Help on Bios! - Page 2

December 17, 2007, 6:30 PM

Well, I'd be happy to look this over and give you some suggestions. Since you're only asking for help on certain aspects because of WB, though, I'm just gonna post them here for convenience and accessibility.

For personality, my personal suggestion is to mentally place your characters under differing circumstances, and think up their responses to those circumstances. Now, determine what this means about your character, and then write down that attribute. Don't just write down the situation and response of the character, that provides little information.

Same goes for the First Impression.

For History, that's a little more abstract. It all depends on what you want, I can't give you much for suggestions there.

One suggestion I can give you, though, is writing style. Writing the history where one event leads to another will result in a history that si rich with detail and provids extra insight into the character. It may end up making your history a little long, but the history will be well-done.

January 12, 2008, 5:29 PM

Hera, as you seem to be busy, from time, til time.
And I have more free time, then should be legal.
And since I am an OK character maker, I hope.
I can sign up as one of the ones that checks them ^^

that is if you approve of me as one of you.

January 17, 2008, 4:43 PM

I have nothing against it at all. From what I've seen, you not only have good bio-making abilities, but you're also a fair critiquer. We'd be glad to have you on the team

January 17, 2008, 4:48 PM

WOO!
Though, I somehow doubt that they will post anything here.
Since most just post in the Approval list, and hope to be approved at first.

Well. thinking that I am more active then you.
there MIGHT be some.

January 17, 2008, 11:44 PM

Just remember, though, you're here to critique

Members don't have the power to approve, only mods can do that. What is needed of you when you sign up is that you critique the bio, not give it approval, and say what you feel should be fixed in order to make the bio approvable.

It's always nice to wait until someone asks for a critique, too, whether through PM or here.

January 18, 2008, 11:57 AM

heh. I am fully aware of the limiters on me.
I can only tell them what I THINK should be fixed.
I can NOT approve them, that is still the job of a mod.

February 9, 2008, 5:17 PM

May I have a critique for my Nimble & Jack? The history is a little short. I've posted the bio on another site:
http://www.almostsmart.com/forums/sh...54&postcount=4

May I post it here, too?

February 9, 2008, 5:34 PM

I found this duo to be rather cool.
however, there are 2 things.

1: the range of the flash and smoke bombs are way too big.

do you actually know how much 200 meters is?
the smoke, Id go for a 10 meter diameter,:
so, a 5 meter radius.
will be completly covered, and waker the longer out it goes.
this makes that more real. And that is a great size actually:
considering that I'm assuming that they are smaller then a big mans fist.

as for the flash bombs. This will be dependent of the range the enemy is at, and where they are focusing
it is better to not have any range on that. Nor a duration
since recovering from these kind of "attacks" is depending on the same factors, as well as it varies from person to person
since there are many factors in it.

the 2nd thing, is this

Quote:

Since it is typically evident that she is Deaf, many enemies make the folly of trying to sneak up on her from behind. However, she is well aware of this and is typically able to detect someone from behind her

a few words on HOW.
vibrations in the ground? difference in air density.

I am aware of that if you loose one of your senses. One, or all the other senses are heightened.
but that should be clarified.

Since you don't have any magic, you don't have to think of balancing this.
so it makes it easier.

this is what I would like to have fixed.
as you get it posted here on FFF. let Hera have the final say, since he is the mod.
im just a helper. ^^

February 9, 2008, 5:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red Fox

I found this duo to be rather cool.
however, there are 2 things.

1: the range of the flash and smoke bombs are way too big.

do you actually know how much 200 meters is?
the smoke, Id go for a 10 meter diameter,:
so, a 5 meter radius.
will be completly covered, and waker the longer out it goes.
this makes that more real. And that is a great size actually:
considering that I'm assuming that they are smaller then a big mans fist.

as for the flash bombs. This will be dependent of the range the enemy is at, and where they are focusing
it is better to not have any range on that. Nor a duration
since recovering from these kind of "attacks" is depending on the same factors, as well as it varies from person to person
since there are many factors in it.

Yes, I know how far 200 metres is. It does make sense to cut down the diameter for efficiency, though. Thank you. As for the flash... I just put in a duration because it seemed to be required.

Edit: Oh! I see what you mean now. I wrote "200 meter radius". I meant "200 meter diameter". I'll fix it right away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red Fox

the 2nd thing, is this

Quote:

Since it is typically evident that she is Deaf, many enemies make the folly of trying to sneak up on her from behind. However, she is well aware of this and is typically able to detect someone from behind her

a few words on HOW.
vibrations in the ground? difference in air density.

I am aware of that if you loose one of your senses. One, or all the other senses are heightened.
but that should be clarified.

My character didn't "lose" any sense. She's Deaf. She has been from birth. Even an average Deaf person typically has basic sense. There are certain things hearing people always do because hearing people want to think Deaf people are stupid. I didn't want my bio to focus on her deafness, but I suppose I can explain that since she understands hearing people are woefully predictable, she is typically waiting for someone to sneak up behind her in a fight. She can typically either see the person's shadow, feel the vibration of the approach, or catch the person in her peripheral vision. I will also try to clarify that my character is not stupid or mentally deficient. She's just Deaf.

Thank you for your time and your critique!

Edit: Changes made.