Galm 2's Bio's

Noblesse Oblige

The Dawn of a New Chronicle
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Here is where I will be putting my bio's for my Original Characters from now on. All characters listed here are used for ORPG, URPG or RPB.

Name: Maria Julius Longinus

Age: 22

Alignment: Neutral/Good

Gender: Female

Race: Pheonician, a race of humanoid beings with golden angel wings, (similar to Aegyl's of Final Fantasy XII fame, or the One-Winged Angels of the FF7 Compilations) They live mainly in the forests and mountains of the realm of Strangereal, and a few do venture out and uncommonly has contact with humanity. Pheonicians can reincarnate if they die naturally, (ie natural causes or sickness), but not so the case if they die unnaturally (ie physical death/battle). They have an average lifespan of 150 years. They also have the ability to hide their wings to make themselves look entirely human. Other physical features include rounded ears and varying nose shapes and sizes like humans do. Pheonicians have circular eyes, but their natural eye colors are of tremendous range, making it somewhat easier to pick out Pheonicians from humans.

Appearance: Maria has long black hair, which is tied in a pony tail to avoid it getting in her eyesight, and Light blue eyes. She is about 5'6" and her weight class is that of around 105-120 lb range. Like her race she has golden angel wings that typically span about 2 1/2 feet in length. Maria is skinny (and in some cases, pretty) for her height, and people who has never met her have been known too take her lightly because of it, thus it gives her somewhat of an advantage in combat.

Attire: She typically wears armor to battle, consisting mainly of greaves, boots and a breastplate made entirely of mythril. When not in battle, she tends to wear a yellow long pants and and a Grey T-Shirt. Her shoes are made of leather, which gives her comfort when walking. Maria also wears gloves made of leather. She never wears a helmet in combat, though she never gives a reason as to why. Despite this, she is well dressed and well groomed for battle. (Note: I forgot to end the statement with a period. Probably shouldn't have did this while I was packing.)

Personality: She is a stotic character who cares for her friends and family. She is level headed and a master tactician and strategist. She is more down to earth and not as cocky as most other warriors, but is not afraid to boast about her achievements from time to time.

Strength: Maria has the normal strength for a post-teenage girl doing regular excersizes. As such, she does not have a heavily toned body. Because of this she is not suited to pound-for-pound combat and probably would not last in a fight like that.(Note: This was rewritten in order to focus more on speed rather than strength, and also partly to prevent myself from powerplaying.)

Speed and Reflexes: Maria is capable of running at 35 MPH, as fast, if not faster, than an olympic athelete. She can sidestep and counter before normal people can react, to the point where most people thinks that she is teleporting. She is also capable of dodging semi-automatic fire to a certain degree, and can outrun enemy gunfire with ease. While flying, she can fly an excess of 150 MPH, and is just as nimble in the air as she is on land. However, she has limited focus when flying that fast, and only uses such blinding speeds for quick escapes, or during her limit. (Note: The reason why I said to a certain degree if because most bullets (usually handguns travel at speeds of up to Mach 2 (around 1300 mph/2,092 km) so I cannot say how this will affect in dodging skills when her typical land speed is just around 35 mph.)

Fighting Style: Maria's fighting style is based solely on quick fighting and aerial combat (similar to Zidane in Dissidia: Final Fantasy), while she is also a capable opponent on the ground, her true skills lies in aerial attacks. She is especially skilled in Fire Magic, although she also has some knowledge in Thunder magic as well.

Weapon: In addition to hand-to-hand combat (in similar veins to Tae Kwon Do), Maria also weilds a dual-bladed polearm known as, the "Twin Scarabs." Both blades are curved and has the capability of Poisioning an opponent when hit by the blades a few times. The poison is made by the Pheonicians and has a burning effect in the body, causing symptoms such as sweating and dehydration. It's not a strong poison, but effective in temporarily (about 60 seconds, or roughly 1 long post/2 short posts.) stunning an enemy. They are collapsible for easy carriage during flight, being folded in half and placed in a holster. (Note: First, I have given a time on how temporary it is, thus adding to the effect of a weak poison. Second, I also added how the blade is concealed. Lastly, I have removed the other weapons since I cannot explain how to explain how silence will work in the magical sense...or scientificly for that matter.)

Abilities:
Moonlight (Limit): Maria's blades glow gold as she flies up into the air, when coming down, She surrounds the opponent in a ring of fire, and slashes her opponent twice with the blade. Because this limit is used in times when Maria's health is critical, she only uses it as a last resort, as it merely drains her of all magic power. If the opponent dodges, or survives the attack, then unless Maria has an ether, or is still capable of fighting off an opponent without magic, then the fight would be all but over.

Fireblade: Maria's blades charge up with Fire energy, which is used to slice through enemies, causing fire damage to opponents. Very effective against Ice enemies and effective against Water enemies. This does not consume much energy (usually around 5% to start it up and 5% for every minute of continual use), but it will add up if she continues to maintain the ability on her weapons.

Exploder Blade: Maria strikes an opponent with such physical force that it creates a shockwave. It is extremely useful against smaller enemies, as it would knock them away. It consumes slightly more power than Fireblade (about 15% of magical resources), and will weaken her if used to many times.

History: Born in the Selumna Mountains, (in what was then the Kingdom of Tarvo, now Emmeria in the Anea Continent) Maria was raised by caring parents and older brother. Like most Pheonician tribes, they had a proactive role in the world around them, even to the point where it can be said that the tribe is proacitve in the Kingdom's affairs.

When Maria was 14, there were terrible conflicts that plagued the Anea continent. During these conflicts, Maria's village was attacked by the neighboring Khesed Empire. Maria father was killed trying to protect the tribe, and left her devasatated.

A year after the incident, Maria ventured off into the world, where she met a knight named Dimitri in the Duchy of Cinicovy. She was trained in the art of combat, magic and survival by Dimitri. Now she is ready to travel back to fight the Kingdom of the two Kheseds.

All changes are made in HUNTER GREEN.

(Note: After making the first set of changes, I've came up with some mistakes, some of which you have mentioned, whle others I may have missed, however given the fact that I wasn't able to do anything about since I was on vacation at the time, it does not mean that I have not taken into consideration how much more I needed to have done. I am sorry for the inconvience.)
 
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Here is where I will be putting my bio's for my Original Characters from now on. All characters listed here are used for ORPG, URPG or RPB.


Name: Maria Julius Longinus

Age: 22

Alignment: Neutral/Good

Gender: Female

Race: Pheonician, a race of humanoid beings with golden angel wings, (similar to Aegyl's of Final Fantasy XII fame, or the One-Winged Angels of the FF7 Compilations) They live mainly in the forests and mountains of the realm of Strangereal, and a few do venture out and uncommonly has contact with humanity. Pheonicians can reincarnate if they die naturally, (ie natural causes or sickness), but not so the case if they die unnaturally (ie physical death/battle). They have an average lifespan of 150 years. They also have the ability to hide their wings to make themselves look entirely human.
Good so far. Including refences to existing sources such as games is allowed so long as it is kept only to make a comparisson.
Appearance: Maria has long black hair Light blue eyes. She is about 5'6" and her weight class is that of around 105-120 lb range. Like her race she has golden angel wings that typically span about 2 1/2 feet in length.
Too short. This section requires much more information.

Attire: She typically wears armor to battle, consisting mainly of greaves, boots and a breastplate made entirely of mythril. When not in battle, she tends to wear a yellow long pants and and a Grey T-Shirt.

You could try to add more information here as well.
Personality: She is a stotic character who cares for her friends and family. She is level headed and a master tactician and strategist. She is more down to earth and not as cocky as most other warriors, but is not afraid to boast about her achievements from time to time.
Good

Strength: Maria has the strength of a heavyweight boxer. She is capable of defeating normal opponents with hand to hand combat.

Could use more information and other examples to compare her with.
Speed and Reflexes: Maria is capable of running at 35 MPH, as fast, if not faster, than an olympic athelete. She can sidestep and counter before some people can react. While flying, she can fly an excess of 150 MPH, and is just as nimble in the air as she is on land.
Does her speed somehow affects battle balance? Like not being able to focus on a target if she keeps moving?
Fighting Style: Maria's fighting style is based solely on quick fighting and aerial combat (similar to Zidane in Dissidia: Final Fantasy), while she is also a capable opponent on the ground, her true skills lies in aerial attacks. She is especially skilled in Fire Magic.
Fair
Weapon: In addition to hand-to-hand combat (in similar veins to Tae Kwon Do), Maria also weilds a dual-bladed polearm known as, the "Twin Scarab." Both blades are curved and has the capability of Poisioning an opponent.

On certain occasions, she will use a longsword as well that inflicts either Silence or Sleep on opponents, or a sickle (a small handled, short-bladed scythe) that is imbued with Thunder and Ice.

How are these Twin Scarabs? Could use more description. Also, does the poison status is placed upon contact? If so, how are you going to work the status ailments with the player?
Abilities:
Moonlight (Limit): Maria's blades glow gold as she flies up into the air, when coming down, She surrounds the opponent in a ring of fire, and slashes her opponent twice with the blade.

Fireblade: Maria's blades charge up with Fire energy, which is used to slice through enemies, causing fire damage to opponents. Very effective against Ice enemies and effective against Water enemies.

Exploder Blade: Maria strikes an opponent with such physical force that it creates a shockwave.

These spells could use more detailed information. I also can't seem to find if they consume any energy at all or if their usage adds up to exhaustion. Please include so.

History: Born in the Selumna Mountains, (in what was then the Kingdom of Tarvo, now Emmeria in the Anea Continent) Maria was raised by caring parents and older brother. Like most Pheonician tribes, they had a proactive role in the world around them, even to the point where it can be said that the tribe is proacitve in the Kingdom's affairs.

When Maria was 14, there were terrible conflicts that plagued the Anea continent. During these conflicts, Maria's village was attacked by the neighboring Khesed Empire. Maria father was killed trying to protect the tribe, and left her devasatated.

A year after the incident, Maria ventured off into the world, where she met a knight named Dimitri in the Verusean Empire. She was trained in the art of combat, magic and survival by Dimitri. Now she is ready to travel back to fight the Khesed Empire.

(I know I rushed the bio a bit but that's is all I got.)


The biography seems to have a solid base, however it requires a few adjustments here and there, specially in the descriptions and the spell sections. Usually, a RP Biography takes time to complete, so it would be best if you read through the character's descriptions all over again. Details give more power to the bio as well as making it more interesting.


For now, this bio is:

[NOT APPROVED]
 
Here is where I will be putting my bio's for my Original Characters from now on. All characters listed here are used for ORPG, URPG or RPB.


Name: Maria Julius Longinus

Age: 22

Alignment: Neutral/Good

Gender: Female

Race: Pheonician, a race of humanoid beings with golden angel wings, (similar to Aegyl's of Final Fantasy XII fame, or the One-Winged Angels of the FF7 Compilations) They live mainly in the forests and mountains of the realm of Strangereal, and a few do venture out and uncommonly has contact with humanity. Pheonicians can reincarnate if they die naturally, (ie natural causes or sickness), but not so the case if they die unnaturally (ie physical death/battle). They have an average lifespan of 150 years. They also have the ability to hide their wings to make themselves look entirely human.

Appearance: Maria has long black hair and Light blue eyes. She is about 5'6" and her weight class is that of around 105-120 lb range. Like her race she has golden angel wings that typically span about 2 1/2 feet in length. Maria is skinny (and in some cases, pretty) for her height, and people who has never met her have been known too take her lightly because of it, thus it gives her an advantage in combat.

When I gave the recommendations of adding more details I was referring to small details like:
-Eye Shape
-Ear Shape (if it is like normal humans or elf-like pointy ears. If they are big or small)
-Nose Shape [?]
-Hair Length (her hair is left untied or does she fixes her hair in some particular way?)

Attire: She typically wears armor to battle, consisting mainly of greaves, boots and a breastplate made entirely of mythril. When not in battle, she tends to wear a yellow long pants and and a Grey T-Shirt. Her shoes are made of leather, which gives her comfort when walking. Maria also wears gloves made of leather. She rarely ever wears a helmet in combat, though she never gives a reason as to why [...]
That part is incomplete...you never finished the sentence ^_^
Personality: She is a stotic character who cares for her friends and family. She is level headed and a master tactician and strategist. She is more down to earth and not as cocky as most other warriors, but is not afraid to boast about her achievements from time to time.

Strength: Maria has the strength of a heavyweight boxer. She is capable of defeating six opponents blindfolded using hand-to-hand combat. She would be able to bench press 300 lbs in normal circumstances, and is strong enough to lift opponents twice her size.

So she has a strong build? You do know that Bench Pressing 300 lbs is quite a quantity, and honesty if she is 5'6" and only weights like 120 pounds [120 is quite below the Heavyweight Class in Boxing], how come she bench presses that much and not have a significant amount of gain? For her height, she seems to be a bit underweight. What about her muscles? Are they toned? Does he looks like a bodybuilder?

Also, defeating six opponents blindfolded? How so? Does she has a super audition to sense her opponent's movement? Does this applies to other member's RPB Characters? That would be like powerplaying a bit. You are making her seem super strong.

Hmm needs to be revised again <.<
Speed and Reflexes: Maria is capable of running at 35 MPH, as fast, if not faster, than an olympic athelete. She can sidestep and counter before some people can react. While flying, she can fly an excess of 150 MPH, and is just as nimble in the air as she is on land. However, she has limited focus when flying that fast, and only uses such blinding speeds for quick escapes, or during her limit.

Some people? You mean an average human being's reflexes right? Blinding speed, so is she faster then a bullet? Does this makes her seem as if she were teleporting from one place to another?
Fighting Style: Maria's fighting style is based solely on quick fighting and aerial combat (similar to Zidane in Dissidia: Final Fantasy), while she is also a capable opponent on the ground, her true skills lies in aerial attacks. She is especially skilled in Fire Magic.

Weapon: In addition to hand-to-hand combat (in similar veins to Tae Kwon Do), Maria also weilds a dual-bladed polearm known as, the "Twin Scarabs." Both blades are curved and has the capability of Poisioning an opponent when hit by the blades a few times. The poison is made by the Pheonicians and has a burning effect in the body, causing symptoms such as sweating, nausea and dehydration. It's not a strong poison, but effective in temporarily stunning an enemy.

On certain occasions, she will use a longsword known as "Shooting Star" that inflicts either Silence or Sleep on opponents, or a sickle known as the "Frostshock Sickle" (a small handled, short-bladed scythe) that is imbued with Thunder and Ice.
The same question I asked before: How will you work with status ailments? How long do they last (post-wise)? How much does these ailments affect an opponent?
Abilities:
Moonlight (Limit): Maria's blades glow gold as she flies up into the air, when coming down, She surrounds the opponent in a ring of fire, and slashes her opponent twice with the blade. Because this limit is used in times when Maria's health is critical, she only uses it as a last resort, as it merely drains her of magic power.
OK..but what if the opponent decides to dodge it? ;D
Fireblade: Maria's blades charge up with Fire energy, which is used to slice through enemies, causing fire damage to opponents. Very effective against Ice enemies and effective against Water enemies. This does not consume much energy, but it will add up if she continues to maintain the ability on her weapons.

Exploder Blade: Maria strikes an opponent with such physical force that it creates a shockwave. It is extremely useful against smaller enemies, as it would knock them away. It consumes slightly more power than Fireblade, and will weaken her if used to many times.

Using percentages would make it clearer for the reader to comprehend the energy consumption. For example: "Renard casts a spell of fire which consumes almost a quarter of his energy."

If he were to cast this spell again, that would allow him to cast the same spell two more times before having depleted his energy reserves.
History: Born in the Selumna Mountains, (in what was then the Kingdom of Tarvo, now Emmeria in the Anea Continent) Maria was raised by caring parents and older brother. Like most Pheonician tribes, they had a proactive role in the world around them, even to the point where it can be said that the tribe is proacitve in the Kingdom's affairs.

When Maria was 14, there were terrible conflicts that plagued the Anea continent. During these conflicts, Maria's village was attacked by the neighboring Khesed Empire. Maria father was killed trying to protect the tribe, and left her devasatated.

A year after the incident, Maria ventured off into the world, where she met a knight named Dimitri in the Verusean Empire. She was trained in the art of combat, magic and survival by Dimitri. Now she is ready to travel back to fight the Khesed Empire.

All changes are done in SKY BLUE.
Quite an improvement, but I believe it still lacks the details I had in mind. How about reading this biography a few times then working on it for a day or so? Remember, you are creating a new being, be descriptive. Let us know how you imagine her, because I am sure you do know how she looks, but we do not.

I remember I had to check my biography three times before the other RP Moderator decided to approve it. I spent two days on it :)
For now, this biography is:
[Not Approved]
 
Here is where I will be putting my bio's for my Original Characters from now on. All characters listed here are used for ORPG, URPG or RPB.


Name: Maria Julius Longinus

Age: 22

Alignment: Neutral/Good

Gender: Female

Race: Pheonician, a race of humanoid beings with golden angel wings, (similar to Aegyl's of Final Fantasy XII fame, or the One-Winged Angels of the FF7 Compilations) They live mainly in the forests and mountains of the realm of Strangereal, and a few do venture out and uncommonly has contact with humanity. Pheonicians can reincarnate if they die naturally, (ie natural causes or sickness), but not so the case if they die unnaturally (ie physical death/battle). They have an average lifespan of 150 years. They also have the ability to hide their wings to make themselves look entirely human. Other physical features include rounded ears and varying nose shapes and sizes like humans do. Pheonicians have circular eyes, but their natural eye colors are of tremendous range, making it somewhat easier to pick out Pheonicians from humans.

Appearance: Maria has long black hair, which is tied in a pony tail to avoid it getting in her eyesight, and Light blue eyes. She is about 5'6" and her weight class is that of around 105-120 lb range. Like her race she has golden angel wings that typically span about 2 1/2 feet in length. Maria is skinny (and in some cases, pretty) for her height, and people who has never met her have been known too take her lightly because of it, thus it gives her somewhat of an advantage in combat.

Attire: She typically wears armor to battle, consisting mainly of greaves, boots and a breastplate made entirely of mythril. When not in battle, she tends to wear a yellow long pants and and a Grey T-Shirt. Her shoes are made of leather, which gives her comfort when walking. Maria also wears gloves made of leather. She never wears a helmet in combat, though she never gives a reason as to why. Despite this, she is well dressed and well groomed for battle. (Note: I forgot to end the statement with a period. Probably shouldn't have did this while I was packing.)

Personality: She is a stotic character who cares for her friends and family. She is level headed and a master tactician and strategist. She is more down to earth and not as cocky as most other warriors, but is not afraid to boast about her achievements from time to time.

Strength: Maria has the normal strength for a post-teenage girl doing regular excersizes. As such, she does not have a heavily toned body. Because of this she is not suited to pound-for-pound combat and probably would not last in a fight like that.(Note: This was rewritten in order to focus more on speed rather than strength, and also partly to prevent myself from powerplaying.)

Speed and Reflexes: Maria is capable of running at 35 MPH, as fast, if not faster, than an olympic athelete. She can sidestep and counter before normal people can react, to the point where most people thinks that she is teleporting. She is also capable of dodging semi-automatic fire to a certain degree, and can outrun enemy gunfire with ease. While flying, she can fly an excess of 150 MPH, and is just as nimble in the air as she is on land. However, she has limited focus when flying that fast, and only uses such blinding speeds for quick escapes, or during her limit. (Note: The reason why I said to a certain degree if because most bullets (usually handguns travel at speeds of up to Mach 2 (around 1300 mph/2,092 km) so I cannot say how this will affect in dodging skills when her typical land speed is just around 35 mph.)

Fighting Style: Maria's fighting style is based solely on quick fighting and aerial combat (similar to Zidane in Dissidia: Final Fantasy), while she is also a capable opponent on the ground, her true skills lies in aerial attacks. She is especially skilled in Fire Magic, although she also has some knowledge in Thunder magic as well.

Weapon: In addition to hand-to-hand combat (in similar veins to Tae Kwon Do), Maria also weilds a dual-bladed polearm known as, the "Twin Scarabs." Both blades are curved and has the capability of Poisioning an opponent when hit by the blades a few times. The poison is made by the Pheonicians and has a burning effect in the body, causing symptoms such as sweating and dehydration. It's not a strong poison, but effective in temporarily (about 60 seconds, or roughly 1 long post/2 short posts.) stunning an enemy. They are collapsible for easy carriage during flight, being folded in half and placed in a holster. (Note: First, I have given a time on how temporary it is, thus adding to the effect of a weak poison. Second, I also added how the blade is concealed. Lastly, I have removed the other weapons since I cannot explain how to explain how silence will work in the magical sense...or scientificly for that matter.)

Abilities:
Moonlight (Limit): Maria's blades glow gold as she flies up into the air, when coming down, She surrounds the opponent in a ring of fire, and slashes her opponent twice with the blade. Because this limit is used in times when Maria's health is critical, she only uses it as a last resort, as it merely drains her of all magic power. If the opponent dodges, or survives the attack, then unless Maria has an ether, or is still capable of fighting off an opponent without magic, then the fight would be all but over.

Fireblade: Maria's blades charge up with Fire energy, which is used to slice through enemies, causing fire damage to opponents. Very effective against Ice enemies and effective against Water enemies. This does not consume much energy (usually around 5% to start it up and 5% for every minute of continual use), but it will add up if she continues to maintain the ability on her weapons.

Exploder Blade: Maria strikes an opponent with such physical force that it creates a shockwave. It is extremely useful against smaller enemies, as it would knock them away. It consumes slightly more power than Fireblade (about 15% of magical resources), and will weaken her if used to many times.

History: Born in the Selumna Mountains, (in what was then the Kingdom of Tarvo, now Emmeria in the Anea Continent) Maria was raised by caring parents and older brother. Like most Pheonician tribes, they had a proactive role in the world around them, even to the point where it can be said that the tribe is proacitve in the Kingdom's affairs.

When Maria was 14, there were terrible conflicts that plagued the Anea continent. During these conflicts, Maria's village was attacked by the neighboring Khesed Empire. Maria father was killed trying to protect the tribe, and left her devasatated.

A year after the incident, Maria ventured off into the world, where she met a knight named Dimitri in the Verusean Empire. She was trained in the art of combat, magic and survival by Dimitri. Now she is ready to travel back to fight the Khesed Empire.

All changes are made in HUNTER GREEN.

(Note: After making the first set of changes, I've came up with some mistakes, some of which you have mentioned, whle others I may have missed, however given the fact that I wasn't able to do anything about since I was on vacation at the time, it does not mean that I have not taken into consideration how much more I needed to have done. I am sorry for the inconvience.)

Dude, if every RPer in this forum were to write updates in a different color, it would make our lives as RP Moderators easier. Credit for that. Now I've seen you've made major changes to your RP Biography, and since your character sacrifices power for speed, it seems alright.

Now third time is the one right?

[APPROVED]
 
Marcus Williams

Name: Marcus Williams

Age: 25

Alignment: Good

Title: The Midnight Sun

Gender: Male

Race: Human

Appearance: Marcus has long, black hair that he leaves flowing,and has brown, rounded eyes. He is 5'9" and weighs 192 lbs, mostly being muscle. His nose is slightly pointed ,has rounded ears, and has caucasian colored skin, he does however have scars of battle all over his body, although the face is spared from this. Despite his light-heavyweight size, Marcus can be very threatening, using his decent speed and high strength (explained later). (NOTE: I don't think there is much to put here in that line)

Attire: Marcus style of clothing is similar to the outfits worn by martial artists in the Sengoku era. His outfit is divided into three parts, a black Uwagi, a type of clothing similar to a kimono shirt, a White hakama (something similar to a silk skirt) a golden yellow sash (similar in width to a karate black belt.) and a pair of sandals. He also wears teal cloth gauntlets to protect his forearm.

Armor: Marcus does not wear armor, as he feel he doesn't have the need for it.

Personality: Marcus is a very helpful individual, and is known to help solve the smaller problems that people have. He is also in some cases, a vigilante, as he will fight people who hurt innocents and not pay for their crimes. (Like the Punisher). He also has a soft side for kids, and younger siblings, and as such, would vow to protect them from harm, it is considered that he has a Big Brother Complex.

First Impression: When people meet Marcus, he is as if he show high honor. To the contrary, he does hold honor, but does not let it get in the way of what he needs to do. The reason he shows this is because of the way he acts, he is friendly to everyone he meets, even in battle, unless they did Marcus something that would make him angry. Kids sometimes look up to him as if he was a big brother, mainly due to his stern, yet friendly attitude.

Strength: Marcus's strength is on par with Olympic level weightlifters and can sucessfully lift over 350 lbs (almost twice his own body weight.) He can apply his strength to each and every swing and is capable of cutting normal men almost in half. Under normal circumstances, he can dish out 400 HP out of 500 if the person was not wearing armor.

Speed: Marcus's speed is normal for a person his size. He can go around 12 miles per hour running. This is usually fast for a person his size.

Endurance: Marcus's endurance typically falls around 4-6 minutes, which allows him to fight extensively for a this period of time. However, when he knows that he will be out of stamina soon, he would be forced to end the fight quickly.

Reflexes: Marcus has remarkable reflexes, he knows when he is being attacked quickly due to a sense of perception, although he can't react quick enough to side step, he has over the years developed a fighting style designed to defend himself from attack. (explained below)

Fighting Style: Because Marcus has poor evasion skills, his only defense relies on a defensive-minded fighting style. (known in Star Wars terminology as Soresu) This fighting style gives Marcus the capability to defend against enemy attack, when the enemy reveals an opening in his attack, Marcus can then counterattack and defeat his opponent. Though this is usually simpler against ranged opponents, it is slightly difficult with very skilled swordsmen.
(NOTE: Added a link for Soresu, for an even better understanding of the subject)

Magic: He has a limited knowledge of magic, mainly using Ice based magic. Marcus mainly imbues his katana with Blizzard magic and attack his opponents. (Which will drain Marcus of about 10% of his magical energy) and is highly effective against Fire type opponents. Despite that, he does not have any knoledge of actually using magic as projectiles, which limits ranged capabilities.

Weapon: Marcus weilds a Katana known as "Nagashino" (named after the famed battle of the Sengoku era), the blade is of cold, silver steel, and has an Ice element imbued with it. As such, it will temporarily freeze an opponent (about 2 posts) if hit with it multiple times
.(about 8-10). The blade is about 28.7 inches (73 cm) and is known having a very strong cutting edge, being able to cleanly cut items as thick as bone in one clean slice.
(NOTE: Can't really say how thick a sword is, very difficult to tell the thickness.)

Abilities:
Tiger Slash: Using his strength, Marcus swings his blade full force 4 times, each time, he can lower the defense of his opponent, making it easier to launch a killing blow. This attack is useful against highly armored opponents, but at a great cost, as it will drain Marcus of about 1/4th his magic power.

Techniques:
Diamond Storm (Limit): Using Ice magic to charge up his blade, Marcus stabs the ground, freezing the area around him and his opponents, he then creates waves of energy in the air using his katana. The waves disperse and becomes shards in the air, which then surrounds and shreds his opponent. This drains Marcus of all his energy and although will rarely use it. If it does not work, he would be forced to go back into the defensive or use an ether.

History: Born in the Aurelian city of Port Patterson, in the realm of Strangereal, Marcus was the son of an Emmerian aristocrat living in the then colony of Aurelia, and a North Pointian whose family lived in the area for hundreds of years. At age 6, his parents were killed in a civil war that won Aurelia independence (as the Aurelian Confederation).

Marcus would later be taken up by a North Pointian, who would later send him to the Empire of North Point. The guardian trained the boy in the arts of the Samurai, and taught him to use his skills to protect the innocent from oppression. The unknown man died shortly after completion of his training at age 20 and Marcus, wanting to fufill his master's wish, decided to travel the world and help others who need help.

ALL CHANGES ARE DONE IN LIGHT BLUE
 
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Name: Marcus Williams

Age: 25

Alignment: Good

Title: The Midnight Sun

Gender: Male

Race: Human

Appearance: Marcus has long, black hair that he leaves flowing,and has brown eyes. He is 5'9" and weighs 192 lbs, mostly being muscle. His nose is slightly pointed and has rounded ears. Despite his light-heavyweight size, Marcus can be very threatening, using his decent speed and high strength (explained later).

Attire: Marcus style of clothing is similar to the outfits worn by martial artists in the Sengoku era. His outfit is divided into three parts, a black Uwagi, a type of clothing similar to a kimono shirt, a White hakama (something similar to a silk skirt) a golden yellow sash (similar in width to a karate black belt.) and a pair of sandals.

Personality: Marcus is a very helpful individual, and is known to help solve the smaller problems that people have. He is also in some cases, a vigilante, as he will fight people who hurt innocents and not pay for their crimes. (to put in a similar vein, The Punisher)

Strength: Marcus's strength is on par with Olympic level weightlifters and can sucessfully lift over 350 lbs (almost twice his own body weight.) He can apply his strength to each and every swing and is capable of cutting normal men almost in half.

Speed and Reflexes: Marcus's speed is normal for a person his size, as such, he has difficulty with evasion skills. Because of this, he must defelct his opponents using a defensive-style of combat (see below)

Fighting Style: Because Marcus has poor evasion skills, his only defense relies on a defensive-minded fighting style. (known in Star Wars terminology as Soresu) This fighting style gives Marcus the capability to defend against enemy attack, when the enemy reveals an opening in his attack, Marcus can then counterattack and defeat his opponent. He has a limited knowledge of magic, mainly using Ice based magic.

Weapon: Marcus weilds a Katana known as "Nagashino" (named after the famed battle of the Sengoku era), the blade is of cold steel, and has an Ice element imbued with it. As such, it will temporarily freeze an opponent (about 2 posts) if hit with it multiple times.
Generally, although very good I still see the problem of lacking information in most areas. Remember that a biography should be detailed since you are creating a new character and none of us knows this character better than you do. You must help us to understand your character by adding important details.
Abilities:
Diamond Storm (Limit): Using Ice magic to charge up his blade, Marcus stabs the ground, freezing the area around him and his opponents, he then creates waves of energy in the air using his katana. The waves disperse and becomes shards in the air, which then surrounds and shreds his opponent. This drains Marcus of all his energy and although will rarely use it. If it does not work, he would be forced to go back into the defensive or use an ether.

Frost Blade: Marcus can imbue his katana with Blizzard magic and attack his opponents. It will drain Marcus of about 10% of his magical energy, and is highly effective against Fire type opponents.

Tiger Slash: Using his strength, Marcus swings his blade full force 4 times, each time, he can lower the defense of his opponent, making it easier to launch a killing blow. This attack is useful against highly armored opponents, but at a great cost, as it will drain Marcus of about 1/4th his magic power.

History: Born in the Aurelian city of Port Patterson, in the realm of Strangereal, Marcus was the son of an Emmerian aristocrat living in the then colony of Aurelia, and a North Pointian whose family lived in the area for hundreds of years. At age 6, his parents were killed in a civil war that won Aurelia independence (as the Aurelian Confederation).

Marcus would later be taken up by a North Pointian, who would later send him to the Empire of North Point. The guardian trained the boy in the arts of the Samurai, and taught him to use his skills to protect the innocent from oppression. The unknown man died shortly after completion of his training at age 20 and Marcus, wanting to fufill his master's wish, decided to travel the world and help others who need help.

(Question: If this is approved, will this go to my approved characters link?)

The bio is about an inch close to approval, however it lacks vital information to make it clearer and easier to understand.

I would personally advise you to go to the RP Bio Format thread. The current RP Format has been revised and submitted by a great RPer and it is the most efficient method to create RP Biographies.

http://www.finalfantasyforums.net/the-heroes/bio-format-17204.html

Here you will find examples of biographies of all sorts, from the largest to the smallest. It also has examples of recently approved biographies. How about giving it a look?

For now, this RP Biography is [NOT APPROVED]
 
Name: Marcus Williams

Age: 25

Alignment: Good

Title: The Midnight Sun

Gender: Male

Race: Human

Appearance: Marcus has long, black hair that he leaves flowing,and has brown, rounded eyes. He is 5'9" and weighs 192 lbs, mostly being muscle. His nose is slightly pointed ,has rounded ears, and has caucasian colored skin, he does however have scars of battle all over his body, although the face is spared from this. Despite his light-heavyweight size, Marcus can be very threatening, using his decent speed and high strength (explained later). (NOTE: I don't think there is much to put here in that line)
+1
Attire: Marcus style of clothing is similar to the outfits worn by martial artists in the Sengoku era. His outfit is divided into three parts, a black Uwagi, a type of clothing similar to a kimono shirt, a White hakama (something similar to a silk skirt) a golden yellow sash (similar in width to a karate black belt.) and a pair of sandals. He also wears teal cloth gauntlets to protect his forearm.

Armor: Marcus does not wear armor, as he feel he doesn't have the need for it.
+ 1
Personality: Marcus is a very helpful individual, and is known to help solve the smaller problems that people have. He is also in some cases, a vigilante, as he will fight people who hurt innocents and not pay for their crimes. (Like the Punisher). He also has a soft side for kids, and younger siblings, and as such, would vow to protect them from harm, it is considered that he has a Big Brother Complex.
+1
First Impression: When people meet Marcus, he is as if he show high honor. To the contrary, he does hold honor, but does not let it get in the way of what he needs to do. Kids sometimes look up to him as if he was a big brother, mainly due to his stern, yet friendly attitude.
Hmm....this could be improved a bit.

"show great honor"... How so? Is it his aura? His presence? The way he talks? The way he acts?
-1
Strength: Marcus's strength is on par with Olympic level weightlifters and can sucessfully lift over 350 lbs (almost twice his own body weight.) He can apply his strength to each and every swing and is capable of cutting normal men almost in half. Under normal circumstances, he can dish out 400 HP out of 500 if the person was not wearing armor.

Speed: Marcus's speed is normal for a person his size. He can go around 12 miles per hour running. This is usually fast for a person his size.

Endurance: Marcus's endurance typically falls around 4-6 minutes, which allows him to fight extensively for a this period of time. However, when he knows that he will be out of stamina soon, he would be forced to end the fight quickly.

Reflexes: Marcus has remarkable reflexes, he knows when he is being attacked quickly due to a sense of perception, although he can't react quick enough to side step, he has over the years developed a fighting style designed to defend himself from attack. (explained below)

Fighting Style: Because Marcus has poor evasion skills, his only defense relies on a defensive-minded fighting style. (known in Star Wars terminology as Soresu) This fighting style gives Marcus the capability to defend against enemy attack, when the enemy reveals an opening in his attack, Marcus can then counterattack and defeat his opponent. Though this is usually simpler against ranged opponents, it is slightly difficult with very skilled swordsmen.
You almost slipped with writing "then counterattack and defeat his opponent" but the next sentence balanced the statements.
+1
Magic: He has a limited knowledge of magic, mainly using Ice based magic.
Hmmm understandable.
But ...could be developed more since....(refer to comments on abilities).
Weapon: Marcus weilds a Katana known as "Nagashino" (named after the famed battle of the Sengoku era), the blade is of cold, silver steel, and has an Ice element imbued with it. As such, it will temporarily freeze an opponent (about 2 posts) if hit with it multiple times.(about 8-10).
Including the dimension of the sword such as length, how wide is the blade, etc. adds value to your biography.
=needs more details=
Abilities:
Diamond Storm (Limit): Using Ice magic to charge up his blade, Marcus stabs the ground, freezing the area around him and his opponents, he then creates waves of energy in the air using his katana. The waves disperse and becomes shards in the air, which then surrounds and shreds his opponent. This drains Marcus of all his energy and although will rarely use it. If it does not work, he would be forced to go back into the defensive or use an ether.

Frost Blade: Marcus can imbue his katana with Blizzard magic and attack his opponents. It will drain Marcus of about 10% of his magical energy, and is highly effective against Fire type opponents.

Tiger Slash: Using his strength, Marcus swings his blade full force 4 times, each time, he can lower the defense of his opponent, making it easier to launch a killing blow. This attack is useful against highly armored opponents, but at a great cost, as it will drain Marcus of about 1/4th his magic power.
This color: Would be better to be relocated in a ""techniques" section of its own.
This color: Would be better located in the Magic section.
History: Born in the Aurelian city of Port Patterson, in the realm of Strangereal, Marcus was the son of an Emmerian aristocrat living in the then colony of Aurelia, and a North Pointian whose family lived in the area for hundreds of years. At age 6, his parents were killed in a civil war that won Aurelia independence (as the Aurelian Confederation).

Marcus would later be taken up by a North Pointian, who would later send him to the Empire of North Point. The guardian trained the boy in the arts of the Samurai, and taught him to use his skills to protect the innocent from oppression. The unknown man died shortly after completion of his training at age 20 and Marcus, wanting to fufill his master's wish, decided to travel the world and help others who need help.

ALL CHANGES ARE DONE IN ORCHID PURPLE
Nice story.


Overall, you made some solid changes, the character seems approvable and ready to be used in RPBs.

Only organize the abilities/magics more. Add more description in the weapon section, and it should be set.

Once done, PM me in order to officially approve it.

Up to 80% of the biography is approveable.
 
Christiane Freiherr

Usage: ORPG, URPG, RPB

Name: Christiane Freiherr

Age: 17

Alignment: Neutral

Title: The Empress of Belkan Street Fighting

Gender: Female

Race: Human

Appearance:
Monk_colored_by_tonbo87.jpg

Christiane has silvery-white hair that she ties in a ponytail. She is 5'8" and weighs 143 lbs. Christiane's nose is rounded and ears are slightly pointed. She is Caucasian in color. Her skinny stature allows her to be more flexible in combat.

Attire: Christiane wears a brown cloak, underneath it is a modified brown fighter's gi used in East Asian Martial Arts. This consists of a no-sleeve shirt that has a V shape collar extending down to her chest. Her pants is somewhat akin to a regular track pants. They have a smooth, silky feel despite it being made from a cotton material. Christiane has wraps wrapped around her lower leg near the foot and knee, on the upper arms near the shoulder, and around her abdomen. The wraps that she has on is for aesthetic show and shows no practical purpose.

Personality: Christiane is taciturn, stoic, and is known to be the Warrior Poet, having read several poems and written a few that had become more well known than her fighting skill in Belka. She is also a determined soul, accepting any challenge a person would put down, expecting to achieve it.

Christiane's martial arts skills are well renowned throughout the Belkan states, thus she is well respected. Many people, men and women would challenge her out of honor.

Some Belkan subjects believed that she is a Belkan Knight, because Christiane follows the code of chivalry, but in reality she is not.

In her free time, she is known to be a poet, However, her poems are not as famous as her fighting skill, and she prefers to be more into her fists than into words.

First Impression:
Christiane doesn't talk much, but when she does, people would listen. She is not wise, but through her travels she has known much from previous experiences. She is also a capable leader and is even more reason as to why people would listen.

Strength: Christiane is very powerful for a woman. She is capable of breaking wooden boards in half, and can deal 120 out 500 damage to a person without armor if she hits an opponent with a 3-hit combo and all of them connect
(One hit would equal about 40 out 500 damage).
(NOTE: It isn't all or nothing and the opponent can block at least part of the combo if not all)

Christiane can focus her Ki, increasing the strength of her attacks. At full focus, she could do up to 4 times her normal damage output. She can break 1 in (2.54 cm) stone blocks, break bones, and cause heavy damage to any normal combatant using a 3 hit combo. (400 out of 500 on a person without armor or about 130 her hit)
However, she does not completely focus her ki unless it was absolutely necessary. Christiane can also take her focus off when she does not need it. Because she cannot maintain her focus forever, it will dissipate over time (about an hour) and if fully dissipated, would tire her out.

Christiane's defense is average, like any traditional martial artist, and can take a lot of damage if before being knocked out of the fight. If she was without armor, a monk (a hand-to-hand opponent) at normal strength may do at least 60 HP out of 500. However against opponents versed in magic she would be at a huge disadvantage, a mage using a spell would do 3 times the damage to her as a fighter throwing punches at her.

Speed: Christiane's speed is normal for a person her size who undergoes sterneous exercise. She could run up to 8 miles per hour which is normal for a person like her.

Reflexes: Christiane's reflexes are nothing short on astounding. Though she is not a dedicated speedster, she can dodge projectiles very quickly. She could sidestep and counter before normal people could react, making her a very dangerous opponent.
Christiane's reflexes are decreased significantly if an opponent was able to weaken her to critical levels (aka HP at 30%)

(NOTE: For the record, I always have thought that speed is not tied to reflexes, I don't know how to explain it, but that's what I always believed.)

Endurance: Christiane's Endurance is just as impressive as her reflexes. She could exert herself for 15 minutes before she shows signs of fatigue. Christiane's lung capacity allows her to hold her breath for just over 3 minutes.

Fighting Style: Christiane is an expert at unarmed combat. She is a master of Usean Kickboxing (Strangereal's version of Muay Thai Kickboxing), and knows skills in Monte Rosan Tai-Jutsu (Brazilian Ju-Jitsu) and Standard Kickboxing. Her MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) style of combat allows her to hold her own in combat against multiple opponents. Preferring Power, Christiane can use powerful strikes to down opponents easily.

Magic: Christiane does not know magic or have any magical abilities.
She uses ki in place of magic, but unlike magic which could be restored by ethers and elixirs, ki can only be recovered by time, and only slowly (at about 10% an hour). Because of the risk of ambushes, Christiane always focuses her ki, but at a minimal level. (about 10% focus.) If a battle is imminent, she could focus her Ki and carry it to battle, but because of the fact her ki can be drained. (at about 45 minutes is she is not exerting herself in combat, she would have been drained of all her energy, 15 minutes if she was.) She does not try to do so.

Weapons:
Christiane wields the Quarterstaff known as "Bright Raven." The Quarterstaff is 4 feet long and is made of a rare wood called Odinsbane. This wood is extremely durable to steel. Rumor has it that it was a gift given by the Valkyrie Queen Brunhild. Christiane wrapped one side of the staff with the same white wraps she had put on her own body. She was given this weapon by her old master. When not in use, her staff is placed in a cloth holster that is sown into her cloak.

Christiane is skilled in fighting using her Quarterstaff, using fighting styles ranging from European Medieval Quarterstaff fighting to various East Asian styles. However, he is not as powerful at stick fighting as unarmed combat.

When she does not carry her staff with her, Christiane carries and has also shown skill in combat, albeit limited, with a weapon known as the "Blackhound" This nunchaku is two 6 inch long iron cylinders, seperated by a 4 inch long steel chain forged by Belkan smiths. It is focused more for close-in combat. She applies it to the Muay Thai style of Combat. Christiane carries it on a cloth holster on the side of her gi.

Christiane also has, on rare instances, used a katana (about 60 cm or about 2 feet of steel with a decorative wooden and cloth handle) she received during her travels to North Point. However, she is a novice at it, and rarely ever use it against opponents who are much more skilled in the weapon. If Christiane decided to carry it, would be worn similar to most Samurai, on the side attached to her gi.

Abilities and Techniques:
Fatal Fury (Limit): Christiane starts off by running towards her opponent and pummel the person with multiple punches, followed by a sweeping kick, and a jumping kicking down on the persons torso, dealing heavy physical damage (about 2.5 times her normal damage without ki). It does however require a lot of ki however and is usually used as a last resort
since it uses about 65% of her ki energy, and overuse on ki could prove fatal.

Shockwave: By focusing her ki, Christiane punches the ground, creating a wave of energy that can damage the opponent from afar as long as the opponent is still standing within 30 feet of her. The attack is ineffective against flying opponents, so jumping may be the only way to dodge the attack. Since she doesn't have magical energy, she uses her ki to power her attack (about 10%). Because of this, she cannot use this attack often, as overuse of her ki would do her more harm than her opponent can do.

Cyclone Kick: Christiane can take down multiple opponents surrounding her with a Jumping Spinning Kick. She jumps upward and spins like a top with one foot forward, damaging anyone who tries to surround her. Christiane uses ki energy to power her spin. (about 5%)

History:
Christiane was born in Lumen, in the Duchy of Ivrea-Glatisant. The Duchy was part of a loose confederation of states that made up the Holy Belkan Empire.

Christiane was the daughter of a peasant. Unhappy with her lifestyle, she yearned for something more, to get out of the lifestyle that her family had held for generations, so at the age of 12 she ran away from home to begin her journey, taking her to the Kingdom of Osea.

Along the way, Christiane was attacked by bandits who tried to rape her. The bandits did manage to knock her out, but before they could have their way, a mysterious monk attacked and killed the bandits.

The warrior rescued the young girl and nursed her back to health. Christiane, grateful that the man save him, pledged to follow him in his journey. (he was heading on his way to Dinsmark, the capital of the HBE.) Along the journey, Christiane trained with the monk in martial arts as well as reading, writing and arithmetic.

Over the course of 3 years, Christiane transformed herself from a young peasant girl to a tempered warrior in her own right. Before Christiane and the monk went their separate ways, the monk gave her the quarterstaff she uses today.

During the next 2 years, Christiane made a name for herself as an entertainer for imperial aristocrat, as well as a mercenary for many wars. She earned the title of "Empress of Belkan Street Fighting" both due to her skills as a brawler, and for the fact that she has not been defeated in hand-to-hand combat.

Christiane, still travels the world, ready to make her name the most popular in the world.
 
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John Hunter

Role: ORPG, URPG, RPB

Name: John Hunter

Age: 33

Alignment: Good

Title: Indigo Heron

Gender: Male

Race: Human

Appearance:
Anime_Warrior_by_QueenieChan.jpg


John is 6'2" tall and weighs 210 lbs, mostly muscle. He has black hair and purple eyes. His young looks makes most people act as if he is a person who is about half his age. He has a strong physical build, which is due to intense training for a man his age.

Armor/Attire: John wears a blue chainmail shirt and pants, as well as pieces of armor protecting his chest , hips and lower legs. He sometimes wears a helmet, but not often. John also likes to wear capes, even though they serve no practical purpose on the battlefield other than for show.

His armor bears the mark of the Indigo Knights, a knights helmet on a shield with a purple cross on a white background. It is shown on his chest plate and greaves.


Personality: A calm and collected knight, he believes in what's right for his country, and would always side with them right or wrong. Never one to speak about the wrongs of his country, it doesn't mean he disagrees with the wrongs his people had done in the past. His beliefs of siding with his country, right or wrong, had made him more of an idealist, fighting to keep his friends, family and people safe.

During battle he is just as adamant in fighting for his friends. He is not egotistical like most fighters, but rather, is a calm, collected individual who, during his service in the Usean Crusades, has had some understanding in battle tactics and swordsmanship. Being the grizzled veteran that he is, he is not above helping others survive in battle.


First Impression: He is a man most people would listen to. A leader who would speak no ill will to his country. People would put their trust in them, and despite his age, the ladies like to fall for him. He speaks like a well mannered gentleman and is treated as such.

His enemies also seem to respect John in combat as much as his allies do. Many of his opponents have heard of the knight's exploits during the Crusades, as well as showing chivalry and mercy when needed. He is, in everyone's eyes, a textbook knight.

Strength: John is formidable in combat, having high stamina and strength. As such, he is capable of launching strong strikes, mostly from out of defense, on an opponent. His attacks are capable of breaking through stone. He is capable of doing 450 damage out of 500 on an opponent not wearing armor.

Speed: John is not fast and agile, thus leaving him prone to constant damage. In full armor, he cannot run faster than 4-5 mph, which makes his vulnerable to attack. This is not due to limits of physical strength, but because of the heavy armor that impedes his movement. Without the armor, John can move at speeds of 8 mph, which is the normal speed for a regular person. However he rarely ever fights without his armor and so he can not achieve full potential in speed.

Reflexes: Like his speed, John's reflexes are very slow, again due to the heavy armor. Because of this, he cannot dodge as fast as normal people. Though this is made up for by the armor providing excellent defense, it is a handicap in which only good training can accomplish.

Fighting Style: John's fighting style (Link here) is based on his physical Abilities, in which he uses strong, sweeping strokes, but at the cost of not being mobile in combat. His fighting style is also effective against either single or multiple opponents however, allowing himself to easily adapt to any odds.

Magic: John knows basic White Magic. However he is only limited to using to heal minor injuries, eliminating any poisons in his body or to see far distances(as far as about 30 miles out)

In order of spells:
Cure: 5% MP (cures minor injuries)
Poisona: 10% MP (cures any poisons, unless specified by an opponent)
Farsight: 7.5% MP (dee far distances, as far as 30 miles from his current location)

With help from mages and dedicated magic-users, he can use sword magic, having said magic users enhance his sword with offensive spells, he can deal 1.25 normal damage to an opponent without a advantage or disadvantage to that spell. (with ranges up to .75 for resistance and 2.5 for weakness). However they cost John some MP to wield it properly (about 15%).

Weapon:
RagnarokFFX11.png

John wields the Knight Sword known as "Ragnarok". According to Northmen legend. Ragnarok was the sword that was forged by their gods in times when the end of the world was close at hand. This story was told in many places in Strangereal, including the Anean Kingdoms, Northern Osea, Wellow and the independent Eastern Osean kingdoms.

John is capable of wielding this weapon with ease, it is light for a two-handed sword, and is made with a very strong steel, making it unbreakable by normal means.


Abilities:
Talon of Ruin (Limit Break): John charges forward and slashes his opponent upward with the sword, this is followed by him jumping into the air as high as he could and doing a downward smash using both of his hands (a human axe handle strike) down on the persons head, and a knee to the face. Since he must exert energy (and magic) to try and jump that high with his armor. He would have exhausted a good 80% of his magic power, and must use an elixir to replenish himself.

If they all connect, the 3 hit combo does 2.1875 times regular damage than normal

Break Strike: This attack is effective when John is close to death, since this ability uses 45% of his magic to deal heavy damage (up to about 1.75 times regular damage) However this is only effective if John is close to death (NOTE: about 10% of his health left, though it's hard to explain since we have no set HP, the reason why I'm being vague.). If he is not then the attack would only do light (.5 regular damage) damage to an opponent.


History: John was born in Wesson, a salient town in the Kingdom of Osea, near the Belkan Border, to a Osean Knight and a Belkan princess. As such, he was trained in the code of chivalry and to honor both parents homelands, Osea, and the Holy Belkan Empire (present day Osean Federation, including the Southern and Western Belkan lands.)

After his training in knighthood. He became a knight for the Holy Belkan Empire at the age of 19. His noted achievements were for fighting in the Usean Crusades against Islamists who held the holy Usean city of Delarus.

The Usean Crusades were a period of war between the Catholic Kingdoms of Osea, Belka, Erusea and Ratio against the Islamic Saladinian Delaran Empire, who control the city of Delarus, long thought to be the place where Catholocism was born. John was one many knights who took part in the wars that led to the fall of Saladinian Empire and the rise of the Latin Kingdom of Delarus, a kingdom that would rule for a hundred years.

After the Usean Crusades, John returned to Belka where he established the Indigo Knights of the Blue Heron, the preeminent order of the HBE, where he leads his order to distinction, glory and to protect his country.
 
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Ok, I will start doing things this way.

In the bio format topic, this is one of hte first lines in the bio itself.

ORPG/URPG/RPB - A brief declaration of what kind of RP your character is intended for. Required Section

And my further detailing in the same topic, just a post further down.

ORPG/URPG/RPB
Not that if the character is approved for URP's, that char might have problems getting into ORP's as well as RPB's
If you want hte character to be abe to be used in a RPB, you must state RPB at this point, though as RPB's are much stricter in the realms of detailing, be aware taht characters tagged for RPB will be looked on in much deeper detail and will in general be harder to get approved than a non RPB char.

Doe the the nature of the approval process, I need that little detail to decide how picky I have to be in the actual detail part.
So please add that part and PM me after.

And if this indeed is a original char, you should remove ALL comparisons like
(but not as stotic as Squall),
and
(similar to Ryu and Ken in the Street Fighter games)
And make sure you dont use any FF names or names from other specific titles.
Also make sure that ALL your abilities have some form of drain. I see that she has no magic but her abilities will naturally fatigue her more than normal activity.
Like this one.
Shockwave: By focusing her ki, Christiane punches the ground, creating a wave of energy that can damage the opponent from afar as long as the opponent is still standing within 30 feet of her. The attack is ineffective against flying opponents, so jumping may be the only way to dodge the attack.
The way it is now it has no energy cost at all, so it is "free to use" effect, this is not good ^^

Also, you might want to add detail to many parts, like her attire.
Though in our real world, we know what you mean by eastern clothes, but what if Eastern clothes in a RP that she joins are orange jumpsuits?
So try and remove references and add solid details instead.

So, yeah, I cant really nag on it before you add the type of RP she is to be approved for, so the rest I stated are not nags per se, but hints to make it easier for you ^^
PM me once you are ready again.
 
*dons Fox hat*

Attire: Christiane wears a brown cloak, underneath it is a modified brown fighter's gi used in East Asian Martial Arts. This consists of a no-sleeve shirt that has a V shape collar extending down to her chest. Her pants is somewhat akin to a regular track pants in feel. Christiane has wraps wrapped around her lower leg near the foot and knee, on the upper arms near the shoulder, and around her abdomen.

Little things:
-You and I know what track pants feel like, but not everybody does. Describe the feel itself.
-Any purpose to the wraps?

Personality: Christiane is taciturn, stoic, and is known to be the Warrior Poet, having read several poems and written a few that had become more well known than her fighting skill in Belka. She is also a determined soul, accepting any challenge a person would put down, expecting to achieve it.

This is fine, but expand more. If someone could sum up my personality in four lines, I'd be disappointed. Find some more facets.

First Impression: Christiane's martial arts skills are well renowned throughout the Belkan states, thus she is well respected. Many people, men and women would challenge her out of honor.

Some Belkan subjects believed that she is a Belkan Knight, because Christiane follows the code of chivalry, but in reality she is not.

This info may be better suited under Personality.

How would others react to her upon first seeing her/talking with her/being near her?

Strength: Christiane is very powerful for a woman. She is capable of breaking wooden boards in half, and can deal 120 out 500 damage to a person without armor if she hits an opponent with a 3-hit combo.

-Does each hit of the combo do equal damage? Can the individual strikes be blocked, or is it an all-or-nothing attack?
-How about her physical defense? How much damage can she absorb before she's incapable of fighting? How much will one blow do?

Christiane can focus her Ki, increasing the strength of her attacks. At full focus, she could do up to 4 times her normal damage output. She can break 1 in (2.54 cm) stone blocks, break bones, and cause heavy damage to any normal combatant using a 3 hit combo. (400 out of 500 on a person without armor) However, she does not completely focus her ki unless it was absolutely necessary.

This seems more like an Ability than an aspect of her strength, so I'll treat it as such.
Where's the drain? It seems free to use, as I believe Fox had said. Yes, she has to focus her Ki, but is she limited in how often she can use it? Does focusing take away some of her strength? Does releasing the ability sap her strength? Can her focus be interrupted? If so, does the focused Ki dissipate? Or is it released with diminishing returns?

Reflexes: Christiane's reflexes are nothing short on astounding. Though she is not a dedicated speedster, she can dodge projectiles very quickly. She could sidestep and counter before normal people could react, making her a very dangerous opponent.

Do her reflexes flag as she tires? As she is wounded?

Fighting Style: ... However she is not the quickest fighter (although she is not that slow either)

It would seem to me, that if her reflexes were "astounding," that she would be an exceptionally quick and agile fighter. Realistically, dodging a projectile and dodging a punch are much the same principle. Maybe you and I have a different interpretation of "quick" in this sense.

Also, a minor thing, but would people in her realm know what Brazilian Ju-jitsu is? Or what/where Brazil is, for that matter? Maybe this would be better as "she is adept at Style X, which is equivalent to what we know as Brazilian Ju-jitsu." Just a thought, take it or leave it.

Abilities and Techniques: ... dealing heavy physical damage. It does however require a lot of ki ... overuse on ki could prove fatal.

In short: be specific. What is "heavy" physical damage? Twice her normal damage dealt? Five times? Ten? How much is "a lot" of ki? 25%? 60%? How much is overuse? Especially for an RPB profile, the more specific you are with these amounts, the better.

Shockwave: By focusing her ki, Christiane punches the ground, creating a wave of energy that can damage the opponent from afar as long as the opponent is still standing within 30 feet of her. The attack is ineffective against flying opponents, so jumping may be the only way to dodge the attack. Since she doesn't have magical energy, she uses her ki to power her attack (about 10%). Because of this, she cannot use this attack often, as overuse of her ki would do her more harm than her opponent can do.

Cyclone Kick: Christiane can take down multiple opponents surrounding her with a Jumping Spinning Kick. She jumps upward and spins like a top with one foot forward, damaging anyone who tries to surround her. Christiane uses ki energy to power her spin. (about 5%)

See, these are on the right track. The percentages make a world of difference, as it gives me (and others) a gauge as to how often/how quickly an ability can be used and what the effects are.

Now, I would argue that 10% of total Ki is not very much. That means she could use the ability 10 times in quick succession, relatively speaking. And a 5% drain for an attack that targets multiple enemies doesn't strike me as balanced. Along these lines, how quickly does her Ki recharge? And how does it recharge, for that matter? Establish a baseline for the percentages and damage amounts (you technically already have for the damage, so you're on your way there) and work off that.
Overall, the character is good, she just needs some more specificity in some of the parts.

For now, [NOT APPROVED]
 
Most of the changes are good. A couple notes on them, and a couple notes on things that jumped into my mind on the second perusal:

Personality: Christiane is taciturn, stoic, and is known to be the Warrior Poet, having read several poems and written a few that had become more well known than her fighting skill in Belka. She is also a determined soul, accepting any challenge a person would put down, expecting to achieve it.

Christiane's martial arts skills are well renowned throughout the Belkan states, thus she is well respected. Many people, men and women would challenge her out of honor.

Some Belkan subjects believed that she is a Belkan Knight, because Christiane follows the code of chivalry, but in reality she is not.

I still would prefer to see more here. Is she a leader or a follower? What type of sense of humor does she have? Is she a romantic? A loner or a social butterfly? In the words of Bruce Dickinson, explore the space.

First Impression:

I didn't see anything here. Probably just an oversight, but I wanted to point it out.

Christiane's defense is average, like any traditional martial artist, and can take a lot of damage if before being knocked out of the fight. If she was without armor, a swordsman at normal strength may do at least 60 HP out of 500. However against opponents versed in magic she would be at a huge disadvantage, a mage using a spell would do 3 times the damage to her as a swordsman swinging a sword at her.

Careful with this. Think logically here; if a person swung a sword at an armor-less defender and landed any kind of solid strike, the blow would verge on debilitating if the blade struck the right body part, fatal if it struck the wrong one.

I think you're going in the right direction with it, but think of a punch or a blunt weapon first. Edges cause trouble.

(NOTE: For the record, I always have thought that speed is not tied to reflexes, I don't know how to explain it, but that's what I always believed.)

I think I know what you mean, so fair enough.

She uses ki in place of magic, but unlike magic which could be resotred by ethers and elixirs, ki can only be recovered by time, and only slowly (at about 10% an hour)

Good. That immediately makes me feel better about her abilities.

One more note about her Ki: Obviously, if she knew a battle was imminent, she could focus her Ki and "carry" it into battle. If she were ambushed, would her Ki start at 0%? Or somewhere in between?


Just a small thing here. Give us some specifics on the weapons. Length, material, that sort of thing. Where does she carry them when not in use?

Still not approved, but we're getting pretty close.
 
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