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Join Date: October 2006
Location: Dartmouth, Nova Scotia (Canada, eh?)
Age: 19
Posts: 1,545
Threads: 101
Gil: 0
Member No.: 844
My Mood:
Rep Power: 5
Alrighty, let's have a looksee. Don't think that just because we know each other on MSN, I'm gonna go easy on you That would be corruption!
To begin with, the first stuff isn't bad. But about the eye-patch: what eye does it cover?
Personality isn't bad. Not bad at all. A leetle more detail would be nice, but it's approvable. Same goes for the First Impression, but that's not as big.
The first big quam is the weapons. WAY too many weapons. The cards, I can see that, I don't have much against that. Nor have i anything against the bow, a shortbow is good. BUT, having a greataxe AND a longsword = not a good idea. Since the greataxe is considered to be a 'large' weapon, that would automatically mean that you would generally be able to wield no other weapons. You can keep the greataxe and get rid of the longsword, or you can get rid of the longsword and bow and keep the axe. Personally, I suggest getting rid of the axe, but only because swords are much more versatile and can flexible whe it comes to strategy.
Question though, about the cards. What allows them to attack multiple enemies, and how do they do so? Magic, aerodynamic structure, etc.?
About your attacks. How much energy do they take? That's a key aspect of non-god-modding RPing. Remember to make sure that they are proportionate to the actual damage and execution of the attacks.
Um, try to avoid using numerical values, even in transformations... Saying that it 'increases by 10' is way too hazy. Saying it multiplies by a factor of 10 is different (though this is far too much for a transformation), that's saying that your strength is ten times its previous limits, but increasing by ten is preyty vague.
And that's really it. It seems to me that from your QH, that was easily the BIG defining moment in Rouge's life, and though I think there should be more in there than that, it's approvable.
Overall, [NOT APPROVED]. There are some things to brush up on, but it looks like it has good potential.
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Jake Long and Felldoh are the reasons I live. I breathe, walk, learn, and most of all, fight, only so that I may carry on their memories. I shall avenge Felldoh, and I shall protect Jake, no matter the cost!
Join Date: December 2006
Location: Ontario
Age: 17
Posts: 1,473
Threads: 48
Gil: 0
Member No.: 2220
My Mood:
Rep Power: 4
Updated!
There fixed up alot of it Hera > thanks for the help though i dont mind the critisim itll only make me better. I hope this will make it more approvable. Ill work on the history later because its getting kinda late.. Gnight.
EDIT: Can you change the thread name to Kit Fisto's Characters? Please and Thanks.
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AKA Sephiroth's Brother/Kyle Marsh
Click the sig!
>>Amazing sigs/avvy made by DLFlux<<
Mercurial: That's the only reason I'm here.
Mercurial: For teh m00bz.
Join Date: October 2006
Location: Dartmouth, Nova Scotia (Canada, eh?)
Age: 19
Posts: 1,545
Threads: 101
Gil: 0
Member No.: 844
My Mood:
Rep Power: 5
I've changed the name (and the description) to match your wants .
Now, on to the Bio! *plays original Batman music*
Nananananananananananananananana Batman!
One last thing that I slapped myself for overlooking: Is your character designed for RPBs or ORPGs? (put this in the bio, and it's good to go)
__________________
Jake Long and Felldoh are the reasons I live. I breathe, walk, learn, and most of all, fight, only so that I may carry on their memories. I shall avenge Felldoh, and I shall protect Jake, no matter the cost!
Join Date: December 2006
Location: Ontario
Age: 17
Posts: 1,473
Threads: 48
Gil: 0
Member No.: 2220
My Mood:
Rep Power: 4
I have updated little of my character just so it made more sense. He is 8'3 and 524ibs. And now his hace is 7ft in length so he can equiped it on his back without is dragging on the ground.
__________________
AKA Sephiroth's Brother/Kyle Marsh
Click the sig!
>>Amazing sigs/avvy made by DLFlux<<
Mercurial: That's the only reason I'm here.
Mercurial: For teh m00bz.
That would be corruption!
Um, try to avoid using numerical values, even in transformations... Saying that it 'increases by 10' is way too hazy. Saying it multiplies by a factor of 10 is different (though this is far too much for a transformation), that's saying that your strength is ten times its previous limits, but increasing by ten is preyty vague.
thanks for the help though 
i dont mind the critisim itll only make me better. I hope this will make it more approvable. Ill work on the history later because its getting kinda late.. Gnight.
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