Funny exam answers

June 21, 2008, 7:08 PM

I cried when I read these - they're a goldmine

My personal favourites are in bold

When you breath, you inspire. When you don't breath, you expire.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

For head colds, use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops into your throat.

The moon is a planet just like Earth, only deader.

Artificial insemination is what the farmer does to the cow instead of the bull.

Dew is formed on leaves when sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

Equator: A managerie lion running around Earth through Africa.

To remove dust from your eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

Momentum. What you give a person when they are going away.

Nitrogen is not found in Ireland, because it is not found in a free state.

Three kids of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin & Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydogin is gin and water.

A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

The body consists of three parts--the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the borax contains the bowls, of which there are five--a, e, i, o, and u.

The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends toward the moon, because nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

Before giving a transfusion, find out if the blood is negative or affirmative.

Liter: A nest of young puppies. Centimeter: A long insect with 100 legs.

Magnet: Something you can find crawling over a dead cat.

H20 is hot water. CO2 is cold water.

Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

Respiration is composed of inspiration and then expectoration.

For a nosebleed: Put the nose lower than the body until the heart stops.

To prevent contraception use a condominium.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

June 21, 2008, 7:15 PM

where did you get these? these are the funniest things i have ever seen!

June 21, 2008, 7:18 PM

http://www.shanemcdonald.com/laughs/l-exam-answers.html

here matey!

My mother loves the pope one the best!

June 21, 2008, 7:26 PM

LOL, that definitely made my day, ha ha

June 22, 2008, 1:16 AM

One particular female character, who used to attend my school, answered the following question in her Biology Preliminary exam last year. She promptly dropped the subject.

What is the purpose of having an ear on both sides of your head?
So that, if you're running through the jungle, you'll be able to hear a Lion coming from any direction!

There was another question and her answer somehow consisted of "those minky folk in Africa who cannae drink clean water". Being a Catholic school, that answer did not go down well, either.

There was one first year ... my Biology teacher felt the need to read out the answer when she was marking papers. The question asked "What do seeds require in order to germinate?" and an answer went along the lines of "love, care and plenty of hugs"...

June 22, 2008, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Myotismon

What is the purpose of having an ear on both sides of your head?
[i]So that, if you're running through the jungle, you'll be able to hear a Lion coming from any direction!

I think that's a perfectly legitimate answer.

My mate once answered "Where would you a find a placenta?" - "In a plant". He failed Biology.

June 22, 2008, 1:02 PM

Ahahahaha.

I was also asked what an "Elver" was in Biology and I replied "a baby elf?"

Notice most of these answeres relate to Biology.

June 22, 2008, 5:58 PM

Oh my god these are fucking hysterical.

Thanks for sharing. xDDD I think my faves are:

The body consists of three parts--the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the borax contains the bowls, of which there are five--a, e, i, o, and u.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

To prevent contraception use a condominium.