Having "me time"

July 9, 2007, 10:43 AM

Well, yesturday I thought it was the end of the relationship. I got a phone call from my boyfriend whislt he was travelling home from my halls and he was in floods of tears.

After calming down, he told me what was bothering him. He had been great and happy all weekend, he even went and got me a Gabareth figure as a surprise, yet he was annoyed he couldnt say any of this to my face. He said that he hadnt had any "me time" for awhile and was drained because of it. By "me time", he just wanted a few hours to himself every now and then and felt guilty because he felt like this.

But everyone needs me time I guess, I do sometimes. But he needs it more then me because hes use to being alone and this is his first proper relationship. So I dont know what to do.

Does me time mean it could be the end or does it just mean he wants to unwind and spend time with himself? Ive never had this before, but he said that we were fine and it was him needing this. We arent on a break before people think this, but I dont get to see him this weekend as hes in London visiting a friend. So I guess thats some me time for him there.

So Im just going to let him have me time when he askes for it. And just let him get in contact with me when hes finished.

Does anyone here need me time when your in a relationship or in general?

July 11, 2007, 6:21 AM

I think everyone needs some "me time" every now and then. It's really nice to be with your friends or gf/bf, but sometimes it is nice to just be by yourself. Just be sure to let your bf know he doesnt need to feel guilty about that, if you havent already.

How long have you guys been together? I'd recommend just very slowly increasing the amount of time you spend with him, so he gets used to being with you.

I can actually relate to him a bit, because for the longest time i really had no friends here in town so i was used to spending all my time alone and just talking to people on AIM. But recently (and i DO mean recently, as in past couple of weeks) i've made a couple friends at work that i really enjoy hanging out with, but even still, i'm used to sitting at home talking on AIM, so some days that's all i feel like doing. So yeah, just gradually get him used to spending more time with you ^^

My Character Profiles · July 11, 2007, 6:29 AM

I don't have any "me time" in my relationship. The closest I can get to being alone is going outside and pacing back and forth in the driveway. I live with my boyfriend, and I'm the one who's at home 24/7. He has a job, a car, and places to go. Whenever he's frustrated with me, he just leaves the house; which is entirely unfair because I don't have the option of doing so. <__<

I have my moments when I want to just smash his face with a brick. But those are rare moments, and I've learned to cope with them, since "me time" isn't an option.

July 11, 2007, 10:13 AM

Me and my girl, we have plenty of together time and "me time". We'd like to increase our together time some, but due to various circumstances such as work, we're not able to, and that's perfectly okay. We both have our own lives which we share at the appropriate moments. The more, the better, but sometimes I do find myself enjoying some time alone to do my own things. She doesn't like part of the music I listen to, so if I, say, go to a gig with my father, she'll only come if it's music she likes. It's great to have her there, but it's okay if one of us goes and does something without the other.

"Me time" doesn't necessarily mean it's the end of a relationship, hell no. No matter how much fun it is to be with someone, tensions to grow, and sometimes it's just nice to be alone or around other people for a little while, and that's okay. "I need to spend my time with someone else/alone for a little bit" doesn't equal "I think we shouldn't see each other for a while." ...it doesn't sound like he wants to be truly away from you. He wouldn't have felt so guilty for asking you that if he really wanted out.

July 11, 2007, 10:45 AM

Really? Thanks guys. Hopefully, fingers crossed, its 6 months on the 26th of this month. Longest relationship for him. He did feel gulity for asking and Ive told him many times that if he wants me time, he just needs to say so and thats fine with me.

We only see each other at weekends as we live in different cities, however Im moving back home this weekend and it would still be the same as he works 9-4 Monday - Friday. So he gets to see his friends during the week which Im happy about. He went out for a graduation party on Monday and said it was just amazing. So Im happy this is happenign to him.

I just thought it was over as some people do this and call it a break and then end it. That has happened to him in the past and I doubt he'd do that to me. My grandmother thinks Im worrying over nothing and reckons he does have alot of feelings for me otherwise he wouldnt have bought that figure for me or cried down the phone over the situation.

July 11, 2007, 10:57 AM

I love 'me time'. I mostly use it to play on games or watch DVD's. Quite strange this, because I also recently received a Gabranth figure as a gift.

July 11, 2007, 11:20 PM

Heh, I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from because it sounds like he might have the same general personality as me. I actually have no grounds for assuming that, but if he's the quiet and reserved type then we at least have one thing in common. I am very quiet and reserved for the most part. Sure, it's easy to rant and go on and on to a whole board full of people, and to give you an honest sort of opinion and advice on something like this even though I have no idea who you are; the internet's anonymity can often make us far more forthcoming than we typically are. If anyone here were to know me in real life they would classify me as the quiet guy they always see in the corner who's not really bullshitting away with the rest of the group because he's far too involved in reading his book, doing something on the computer, playing some video game, etc.

As a person with these sorts of qualities do I need "me time" in a relationship? Oh, god yes! When I come home from a rough day at work, or if I'm just really pissed, disturbed, etc. the first thing I want to do is kick off my combat boots, crack open a beer, and tell everyone else to fuck off because I'm going to need to spend a bit of time unwinding. When I have some issue that needs to be sorted out, just cooling off and letting the gears in my head take their natural course I usually come away level-headed and with a perfectly sound and logical conclusion thought up and worked out. That's how us introverts are, we're deep thinkers and we just need the time alone to either stew over something or just think it out without anyone interrupting us.

I wouldn't advise smothering him. You'll end up pushing him away without really intending to. And you'll come off as clingy. That's a big turn-off. The fact that he feels guilty for having to come forward with this should clearly prove to you that he doesn't want to push you away or "take a break". But, if you try and smother him it could potentially lead to one. Give the man a bit of space. A healthy relationship strikes me as one where there's a good balance between spending time together, and being able to have time of your own. That balance is defined purely by the personality traits of said couple, so it wouldn't be exactly good to try and compare how much time other couples may spend apart vs. with each other because thats what works for them. Focus instead on what works for both of you and try to attain that instead. If you respect him, you'll give him the sort of space he needs even if it means you might start feeling a bit neglected out of the deal. And if he respects you, he'll try to show you that he doesn't want to just blow you off.

July 11, 2007, 11:34 PM

Sapphire, firstly, let me say that I think you handled that situation in the perfect way. He was clearly upset, which makes me think that he really did need some time to chill and get himself together.

Relationships, particularly the first serious one can be tough, giving him a little space was perfect.

The truth is that you will know yourself if he is being genuine. By what you have said, I think he is. Trust your instincts, or come here and talk to a load of Final Fantasy addicts, your choice!

Good luck, I don't think you are going to need it though, well done.

July 13, 2007, 5:53 PM

Have a relationship and having a lot of 'me time' can be a bit hard. It better though to have 'me time' at least one day of the week.

My boyfriend and I have too much 'me time' though. :/ He's working during the day and I work at night. When I don't have work, I have art class at night. (Only 3 more class though.) The only times we see each other is for a couple of hours at night or on Sundays. It's still something though.

He had stayed at my house for a few months. Luckily we got along well and we rarely fight, were always honest to each other. When he was staying at my house I did want 'me time' to myself.