Galm 2's Bio's

[Noblesse Oblige]

Here is where I will be putting my bio's for my Original Characters from now on. All characters listed here are used for ORPG, URPG or RPB.

Name: Maria Julius Longinus

Age: 22

Alignment: Neutral/Good

Gender: Female

Race: Pheonician, a race of humanoid beings with golden angel wings, (similar to Aegyl's of Final Fantasy XII fame, or the One-Winged Angels of the FF7 Compilations) They live mainly in the forests and mountains of the realm of Strangereal, and a few do venture out and uncommonly has contact with humanity. Pheonicians can reincarnate if they die naturally, (ie natural causes or sickness), but not so the case if they die unnaturally (ie physical death/battle). They have an average lifespan of 150 years. They also have the ability to hide their wings to make themselves look entirely human. Other physical features include rounded ears and varying nose shapes and sizes like humans do. Pheonicians have circular eyes, but their natural eye colors are of tremendous range, making it somewhat easier to pick out Pheonicians from humans.

Appearance: Maria has long black hair, which is tied in a pony tail to avoid it getting in her eyesight, and Light blue eyes. She is about 5'6" and her weight class is that of around 105-120 lb range. Like her race she has golden angel wings that typically span about 2 1/2 feet in length. Maria is skinny (and in some cases, pretty) for her height, and people who has never met her have been known too take her lightly because of it, thus it gives her somewhat of an advantage in combat.

Attire: She typically wears armor to battle, consisting mainly of greaves, boots and a breastplate made entirely of mythril. When not in battle, she tends to wear a yellow long pants and and a Grey T-Shirt. Her shoes are made of leather, which gives her comfort when walking. Maria also wears gloves made of leather. She never wears a helmet in combat, though she never gives a reason as to why. Despite this, she is well dressed and well groomed for battle. (Note: I forgot to end the statement with a period. Probably shouldn't have did this while I was packing.)

Personality: She is a stotic character who cares for her friends and family. She is level headed and a master tactician and strategist. She is more down to earth and not as cocky as most other warriors, but is not afraid to boast about her achievements from time to time.

Strength: Maria has the normal strength for a post-teenage girl doing regular excersizes. As such, she does not have a heavily toned body. Because of this she is not suited to pound-for-pound combat and probably would not last in a fight like that.(Note: This was rewritten in order to focus more on speed rather than strength, and also partly to prevent myself from powerplaying.)

Speed and Reflexes: Maria is capable of running at 35 MPH, as fast, if not faster, than an olympic athelete. She can sidestep and counter before normal people can react, to the point where most people thinks that she is teleporting. She is also capable of dodging semi-automatic fire to a certain degree, and can outrun enemy gunfire with ease. While flying, she can fly an excess of 150 MPH, and is just as nimble in the air as she is on land. However, she has limited focus when flying that fast, and only uses such blinding speeds for quick escapes, or during her limit. (Note: The reason why I said to a certain degree if because most bullets (usually handguns travel at speeds of up to Mach 2 (around 1300 mph/2,092 km) so I cannot say how this will affect in dodging skills when her typical land speed is just around 35 mph.)

Fighting Style: Maria's fighting style is based solely on quick fighting and aerial combat (similar to Zidane in Dissidia: Final Fantasy), while she is also a capable opponent on the ground, her true skills lies in aerial attacks. She is especially skilled in Fire Magic, although she also has some knowledge in Thunder magic as well.

Weapon: In addition to hand-to-hand combat (in similar veins to Tae Kwon Do), Maria also weilds a dual-bladed polearm known as, the "Twin Scarabs." Both blades are curved and has the capability of Poisioning an opponent when hit by the blades a few times. The poison is made by the Pheonicians and has a burning effect in the body, causing symptoms such as sweating and dehydration. It's not a strong poison, but effective in temporarily (about 60 seconds, or roughly 1 long post/2 short posts.) stunning an enemy. They are collapsible for easy carriage during flight, being folded in half and placed in a holster. (Note: First, I have given a time on how temporary it is, thus adding to the effect of a weak poison. Second, I also added how the blade is concealed. Lastly, I have removed the other weapons since I cannot explain how to explain how silence will work in the magical sense...or scientificly for that matter.)

Abilities:
Moonlight (Limit): Maria's blades glow gold as she flies up into the air, when coming down, She surrounds the opponent in a ring of fire, and slashes her opponent twice with the blade. Because this limit is used in times when Maria's health is critical, she only uses it as a last resort, as it merely drains her of all magic power. If the opponent dodges, or survives the attack, then unless Maria has an ether, or is still capable of fighting off an opponent without magic, then the fight would be all but over.

Fireblade: Maria's blades charge up with Fire energy, which is used to slice through enemies, causing fire damage to opponents. Very effective against Ice enemies and effective against Water enemies. This does not consume much energy (usually around 5% to start it up and 5% for every minute of continual use), but it will add up if she continues to maintain the ability on her weapons.

Exploder Blade: Maria strikes an opponent with such physical force that it creates a shockwave. It is extremely useful against smaller enemies, as it would knock them away. It consumes slightly more power than Fireblade (about 15% of magical resources), and will weaken her if used to many times.

History: Born in the Selumna Mountains, (in what was then the Kingdom of Tarvo, now Emmeria in the Anea Continent) Maria was raised by caring parents and older brother. Like most Pheonician tribes, they had a proactive role in the world around them, even to the point where it can be said that the tribe is proacitve in the Kingdom's affairs.

When Maria was 14, there were terrible conflicts that plagued the Anea continent. During these conflicts, Maria's village was attacked by the neighboring Khesed Empire. Maria father was killed trying to protect the tribe, and left her devasatated.

A year after the incident, Maria ventured off into the world, where she met a knight named Dimitri in the Duchy of Cinicovy. She was trained in the art of combat, magic and survival by Dimitri. Now she is ready to travel back to fight the Kingdom of the two Kheseds.

All changes are made in HUNTER GREEN.

(Note: After making the first set of changes, I've came up with some mistakes, some of which you have mentioned, whle others I may have missed, however given the fact that I wasn't able to do anything about since I was on vacation at the time, it does not mean that I have not taken into consideration how much more I needed to have done. I am sorry for the inconvience.)

[Dean Winchester]

Here is where I will be putting my bio's for my Original Characters from now on. All characters listed here are used for ORPG, URPG or RPB.


Name: Maria Julius Longinus

Age: 22

Alignment: Neutral/Good

Gender: Female

Race: Pheonician, a race of humanoid beings with golden angel wings, (similar to Aegyl's of Final Fantasy XII fame, or the One-Winged Angels of the FF7 Compilations) They live mainly in the forests and mountains of the realm of Strangereal, and a few do venture out and uncommonly has contact with humanity. Pheonicians can reincarnate if they die naturally, (ie natural causes or sickness), but not so the case if they die unnaturally (ie physical death/battle). They have an average lifespan of 150 years. They also have the ability to hide their wings to make themselves look entirely human.

Good so far. Including refences to existing sources such as games is allowed so long as it is kept only to make a comparisson.

Appearance: Maria has long black hair Light blue eyes. She is about 5'6" and her weight class is that of around 105-120 lb range. Like her race she has golden angel wings that typically span about 2 1/2 feet in length.

Too short. This section requires much more information.

Attire: She typically wears armor to battle, consisting mainly of greaves, boots and a breastplate made entirely of mythril. When not in battle, she tends to wear a yellow long pants and and a Grey T-Shirt.

You could try to add more information here as well.

Personality: She is a stotic character who cares for her friends and family. She is level headed and a master tactician and strategist. She is more down to earth and not as cocky as most other warriors, but is not afraid to boast about her achievements from time to time.

Good

Strength: Maria has the strength of a heavyweight boxer. She is capable of defeating normal opponents with hand to hand combat.

Could use more information and other examples to compare her with.

Speed and Reflexes: Maria is capable of running at 35 MPH, as fast, if not faster, than an olympic athelete. She can sidestep and counter before some people can react. While flying, she can fly an excess of 150 MPH, and is just as nimble in the air as she is on land.

Does her speed somehow affects battle balance? Like not being able to focus on a target if she keeps moving?

Fighting Style: Maria's fighting style is based solely on quick fighting and aerial combat (similar to Zidane in Dissidia: Final Fantasy), while she is also a capable opponent on the ground, her true skills lies in aerial attacks. She is especially skilled in Fire Magic.

Fair

Weapon: In addition to hand-to-hand combat (in similar veins to Tae Kwon Do), Maria also weilds a dual-bladed polearm known as, the "Twin Scarab." Both blades are curved and has the capability of Poisioning an opponent.

On certain occasions, she will use a longsword as well that inflicts either Silence or Sleep on opponents, or a sickle (a small handled, short-bladed scythe) that is imbued with Thunder and Ice.

How are these Twin Scarabs? Could use more description. Also, does the poison status is placed upon contact? If so, how are you going to work the status ailments with the player?

Abilities:
Moonlight (Limit): Maria's blades glow gold as she flies up into the air, when coming down, She surrounds the opponent in a ring of fire, and slashes her opponent twice with the blade.

Fireblade: Maria's blades charge up with Fire energy, which is used to slice through enemies, causing fire damage to opponents. Very effective against Ice enemies and effective against Water enemies.

Exploder Blade: Maria strikes an opponent with such physical force that it creates a shockwave.

These spells could use more detailed information. I also can't seem to find if they consume any energy at all or if their usage adds up to exhaustion. Please include so.

History: Born in the Selumna Mountains, (in what was then the Kingdom of Tarvo, now Emmeria in the Anea Continent) Maria was raised by caring parents and older brother. Like most Pheonician tribes, they had a proactive role in the world around them, even to the point where it can be said that the tribe is proacitve in the Kingdom's affairs.

When Maria was 14, there were terrible conflicts that plagued the Anea continent. During these conflicts, Maria's village was attacked by the neighboring Khesed Empire. Maria father was killed trying to protect the tribe, and left her devasatated.

A year after the incident, Maria ventured off into the world, where she met a knight named Dimitri in the Verusean Empire. She was trained in the art of combat, magic and survival by Dimitri. Now she is ready to travel back to fight the Khesed Empire.

(I know I rushed the bio a bit but that's is all I got.)

The biography seems to have a solid base, however it requires a few adjustments here and there, specially in the descriptions and the spell sections. Usually, a RP Biography takes time to complete, so it would be best if you read through the character's descriptions all over again. Details give more power to the bio as well as making it more interesting.


For now, this bio is:

[NOT APPROVED]

[Noblesse Oblige]

Edits have been made. Sorry If I couldn't do this sooner.

[Dean Winchester]

Here is where I will be putting my bio's for my Original Characters from now on. All characters listed here are used for ORPG, URPG or RPB.


Name: Maria Julius Longinus

Age: 22

Alignment: Neutral/Good

Gender: Female

Race: Pheonician, a race of humanoid beings with golden angel wings, (similar to Aegyl's of Final Fantasy XII fame, or the One-Winged Angels of the FF7 Compilations) They live mainly in the forests and mountains of the realm of Strangereal, and a few do venture out and uncommonly has contact with humanity. Pheonicians can reincarnate if they die naturally, (ie natural causes or sickness), but not so the case if they die unnaturally (ie physical death/battle). They have an average lifespan of 150 years. They also have the ability to hide their wings to make themselves look entirely human.

Appearance: Maria has long black hair and Light blue eyes. She is about 5'6" and her weight class is that of around 105-120 lb range. Like her race she has golden angel wings that typically span about 2 1/2 feet in length. Maria is skinny (and in some cases, pretty) for her height, and people who has never met her have been known too take her lightly because of it, thus it gives her an advantage in combat.

When I gave the recommendations of adding more details I was referring to small details like:
-Eye Shape
-Ear Shape (if it is like normal humans or elf-like pointy ears. If they are big or small)
-Nose Shape [?]
-Hair Length (her hair is left untied or does she fixes her hair in some particular way?)

Attire: She typically wears armor to battle, consisting mainly of greaves, boots and a breastplate made entirely of mythril. When not in battle, she tends to wear a yellow long pants and and a Grey T-Shirt. Her shoes are made of leather, which gives her comfort when walking. Maria also wears gloves made of leather. She rarely ever wears a helmet in combat, though she never gives a reason as to why [...]

That part is incomplete...you never finished the sentence

Personality: She is a stotic character who cares for her friends and family. She is level headed and a master tactician and strategist. She is more down to earth and not as cocky as most other warriors, but is not afraid to boast about her achievements from time to time.

Strength: Maria has the strength of a heavyweight boxer. She is capable of defeating six opponents blindfolded using hand-to-hand combat. She would be able to bench press 300 lbs in normal circumstances, and is strong enough to lift opponents twice her size.

So she has a strong build? You do know that Bench Pressing 300 lbs is quite a quantity, and honesty if she is 5'6" and only weights like 120 pounds [120 is quite below the Heavyweight Class in Boxing], how come she bench presses that much and not have a significant amount of gain? For her height, she seems to be a bit underweight. What about her muscles? Are they toned? Does he looks like a bodybuilder?

Also, defeating six opponents blindfolded? How so? Does she has a super audition to sense her opponent's movement? Does this applies to other member's RPB Characters? That would be like powerplaying a bit. You are making her seem super strong.

Hmm needs to be revised again <.<

Speed and Reflexes: Maria is capable of running at 35 MPH, as fast, if not faster, than an olympic athelete. She can sidestep and counter before some people can react. While flying, she can fly an excess of 150 MPH, and is just as nimble in the air as she is on land. However, she has limited focus when flying that fast, and only uses such blinding speeds for quick escapes, or during her limit.

Some people? You mean an average human being's reflexes right? Blinding speed, so is she faster then a bullet? Does this makes her seem as if she were teleporting from one place to another?

Fighting Style: Maria's fighting style is based solely on quick fighting and aerial combat (similar to Zidane in Dissidia: Final Fantasy), while she is also a capable opponent on the ground, her true skills lies in aerial attacks. She is especially skilled in Fire Magic.

Weapon: In addition to hand-to-hand combat (in similar veins to Tae Kwon Do), Maria also weilds a dual-bladed polearm known as, the "Twin Scarabs." Both blades are curved and has the capability of Poisioning an opponent when hit by the blades a few times. The poison is made by the Pheonicians and has a burning effect in the body, causing symptoms such as sweating, nausea and dehydration. It's not a strong poison, but effective in temporarily stunning an enemy.

On certain occasions, she will use a longsword known as "Shooting Star" that inflicts either Silence or Sleep on opponents, or a sickle known as the "Frostshock Sickle" (a small handled, short-bladed scythe) that is imbued with Thunder and Ice.

The same question I asked before: How will you work with status ailments? How long do they last (post-wise)? How much does these ailments affect an opponent?

Abilities:
Moonlight (Limit): Maria's blades glow gold as she flies up into the air, when coming down, She surrounds the opponent in a ring of fire, and slashes her opponent twice with the blade. Because this limit is used in times when Maria's health is critical, she only uses it as a last resort, as it merely drains her of magic power.

OK..but what if the opponent decides to dodge it? ;D

Fireblade: Maria's blades charge up with Fire energy, which is used to slice through enemies, causing fire damage to opponents. Very effective against Ice enemies and effective against Water enemies. This does not consume much energy, but it will add up if she continues to maintain the ability on her weapons.

Exploder Blade: Maria strikes an opponent with such physical force that it creates a shockwave. It is extremely useful against smaller enemies, as it would knock them away. It consumes slightly more power than Fireblade, and will weaken her if used to many times.

Using percentages would make it clearer for the reader to comprehend the energy consumption. For example: "Renard casts a spell of fire which consumes almost a quarter of his energy."

If he were to cast this spell again, that would allow him to cast the same spell two more times before having depleted his energy reserves.

History: Born in the Selumna Mountains, (in what was then the Kingdom of Tarvo, now Emmeria in the Anea Continent) Maria was raised by caring parents and older brother. Like most Pheonician tribes, they had a proactive role in the world around them, even to the point where it can be said that the tribe is proacitve in the Kingdom's affairs.

When Maria was 14, there were terrible conflicts that plagued the Anea continent. During these conflicts, Maria's village was attacked by the neighboring Khesed Empire. Maria father was killed trying to protect the tribe, and left her devasatated.

A year after the incident, Maria ventured off into the world, where she met a knight named Dimitri in the Verusean Empire. She was trained in the art of combat, magic and survival by Dimitri. Now she is ready to travel back to fight the Khesed Empire.

All changes are done in SKY BLUE.

Quite an improvement, but I believe it still lacks the details I had in mind. How about reading this biography a few times then working on it for a day or so? Remember, you are creating a new being, be descriptive. Let us know how you imagine her, because I am sure you do know how she looks, but we do not.

I remember I had to check my biography three times before the other RP Moderator decided to approve it. I spent two days on it
For now, this biography is:
[Not Approved]

[Noblesse Oblige]

After some careful reading, a major set of changes and additions have been made.

[Dean Winchester]

Here is where I will be putting my bio's for my Original Characters from now on. All characters listed here are used for ORPG, URPG or RPB.


Name: Maria Julius Longinus

Age: 22

Alignment: Neutral/Good

Gender: Female

Race: Pheonician, a race of humanoid beings with golden angel wings, (similar to Aegyl's of Final Fantasy XII fame, or the One-Winged Angels of the FF7 Compilations) They live mainly in the forests and mountains of the realm of Strangereal, and a few do venture out and uncommonly has contact with humanity. Pheonicians can reincarnate if they die naturally, (ie natural causes or sickness), but not so the case if they die unnaturally (ie physical death/battle). They have an average lifespan of 150 years. They also have the ability to hide their wings to make themselves look entirely human. Other physical features include rounded ears and varying nose shapes and sizes like humans do. Pheonicians have circular eyes, but their natural eye colors are of tremendous range, making it somewhat easier to pick out Pheonicians from humans.

Appearance: Maria has long black hair, which is tied in a pony tail to avoid it getting in her eyesight, and Light blue eyes. She is about 5'6" and her weight class is that of around 105-120 lb range. Like her race she has golden angel wings that typically span about 2 1/2 feet in length. Maria is skinny (and in some cases, pretty) for her height, and people who has never met her have been known too take her lightly because of it, thus it gives her somewhat of an advantage in combat.

Attire: She typically wears armor to battle, consisting mainly of greaves, boots and a breastplate made entirely of mythril. When not in battle, she tends to wear a yellow long pants and and a Grey T-Shirt. Her shoes are made of leather, which gives her comfort when walking. Maria also wears gloves made of leather. She never wears a helmet in combat, though she never gives a reason as to why. Despite this, she is well dressed and well groomed for battle. (Note: I forgot to end the statement with a period. Probably shouldn't have did this while I was packing.)

Personality: She is a stotic character who cares for her friends and family. She is level headed and a master tactician and strategist. She is more down to earth and not as cocky as most other warriors, but is not afraid to boast about her achievements from time to time.

Strength: Maria has the normal strength for a post-teenage girl doing regular excersizes. As such, she does not have a heavily toned body. Because of this she is not suited to pound-for-pound combat and probably would not last in a fight like that.(Note: This was rewritten in order to focus more on speed rather than strength, and also partly to prevent myself from powerplaying.)

Speed and Reflexes: Maria is capable of running at 35 MPH, as fast, if not faster, than an olympic athelete. She can sidestep and counter before normal people can react, to the point where most people thinks that she is teleporting. She is also capable of dodging semi-automatic fire to a certain degree, and can outrun enemy gunfire with ease. While flying, she can fly an excess of 150 MPH, and is just as nimble in the air as she is on land. However, she has limited focus when flying that fast, and only uses such blinding speeds for quick escapes, or during her limit. (Note: The reason why I said to a certain degree if because most bullets (usually handguns travel at speeds of up to Mach 2 (around 1300 mph/2,092 km) so I cannot say how this will affect in dodging skills when her typical land speed is just around 35 mph.)

Fighting Style: Maria's fighting style is based solely on quick fighting and aerial combat (similar to Zidane in Dissidia: Final Fantasy), while she is also a capable opponent on the ground, her true skills lies in aerial attacks. She is especially skilled in Fire Magic, although she also has some knowledge in Thunder magic as well.

Weapon: In addition to hand-to-hand combat (in similar veins to Tae Kwon Do), Maria also weilds a dual-bladed polearm known as, the "Twin Scarabs." Both blades are curved and has the capability of Poisioning an opponent when hit by the blades a few times. The poison is made by the Pheonicians and has a burning effect in the body, causing symptoms such as sweating and dehydration. It's not a strong poison, but effective in temporarily (about 60 seconds, or roughly 1 long post/2 short posts.) stunning an enemy. They are collapsible for easy carriage during flight, being folded in half and placed in a holster. (Note: First, I have given a time on how temporary it is, thus adding to the effect of a weak poison. Second, I also added how the blade is concealed. Lastly, I have removed the other weapons since I cannot explain how to explain how silence will work in the magical sense...or scientificly for that matter.)

Abilities:
Moonlight (Limit): Maria's blades glow gold as she flies up into the air, when coming down, She surrounds the opponent in a ring of fire, and slashes her opponent twice with the blade. Because this limit is used in times when Maria's health is critical, she only uses it as a last resort, as it merely drains her of all magic power. If the opponent dodges, or survives the attack, then unless Maria has an ether, or is still capable of fighting off an opponent without magic, then the fight would be all but over.

Fireblade: Maria's blades charge up with Fire energy, which is used to slice through enemies, causing fire damage to opponents. Very effective against Ice enemies and effective against Water enemies. This does not consume much energy (usually around 5% to start it up and 5% for every minute of continual use), but it will add up if she continues to maintain the ability on her weapons.

Exploder Blade: Maria strikes an opponent with such physical force that it creates a shockwave. It is extremely useful against smaller enemies, as it would knock them away. It consumes slightly more power than Fireblade (about 15% of magical resources), and will weaken her if used to many times.

History: Born in the Selumna Mountains, (in what was then the Kingdom of Tarvo, now Emmeria in the Anea Continent) Maria was raised by caring parents and older brother. Like most Pheonician tribes, they had a proactive role in the world around them, even to the point where it can be said that the tribe is proacitve in the Kingdom's affairs.

When Maria was 14, there were terrible conflicts that plagued the Anea continent. During these conflicts, Maria's village was attacked by the neighboring Khesed Empire. Maria father was killed trying to protect the tribe, and left her devasatated.

A year after the incident, Maria ventured off into the world, where she met a knight named Dimitri in the Verusean Empire. She was trained in the art of combat, magic and survival by Dimitri. Now she is ready to travel back to fight the Khesed Empire.

All changes are made in HUNTER GREEN.

(Note: After making the first set of changes, I've came up with some mistakes, some of which you have mentioned, whle others I may have missed, however given the fact that I wasn't able to do anything about since I was on vacation at the time, it does not mean that I have not taken into consideration how much more I needed to have done. I am sorry for the inconvience.)

Dude, if every RPer in this forum were to write updates in a different color, it would make our lives as RP Moderators easier. Credit for that. Now I've seen you've made major changes to your RP Biography, and since your character sacrifices power for speed, it seems alright.

Now third time is the one right?

[APPROVED]

[Noblesse Oblige]

Name: Marcus Williams

Age: 25

Alignment: Good

Title: The Midnight Sun

Gender: Male

Race: Human

Appearance: Marcus has long, black hair that he leaves flowing,and has brown, rounded eyes. He is 5'9" and weighs 192 lbs, mostly being muscle. His nose is slightly pointed ,has rounded ears, and has caucasian colored skin, he does however have scars of battle all over his body, although the face is spared from this. Despite his light-heavyweight size, Marcus can be very threatening, using his decent speed and high strength (explained later). (NOTE: I don't think there is much to put here in that line)

Attire: Marcus style of clothing is similar to the outfits worn by martial artists in the Sengoku era. His outfit is divided into three parts, a black Uwagi, a type of clothing similar to a kimono shirt, a White hakama (something similar to a silk skirt) a golden yellow sash (similar in width to a karate black belt.) and a pair of sandals. He also wears teal cloth gauntlets to protect his forearm.

Armor: Marcus does not wear armor, as he feel he doesn't have the need for it.

Personality: Marcus is a very helpful individual, and is known to help solve the smaller problems that people have. He is also in some cases, a vigilante, as he will fight people who hurt innocents and not pay for their crimes. (Like the Punisher). He also has a soft side for kids, and younger siblings, and as such, would vow to protect them from harm, it is considered that he has a Big Brother Complex.

First Impression: When people meet Marcus, he is as if he show high honor. To the contrary, he does hold honor, but does not let it get in the way of what he needs to do. The reason he shows this is because of the way he acts, he is friendly to everyone he meets, even in battle, unless they did Marcus something that would make him angry. Kids sometimes look up to him as if he was a big brother, mainly due to his stern, yet friendly attitude.

Strength: Marcus's strength is on par with Olympic level weightlifters and can sucessfully lift over 350 lbs (almost twice his own body weight.) He can apply his strength to each and every swing and is capable of cutting normal men almost in half. Under normal circumstances, he can dish out 400 HP out of 500 if the person was not wearing armor.

Speed: Marcus's speed is normal for a person his size. He can go around 12 miles per hour running. This is usually fast for a person his size.

Endurance: Marcus's endurance typically falls around 4-6 minutes, which allows him to fight extensively for a this period of time. However, when he knows that he will be out of stamina soon, he would be forced to end the fight quickly.

Reflexes: Marcus has remarkable reflexes, he knows when he is being attacked quickly due to a sense of perception, although he can't react quick enough to side step, he has over the years developed a fighting style designed to defend himself from attack. (explained below)

Fighting Style: Because Marcus has poor evasion skills, his only defense relies on a defensive-minded fighting style. (known in Star Wars terminology as Soresu) This fighting style gives Marcus the capability to defend against enemy attack, when the enemy reveals an opening in his attack, Marcus can then counterattack and defeat his opponent. Though this is usually simpler against ranged opponents, it is slightly difficult with very skilled swordsmen.
(NOTE: Added a link for Soresu, for an even better understanding of the subject)

Magic: He has a limited knowledge of magic, mainly using Ice based magic. Marcus mainly imbues his katana with Blizzard magic and attack his opponents. (Which will drain Marcus of about 10&#37; of his magical energy) and is highly effective against Fire type opponents. Despite that, he does not have any knoledge of actually using magic as projectiles, which limits ranged capabilities.

Weapon: Marcus weilds a Katana known as "Nagashino" (named after the famed battle of the Sengoku era), the blade is of cold, silver steel, and has an Ice element imbued with it. As such, it will temporarily freeze an opponent (about 2 posts) if hit with it multiple times .(about 8-10). The blade is about 28.7 inches (73 cm) and is known having a very strong cutting edge, being able to cleanly cut items as thick as bone in one clean slice.
(NOTE: Can't really say how thick a sword is, very difficult to tell the thickness.)

Abilities:
Tiger Slash: Using his strength, Marcus swings his blade full force 4 times, each time, he can lower the defense of his opponent, making it easier to launch a killing blow. This attack is useful against highly armored opponents, but at a great cost, as it will drain Marcus of about 1/4th his magic power.

Techniques:
Diamond Storm (Limit): Using Ice magic to charge up his blade, Marcus stabs the ground, freezing the area around him and his opponents, he then creates waves of energy in the air using his katana. The waves disperse and becomes shards in the air, which then surrounds and shreds his opponent. This drains Marcus of all his energy and although will rarely use it. If it does not work, he would be forced to go back into the defensive or use an ether.

History: Born in the Aurelian city of Port Patterson, in the realm of Strangereal, Marcus was the son of an Emmerian aristocrat living in the then colony of Aurelia, and a North Pointian whose family lived in the area for hundreds of years. At age 6, his parents were killed in a civil war that won Aurelia independence (as the Aurelian Confederation).

Marcus would later be taken up by a North Pointian, who would later send him to the Empire of North Point. The guardian trained the boy in the arts of the Samurai, and taught him to use his skills to protect the innocent from oppression. The unknown man died shortly after completion of his training at age 20 and Marcus, wanting to fufill his master's wish, decided to travel the world and help others who need help.

ALL CHANGES ARE DONE IN LIGHT BLUE

[Dean Winchester]

Name: Marcus Williams

Age: 25

Alignment: Good

Title: The Midnight Sun

Gender: Male

Race: Human

Appearance: Marcus has long, black hair that he leaves flowing,and has brown eyes. He is 5'9" and weighs 192 lbs, mostly being muscle. His nose is slightly pointed and has rounded ears. Despite his light-heavyweight size, Marcus can be very threatening, using his decent speed and high strength (explained later).

Attire: Marcus style of clothing is similar to the outfits worn by martial artists in the Sengoku era. His outfit is divided into three parts, a black Uwagi, a type of clothing similar to a kimono shirt, a White hakama (something similar to a silk skirt) a golden yellow sash (similar in width to a karate black belt.) and a pair of sandals.

Personality: Marcus is a very helpful individual, and is known to help solve the smaller problems that people have. He is also in some cases, a vigilante, as he will fight people who hurt innocents and not pay for their crimes. (to put in a similar vein, The Punisher)

Strength: Marcus's strength is on par with Olympic level weightlifters and can sucessfully lift over 350 lbs (almost twice his own body weight.) He can apply his strength to each and every swing and is capable of cutting normal men almost in half.

Speed and Reflexes: Marcus's speed is normal for a person his size, as such, he has difficulty with evasion skills. Because of this, he must defelct his opponents using a defensive-style of combat (see below)

Fighting Style: Because Marcus has poor evasion skills, his only defense relies on a defensive-minded fighting style. (known in Star Wars terminology as Soresu) This fighting style gives Marcus the capability to defend against enemy attack, when the enemy reveals an opening in his attack, Marcus can then counterattack and defeat his opponent. He has a limited knowledge of magic, mainly using Ice based magic.

Weapon: Marcus weilds a Katana known as "Nagashino" (named after the famed battle of the Sengoku era), the blade is of cold steel, and has an Ice element imbued with it. As such, it will temporarily freeze an opponent (about 2 posts) if hit with it multiple times.

Generally, although very good I still see the problem of lacking information in most areas. Remember that a biography should be detailed since you are creating a new character and none of us knows this character better than you do. You must help us to understand your character by adding important details.

Abilities:
Diamond Storm (Limit): Using Ice magic to charge up his blade, Marcus stabs the ground, freezing the area around him and his opponents, he then creates waves of energy in the air using his katana. The waves disperse and becomes shards in the air, which then surrounds and shreds his opponent. This drains Marcus of all his energy and although will rarely use it. If it does not work, he would be forced to go back into the defensive or use an ether.

Frost Blade: Marcus can imbue his katana with Blizzard magic and attack his opponents. It will drain Marcus of about 10% of his magical energy, and is highly effective against Fire type opponents.

Tiger Slash: Using his strength, Marcus swings his blade full force 4 times, each time, he can lower the defense of his opponent, making it easier to launch a killing blow. This attack is useful against highly armored opponents, but at a great cost, as it will drain Marcus of about 1/4th his magic power.

History: Born in the Aurelian city of Port Patterson, in the realm of Strangereal, Marcus was the son of an Emmerian aristocrat living in the then colony of Aurelia, and a North Pointian whose family lived in the area for hundreds of years. At age 6, his parents were killed in a civil war that won Aurelia independence (as the Aurelian Confederation).

Marcus would later be taken up by a North Pointian, who would later send him to the Empire of North Point. The guardian trained the boy in the arts of the Samurai, and taught him to use his skills to protect the innocent from oppression. The unknown man died shortly after completion of his training at age 20 and Marcus, wanting to fufill his master's wish, decided to travel the world and help others who need help.

(Question: If this is approved, will this go to my approved characters link?)

The bio is about an inch close to approval, however it lacks vital information to make it clearer and easier to understand.

I would personally advise you to go to the RP Bio Format thread. The current RP Format has been revised and submitted by a great RPer and it is the most efficient method to create RP Biographies.

http://www.finalfantasyforums.net/th...mat-17204.html

Here you will find examples of biographies of all sorts, from the largest to the smallest. It also has examples of recently approved biographies. How about giving it a look?

For now, this RP Biography is [NOT APPROVED]

[Noblesse Oblige]

Edits were made (thanks for the Bio Format guide, I really did need it.)

[Dean Winchester]

Name: Marcus Williams

Age: 25

Alignment: Good

Title: The Midnight Sun

Gender: Male

Race: Human

Appearance: Marcus has long, black hair that he leaves flowing,and has brown, rounded eyes. He is 5'9" and weighs 192 lbs, mostly being muscle. His nose is slightly pointed ,has rounded ears, and has caucasian colored skin, he does however have scars of battle all over his body, although the face is spared from this. Despite his light-heavyweight size, Marcus can be very threatening, using his decent speed and high strength (explained later). (NOTE: I don't think there is much to put here in that line)

+1

Attire: Marcus style of clothing is similar to the outfits worn by martial artists in the Sengoku era. His outfit is divided into three parts, a black Uwagi, a type of clothing similar to a kimono shirt, a White hakama (something similar to a silk skirt) a golden yellow sash (similar in width to a karate black belt.) and a pair of sandals. He also wears teal cloth gauntlets to protect his forearm.

Armor: Marcus does not wear armor, as he feel he doesn't have the need for it.

+ 1

Personality: Marcus is a very helpful individual, and is known to help solve the smaller problems that people have. He is also in some cases, a vigilante, as he will fight people who hurt innocents and not pay for their crimes. (Like the Punisher). He also has a soft side for kids, and younger siblings, and as such, would vow to protect them from harm, it is considered that he has a Big Brother Complex.

+1

First Impression: When people meet Marcus, he is as if he show high honor. To the contrary, he does hold honor, but does not let it get in the way of what he needs to do. Kids sometimes look up to him as if he was a big brother, mainly due to his stern, yet friendly attitude.

Hmm....this could be improved a bit.

"show great honor"... How so? Is it his aura? His presence? The way he talks? The way he acts?
-1

Strength: Marcus's strength is on par with Olympic level weightlifters and can sucessfully lift over 350 lbs (almost twice his own body weight.) He can apply his strength to each and every swing and is capable of cutting normal men almost in half. Under normal circumstances, he can dish out 400 HP out of 500 if the person was not wearing armor.

Speed: Marcus's speed is normal for a person his size. He can go around 12 miles per hour running. This is usually fast for a person his size.

Endurance: Marcus's endurance typically falls around 4-6 minutes, which allows him to fight extensively for a this period of time. However, when he knows that he will be out of stamina soon, he would be forced to end the fight quickly.

Reflexes: Marcus has remarkable reflexes, he knows when he is being attacked quickly due to a sense of perception, although he can't react quick enough to side step, he has over the years developed a fighting style designed to defend himself from attack. (explained below)

Fighting Style: Because Marcus has poor evasion skills, his only defense relies on a defensive-minded fighting style. (known in Star Wars terminology as Soresu) This fighting style gives Marcus the capability to defend against enemy attack, when the enemy reveals an opening in his attack, Marcus can then counterattack and defeat his opponent. Though this is usually simpler against ranged opponents, it is slightly difficult with very skilled swordsmen.

You almost slipped with writing "then counterattack and defeat his opponent" but the next sentence balanced the statements.
+1

Magic: He has a limited knowledge of magic, mainly using Ice based magic.

Hmmm understandable.
But ...could be developed more since....(refer to comments on abilities).

Weapon: Marcus weilds a Katana known as "Nagashino" (named after the famed battle of the Sengoku era), the blade is of cold, silver steel, and has an Ice element imbued with it. As such, it will temporarily freeze an opponent (about 2 posts) if hit with it multiple times.(about 8-10).

Including the dimension of the sword such as length, how wide is the blade, etc. adds value to your biography.
=needs more details=

Abilities:
Diamond Storm (Limit): Using Ice magic to charge up his blade, Marcus stabs the ground, freezing the area around him and his opponents, he then creates waves of energy in the air using his katana. The waves disperse and becomes shards in the air, which then surrounds and shreds his opponent. This drains Marcus of all his energy and although will rarely use it. If it does not work, he would be forced to go back into the defensive or use an ether.

Frost Blade: Marcus can imbue his katana with Blizzard magic and attack his opponents. It will drain Marcus of about 10% of his magical energy, and is highly effective against Fire type opponents.

Tiger Slash: Using his strength, Marcus swings his blade full force 4 times, each time, he can lower the defense of his opponent, making it easier to launch a killing blow. This attack is useful against highly armored opponents, but at a great cost, as it will drain Marcus of about 1/4th his magic power.

This color: Would be better to be relocated in a ""techniques" section of its own.
This color: Would be better located in the Magic section.

History: Born in the Aurelian city of Port Patterson, in the realm of Strangereal, Marcus was the son of an Emmerian aristocrat living in the then colony of Aurelia, and a North Pointian whose family lived in the area for hundreds of years. At age 6, his parents were killed in a civil war that won Aurelia independence (as the Aurelian Confederation).

Marcus would later be taken up by a North Pointian, who would later send him to the Empire of North Point. The guardian trained the boy in the arts of the Samurai, and taught him to use his skills to protect the innocent from oppression. The unknown man died shortly after completion of his training at age 20 and Marcus, wanting to fufill his master's wish, decided to travel the world and help others who need help.

ALL CHANGES ARE DONE IN ORCHID PURPLE

Nice story.


Overall, you made some solid changes, the character seems approvable and ready to be used in RPBs.

Only organize the abilities/magics more. Add more description in the weapon section, and it should be set.

Once done, PM me in order to officially approve it.

Up to 80% of the biography is approveable.