Kit Fisto's Characters - Page 2

October 21, 2007, 1:07 AM

Alrighty then, let's have us a looksee.

General Info

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sephiroth's Brother

Name: Aerandir Narmolanya
Title: Aerandir Narmolanya : Warrior of Darkness
Race: Elf
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Hometown: Calafalas

Alright, that looks good. I take it, though, that your elf is still something of a child to elven kind? After all, most pereie elves to be nigh immortal, if not immortal

Hmmm. You say he's a "Warrior of Darkness." I'm hardly telling you to change that, I'm just wondering if that makes him evil, or if he's something like a Scion of Darkness or something, or one who is good but uses the power of Darkness.

Appearance

Quote:

Appearance:
- Hair: Long golden hair that reaches down near his shoulders
- Eyes: His eyes are completely black like others of his kind. The black eyes give the ability to see farther away.
- Height: He is 5’4
- Weight: He weighs around 200 pounds.
- Complexion: His skin is dark green with a soft texture feel. He isn’t very fat and he is also not super muscular either like most of the members in his clan. He has a giant scar that is over his left eye that was given to him when he was a boy. He also has pointy ears like most elves.
- Build: He is somewhat muscular but not so muscular that its extremely noticeable. He’s what you would call mid-sized.
- Noteworthy Features: He has other body scars from battle such as a scar that stretches across his stomach. He also has a tattoo on his back that signifies his clan. He was given this as a boy by the clan leader Zeris
- Attire: He wears a necklace made of pure gold that is a sign of his allegiance to his people in his hometown of Calafalas. He also has a bracelet that is dark blue and has writing on it that has the information “To my wonderful husband”. The bracelet was from his late wife that died 3 years ago.
Here’s the sign of his allegiance to his people in his hometown of Calafalas…

Good idea for the pic. I take it that you hand drew it? Well done.

Like I said before, a little more description would be nice. What does the tattoo look like, is there any personalized pattern imbued into this tattoo to make it more distinguishable than the rest of his clans', etc.

Eyes. You say that their being black gives him better eyesight. How? IS there a magical property that causes this, or is there a logical reason for it within the realms of physics? Does this enhanced eyesight give him any weaknesses (i.e. the stronger and more sensitive the eyesight, the easier it is to harm the eye).?

Personal Information

Personality. Well done. The details are a bit sketchy/cloudy, but all in all, I think this is very concise. Much more than mine, where I just ramble on and on XD

Same goes with the First Impression. Excellently put.

Arms and Armor

Weapons. I got a clear image of these weapons in my mind, well done. Very descriptive and very well put, too. The only quam I have is the fact that lengthening your arrows will not make them fly farther. In fact, it does the opposite, and gives them shorter range, as the drag is increased with the weight, specifically because they are iron arrows. If they had a different fletching, that would be something else, but increased length will decrease the distance an arrow can fly.

I suppose, though, given that your bow is so small, that the bow was made for a shorter range anyways? Shortbows don't have the greatest range.

I have nothing bad to say about the armor, at all. Very well done, I got a clear image of it when I read the description.

Magic

Hmm. With your White Magic spells, it might be more advantageous for you to assign them percentage values. With Protect and Shell, it would be how much damage would be done to you, in percentage comparison to what would usually happen (i.e. if they do 100% damage in melee, Protect will only make them do 80%).

With the Dark Magic, I'm a little more picky. Whereas you can tell us that you can do every form imaginable with Fire spells, give us some examples and how much energy each of those would take. You would still be able to use the other forms, this would just give you and your opponents an idea of how much energy you would have used for each different skill.

Other than what's been stated above, I have no real quams with this. Well done, young grasshopper.

Well, I hope you find this critique useful

October 21, 2007, 2:57 AM

Updated... Did everything ya said so it should be good now XD

October 22, 2007, 12:52 PM

LOL Remember, SB, I'm not telling you EXACTLY what to do, just giving you critical guidelines (critical meaning critique-wise, not compulsory).

For example, I wasn't telling you to change your age, or even specify if he's considered old or not. I was just commenting on the idea that he might be considered young for most elves.

Alrighty, let's look at your bio then.

XD I wasn't telling you to change your title O.o I was just asking whether he was evil, or if he was a good guy that uses/depends on Darkness for his power >.<

LOL I wasn't telling you to shorten your arrows. I know it sounds wierd, but making your arrows lighter won't affect them like making them heavier will. If you want arrows that fly farther, you may want to do some of the following (though I am by no means telling you to do this, just giving you suggestions).

Specifically, according to the law of physics, iron arrows won't fly far anyways. They are way too heavy and dense, and will ikely fall before they reach the target. Iron-headed arrows are another thing, they used iron as heads in medieval ages because it could become very sharp metal. Iron arrows will travel very little distance, so you may want to change the actual material that they are made of to wood, and change the head to a metal DIFFERENT than iron, because many of the people on FFF that RP will have armor that is difficult to pierce with iron. Diamond studded arrows are a good idea, because diamond is very difficult to break, and is commonly used in drills because of it. It can also be very devastating if sharpened.

Another thing you may want to put in there is fletching on the arrows. Fletching will allow for a more accurate shot, and will stabilize the arrow in-flight. If you want a little more classical, you should use feathers. Otherwise, you may want to use a modern plastic (though that may only be, depending on your preference, if your character is from this realm). I personally don't see much difference between Plastic and Feather fletchings, but feather looks way cooler XD

One last thing about armor I seem to have overlooked last time ( :doh: ); your potion. You say it has restorative capabilities. Like Cure-style magic, you should give us a percentage representation of how much health it will restore.

LOL I loved the word 'drossy' there. Ive never heard it before, but I get its meaning.

Oh no. You put in the fatal, 'getting past armor' statement in your lightning x_x. Unfortunately (don't worry, I tried to do this too), we can't really do that here. As logical as it is, it is against god-modding rules. The only way it really shouldn't get past the armor is if the person is wearing rubber boots.

Yeah, unfortunately, we can't get past armor, or ignore it.

I have nothing against your finishing move, but I do have a piece of advice for when you use it: be VERY careful. Unless your opponent is extremely close to death, you had best be very sure that your attack is going to work. I have made the mistake before of misjudging my opponents' strength, and went in for the finishing move, only to have my tail cut off >.<

Other than that, I really don't see too much for me to crit.

October 22, 2007, 9:35 PM

Updated.
I know I like the things your giving me thats why im doing them

Then I can look back if i do a new bio and think of things that i can do that are similar... But thanks so much for your help... Im pretty sure its done.

October 22, 2007, 11:07 PM

Well, if I were a mod (which I'm not) I'd say [APPROVED]

Unfortunately, I'm not *sigh*. If you want, though, that bio would be a great one if you wanted to play in the Land of Dragons. You'dhave a bit of a hard time getting on Jake and Hera's trusted side with that blade (it has dragon blood in it), but hey, you'd be good in it.

October 24, 2007, 3:26 AM

*sigh* If only I was a mod on here, just like I am on FFH...then I'd approve you...but alas, I'm not. I'll talk to Shen or someone who is....and you are welcome in any of the RP's you can find. Just make sure you fit the criteria and change your profile as needed....

November 5, 2007, 8:49 PM

ok thanks again for all your help guys and wow i finally got on this after it wouldnt display FFF :(

November 24, 2007, 1:12 AM

New Character!! Have to say i was proud of this one

This character is an ORPG character.

Name: Rougee Lindra
Title: Warrior of Light
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Hometown: Goutosolo

Appearance:
- Hair: He has long spiky hair with one part of it coming down beside his left eye. The rest is spiked up high going every which way.
- Eyes: He has a golden eye colour unlike most humans. He has this because he is a Warrior of Light
- Height: 8'3 ft
- Weight: 524 ibs.
- Complexion: He has white skin like most humans do and his skin is very rough. Rouge is a fairly built man that can lift more then an average man can. He has a giant scar over his left eye which disables him from being able to open it.
- Build: He is a fairly muscular looking man which can lift twice as much as an average man can.
- Noteworthy Features: He wears a electronic eye patch which gives him the ability to see details about his enemies or allies. It also gives him the ability to see as well. it is over his left eye. The scar is still seen because it extends to his eyebrow to his lower cheek. He eye patch is only 1 inch bigger then his actual eye.
- Attire: He wears an eye patch, which gives him abilities. He also has a ring that glows when danger is near or a friend is near. When ever it glows Red it means that there is an evil person near by seeking to harm him. This is a great ability because he doesn’t have to ask the persons name or anything because he already know that he/she is after him. When ever it glows Blue it means that this person near him isn’t here to hurt him. That person is here to aid him.

Personality: He is a gambler by nature. He enjoys to be around his close friends and enjoys to play games. He can be shy at times especially when hes by a women who he has never met before. If any of his friends were ever in danger he would be there instantly to help them out. He’s a very aggressive person and can turn ugly when he gets very angry. So I wouldn’t get onto his bad side.

First Impression: At first you might be afraid of him because he huge and looks like he would probably hurt you pretty badly but if you become friends with him you’ll see that he’s actually a very nice and kind guy who would be there for you anytime you would need it. He smiles a lot and talks a lot to others and himself.

Weapon(s): He equips a Giant Axe that is a total of 7ft in length. The axe head is about 3 ft in width and length and it weighs around 200 ibs. To Rougee it feels like he’s carrying a feather though. The handle is a light red colour and the axe head is black. On the end of the handle at the very top is a 2ft spike incase he has to jab someone quickly. The handle is coved with black tape and that he has the ability to grip it better. The handle has very few scratches on it seeing as its almost impossible to break. The axe handle on the other hand has a few scratches on it and also has a card on it with a unique symbol. It almost looks like a Japanese letter. His range weapon is his deck of cards. These card have blades all over them and are around a ft in length and width. They have the ability to attack many enemies because of a chip in each of the cards which gives him the ability to control its flight pattern. He also has a small shield around his back manly used for blocking arrows and close range sword attacks. It has a card symbol on it like all his other weapons.

Armour: He wears a helmet that is made of gold that is in the shape of a dragons head. The eyes are cut out and there in no protection between the bottom of his nose and the top of his chin. It has no top so that you can still see his hair. It is manly used from protection of back shots to the head and forehead shots. This tends to weigh around 4 pounds. It is so little in weight because it is specially crafted. He wears specially made armour that was made by an old elf blacksmith that created armour that was nearly impenetrable. There is one weak spot and its below the shoulder area. His enemies don’t know about this. The body is made of gold with a symbol of the blacksmith that made it in the middle of it. These tend to weigh a surprising 20 ibs. They are very difficult to obtain and only true warriors have the ability to equip it. If anyone else tried to equip it, it would make the armour feel like it weighed over 300 ibs. His shoulder pads are attached to the body armour by a giant belt which reaches from his shoulders to his waist. These shoulder pads have spikes on them that are made from a rhinos horn. The shoulder pads themselves are also made of gold. These weigh around 2 ibs. seeing as they are specially made as well. He wears a belt that has the sign that is a card with a symbol in the middle that resembles a Japanese letter. It is gold as well and weighs only around 2 ibs. He then wears plate legs that are also made of gold. They are nearly impenetrable to except for there one weak spot in the back or the calf. His enemy’s don’t know this. The plate legs only extend to the upper calf because of his boots. His plate legs weigh around 10 ibs. only. He wears long golden boots that raise up to his calf. They connect to his plate legs from the back of the calf where his “weak point” is. These tend to weigh an astonishing 2 pounds. Gives him the ability to be more agile. His boots are also near to impenetrable.

Magic: Rougee rarely uses magic and when he does its to block an attack. When he does use magic it usually cause him to become tired and dizzy. Rougee is mainly a blizzard based element but he can also use lightning, wind, fire, and water.
Dark Magic:
Lightning: Rougee mainly uses this to stop heavy objects that are coming at him. He simply yells “Lightning” and a giant cloud will hover over the object that is coming at him then zapping them. These magic attacks usually cause him to become more drossy and dizzy.
Water: Rougee uses this to fight against fire attacks and to cause damage to his opponents. He can also use it to get to higher ground or to push himself away from an attack. These attacks usually cause him to become drossy, dizzy and they slow down his fire attacks.
Fire: Rougee uses this to cause attacks that block incoming attacks or to cause the ground to burn underneath his opponents. These attacks cause him to become tired and to become dizzy.
Blizzard: This is Rougees element. He uses this to give him passages to higher or farther away places by casting ice attacks that can cause bridges or platforms. If hes hit with a blizzard attack it’ll to 80% less damage. It usually cause him to become fairly tired and dizzy.
Wind: This is the second most used form that Rougee uses. He uses this when he falls off of a ledge, cliff, etc. He cause the wind underneath him to guide him to safety. This attack cause him to become more tired and dizzy.
White Magic: Only uses one white magic and that’s cure. He uses this when he’s really hurt and is in need for healing.
Cure: Rougee uses this when he near dead or very injured or tired. This attack cause him to become fairly tired.
Abilities/Skills: All of Rougeesabilities make him either drossy or dizzy.
Skills:
Ice Structure: This skill gives him the ability to avoid attacks or to just get to higher ground. He can also use this to get to a far away place by making a bridge made of ice. When he wants to go higher he cast ice underneath him causing a big block of ice. Makes him feel abit drossy.
Defensive Skills:
Ice Shield: He can cast a big block of ice in front of him to stop an incoming attack. This takes a couple seconds to make. Usually when the shield gets hit it’ll shatter. Causes him to feel abit drossy. Depends on the length of the shield he creates.
Icy Armour: Rougee uses an ice skill to create ice armour that surrounds open spots that can cause him great damage such as his face can be covered by an ice helmet if an enemy threatens there. Or the back of his calf where there is no protection. Causes him to feel drossy.
Rougee has an ability that now other human can do. He doesn’t have to breath. With him being able to not have to breath he can live underwater and doesn’t have to worry if there is any air shortage. He can also go to planets where there is no air and can live in space.
Heaven Shield: A beam of light from the heavens above will shield Rougee from incoming attacks. This attack is used only once per battle. This cuases Rougee to feel dizzy.

Attacks:
Choose a Card..: This ability allows him to create 2 cards and then transforms himself into a similar card. The cards are then mixed up and his opponent has a 1/3 chance of hitting him. This ability will fail if there are 3 attacks coming at him. This will cause him to become more venerable if he is hit causing more damage to him. This causes Rougee to feel tired.
Manipulate: This ability allows Rougee to manipulate himself so it looks like there is 3 of him. Each of them will look similar except the two that aren’t him have different qualities. One equips a long sword that glows white, the other one equips a bow that glows white. Then the main Rougee has all the weapons. If the main Rougee dies then they all die. They are made from snow bet they cannot be simply shattered or burned. If you light a fire under them they will not melt because they still have similar characteristics as Rougee does. This causes Rougee to feel drossy.
Throwing Deck: With this ability Rougee has the ability of throwing multiple cards at once that can cause lots of damage. These cards have blades all around them and can be thrown at multiple enemies. This causes Rougee to feel alittle dizzy
Blizzard Rush: This attack shoots multiple icicles at various enemies. He usually shots 100 small icicles at an enemy and the he charges up for one big icicle. This attack can cause huge damage. This causes Rougee feel a bit drossy.
Snow Man: In this attack Rougee can make snow fall from the sky or a roof of a building/cave. He then closes his eyes and sees himself as the snow. He has the ability to make himself into a giant fist of snow or a giant hammer. Well he is in this mode he is very vulnerable to attacks. He can make himself attack more then one enemy at a time. Even though he it is snow, it is compressed snow so It can cause huge damage. This causes Rougee to feel a bit drossy.
Ice Weapon: With this attack Rougee can create a giant sword/hammer/axe that reaches 15ft in length and drop it down on his enemies. This attack is very fast and can cause huge damage. This causes Rougee to feel abit drossy.
Heavenly Strike: A similar move to Heaven Shield, instead of the light coming down on Rougee it’ll come down on his enemy causing much damage to his enemy and even more damage to dark users. This causes Rougee to feel abit weakened and dizzy.
Special Attacks:
Ultimate Form: Rougee can do one more thing that a human can’t do and that his transform into ultimate form. The armour that was specially crafted for him gives him this ability. When Rougee gets into great danger he can transform into an almost monster looking him that is 5 times his normal size. His strength increase by multiples of 2 and his defence increase by multiples of 2. The one downfall to this ability is that his agility decreases by multiples of 1. When Rougee’s armour begins to flash it means he’s transforming into his ultimate form. The ultimate form has no armour. It has a human chest that has a six pack and his almost like hitting steel. He has a giant tatoo on his back that looks like a Japanese letter. He also has gauntlets that over lap each other and are made of gold. He equips a giant whip that is 20 ft in length. It can rap around his opponent and squeeze very tightly. The whip is also unbreakable. He also equips a steel buckler that is in the shape of a gauntlet. For leggings he wears shorts that reach down below his knees. He wears no shoes but if a mere sword hits his foot it’ll do little damage. His face looks human except for his ears become very pointy and his hair becomes very long and still spiky at the top. He also now has claws instead of normal nails.
Attacks in Ultimate Form:
Whip Squeeze: This attack can be used when Rougee wants to squeeze his enemy with his whip. This will disable his opponent and cause him/her to struggle. The whip can not be cut. Causes Rougee to become a bit drossy.
Ground Shaker: Rougee punches the ground causing an earthquake and also a giant wave of earth go at his enemy.