who titled himself as the demon from the shadows. he had slain this man due to the fact of his bloodlust returning rather strong for an unknown reason. He figured the man had a name implying he was evil and deserving of death. ever since then he has not let his sword out of his sight. Most of his travels have been simply to satisfy his desire to kill, while once in a while testing his self control to see if he can refrain from killing an innocent. he didnt really have a goal when he set out to see the world other than that veary satisfaction of death he loves, especially when his victims scream. He hates that he is that way and has no idea why he is like that, but lives with it just fine, its the only way knows how to live.

Well, this is a improvement, the main issue now is the base of your speed, you can choose to have it like that if you wish, but you will most likely be outrun by anyone.
Also there are the little thing about the description of the weapon.
Try and mentally picture it and write what you "see".

PM me as these things are fixed ^^
 
Squee, since Red Fox is no longer an RP Mod, PM me if/when those changes are made, and I'll look over this bio for you.
 
FYI: I'm treating this bio as if it had never been perused previously. Theoretically that should make it better. Theoretically.

Personality – silent person, he doesn't have many friends cuz he wants to protect ppl and not succumb to favoritism. He also fears of someone annoying to the point where he desires their death, being as insane as he is. people usually see him and don't get a chance to talk to him. He could be easily annoyed if people talk to him in some situations, i.e. him wanting to be alone. if someone were to try making small talk to he would simply look them in the eyes and think to himslef "what makes them want to talk to me?". he treats othr people as if they were almost not there, barely acknowledging their existance but noticing they were there. He normally tries to avoid any social activity

Nothing actually wrong here, just wanted to note that shortened words/chat-speak is generally frowned upon in RP Land.

First Impression – he would seem good to some and senile to others. either ay he seems like an emotionaly strong individual that words could not penatrate. And by first look at his attire it could be assumed that he was a pedestrian and no more until seeing his weapon or face mask.

Something of a strange juxtaposition here. Senility implies a decline in mental state, but you say he's an emotionally strong individual upon first impression. I'm not sure how that combination would work.

Speed – with his hands and feet he is fast, with his weapon he is much slower, as he does try to end a battle quickly with his weapon. When first starting a run he is moderate, if he were to run a mile in this speed it would be 21 kph

Endurance – a tough guy, he can take several punches befor rally feeling the damage, but when his skin is broken he feels all the pain of that. In a fight that he must go completely all out he may only hold his own for up to 10 minutes at max. in a top speed run after running 1.75 miles, he would be totally winded and if he desired to go any farther he would need to walk or rest.

I was a bit concerned that his speed was a little fast. It works out to about a 4:45 mile split, which as a track and cross-country coach, I can tell you that that is pretty darn fast. Above average at least. But if he's limited to 2800m at that pace, it seems fairly well balanced.

Well, as those notes are just minor taste things, I'm going to go ahead and approve this bio.

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Arukab Tragide

ORPG/URPG/RPB - this character is mainly made to occupy Jesse :monster: but I suppose for ORPG and URPG

Name – Arukab Tashira Tragide

Title – Silver Phantom (His abilities gave him this title)

Alignment – Lawful neutral

Race – Human

Gender – Male

Age – about 230 but appears to be in mid 50's (see history and weapon)

AppearanceLong black hair down to his mid back, his bangs cover his forehead. his eyes are blood red and he has relatively pale skin however he still maintains that normal peach color. he has no visible scars, however there are many hidden by his clothing attire. H wears a long sleeve full length trench coat made from genuine black leather. under his coat is a silk and cotton made dark gray shirt. he wears loose black denim jeans that need a belt to hold them up. his belt is leather w/ silver rings in it and has a silver belt buckle resembling a tarantula. His footwear is boots that reach just below his knees and have silver plates over the toe and heel parts, effective when kicking opponents. all up those boots are straps that also have silver buckles. on his shoulders he wears very thick, but due to his power not too heavy, spiky silver shoulder plates. he has a pair of white gloves that he always wears despite all his black and as i already specified, he does not carry his gunblade around unless in combat.
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Personality – Only speaking when spoken too, Arukab does not attempt to start conversation most of the time, but when spoken to, he responds politely and continues the conversation kindly. He is a good soul trapped in a dark shell, and very proud of who he is. He bows his steel to no man, nation, or legion. A decision Arukab made years ago leads him to defend who he feels need defending, and punishing the ones he dubs as wrong. He does have a good sense of morality to go with that, sided with great mind for justice, punishing bad with bad (eye for an eye style). He would NEVER intentionally hurt someone that he deemed as innocent under any circumstances given.
He keeps his emotions generally stable, and he is a difficult one to anger, because he is a patient man with a high tolerance. His stable mindset makes him a great strategist and a good thinker. He is a very smart one to befriend.
Arukab likes to relax every so often and have some alcohol, but he never drinks enough to get himself drunk.
Arukab has a big thing with children. He will protect a child before a man, and he will never give up to save said child from any harm.

First Impression – With Arukab's dark appearance, someone may startle when approaching him, but his eyes and face never give anyone reason to back away. He has a warming and innocent, slightly pained look in his eyes, and his smile is gentle. Asking his name will lead to the question of his own, "What would this mean to you?" and the odds are he will not tell his true name unless he knows you are trustable. Other than that, he is very kind to any whom approach him.
Also, he looks like someone who has seen many battlefields with sad endings.

Strength – So lets say Arukab was bench-pressing, at most he would be able to bench 10 reps of 160 pounds before needing to rest. Punching a solid brick at max power would crack the brick in half, but nothing too bad as to comparison of some warriors he has met.

Speed – At top speed after a good build up, Arukab can run at approx. 30 kph (about 18 mph). However his start off running speed is not great at all, he has to build up speed to go fast at all, and he is not much for running. He can run at this speed for about ten minutes, but if jogging he could run for about 15 before needing a break.

Endurance – Arukab has a tough exterior, he can easily take a hit and keep walking. However he must avoid being cut, because he is sensitive underneath his skin. Putting any pressure on any wound would make Arukab feel strong pain. His magic defenses are very low. He cannot stand very well against a mage unless he uses his silver abilities to shield himself, but if you hit him in the soul or body with a weak low level spell, he feels as though he is hit hard.

Reflexes – When hearing a single step behind him, he will draw his blade and get ready for defense. He knows better than to try an attack because his reaction timing with attacks is delayed a little, so it could be fatal. Just because he prepares for the attack does not mean he will defend it, He only will be prepared. He would have to have a .5 second notice to actually defend himself properly. That could sometimes be fatal, so he likes to fight with one he can trust to watch his back. When defending against projectiles, he often has enough time to be able to dodge successfully, but sometimes gets scraped in the process. He will always have time tp parry if it is an attack coming from in front of him. But if the attack has already been launched, he may only be able to pull a quick motion out of the way.

Fighting Stylewith hand to hand combat he is more of a kicker, thus the steel toed boots. he often makes his boots heavy to be able to throw more weight for more impact. However he only does so in mid combat so that when running he feels as though there is nothing there. His magic allows him to make the steel on his boots lighter if the situation calls for it. w/ his gunblade he changes it up. he constantly changes his weapons weight, heavy for power, light for speed, etc., ect.. (see magic section)

Weapons – Arukab uses a silver gunblade dubbed as the "soul shot". It's gun handle is that of a SIG-sauer P225 Pistol (linked) However it has silver plating on the sides of the handle. The trigger is silver, but the area around it is black. The weapon Gives the user a virtual immortality. Virtual meaning they can die, but they do not age, nor will they die by disease or by poison/venom. For the wielder to die they must die of cuts, blood loss, internal bleeding, high amp shocks, etc. I'm sure my point is proven.
The blade on the gunblade is made of solid silver, as stated above. The blade is approxamately 15 inches in length and 4 inches deceasing from the handle in width. There is an area near the middle of the blade that dips down about 5 inches from the top of it, but retreats back up and continues to narrow.

Abilities – The ability in his weapon is an ability I suppose. But I will elaborate more in this section.

If Arukab is to lose the gunblade held in his hand, he will be the same age as he was when he held it, as it simply stops aging, not pauses it. The gunblade also prevents any poisons from gettin inside his cells, so if a poison is injested he will not be effected, but if the gunblade is lost while poison is in the blood, he will start to get affected. Same goes for venoms.

GIFT OF PEGOS, THE BLACK SILVER PEGASUS: Arukab was gifted by Pegos (see history for more). This allows him to grow silver out of his bones, making silver attachments rip out of his skin. The silver grows into whatever shape he so desires. The silver is created from the spiritual energy that Arukab houses, so there are limits and defects. One defect is that when he makes silver, it uses a 1[silver] : 1.5[energy] ratio. His magic also runs on this energy, but does not use it up, so when he uses his silver, it takes away from the effectiveness of his magic, causing it to be less potent. Also, the most silver he can use before having used up all his energy is enough to cover his entire body in 2 inch diamater 5 inch length spikes, however he rarely uses that much silver. When the silver is created, that spiritual energy is used and cannot be made into more silver, it is set so that energy is used until the silver is to return to the body. When one piece of silver is to return to the body, it turns back into spiritual energy, and is able to be used again instantly, as long as he does not keep it out. When one piece grows out it is not set out permanantly and can retreat it while keeping other pieces of the silver out, and even possible to retreat one piece while growing another, as if the energy is being transferred to a new location. He can constantly make the silver until he has reached the limit. However, there is a side effect to using his energy to make the silver. His ability to control the weight will decrease with the more energy being used, so the more silver he has out, the heavier it gets in relation to mass.
LIMIT: Argentum Barage: his ratio to making silver is changed to 7[silver]: 1[energy] for less than one second. He uses this split second to make large silver spikes grow out from everywhere in his body, however it then instantly retreats, so its uses are only good when he is surrounded by several weak enemys. It is not very useful against smart or strong enemys.
LIMIT: Silver Phantom: This ability lasts for about 3 minutes before he reverts back to normal. He grows silver horns and silver wings that expand widely and long enough to cover his whole body. The wings cannot fly, as they are far to heavy, and he can hardly jump. His running is even slowed massively. The wings are feathered and he can shoot the silver feathers out of the wings, at the sacrifice of the proportional amount of energy taken to make that feather.The feathers are razor sharp, capable of cutting very easily. They can rip through surface flesh quite easily, meaning if it scrapes the side of one's body, the skin will be cut. But if it hit's one in the center, of any muscular area, the tip of the feather (about 1- 1.5 inches) is all that would go inside the one being hit. The feather size vary by feather, but generally range about 4 inches to 10 inches.

Metallic Manipulation: His magic involves anything combat related as long as it is made from metal. this is a rare magic that few can master in one lifetime. He can change the weight of any metal things in his possession, making armor lighter etc. etc.. W/ his abilities he can make his gunblade dissapear or vanish, however the weapon may not be in his hands at the time it is in fact in his possession. nothing too flashy. He must be either be directly touching the silver, or indirectly. This means either his skin must be touching it, or it must be connected to something that is in contact to his skin.

History – Arukab was born as the only son of Nakiti Tragide. He never got to know his mother, as she died at birth. Nakiti was a noble man, but he was far to loyal to the nation. His father always did as he was told. He never did anything wrong in doing this though, as he was still loyal to his moral. Watching his father, he learned about such nobility and morality. Picking this up, Arukab became a good and nice child, but always dressing in black and metal garb for some unkown reason. This made some worry for his mental state, but it was eventually clear that it was only how he dressed, and had no reflection on his mentality.
As he aged, Arukab began to have great respect for the children of his home, always working on something or playing amongst eachother. At this point he was an early teen, gaining a new respect for the world. School was average, he was smart, and generally got good grades. Of course, he had his hardships. Girls came and went, friends faught amongst eachother, but nothing emotionally traumatizing
In his late teens, he began to gain a total new respect for the entire world. It was a place that was brutalized by evil, and the ones trying to help were always shut down. The he had a dream that would change his life forever. In his dream he was cast in a stone land, full of nothing. There was no sky, no mountains, just stone plains forever. There stood a winged pegasus who said his name was Pegos. he had feathered wings, a silver horn, red eyes, and silver hooves. The Pegasus told Arukab about how he was giving him a gift. His bone marrow would be made of silver from this day on, and a silver gunblade appeared in his hand. It explained that the weilder of the gunblade was only to die of bloodshed. Pegos told him to fight off anyone that he saw as bad, and to protect the ones his eyes dubbed as good. The rest he would have to learn on his own.
The morning afterwards, he awoke with the same gunblade in hand, and a peice of shoulder armor lay next to him. He felt as though he had to wear this armor, and in putting it on, he accepted his destiny. He then left out for the world, but he did not weild his gunblade that was given to him, because he did not want to wear out such a precious weapon.
Around the age of 53, he discovered that the gunblade given by Pegos would stop aging as well, as he heard it from a prophet of the sorts. Taking this into consideration, he began to weild the gunblade, and doing as pegos told him, he faught the bad and defended the good for many years to this day...
 
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this character is mainly made to occupy Jesse :monster:

-__-

Speed – At top speed after a good build up, Arukab can run at approx. 30 kph (about 18 mph). However his start off running speed is not great at all, he has to build up speed to go fast at all, and he is not much for running

How long can he maintain his top speed? How long can he jog before needing a rest?

he often makes his boots heavy to be able to throw more weight for more impact.

Wouldn't this theoretically slow down his running speed?

Weapons – Arukab uses a silver gunblade dubbed as the "soul shot".

Description of the gun part is good, but what about the blade part?

it uses a 1[silver] : 1.5[energy] ratio.

What's the base range of his energy? Or, to phrase it another way, how many times would he be able to make silver before he reached his limit?

MagicHis magic involves anything combat related as long as it is made from metal. this is a rare magic that few can master in one lifetime. He can change the weight of any metal things in his possession, making armor lighter etc. etc.. W/ his abilities he can make his gunblade dissapear or vanish, however the weapon may not be in his hands at the time it is in fact in his possession. nothing too flashy.

This would strike me as more of an Ability, as he's not actually casting any one spell, if I'm reading correctly.
 
(If the energy were measured like it was electricity it would be measured in Amps)]

It's not the measurement I'm concerned with, so much as how many times he'd be able to use the ability in a given battle. Think in terms of MP in a typical RPG. What is his limit to using this ability?
 
OK Jesse, I have edited it in, if its not checked by tomorrow I'll just pm you, but to make it easy for you Ill quote the entire part that I wrote down but forgot to type that I have edited in.

When the silver is created, that spiritual energy is used and cannot be made into more silver, it is set so that energy is used until the silver is to return to the body. When one piece of silver is to return to the body, it turns back into spiritual energy, and is able to be used again instantly, as long as he does not keep it out. When one piece grows out it is not set out permanantly and can retreat it while keeping other pieces of the silver out, and even possible to retreat one piece while growing another, as if the energy is being transferred to a new location. He can constantly make the silver until he has reached the limit. However, there is a side effect to using his energy to make the silver. His ability to control the weight will decrease with the more energy being used, so the more silver he has out, the heavier it gets in relation to mass.


coppied and pasted for your convenience
 
Julias (Judas) Herenias

This character is intended for ORP and URP and BRP, so all three please :D

Name- Julias Herenias, people call him Judas

Title- White priest

Alignment- Religious good

Race- Human (another human :gasp:)

Gender- Male

Age- 23

Appearance/attir/armour- His clothes are identical to the gentleman in this picture. Its a bit blurry but there is no fine detail, so it should be fine. The cloth is made out of a 50/50 ratio of cotton and Silk, so to provide a comfortable and loose fit. His facial appearance is also the same. His hair is about 3 inches longer than in the picture, but other than that everything is the same. Thejacket has white buttons approx. 1 inch in the radius and is almost always buttoned fully up and down. At about the waste it splits with no more buttons so his legs can be seen. His legs are of course covered in black pants of the idential color. The sleeves of the shirt have a cross on the upper area, mainly the bicep. His eyes are deep blue, and stand out on his pale skin. His cheek bones are highly defined, and he has very little fat on his face. His hairline is almost perfectly strait, and his face is always visable. The eyebrows he has a dark, just like his hair, and quite slim. Having a rather large nose, it points out more than the average person, but his face seems to match it so it doesn't look bad.
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He always wears a pendant that he keeps tucked within is coat
161xf0p.jpg
. He always takes it out before stepping into serious combat. It is an ensignia of his religion and only the highest priests get to wear it, having signs of respect behind it. See how he earned it in his history.

vimoib.jpg

This is his only armor he wears, he removes thes gauntlets before sleeping only, other than that he always wears them, unless in certain formal circumstances. They can take almost any impact, but he usually doesn't deal with close range enemies. These gauntlets are very thick steel and very strong, it woult take quite a bit to make him feel impact on a damaging scale. The clash of a sword would not be felt through the gloves, but the impact of a heavy weapon, such as an axe would make him feel it if it had the proper momentum.

Personality- Judas is a man of good will and great pride. He never starts fights unless absolutely necissary, but always will avoid this. Granted, he will sometimes do tasks for hire, making him a sort of mercenary, but due to his pride and honor, he will not hurt a child.

He is also a very passionate man, with a strong will. He puts his heart into everything he does, even when creating weapons. H also could be considerred a writer of the sorts. He tends to write small pieces when he becomes bored enough, or just to kill time.

In his eyes, the gods are what give everything its own unique traits, but he tries not to talk as if preaching, as it even annoys him. He also leaves the room for sciences fair share. He will not hesitate to discuss philosophy with another, as he is a very smart man. His heart is his strongest feature.

He is stubborn for what he believes, but he will not preassure his beliefes onto another. He thinks everyone should believe whatever gods they want to, or if they wish not to believe then so be it, not hs problem...

First Impression- It is clear he is a clean man, and due to his clothes, an intelligent one could infer he is very religious. His voice is deep and pasionate, so anything he says he seems to be very into. One would normally not be affraid to approach him in any situation, as he seems like a peaceful person. His facial features are always friendly and quite warming. He is not necisarily charming to the average person, just friendly.

Streingth- His striength is not very high, as he never did work on his physic. His punches are quite easy to match and even beat. However, his leg power is stronger than his upper body, so a kick could deal well damage compared to his punch. He also does not have great lifting power, so he would generally need help to lift something large and heavy. So geerally he has weak streingth, but enough to hold his own in a defensive battle. A single punch in team with his gauntlets could only damage simple enough daage to a brick wall as to chip it, and do little damage. Withouth the gloves, it would cause almost no damage to the brick wall. As for his kicks, a single kick could at most knock a brick loose from the wall, but no more than that. There would be no cracks or massive damage.

Vitality- Julias can take a puch well depending on where it is delivered. Any upper-body blow can be easiyl taken by him, and usually a lower body blow is well endured. However, a hit to the neck up and arms he would feel greatly. With his body type, his core is worked well, but the rest is weak in comparison, so it is easy to hit a nerve just right (we all hate the dead nerve punches :wacky:) Against someone with an average striength, it would take approx. 10 punches to his middle and/or lower body, but it would take about 5 to his neck up. His arms can be hurt easily with a single punch. Generally his magic defense is pretty well. He is used to fighting mages, due to his generally ranged combat style. Fire would be considered his weakness, but it would take some time (20 minutes) of heat of 100 degrees celcius before he became fatigued.

Speed- Julias is a Very fast runner, He can build up speed really fast reaching his maximum running speed in about two seconds. His maximum running speed is a total of approx. 35 mph. His full out sprint speed is a max of approx. 42 mph. He can keep running at his running speed speed for about 20-25 minutes before needing to rest, and he can only run his sprint speed for about 1-3 minutes.

Stamina- Judas will last almost 20 minutes in a hand to hand combat situation, but he usually uses his bow and arrow to fight sneakily, so he will last as long as he has his arrows.

Reflexes- He has amaxing reflexes and can generally dodge quickly, but against an opponent of his own speed, he would have trouble dodging all the blows. If a ranged weapon is aimed at him, he always feels a burning sensation, almost as a sixth sense. He will turn in the direction of this feeling and in doing so, move usually to the right, as it is his domonant side.

Fighting Style- A ranged fighter, Julias tries to stay hidden and take out an opponent one at a time, picking off slowly at groups. He never shoots from the same area twice. He will aim, shoot, and run. As the silent runner he is, it takes a keen eye and ear to know where he was headed. His aim is unmatched by most, and he almost never misses, not even a moving target, so long as the target is moving at a constant rate. With his hit and run tactics, the best opponent for him is another ranged fighter.

Hadn to hand, he fights very differently. He knows he as at a disadvantage for his physical striength, so he tries to hit his opponent with several fast repeated blows, trying his hardest to not give his opponent a chance to strike. But once he is struck in the right place, he cannot fight as fast, since he has very weak arms.

Weapons- Judas is considered a master archer and uses a bow of the below look, and same for arrows. He always carries 50+ arrows with him befor leaving for short time periods, if he is going longer, he carries as many as he can. The bow was crafted by him, and same for the arrows, so they cannot be seen or baught anywhere that he is not. The bow is about 30 inches long, and the arrows measure to be 24 inches long
Bowandarrow.jpg


Abilities- The only ability he has is his ability to foresee only 1 second of the future. It is as though he is looking at what will happen, but time is still running, so he sees and aims, but in the real time, everything is behind what he sees. this can be used for several things that it becomes necisary.

Magic- He has the ability to cast a dark holy. It has a charge time of25 seconds, so he will only use it when he is not noticed or well protected. While charging, he begins to glow a black aura, and the aura also has dark blue Like This inside of it, blending well for interesting effects. Once charged, the spell balls in his hands and the aura goes into the balls. Once this has happend, he can throw the balls at any desired target as a projectile. Part of the spell is a matter ignore feature, so ic can go through objects, but only one object/object sequence. This means that when the projectile is thrown, it can go through a wall, or another person at his command. But the next object behind it will he struck. When the ball hits something, it explodes in a downward motion, and causes a temporary absorption/gravital intake force, causing any nearby objects to quickly be thrown in the direction that the ball struck. If it is to hit a person, that person will be struck with a shock of pain that will pulse through the body for a time that lasts about 45 seconds. After the pain is to fade, the person hit will begin to bleed from the nose.this bleeding is also pain inflicting. The pain is severe and can cause one to fall down on the ground from the pain. It would take high undurance to be able to walk through the pain. This pain will also pulse throughout the entire body. He gets only two shots of this magic with one spell. It does no real damage, just tricks the nerves into sending pain to the mind.

Other skills- As a very smart man, he can often predict motions from a foe if he studies them. However this is not totally acurate all the time, it can sometimes come in handy. He is also a highly skilled weapon designer, able to craft almost any weapon to an amazing quality. He sometimes uses this skill to sell unique weapons, making an effective profit.

History-As a young boy, Julias was raised on his religion known only as Khai. It is not a common religion and is not very reknown, so not many would know of it. Being raised on these belifes, he began to learn much about this religion. With that, he then was taught by a priest on how to preach. The best earned title was the high seraph, but He was only able to make it to the title of Seraph, the second highest level, befor leaving to train in ranged combat. He was a self-trained hard worker than managed to become excellent and gain the talent of foresight. His first weapon was crafted at the age of 16, and that is the bow he uses to this day. His arrows have changed as years gone by, but has become satisfied with his curent design. Since then he has been training and can make axes, swords, bows, lances, and maces like none other. It is said that his weapon making ability is unmatched.

Theme song- Judas priest - Judas Rising
(Gee I wonder what inspired his history and name :D)
 
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You forgot the Personality tab.

Appearance/attir/armour- His clothes are identical to the gentleman in this picture. Its a bit blurry but there is no fine detail, so it should be fine. The cloth is made out of a 50/50 ratio of cotton and Silk, so to provide a comfortable and loose fit. His facial appearance is also the same. His hair is about 3 inches longer than in the picture, but other than that everything is the same.

Pictures are nice, but secondary to a text description. Describe him to me as if I couldn't see the picture.

They can take almost any impact, but he usually doesn't deal with close range enemies.

What types of impact can they not take? Or, in other words, how strong are they?

First Impression-

Would people approach him without being beckoned? What type of aura does he give off?

Streingth-

What kind of damage would a single punch of his do? A single kick?

Vitality-

How many punches/blows would it take to bring him down? How is his defense against spells/magic?


How big is the bow? How long are the arrows?

Magic- He has the ability to cast a dark holy.

What kind of damage does this do? I know you said they're in pain and bleed from the nose, but is the pain disabling? Or just a minor annoyance?
 
changes hve been made in yellow, is this better? first guy ill have for battles really...
 
Appearance/attir/armour-

More in-depth. You gave very few details about his facial features.

And again, you've left out the Personality tab.

Other than that, the changes look good.
 
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