Talking about people behind their backs - Page 2

June 26, 2008, 1:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zegram

I think it personally happens because people at that moment maybe extremely bitter about something, and like to vent their rage out. Its like an escape outlet, not necessarily meant to hurt people, but it's something you cannot really keep inside.

Agreed. There are many people out there who talks behind people's back not because they want to be absolutely cruel or mean, but because they need to vent to someone about something that's been bothering them about their friends, co-workers, or family members. That I can really understand since voicing out our problems about someone tends to give us a better understanding of why we feel the way we do and to sort of analyze the situation by discussing it with someone else and see what they possibly think.

Bitching and moaning about your friends to someone, however, is a different matter. There's different levels though - some can be so extreme, while others can be subtle about it...sort of like hinting that you don't really care for a particular person, but not really saying anything remotely mean since you just know it's not nice saying something bad about anyone at all...

I'm also with Mugen on the whole confrontation thing. Confrontations are usually the best solution, yes, but it doesn't always work for many people either. It all depends of whether you know the person you'll be confronting would take the matter seriously and in a decent manner, as well as how you present the problem to the person. Sometimes you really gotta think things first before you act...because things can really blow out of proportion so easily and lose friends along the way, which is very unfortunate, but that really tends to happen a lot...

Anyway, I don't believe that just because a friend talks behind my back doesn't mean that person isn't truly my friend afterall. Yes you can easily see it that way in the surface, but I really do try to understand first why it was done and usually it's for a valid reason - that perhaps I really was in the wrong and a friend of mine really saw it fit to talk about it with someone else. That's fine with me, no harm done. Sure it stings, but oh well. I know my friends and yes we've talked behind each other's back - that's really normal, to be honest. I don't do it to be cruel - rather I assess the situation and wonder why this friend of mine is acting the way he or she does...that I think his or her attitude is overbearing sometimes, so I talk to someone about it to see if they can provide opinions and advice or just simply vent out my frustrations. It's fine, it's normal, it's no big deal.

June 26, 2008, 1:58 AM

I can understand doing such a thing if you're angry, but otherwise I really don't see why anyone would talk behind their friend's backs, unless there's just something really funny about them or something. I don't often do that, but it can be amusing to talk about other people and their appearance

Usually when I'm angry, I'll do it despite my effort not to. I'm just a really bitchy person that likes to bitch about stuff, so I find it really difficult to restrain myself

June 26, 2008, 7:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mitsuki

Anyway, I don't believe that just because a friend talks behind my back doesn't mean that person isn't truly my friend afterall. Yes you can easily see it that way in the surface, but I really do try to understand first why it was done and usually it's for a valid reason - that perhaps I really was in the wrong and a friend of mine really saw it fit to talk about it with someone else. That's fine with me, no harm done. Sure it stings, but oh well. I know my friends and yes we've talked behind each other's back - that's really normal, to be honest. I don't do it to be cruel - rather I assess the situation and wonder why this friend of mine is acting the way he or she does...that I think his or her attitude is overbearing sometimes, so I talk to someone about it to see if they can provide opinions and advice or just simply vent out my frustrations. It's fine, it's normal, it's no big deal.

Good points, Suki. It really is a normal part of human behavior to talk about a friend to another friend. Like you said, sometimes people do it for insight or advice. Maybe friend A was a total dick to you and you don't understand why. Then you talk to friend B about it, and friend B tells you something you didn't know so you understand why friend A was being a dick. Or sometimes it can be reassuring to talk to others and know you're not the only one who's annoyed with a person.

Sure, people talk behind others' backs for the lulz or because they're not really their friends, but that's not always the only reason. And to be honest, saying "well they only do it cuz they have low self esteem" is pretty ignorant. People say the same thing about bullies and other types they don't like. But often times they don't take into account that the bully might be a bully simply because he's a sadist and enjoys hurting people. Things aren't always as simple as someone doing things out of no self esteem.

And ironically enough, every person I've ever met who has labeled people they don't like as having "no self esteem", actually has no self esteem themselves and only says it to make themselves feel better. They use it as a way of fooling themselves into believing the "bully" or whoever is actually the weak one inside. "Oh, this person is mean to me, they must have low self esteem or they must have a bad home life so they take it out on me." Yes, that's a possibility. Or they may just enjoy being mean to you and have loads more self esteem than you ever will. Everyone these days thinks they're a damn psychologist