Name: Daros
Age:16
Height:6ft
Weight:10st
Build:tall, lanky
Class:Spellwarrior
Description:Red hat shaped into a point at the top, the hat is all red with a blue bandana in the center. He wears a green shirt with buttons which have dragon symbols on each one. Dark red jacket with a symbol of elite status in the spellwarrior class. As for the lower body, Daros wears black trousers and leather brown boots.

Elite spellwarrior symbol: A hexagonal gem with a multicoloured swirl (depicting all elements available) and the gem gives Daros a boost to his magical energy (roughly a quarter of extra power) and can hasten the regeneration of his magical power.

Eye appearance: Clear white eyes with a deep hate resonating from the left eye and a peaceful aura from the right. Dark red skin which is from a history of powerful trials with the fire elements. Sharp pale yellow 2ft claws replace fingernails and toenails and are powerful in close combat. His feet and hands are protected by spellwarrior armour that can beat off most attacks of a physical type such as swords and hand to hand combat, the armour itself has a deep red and white shade which overlap one another in diagonal stripes.

Personality: Rather cheerful and friendly with his allies, can be mysterious and empty to people who do not know him. He finds it hard to open up to people, when he tries to it usually distances them from him so he tends to keep his past to himself.

Fighting Style: Most of his physical attacks take place in the air, when he lands back on the ground it will take a swift second before he can move again, when he uses magic he tends to keep an out of weapon range distance with them to avoid unnecessary injury.

When fighting magic based fighters he will tend to be show offy and let loose his strongest attacks (mainly magical) and he will not relax himself til he falls into a bad situation (magical energy depletion etc) or the enemy or enemies are defeated.

With different enemies of size he will fight differently, with small enemies such as rat size to dog size he will mainly focus on low slashes at the stomach and will tend to fight them as if they are small fry.

With medium sized enemies such as bull size to human size he will attempt to jump on them and stab at their back or match blows if he is not facing a moderately physically strong enemy.

With large enemies such as behemoth or dinosaur size he will try to get underneath them and stab them and unleash magic at their underbelly or lower leg region depending on the body.

Weapons:A Mageblade which is made of incredibly hard crystals (emeralds, topazs etc)which change colour depending on the temperature of the wielder and any magic attacks fused with it are shot out in different ways depending on what Daros is trying to achieve with it, it is shaped like a common longsword and has an especially thin tip to stab enemies with ease,making it an offensive weapon which can handle an array of different attacks.

If he uses fire it will form a fiery barrier around Daros and will harm any enemies who venture too close (remains in effect til dispelled with an ice based attack, makes physical contact with an object or enemy or until the battle ends).

If he uses thunder he will shoot out an indirect beam of lightning at anything that is nearby (draws on anything which is conductive with electricity such as body armour, otherwise it will randomly hit anything in the way)

If he uses ice he will shoot out 5 icicle projectiles in a row at its target or targets, it can be melted with a fire spell and anything hard can shatter it such as a rock or sword (it travels rather fast in a straight line so a dodge roll or jump used swiftly can dodge it).

If he uses water he will send a tsunami out of his blade and blast any targets on the ground out of their foundations, leaving the ground flat and can send an enemy to the floor if they are on the ground (if the enemy jumps or is at a igh enough area when the attack starts they will be able to avoid it).

If he uses earth he will cause large boulders to appear and crush anything that gets in its way( can be dodged if quick enough).

If he uses air he will summon a huge tornado which can suck up anything that is not held down enough or is underground (sends target up 20ft in the air before throwing all objects and enemies consumed inside in a random direction).

If he uses dark the battlefield becomes temporarily pitch black for 5 minutes and Daros will be able to attack his enemy but can be detected by sound.

If he uses holy a beam of light will blind his foes and put them into a temporary state of blindness (roughly 1 minute).

If he uses cosmo he will send out radioactive rays which can damage the enemies core power (magic, energy, strength) and lasts for 10 seconds.

If he uses non-elemental he will send out a blast wave of 20 yards and blast anything caught in it and send them back a distance depending on weight.

A neutro staff which is made up of everything good and evil and is nuetral in element and grants the bearer the ability to never choose a side of either good or evil, it can change from friend to foe at any given moment it is shaped like a halberd but is virtually ineffective against enemies but it is incredibly strong in magical lore.

Magic: Elemental Enchantment: Daros combines the powers of both his weapons to make a storm involving any element (fire, ice, lightning, water, earth, air, dark, holy, cosmo, non-element) unfortunately he can only use one of them at a time, the storm is large enough to exhaust Daros to the point of recuperation, any further attempts at an attack will be slow and weak.

Destructo Beam: Launches a weak beam from his mageblade which contains every element in existence at the enemy but cannot cause critical hits as it contains each one which can cancel the other out etc. The beam, due to its concentration, can pierce any shield presenting itself before the beam, the beam itself is basically a swirl of all the elements overlapping each other as they head for their target.

Spellwarriors Edge: Unleashes the true power of the spellwarrior which only the elite can use where he stabs the enemy in the torso with his mageblade and inserts his magical powers peak into the wound, potentially heavily wounding the enemy to the point of defeat but it is difficult to achieve the required focus, with the attack used he feels strong enough to get away but it vulnerable while he is below the enemy.

Cured ignition: Can heal 50% of Daros's health while giving him temporary protection from fire based attacks (1 minute protection).

Kingdom of neoneutral: Daros merges with the secret kingdom of the spellwarriors known only by elites and becomes a part of their god neoneutral, after doing so he can attack with the elemental weakness of his enemy, in the case of the enemy being immune to elements he uses a strong, non-elemental attack, he also has immunity to fire attacks until he attacks.

Bane of non-mage: Daros's weapons are enchanted and any enemy which uses magic in any way is grievously wounded by any strike made (lasts for 5 minutes) depending on the defensive spells and armour will change the damage the attack causes.

Spaun of the god-mage: Daros is crowned a son of the god mage and can use magic effortlessly and this lasts for 1 minute due to the massive power.

History

When Daros was a boy he always wished to be strong and one day at the age of 12 he became seperated from his father on one of their country walks, he found himself in a mountain and that was when he found the spellknight temple which he was quickly taken into and was spoken to by the spellknight sensei who told him he had potential, he then decided to train him personally. When he saw his eyes were unable to distinguish good and evil he trained Daros in gaining his spiritual weapon and how to summon the god of the spellknights,he also showed him how to be a servant of every mage influenced religion in existence.

While he enjoyed the training he always wished to be higher so he trained to be an elite which he managed at the age of 14 which surpassed even the sensei's foresight of him. From then on he left the temple bidding farewell to his friends and came to his father who was a wreck from the years apart and he has lived with his father since, until one day when his father died.

Daros was distraught from this but his sensei always told him that any death only makes you stronger so he kept his thoughts on this and left home to live a hermit in the mountains ever since.

I updated Ravona's bio. Take a look.

I am so effing pissed. I'm also very sorry to FFGuy and Drachnon, as I have no time to make a decent post and eleborate on problems (or lack thereof) for your bios.

Also (I apologise if this is offensive), you really, really need to revamp that bio FFGuy. I read it over a while ago, but my computer continued to shit out on me whenever I tried to post, saying the admin needs to upload something, hence why I couldn't bring any good approval for it.

However, it is atrocious. Unfortunately, I have no time to say why in this post, but I'll try to in the next post. Once again, apologies if that was offensive.

Sincerely,
Hera Ledro: The Eternal Dragonic Allsie

Take your time the mods still need to approve as well.

Alright, I'm back.

I wonder if Julius would be able to approve/dissapprove the RP. If memory (and eyesight) proves right, then he is the RP Director, no?

But anyways.

FFGuy - Daros [NOT APPROVED]

Well, now we get to why I was so unnecessarily rude in my last post. My apologies, but it really does need a lot of revamping.

Firstly, let's start with the Description.

Originally Posted by FFGuy

Description:Red hat shaped into a point at the top all red with a blue bandana. Green shirt with buttons with dragon symbols on each one. Dark red jacket with a symbol of elite status in the spellwarrior class

A little too choppy. Your description seems as though it would be better in point form. What I'm getting (in a more linguistic form) from this description is this:

Daros wears a red hat, topped with a complimenting blue bandana. His green shirt, adorned with dragon-crested buttons, is covered by a dark red jacket, which has the symbol of the Elite Spellwarrior engraved in it.

We need a little more description. You need something about his lower torso and extremities (pants, shoes, etc.) Also, a description of what the Elite Spellwarrior symbol is would help a lot.

clear white eyes with a deep hate resonating from the left eye and a peaceful aura from the right. dark red skin which is from a history of powerful trials with the fire based spells. sharp claws replace fingernails and toenails and are deadly in close combat. his feet and hands are protected by powerful armour of deep red and white.

Here's what I'm getting from this:

Daros has white, clear eyes, one showing a peaceful personality, with the other betraying the hatrwed and loathing of his soul. He has crimson skin, a testament to his deep involvement with the arts of fire magic. Where fingernails and toenails would be on a normal human, claws replace the normalities, his hands and feet protected by a cruelly peaceful armour (I know, a little contradictory) dyed red and white.

Is that what you were getting at? Well, like I said before, we need more flow here. Not so choppy. Other than that, it's OK.

Secondly,

Personality:can be very serious and to the point on a mission of great importance, has a way of cracking jokes with certain enemies which he faces especially if they can use magic or energy attacks but his jokes are rather poor.

Admittedly, I'm not expecting an essay here, but more detail is needed. Not only is it choppy, but it's also lacking a lot of detail. I'm just getting that he's disgustingly funny (lol), but serious at times as well. We need more than that.

Thirdly,

Fighting Style:fights in a very swift and deadly way with his weapons rather close to the speed of sound but with his high speed he can be rather tired at times so he does not use this speed often and while he recovers he lets off a huge array of magic.

he will fight differently with different enemies depending on their skill and power and can be highly unpredictable and even invents his own attacks on strong enemies which are hard to defeat.

Well, unless your magic uses a whole different kind of energy and effort, you can't really use this magic while you recover. It would be god-modding, as you would be able to defend yourself after being careless and getting into a position where you had to rest. You should have to be cautious, and make sure that you aren't caught with your guard down. It is one of the fundamental rules of RPing

If he fights differently, you have to say what kind of skills he uses based on the enemy. It's not fair that you know what we'll do (albeit that your character doesn't) while we don't know what you'll do.

Weapons:a mageblade which is made of incredibly hard crystals which change colour depending on the temperature of the wielder and any magic attacks fused with it are shot out in different ways depending on what Daros is trying to achieve with it and it is shaped like a common longsword but it has a butt on the tip so it is built only for slashing and casting spells.

A neutro staff which is made up of everything good and evil and is nuetral in element and grants the bearer the ability to never choose a side of either good or evil and can change from friend to foe at any given moment it is shaped like a halberd but is virtually ineffective against enemies but it is incredibly strong in magic.Weapons:a mageblade which is made of incredibly hard crystals which change colour depending on the temperature of the wielder and any magic attacks fused with it are shot out in different ways depending on what Daros is trying to achieve with it and it is shaped like a common longsword but it has a butt on the tip so it is built only for slashing and casting spells.

A neutro staff which is made up of everything good and evil and is nuetral in element and grants the bearer the ability to never choose a side of either good or evil and can change from friend to foe at any given moment it is shaped like a halberd but is virtually ineffective against enemies but it is incredibly strong in magic.Weapons:a mageblade which is made of incredibly hard crystals which change colour depending on the temperature of the wielder and any magic attacks fused with it are shot out in different ways depending on what Daros is trying to achieve with it and it is shaped like a common longsword but it has a butt on the tip so it is built only for slashing and casting spells.

A neutro staff which is made up of everything good and evil and is nuetral in element and grants the bearer the ability to never choose a side of either good or evil and can change from friend to foe at any given moment it is shaped like a halberd but is virtually ineffective against enemies but it is incredibly strong in magic.

Good descriptions, overall, but a few things to note:

1. a butt on the end of the blade totally takes the purpose of it being sharp away. The tip isn't always used for stabbing, but rather slashing. Unless this weapon is mainly a defensive weapon, which is used only for blocking, the butt being there is not such a good idea, especially if you are offensive with your melee weapons.

2. If the skills are shot different ways, depending on what Daros wants to do, you have to specify what happens based on what he wants.

3. Neutro Staff is pretty good, and I'm getting the impression that it's used mainly for defending and spellcasting. Nothing wrong with that, good balance actually. It's the neutrallness that gets me. In that case, you are saying that your character has no opinions or choices of his own, as the staff pevents any choice over good or evil, and as each choice has both good and bad consequences, the user of the weapon is unable to make a choice.

4. The overall descriptions are a little too choppy. You should put a little more flow into them, makes it easier to picture.

Fourthly, Magic.

Overall, you should say how much these skills deplete your characters Mana, MP, energy, etc.

To the individual skills...

Elemental enchantment: Daros combines the powers of both his weapons to make a storm involving any element (fire, ice, lightning, water, earth, air, dark, holy, cosmo, non-element) unfortunately he can only use one of them at a time.

Once again, how much energy does each storm take?

Destructo beam: launches a weak beam from his mageblade which contains every element in existence at the enemy but cannot cause critical hits as it contains each one which can cancel the other out etc.

What kind of damage does this beam do, then? Piercing, elemental, blunt, etc. What does the beam look like?

Spellwarriors edge: unleashes the true power of the spellwarrior which only the elite can use where he stabs the enemy in the torso with his mageblade and inserts his magical powers peak into the wound to potentially heavily wound the enemy to the point of defeat but it is difficult to achieve the required focus.

Hmm. Explosive damage? Once again, how much energy cost? Also, you have to state potential weaknesses this skill may have.

i.e. Hera Ledro's Dragon Claw is powerful, costs little energy, but leaves him relatively numb after use. He's open to attacks.

What potential weaknesses does this attack have?

Teleportal strike: Daros strikes the enemy in flashes by teleporting around the enemy and stabbing them slightly with speed and grace but is very vunerable to attack by another enemy if they are fast enough.

Unfortunately, teleporting is considered to be god-modding, so that skill is out of the question.

Power of 1000 battles: Daros unleashes the strength opf every enemy he has ever slain in battle on his enemy reducing them to 50% health and if they are below 50% health already they lose 50% of their current health.

Still considered to be god-modding I'm afraid. You can't indefinitely hit an opponent.

Kingdom of neoneutral: Daros merges with the secret kingdom of the spellwarriors known only by elites and becomes a part of their god neoneutral which can attack with the elemental weakness of his enemy.

Huge flaw - what if someone is weak to several elements? None at all?

Also, what effect does this 'god-merging' have? Remember, keep the effects within the rules of FFF.

Overpower attacks: Neoneutral peak: becomes an over powered version of neoneutral with enhanced weapons and armour which make him immune to all forms of magic and physical attacks (energy attacks work though) this lasts for 3 posts.

A. We can't limit/unlimit this skill to posts. Give us a time frame, in minutes/seconds.

B. Immunity to attacks (even certain kinds) is god-modding, we can't have that.

Bane of non-mage: Daros's weapons are enchanted and any enemy which uses magic in any way is grievously wounded by any strike made (lasts for 5 turns).

Once again, time frame. Also, we need to specify how much damage this would do to an average fighter.

spaun of the god-mage: Daros is crowned a son of the god mage and can use magic effortlessly and this lasts til the battle ends.

Out of the question. Period. Using magic effortlessly, and consequently energy-lessly, is god-modding. Giving us an extremely short time-frame for this skill to stay in effesct would be acceptable, but for the whole battle? Nope.

History

when Daros was a boy he always wished to be strong and one day at the age of 12 he became seperated from his father on one of their country walks, he found himself in a mountain and that was when he found the spellknight temple which he was quickly taken into and was spoken to by the spellknight sensei who told him he had potential and decided to train him personally, when he saw his eyes were unable to distinguish good and evil he trained Daros in gaining his spiritual weapon and how to summon the god of the spellknights and also how to be a servant of every mage influenced religion in existence.

while he enjoyed the training he always wished to be higher so he trained to be an elite which he managed at the age of 14 which surpassed even the senseis foresight of him, from then on he left the temple bidding farewell to his friends and came to his father who was a wreck from the years apart and he has lived with his father since and one day his father died.

Daros was distraught from this but his sensei always told him that any death only makes you stronger so he kept his thoughts on this and left home to live a hermit in the mountains ever since.History

when Daros was a boy he always wished to be strong and one day at the age of 12 he became seperated from his father on one of their country walks, he found himself in a mountain and that was when he found the spellknight temple which he was quickly taken into and was spoken to by the spellknight sensei who told him he had potential and decided to train him personally, when he saw his eyes were unable to distinguish good and evil he trained Daros in gaining his spiritual weapon and how to summon the god of the spellknights and also how to be a servant of every mage influenced religion in existence.

while he enjoyed the training he always wished to be higher so he trained to be an elite which he managed at the age of 14 which surpassed even the senseis foresight of him, from then on he left the temple bidding farewell to his friends and came to his father who was a wreck from the years apart and he has lived with his father since and one day his father died.

Daros was distraught from this but his sensei always told him that any death only makes you stronger so he kept his thoughts on this and left home to live a hermit in the mountains ever since.

Way too choppy. I think I remember (correct me if I'm wrong) saying, in my first post here, that grammar and spelling, etc. would be graded and stuff. The grammar in this is horrible. Too choppy, too manny run-on sentences. The grammar is horrendous. Try to fix that up, OK


Well, I think you've got a little bit of stuff to improve on I'll leave you to it then lol

@Drachnon - I'll be unable to grade your post tonight, Drach. I'll try to get to it later, alright? I'm out of time on the CPU here, so...yeah...

Lates!

Alright, let's get to Drachnon's Bio, then.

Drachnon: Ravona Denton - [APPROVED]

Well done. I believe that this is an acceptable bio. I'm still a little skeptical about the Teleportation-type magic, but I've seen many acceptable disadvantages stated in there, so it's not bad.

So, Julius, ready to start the RP (your the Director, you have the power to approve it )

Great. I'm pretty much ready to go. I've been unable to acces the forum for a while but now I'll be around daily.