Selfish?

May 5, 2008, 4:25 PM

Basically, I'm 20 and all my friends are pregnant, well most of them who are not at university. We were talking and my best friend, asked me when I was having my kids. I said, "Not on the life-plan" she almost spat her drink at me. She told me I will change my mind once I hit 37 and do IVF and I should start breeding asap. Her other friends agreed that I was selfish.

I felt a bit put out, since I don't want my OWN kids. I feel that the world is too overpopulated and I wouldn't want to bring my own child into it, because what a mess it has become. There is a selfish side to it as well. I want to see the world with no responsibility. I want to a large amount of traveling when I leave university.
I'm planning to move to China, possibly Beijing and adopting when I'm 26 (with/without partner). And have done everything I wish to have.
I just keep getting pestered about kids from my friends, some of them are a bit sore that I'm at university and putting my life before that of creating life.

May 5, 2008, 4:29 PM

Selfish? Wtf?

You don't have to bring children into the world. People shouldn't be bound to having kids at some point in their lives.
That sort of "everyone must have kids" mentality is silly, to say the least.

May 5, 2008, 4:30 PM

Oh lord no, it's not selfish at all. How can you be selfish for choosing yourself over something that doesn't exist yet. And, it's probably more fair for you to want a child after you've done everything you want to do, otherwise you'll always regret it and some of the negativity will be taken out on the child, which isn't fair. Some people just aren't maternal/paternal, and don't want kids. This doesn't make them selfish, it's just a different life choice.

May 5, 2008, 4:31 PM

That what I thought. I don't even have a boyfriend, or a stable job. I was only a teenager 2 months ago, going clubbing etc. I know but they keep nagging at me saying when your 30, your past your sell by date.
But tbh I thought what they were doing was selfish, they had kids at 18/19/20 and go clubbing and leave the kids with their mums.

May 5, 2008, 4:35 PM

I have a child, but I would not say you were being selfish AT ALL. Whats wrong with not wanting children, theres plenty of time for you to change your mind and experience all the things you want to do before you commit to bringing a kid up.

My aunty doesn't have children, she's just not maternal, doesn't want them. It's not selfish; it's a choice and living her life how SHE wants to live it

Try not to be too put out by these girls, just because you don't agree on something does NOT make you selfish

May 5, 2008, 4:38 PM

I would say I am maternal. I have a few godchildren and I'm an aunty. Who I adore. But I just don't want them from myself. I do believe I am a little too young.

May 5, 2008, 4:41 PM

My advice, to you, is this: Live your life the way you WANT TO. It's your body and it's your future and if you don't want children, of your own, then to hell with what anyone, especially your friends, have to say. They aren't you and they don't have to walk in your shoes! You have your own dreams, aspirations, hopes - you're an individual and your different, you must certainly don't have to pop out kids, because it's what is expected and it's what is proper. Having a child is a major responsibility - you give a part of yourself to that child, your life and everything in it is devoted to that life you made. You're not selfish at all! Live your life the way you want to, like I said previously and other people can live theirs the way they choose.

May 5, 2008, 4:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loveless

My advice, to you, is this: Live your life the way you WANT TO. It's your body and it's your future and if you don't want children, of your own, then to hell with what anyone, especially your friends, have to say. They aren't you and they don't have to walk in your shoes! You have your own dreams, aspirations, hopes - you're an individual and your different, you must certainly don't have to pop out kids, because it's what is expected and it's what is proper. Having a child is a major responsibility - you give a part of yourself to that child, your life and everything in it is devoted to that life you made. You're not selfish at all! Live your life the way you want to, like I said previously and other people can live theirs the way they choose.

QFT.

Don't do things just because of peer pressure, do what you want to do.

May 5, 2008, 4:46 PM

Thanks, these replies have made me feel better about myself.
I mean its not exactly what they said its the way they said it.
Like I needed to do it NOW. I mean I have plenty time to pop one
out (if I ever which I very much doubt) changed my mind.

May 5, 2008, 4:56 PM

I hate to be blunt, but your friends sound like arses. There is nothing worse than condescending people who try to push their beliefs on others, which is exactly what they are trying to do to you. God, I'm only 16 and don't know if I want kids at all, but I know that if I were to I would wait until I'm atleast 25... although I still see that as a bit young. They take up all of your time and change your life forever, which is a massive responsibility and personally I don't see how I could cope at 20, in many ways; emotionally, financially and just generally making time for them. It seems the sensible thing to me to wait until I have enough money, aswell as being able to take proper care of a child. What's the point in having a kid now if you can't look after it properly? That's not really fair on the child... there's no point in having kids just for the sake of saying 'I'm a responsible and caring adult' because that's just stupid. Besides, not everybody wants children and that's perfectly okay - everybody's different. Some people want to settle down right away whereas other people have their own goals and aspirations they want to achieve. I know that I want to travel the world when I'm older and do stuff that children would just get in the way off. I couldn't care less if some preacher friend of mine tells me I'm selfish, because let's face it, there IS no unselfish thing to do.