Cant control jealousy

March 2, 2008, 6:20 PM

Im soooooooooooo bad with jealousy. Ive just stumbled apon a pic of my boyfriend with a female friend of his (whom Im not a fan of) sat on his lap and his arms around her smiling. Even left a comment saying "Comfy ..." Thats going to come back and bite me in the arse, but at the mo, I couldnt give a toss.

Now yeah its maybe 98% inncoent, but it drives me mad. I myself dont sit on my boyfriends knee as Im not the slimmest person in the world and thats really annoyed me. He also told me that night he fell alseep on her on his friends sofa! Doesnt make me feel any better.

I know Im going to lose him due to this jealousy, but I cnat help it. I always date the guy who has a lot of female friends and is always friendly with them, even to complete strangers. Who tend to mostly be women ...

Ive spoken about it with him last year and he said that he has eyes only for me and wants me to stop getting jealous. But I cant help it. Ive always been a jealous person., but that pic has pushed me.

Anyone got ady advice to calm down or are you jealous of your partner's friends?

March 2, 2008, 6:32 PM

Only advice I can give you is try not to think about it much, and if you keep checking this thread for advice you'll think about it more and more, y'know?

Just keep yourself occupied is another thing, even if it does mean mindlessly watching some shit on the TV. Go see him, hang out and have good times, that'll re-assure you he likes you. Don't mention the jealousy thing to him, or he'll start going a bit squiffy with you, and the good times won't be so good cause of it.

Jealousy is only a bad thing if you let it bother both of you, only if he starts getting REALLY close with someone is it worth bringing up, but I suppose that depends on your meaning of "close"

But yeah, just try not to think about it, occupy yourself if you do think about it, and spend as much time as you can with him, without being clingy.

March 2, 2008, 6:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~SapphireStar~

Im soooooooooooo bad with jealousy. Ive just stumbled apon a pic of my boyfriend with a female friend of his (whom Im not a fan of) sat on his lap and his arms around her smiling. Even left a comment saying "Comfy ..." Thats going to come back and bite me in the arse, but at the mo, I couldnt give a toss.

Now yeah its maybe 98% inncoent, but it drives me mad. I myself dont sit on my boyfriends knee as Im not the slimmest person in the world and thats really annoyed me. He also told me that night he fell alseep on her on his friends sofa! Doesnt make me feel any better.

I know Im going to lose him due to this jealousy, but I cnat help it. I always date the guy who has a lot of female friends and is always friendly with them, even to complete strangers. Who tend to mostly be women ...

Ive spoken about it with him last year and he said that he has eyes only for me and wants me to stop getting jealous. But I cant help it. Ive always been a jealous person., but that pic has pushed me.

Anyone got ady advice to calm down or are you jealous of your partner's friends?

Warning: When it comes to these kinds of topics I am as realistic and my feelings are as soft as a rock

Now, you know that jealousy is the source of many problems in relationships, if not, the reason of break ups. You do know that, being jealous is a sign of lack of self-esteem, and much more lack of trust towards your boyfriend, whether you want to admit it, or not. Jealous people usually believe that their couple/half soul/partner/etc may abandon them for another person, which ends up with the person feeling jealous doubting his/her abilities, concentrating on physical appearance, loss of self trust, and sometimes developing narcissist tendencies (example: spending hours in front of a mirror because the person believes he/she is not pretty enough, etc).

Now, you can do the following: you can keep being jealous and eventually kill your relationship which is what will happen based on what you've written, or you can start to develop some trust in your boyfriend.

Another point to be analyzed is if your boyfriend gives you the reason to be jealous. The following elements can affect and make the situation worse:

-He has many, many, MANY friends that are mostly women, and pretty women.
-If he was unfaithful before, then he most likely will do it again...I don't know. (remember, it's just an example)

-He spends more time with his friends than you.

-Your jealousy ignites constant battles and arguing between you and him.

-Past experiences (yours)

Now, if you said you've got really mad by just a picture, I wouldn't imagine what would have happened if you were in the place and the moment when it was taken. This, shows that you have a serious problem with handling jealousy, and you must go to a psychiatrist.

Then again....how old are you?

EDIT:

Nevermind, I checked. You are 17. Listen, life just began for you and most people of our age doesn't have a clue of what the hell "love" really is. I am not saying you don't know....so don't get me wrong, capice?

March 2, 2008, 6:39 PM

Im not 17, thats Finngean above you. Im in my early 20s. He hasnt cheated on me before, but my ex did and its made it harder for me to trust again. We've dated for a year now and I kinda do trust him, but we barely see each other due to us both working. So yeah, he sees his friends more then me. He has told me countless times he adores me and wants to be with me forever, yet this doesnt reassure me.

Because he can be friendly, Ive known girls who can take that the wrong way and Im waiting for that to happen.

March 2, 2008, 6:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~SapphireStar~

Im not 17, thats Finngean above you. Im in my early 20s. He hasnt cheated on me before, but my ex did and its made it harder for me to trust again. We've dated for a year now and I kinda do trust him, but we barely see each other due to us both working. So yeah, he sees his friends more then me. He has told me countless times he adores me and wants to be with me forever, yet this doesnt reassure me.

Because he can be friendly, Ive known girls who can take that the wrong way and Im waiting for that to happen.

Don't wait for it to happen. Having a personal "I told you so" makes you feel kinda shit, you realise instead of thinking about all the good, you've ruined it and busied yourself with the bad. Just try to ignore it, some people are naturally friendly to others, doesn't mean they'll cheat on you.

If as you say he see's his friends more often than you, and you've been going out a year, chances are if he was gonna do something like that, he would've already. Which he hasn't I assume.

It's hard I know, but you have to try and shrug those thoughts away.

March 2, 2008, 6:51 PM

My daughters dad's jealousy is what untimately killed our relationship. I very rarely get jealous (altho I have my moments)

It was so bad that if I was 10 minutes late home from work, I was having anaffair. I was never allowed on nighs out and on the rare few I was, I had a bloody curfew

Altho I pushed my luck sometimes. I really hated him by the end of our relationship

Jealousy kills all relationships IMO, if you don't have trust then whats the point? Plus it will make him resentful, and if you don't get on with this girl, she might try to wind you upp by flirting with him more

Have you told him your concerns...?

March 2, 2008, 6:55 PM

We have said we will tell each other anything that is bugging us, but I dont know if I can tell him the green eyeed mosnter has returned. Im scared in case he tells me its over. Then if I dont ... man.

March 2, 2008, 7:56 PM

I think you're best bet would be to tell him, or it's only gunna eat away at you and come out in an argument or something and then it will be 10 times worse. Bottling things up is NOT good, but it's easier said than done. I'm useless at talking about my feelings

March 2, 2008, 9:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~SapphireStar~

We have said we will tell each other anything that is bugging us, but I dont know if I can tell him the green eyeed mosnter has returned. Im scared in case he tells me its over. Then if I dont ... man.

Well if you are scared of telling him how can you say you trust him? If he truly loves you he will understand. Again we, men, can be quite insensible with these affairs.