Hiya, Red Fox told me to post it up as a new thread. So here I am

This is my first ever character. So your comments and advice are welcomed.

Name: Kelis

Race: Human/Mystlin

Gender: Female

Age: 21

Occupation: Mercenary/priestess(in training)

Race/ History-
Though Humans and Mystlin are practically similar in appearances ,they are very different in abilities and standards.
Mystlin are humans that through the millions of years of existence, have stayed true to the land and its celestial life essence,which is the inner power of every living subject in the world.In other words CELESTIAL is the ability to use the energy of the land and its occupants including but not limited to the abilities that are mentioned next:
WATER,ICE,LIGHTNING,WIND,FIRE,MOUNTAIN,EARTH,LIGHT & DARKNESS.

Due to that decision, they have acquired this gift and perfected it , thus becoming a powerful race with the ability to use the world itself as a offensive and defensive tactic.While each Mystlin has a natural talent for Celestial working, High Priests and Priestess' are the leaders of the Mystlin and are the only ones authorized to use Celestial energy, donning them the title 'Celestials'

They live in small group/ towns across the land that are governed by Humans. Humans and Mystlin live in peace.Though some of them have migrated to Human cities. The main city of Humans is the land of IRATH.
(The human history is well known as most of you are purely that race)

Appearance<o:p></o:p>
-Hair: Dark black straight short hair.
-Eyes: Her eyes are a very light and bright blue. Her eyes turn black due to the intensity of the celestial powers.
-Height: 125 lbs
-Weight: 5 feet 7 inches
-Complexion: very Light tan
-Build: slender in good physical shape. With a normal bust and a narrow waist.
-Noteworthy Features: One tattoo on the back of her neck. The representation of the Mystlin.


-Attire: Short dark red tunic the goes down to the mid of her thighs white stockings to her knees , black boots that go up to bellow her knee. She has ribbons wrapped around her right arm(goes from her hand to her elbow) in the colors red black and white. A black leather belt to hold her two daggers. A small chest plate that only covers the top of her upper body . A black leather belt across her back connected to her chest plate to hod her sword. And an black armlet on her left arm.

First impression: Due to her Mystlin heritage she has a beauty like no other. Yet with her attire and neck short hair it gives her and edgy look. She will seem a bit shy at first. She will come off as independent at first. But truly it is just fear of loosing someone that keeps her from getting close to anyone.

Personality: Due to her occupation she is very timid of others and sometimes comes of as cold but she is just really shy . After time she warms up and starts to trust her companions. She is very optimistic and always tries to help others. When she is faced with an opponent she is confident, she usually smiles at them though that may seem a bit odd. When she's in group she is understandable, she is openminded.She does not care for authority much, just team work and honesty.


Weapons:carries two similar daggers And a sword.Both we given to her by her father.
daggers:each is 13 inches long, has a straight blade, and the hand guard is made so it follows the blade for 2 inches.
The blade itself has an engraving from hand grip to tip in Mystlin lettering. And the handle is made for optimal grip. .approximately 28 inches long. It is light weight and can be held with one handed

Armor: She wear a small chestplate and a armlet.

Abilities, magics and skills:
Her basic skills are that of a very trained soldier, yet with the style of a mercenary. Her sword/daggers skills and close quarter combat are very well respected in the mercenary community. When it comes to her Mystlin abilities. She is very limited for now. Her Celestial ability is not fully developed. For now all she can do is defy gravity a bit. She can’t fly but she can jump very high and do many aerial attacks. Also her interaction with the land is developing well. She can some-what communicate with other species and can sense danger. Her powers derive from the earth itself, to the light and darkness comes from inner power and strength. After she uses a powerful ability she will feel fragile. She has a huge limit.Celestial power does not include healing powers. If she is hurt she will have to resort to potions or medical attention.




History:Kelis was raised by her father (a war hero during his days he helped the Humans fight against a savage race that claimed war over the Humans and Mystlin 20 years ago for the land and resources). They lived in one of the large Human city of Jalvines.He taught her how to defend herself and put her through rigorous training. After years and years of training her father decided to sign her into the military. With his credibility and her skills she would enter with high rank. But at the age of 17 her father became terribly ill and died shortly after that. Before his death he gave her a letter written in Mystlin language .At that time she did not understand, so she made that her goal. She denied acceptance into the military and decided to find out what the letter meant. She couldn’t find the answer in her city due to the fact that no one could read such a language. So she took her father’s sword and daggers and set off to find out what the letter is about. Shortly after the beginning of her journey she met a mercenary group and joined them for some quick jobs to gain money and experience. After many years of searching at the age of 20 she stumbled across the Mystlin village Darcerres. She asked someone to read and translate this letter. The letter was written by her birth mother a Mystlin. A very well known high celestial(priestess). When the villagers find this out they ask her to stay. They let her known that her mother passed away while in battle with the Kelosith. Her father came to the village where her mother lived and took Kelis into the city for protection. After learning this Kelis stayed with the villagers. And the villagers welcomed her as one of there own. They knew of her Celestial potential and decided to do a “blessing”(a ceremony for young priest and priestess)After her ceremony as a priestess(where she received the marking of a Mystlin).She trained with the Mystlin Knights as a warrior as well and learned how to control her powers though she has a a lot to learn she was starting to understand her Celestial powers. At the age of 21 she wanted to find to be on her own. She couldn't call herself a human nor a Mystlin. She wanted to find out what she can about her two heritages and her mothers and even her fathers history. So she left the safety of the village and set of on her journey to discover who she was

Sounds great i like how you describe it so well

Few tips I have for you:

No1: Make it longer. Your description seems to be fine, but your personality is a little thin. To boost it up a little bit, just describe how he/she acts on their own, in a group, in stressfull situations ect.

No2: Try and avoid cliches. For example, I knew what your history was going to be the moment I read the first line. Your father taught you everything, he dies ect ect. Try and make it a little bit orginal, even if you are going to go with that approach.

No3: Try not to use pictures. Describe your entire way through, that goes for weapons too

Otherwise, you have a good character there! =D

In an effort to get this bio approved, I'm bumping this thread.

Please follow Red XIII's suggestions and mention what area your character is intended for: RPB, URPG, or ORPG.

If this thread doesn't get any response, I'll be closing it and moving it to Retired.