Can old love affect new?

September 4, 2007, 1:05 PM

Can it?

Can someone move on from the past even though they are with another? My boyfriend has gone into a depressed mode again after about 3 weeks of being happy and care-free. I know the relationship has something to do with it.

He wrote an old blog in October last year, before I knew him about his last ex. Going on about how he loved her and always will. This has made me think if this is stopping my boyfriend from trying to maybe love me. I havent heard the words from him and Im wondering if this is why.

Its been 9 months now and I keep thinking Im maybe something to have fun with, even though some of his friends say Im his first proper girlfriend and claim those are his words. But hes not really showing anything that means he loves me. He misses me alot, worries about me, cares about me and thinks about me. But I dont think he loves me.

So, can a past relationship stop someone loving in the present, future?

September 4, 2007, 1:18 PM

Course it can, if he loved her then she will not be easily forgotten and the truth is you can do nothing about it. In time he will forget more about her and start to love you more.

You can however speed up this process by having lots of memorable times with your bf, this will create new happy memories for him and drown out the memories he has of her.

I still think of my ex girlfriend's but not as much as I used to a year or two ago. And the more time I spend with my current gf the more I love and respect her.

September 4, 2007, 2:04 PM

Sadly yes it can, especailly if the last relationship was a bad one. The last one I was in was actually in my words perfect. Though due to certin issued that arose that nither of us could controll it went down hill. Now when trying to start a relationship I am more closed off and afraid to open up again, cause I felt really hurt, and I was just miserable to be around. Hopefully thats not the case with him, but more then likely hes trying to sort out his feelings with himself.

September 4, 2007, 2:23 PM

We spilt up few months ago because he was terrified to open up to hs feelings and we got back togther that night and said he would embrace his feelings and try and be comfortable with them. That was about 4 months ago.

And spending time with him is difficult as he wants alone time. My mum thinks Im reading too much into it. I dont know, its emotional draining sometimes.

September 4, 2007, 2:32 PM

The guy probably just wants a bit of space. I dont like opening up to anyone, and if people push it they get dumped. I like keeping things to myself.

September 4, 2007, 3:22 PM

Well I dont text hm alot, speically since he works Monday to Friday 9-5. And he is under stress at work and is seeking employment elsewhere. So Im not pestering him as I know he doesnt need it. But its not really fair on me going through this. I dont want to lose him, but I cant compet agaisnt his ex. I no longer love my ex and I was with him longer then my current boyfriend was with his ex.

September 4, 2007, 3:31 PM

Course you can compete with his ex, saying you cant is just undermining yourself, that could be part of the problem. My girlfriend is the same saying she is not attractive enough and not slim enough and tries better for me even though I reasure her she doesnt need to. The problem might lie in your head and might of been created by yourself. I know my girl probably feels more like you do, but no problem lies in our relationship because I tell her I dont open up as much as I used to because simply I am more mature. If a previous relationship has gone wrong, some people tend not to let their feelings out as much as when their were younger due to past experience. Truthfully I would listen to your mam and not look to much into it because I personally reckon the problem is fictional and in your head.

September 4, 2007, 3:34 PM

I do put myself down alot and constantly try and do things for him. Which annyos him lol. He said I should lose weight because I want to, not for him or anyone else. He constantly tells me Im pretty and need to get some confidence as Im a beautiful, caring woman.

My mum says its in my head and I can say Im very paranoid with my relationship and everything else in my life.

September 4, 2007, 4:28 PM

You sound like my girlfriend and if our relationships are alike then you dont have to worry about a thing.