What We Want [3 of ?]
by, July 6, 2012 at 5:49 AM (488 Views)
Recently I reread the Something About Sex thread for undisclosed reasons and I realized that this entire 'men are visually driven' argument is inane - as simple humans, we have to go based on visuals first and foremost. When you talk to a girl OR guy for the first time, it's usually because you sized him up visually first - it's not as if we all have our personalities written on our foreheads for everyone to see. Whether anything comes of the meeting or not depends on their personality. As such, a more precise statement would have been 'Men are more visually driven than women.' But the mention of that thread ends there.
It got me thinking about myself though and what I want in a potential boyfriend. Like I said above, when you go to talk to someone for the purposes of a romantic relationship you do because they're visually appealing to you, so what is visually appealing to me? I know there's going to be negative comments about it and chances are someone is going to take it over the top and begin flaming so I'll preempt it all with this: if that's how you feel, obviously you wouldn't be attractive to me, in body or personality, and quite frankly, you and I would never discourse and there's a high chance that I wouldn't have been able to give a fuck about you before this but now, I'll most certainly be ignoring you.
Back to what is visually appealing to me. To be honest, its the emo and scene guys that turn me on; has been since I thought I was bi back in high school. -shrugs- I don't know exactly why, but I do. I know I like the long hair - it's nice to have something to play with when you're cuddling and you're in public. And I know I don't like the guys who look like they spend any time that they aren't having a 'who's the better man' contest, sleeping, eating, or talking about sex in the gym and nothing else. It seems like every guy I know who fit that is a complete and total douche and would fit in with the fucks on Jersey Shore perfectly - just add orange colouring. Unfortunately, that's how many of the guys at my college are - no doubt they flunk quickly since I see them maybe one year and that's it (another thing I find attractive - actual intelligence). I don't really have anything against guys with muscles, I just prefer a guy who's lean.
I have to admit as well that emo and scene guys have a good sense of style (or at least they appear to - never know the backstory) and that's kind of a thing for me. I'm not saying you need to be wearing a pair of $80 jeans or whatever some runway model is wearing but I do expect a minimum level of fashion sense. It's the usual things - no cardigans, match colours, pants are at the waist, no socks with sandals but you have to with any closed toe shoe, a few others. I'm really just asking for the basics here and for most gay guys, that's no problem - it's like we get a fashion sense upgrade as soon as we realize we're gay.
So...yeah... skinny to lean muscled guys are my visual type, preferably emo or scene with long hair that I can play with. -shrugs- Take it as you will. This may also be a good point to mention that I am NOT an equal opportunity employer - I'd really only date Caucasian and Asian men
Personality wise, I'm really specific about it, especially given my last ex. First off, don't lie to me, especially when it's about something important like your sex role. I'm strictly an uke who switches between dominant and submissive depending on my mood. That means that I need a seme, not another uke who wants me to screw him - that's not at all what I want. I can understand it in certain situations but not something like that.
Second, you're a man - act like it. I expect a degree of femininity when I'm dealing with another gay man but I don't date women for multiple reasons, secondarily because they're volatile (sorry girls but you are -shrugs-)[Primary reason is because they're female]. I don't want a guy who flips moods at the wave of the hand nor a guy who whines like a little bitch about EVERYTHING nor a guy who's clingier than a static charged sock.
Third, be sensitive. If I'm feeling shitty, don't just ask about it and make offhand comments - come over and hug me or do something nice. I'm not saying you need to go buy flowers or anything but by this point in the relationship you should know that I love getting scratched behind my ears or on my back and getting massages. Small things like that that don't need prompting or much from you. It also means don't be an asshole at times like that. I'm a sensitive guy and I'd do the same for you; it should be a mutual support - sometimes we only have the two of us and we don't need to test that.
Fourth, be intelligent and make me think. I'm not saying all the time - there are times and places where it's good to be in a zen state - but we should be able to hold a good conversation about things we enjoy. The movie we watched, the meal we're eating's execution, that sort of thing. Sometimes I'd want a philosophical discussion, sometimes mundane; I'd like for my boyfriend to be able to talk with me about these things and do it well.
Fifth, don't be afraid to be romantic, especially in public. I'm an affectionate guy - I've had many a friend tell me I'm just a big kitten, mrowl. My partner shouldn't be afraid to return it or to take the initiative and do something romantic for me instead of letting me take point. I know there are social expectations so I'm not going to start giving you a blow job in public but I will definitely make out with you, especially if we're on a date.
I think that's all of the big things. Maybe not. But it does give you an idea of the kind of guy I am and what I'm looking for.
And I think now might be a good time to say bye to Riddick who won't be with us anymore seeing as he's been perma-banned. Farewell to one of the few people on here who actually made me think. -tips hat-
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