Talking about people behind their backs

June 25, 2008, 11:49 AM

I think it's safe to say we've all done it and experienced it. And usually it involves friends. Why do you think this sort of thing happens? What drives people to do this to friends?

Personally I believe that it's a relatively childish thing to do, and those who do it have low self-esteem.

Thoughts?

June 25, 2008, 11:51 AM

I think it personally happens because people at that moment maybe extremely bitter about something, and like to vent their rage out. Its like an escape outlet, not necessarily meant to hurt people, but it's something you cannot really keep inside.

June 25, 2008, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zegram

I think it personally happens because people at that moment maybe extremely bitter about something, and like to vent their rage out. Its like an escape outlet, not necessarily meant to hurt people, but it's something you cannot really keep inside.

Yeah, though it really begs the question of why people cannot just confront each other about their issues. Usually the gossip inevitably reaches the person, and of course, it does cause harm. No one likes to hear that their friends have been talking behind their back. I just don't understand why people can't do the mature thing and confront the friend about the problem they have.

June 25, 2008, 12:34 PM

I don't talk about people behind their backs as i find it completely pointless as the person who was the target of the insulting normally finds out and gets angry about it so i just save time and effort by saying it to their face, If i don't like someone or they do something that annoys me then i will say it to their face and not behind their back. it stops people getting overly pissed off, i find that if you tel someone you have a problem with them instead of talking about them behind their back it seems to be less of an 'i hate you' statement and more of a 'i don't like what you were doing so don't do it around me'

June 25, 2008, 12:54 PM

Quote:

I just don't understand why people can't do the mature thing and confront the friend about the problem they have.

If you can't confront your friend about an issue then you two really aren't friends IMO, now that really is backstabbing and well wrong.

But I want to talk about situations like these with people that are not close to you.

I think it's because most people hate confrontations, situations like that are uncomfortable, weird and well sometimes hostile

, and because while they don't want to hurt the person they are pissed of by her and can't hold back but talk to someone about it...

I think that it really depends on the person you have a problem with, if I think the person can take what I have to say and will act maturely about it, I will confront that person, but if I think that it'll just turn into a fight then I better just try to keep my distance from that person so they don't piss me off and I don't have to talk behind their back.

June 25, 2008, 3:57 PM

I believe it's because we're jealous of our friends,even if we don't realize it and mention their bad habits and so to make ourselves feel better.It's just an excuse to hide how crap we are on the inside.I've done it many times to feel like I'm better than the others and I admit that I was a b*tch.

Doing that also means that he/she isn't truly your friend and deep inside you don't even feel close to them.

June 25, 2008, 4:10 PM

I don't talk about my friends behind their back. No, really.
I don't think I have done that. When I have a problem with them, I come to them right away.

That is in regards to my friends. My enemies, on the other hand..

My most recent backstabbing venture was to the acquaintance of mine who offered sex to my boyfriend.

Tarninshed her reputation, that I did.

June 25, 2008, 8:03 PM

I'm more annoyed with the people who say "if ye need to bitch then do it to my face!" because they're LOOKING for a fight and are just acting solidddddd.

Anyway, we've all done it, as you say. I'm not counting anything mid-teens downwards because that just doesnae count as your overall character.

However, I'd say that the majority of people who DO do it take part in it through a combination of cowardice, desperation (to fit in with a particular group), boredom and just a general desire to raise your own profile.

June 25, 2008, 8:11 PM

I try not to talk behind anyone's back. It's not that I wouldn't like to on occasion; rather, it's because I don't want word to get out that I'm doing it. Things like that tend to get leaked...even if you're confiding in a close, trustworthy friend. People slip up.

Even so, I do it every now and then. Mostly to bothersome co-workers, annoying neighbors, relatives who I don't get along with very well, etc. I won't talk behind the back of someone I like or respect such as friends or close family. I'm close enough to them to just let 'em know if I have something on my mind.

June 25, 2008, 9:13 PM